Under the hospital for girls, there is apparently a forgotten library. The books are still all there, as it had been abandoned.
Had these been regular, conventional books, they should have been withered and worn by now.
The main price of this collection is placed on the pulpet, as if it had been the BoS of a Witch. This book is enchanted. There are large, detailed images within. Under each image, there is a short text. Read it, and you will be forever changed.
There is a girl, who stumbled upon the library, finding the book, curiosity driving her. What was stopping her from reading?
Chapters (11)
Fast paced. Horrible grammar and very poor usage in text space. I recommended trying again
3892821 I'll be going over it, from time to time.
it's an ongoing and continous process, for as long as the story persists.
Just curious, what drew you in to the story in the first place, if you don't mind me asking.
Secondly, since you didn't really mention the story as such, did you have an oppinion about it?
This Is incredibly well written and the idea's gold. The mood v of the sort is all dark and mysterious and perfect. And the best thing is that it's totally not cliched Potential fav.
You had some spelling and grammar and spelling errors but it was pretty good. I was slightly confused, though.
3901122 thanks, nice to see someone is enjoying the story.
I guess it had to give a dark feel to it, in order to hold this story together.
she would never had gone down, if it had not felt oppresive upside, so making a mode to go with it had to be there.
I'm trying to make it as original as possible, so I guess I did something right.
3901163 I'm continously working on these problems.
what is confusing you, and how?
I know it is a common problem to be blind to once own problems and mistakes, so I guess I miss them. while is why it is so good if someone points them out.
Whoa, interesting... Did she read a portal spell
4005565 To the effect of reading the page of the book.
It allowed Luna to enter, or allerted her to the girl.
I guess readers could debate the exact effects as they please.
But reading the 'Spell' sure braught her in.
This is an Enchanted Tome, not a mere regular book you find ate your local library
Maybe something about these details shoud come out, later?
4005809 it's just so interesting! A ponm or humany, just called a god of the night and the god was not moved she didn't mind at all! I think the spell should be explained in later chapters
4005838 Luna(Nightmare Moon) still do crave some attention, and appreciation.
As an alicorn, I imagine she could split herself up, as is mentioned in a few stories.
and yeah, this would beg some explanation.
just as who set the library up in the first place.
and how long it had been there?
4005857 "element"ary my dear Ponyness
get it?
4005885 when you put it like that,
you're not refering to the 'school', since we're not calling it 'Allementary', in the first place.
or is this more of the detective reference to the Sherlock's homes?
There is much to delve into and much to explain, before i can call this story completed.
4005933 it's a Sherlock Holmes reference
4006328 ah, I have a vague recollection of some old quoatation on this subject. It was no no chance to his assistant, 'What-Son'?
4006633 ummmmm........ Exactly
4006702 now it is time to start out, introducing certain characters onto the scene.
4006744 was Luna in the room with her and what was up with her sister?
4006821 Yes, Luna is in he room, from before the elder sister arrived with the meal.
what do you meen?
4007530 I dunno
the scene is a little confusing
4007555 it's the opening, it needs more words and length too.
Right now I'm trying to introduce the characters, and such,
before this could move further. I could have waited for the scene, but i need to have it, I guess.
Ok there, some 1,000 words in total, hope it is starting to make more sense.
Nice nice... I think I was a little to sudden tho
4011982 there is another chapter, hope it is fun to read.
I slipped in a few more details of who and what they are.
4015486 that's good! You never want to rush plots or sub-plots in stories.
4015562 I guess not, since it would only make for a bad story.
Yes yes yes!
see sometimes it's great too slow down plots and just explain. I love!
4021705 right now I was having the older sister exploring the room where her younger sister found the enchanted book.
I just cn't quite see what to do with the scene right now, so I'll just allow it to wait till I can continue.
guess my muse is restless, never staying in one spot for all that long.
Letting her sister in may make it easier to explain a few things.
she will see things different from her sister.
hope the names chosen doesn't bother you, or any others. I tend to take names like these.
4021977 I like the names. When writing try listening to music. When I'm writing I listen to music that would best fit the scene! I also say to myself "it's time to get creative!".
I think you should just sometimes do this, it helps me a lot. I listen to Legend of Zelda themes a lot but every one has a different feel. Just do what you can to get yourself pumped for it! Be like that one pony that goes YYYEEEAAAHHH!!!!!
4022046 yeah, I commonly try to do just that, but I'm aiming for about 'Pi' tunes in a kin of harmonics, in part because modern music feels so flat. I'm trying to make it richer.
I commonly don't need to say it, the muse will simply hit me on the head, as it were.
I've seen the original NEC version of a game by the name, but I'm not sure if it is even the same.
Putting names to a story would take the reader closer, and once you have more then 2 characters, it starts to be problematic to address them, unless you name them.
Good names also make the story more enjoyable, than less well considered names would.
Edit: I went over the story for what ever that could be made better, before I finally did add a new chapter here.
I could help.
4898954 I sure could use the help.
I want to make the story the best I can.
Both for the story and the readers.
4898964 just put me in coach I'll give me what they want.
What would happen if I were to read from the
plot devicebook: Absolutely nothing. Why? Because fuck you. That's why.It is a 'Spell-Book', which is Canon in MLP, if you recall Spike handing one over to Rarity, leading to her messing up Ponyville fairly thuroughly, if you don't recall, check the episode.
The book, as refered to is conon in most all Magic based stories, like Charmed and Harry Potter for further refferences.
In a schience based story, you would find a Physics book/Chemistry book.
In a religious base story, it would be a book of prayers, just as comparison.
Since we don't live in a magic base world, the book may be quite useless, since we're lacking the magic the spells require in order to work.
Not that I did state that it was a Magic book, as in BoS(Book of Shadows/Spells) earlier in the story.
although there are plenty of details not yet revealed in the story, for more or less obvious reasons.
4898975 I guess you can have a seat and enjoy the comfort, aside from that, you need to find the pae with the image of what you need.
After that, maybe you could serve yourself what you liked?
If you could pronounce Equestrian well enough, not to mess it all up?
4899333 I'm confused. What exactly did you need help with
. Whatever it is I will help
4899407 the first and easiet thing would be to just point out what ever you find that is less then perfect and send it in a PM?
If it makes sense to me, it would filter into the story and possible other stories along the way.
my Word-Editor isn't exactly perfect, it misses a few things and fail to explain what I need to see what was wrong.
I like to put my effort into makeing a good story, to the point I can't be nit-picking too deeply since it take too much time and effort, compared with the visible result.
There is always the occasions where I misread events and thus characterise the characters wrong, if it ever do happen?
Cute little story, can't wait for more.
Question: The First chapter said you were 9, is that true?
Also, were did the cover-art come from?
4903678 Thanks.
It said that the Character is, which is separate from me.
I think I would count myself among the older mares of the site.
I can't recall where this particular image came from, on top of my head.
It is to a great extent, what the story was initially based upon.
Thankfully, I have started on the next chapter.
I just hope it is ready in time for the next window of publishing, which would be between 7 to 14 days from the previous chapter was published.
3892821 I edited the story just before publishing the latest chapter, I hope I managed to improve on the story in general
4899086 In your case, you would merely cease to exist, thanks for asking so nicely.
I would suggest you edit your vocabulary and enhance your general behaviour instead.
Maybe even read up on canon, since you apparently didn't know the word is "Book of Spells".
4904058 *Clears throat* Take a hint, you wise ass. I was saying nothing would happen because I'm smart enough not to read aloud from random books I find in abandoned libraries. It's like rule number three of fantasy: Don't read aloud from books, bad shit will occur unless done by a trained professional. But, since you also don't get the whole "Because fuck you. That's why." Thing, I guess you've never had a situation where the only way to describe the reason behind the action is sheer unadulterated spite. Like punching through a steel wall because you were told it's impossible. Also: I am wholly against humans being transformed into other, non-human species. Learn to better utilise the description box. Plus in case it isn't obvious yet: I haven't even read the fic, the description was that bad. And as for my behaviour not even reality bending mind altering magic will get me to change it. Why? Because fuck you, I do what I want. And don't delete this comment, it'll just prove you're petty.
4904069 You did not need to read the story to know it is about a little girl?
Have you ever been bored out of your skull, if so, maybe you would have a better understanding?
Since we are siting these rules, one of the first rules in story telling is 'Convenience', this one girl was reading the text, or there had been no story.
By the way, stay with the level the story was marked for.
ou did read as far as that, right?
the story is marked "Everyone".
I rather delete a message than change the marking of the story.
At least we got that clear. Now I have an idea why you hate the guts of the story. Even if there is nothing stated that she had changed into a new species.
Speaking of Asses, which sounds like you.
I'm no Ass, I'm a Pony, just to clear that part up for you.
Actually, I fear it would be as easy as a serious blow to your head. I just can't say if you need to survive it, mind you. That part is purely your problem, for all I care.
Your final statement doesn't change Jack, if a mod tells me to remove it, I will, for the comfort of the site.
Since you enjoy colourful expressions, how about I 'Screw you', Jason style, if you follow the drift?
4904117 Don't let him getcha down, he is obviously just in a bad mood and is talking it out on inoffensive stories. He hasn't even read it so his opinion doesn't mean jack.
I for one, Someone who has read it, think its adorable
.
The thing that threw me off about your age by the way was the authors note:
So I thought you were talking about yourself
.
One thing I may critique is the chapter transitions, some of them are a bit confusing.
I am also curious to what aliment has landed her in hospital, and how the doctors have not noticed her "condition" yet.
I am also intrigued of how casually the girls are talking the transformation, but then again, I guess that they are still young enough to not to many preconceptions of the world, so they are more willing to take things at face value, rather to lapse into panic and denial as an adult might
.
I've Kinda fallen in love with the concept of this story, it is very rare to have someone brave enough to have the protagonist as a little girl (a little girl who is not an established cannon character at least) and you've captured it rather well.
I might be inspired to write a similar story, that is a story of a little girl undergoing a transformation, it seems like fun
(If I do write it I will definitely credit you for the idea).
4904222 Thanks, we need this kind of reminders from time to time.
Jack, that's 'him'.
Thanks, I needed to hear it.
Since you mentioned the note being confusing/distracting, that note was now removed.
I like the note as clear as possible.
I guess I could try to make the transitions less confusing? It is the only time I change the POVs.
The main character is 9 years of age, and bored out of her skull.
To a point, it is the convenience that these 2 characters doesn't panic.
I already had a few. The first on site is Silly Filly, while the first ever is Eponey. She is now on site as well.
There are 3 groups of totally 7 girls as canon in FiM to choose from here, aside from all the other canon foals.
Life is change, even if this is more obvious then it is commonly in life.
If you are inspired I would feel honoured.
I commonly do write about undreraged and girls at that.
4904117 Anti-psychotics, do the exact opposite to me. And I was on them as a trial run to see if that particular type would work. They didn't. also TL;DR.
4908174 I guess you are just wired in reverse then?
Just don't expect it to be true for every other you encounter?
Only problem, this is neither the time, nor the place to discuss it.
4899327 Inspiration Manifestation is the name of the episode. Spike finds the spell book in the castle of the Royal Pony sisters (the old castle where Twilight Sparkle and her friends discover the Elements of Harmony and use them to vanquish Nightmare Moon, freeing Princess Luna from the Nightmares control.
3901212 In Power Ponies, Spike gets an enchanted comic book and he and the Mane 6 get sent to Maretropolis, the scene of the heroes and villains. The main villian, the Mane-iac, used to work at a shampoo factory before she fell into a vat of chemicals that transformed her into the manically evil villain. She has several hench-ponies who do her bidding. The Mane 6 and spike have to adopt new heroic personas to thwart the Mane-iac and return back the the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters.
5652563 Oh and what a mess that created, while hilarity ensued?
At least, he finally stepped up and solved it, by confronting her.
5652569 Oh, but for even more silly adventures, but it opens up vistas for writers like myself.
It isn't just a Hero(in) in a story, even when the Pony actually is who she was portreied as.
I guess the Ponies enjoy these Hero Adventures just as much as Humans does?
Interesting start. I would also go insane out of pure utter boredom.
You misspelled zipper and instead of I am change it to am i.
Very peculiar.