Button Mash and Sweetie Belle decides to spend one of their dates playing video games (Button's Idea) But things go bad when Sweetie Belle gets Fillynapped.
Now trapped in another world Button Mash must battle his way through countless trials, vicious monsters, and rivals if he's going to rescue Sweetie Belle from the Evil Unicorn King Codex!
2/21/2014 Big thanks goes out to hailetheking for being the prologue stage editor
Looks like it could use a clean up grammar wise, but other than that, interesting premise.
Your first sentence here is a good prime example of where to start.
exhibit 1: You shouldn't use spaces between quotation marks unless it is after the quote.
exhibit 2: Need a punctuation before you end the quote here.
exhibit 3: Only the first 'Come' should be capitalized.
exhibit 4: Don't forget punctuation at the end of the sentence.
Now, with all of those in mind, this is how the sentence should look.
Just little fixes like this will make all the difference guaranteed. Best of luck to you.
3973793
Thank you finally someone actually took the time to tell me exactly what's wrong instead of just thumbing it down. and for that I thank you. It shall be fixed
Awesome, can't wait for the next chapter
Really good story can't wait to read the next chapter :). Just a suggestion, you should get an editor so they can fix any grammar errors you have in the story
Need a bit of polishing with format and grammar. I'm willing to do that for you, if you need it. Just PM me.
unless your going anime style and making him more of a badass throughout the story I would not like to see my favorite character as a little bitch please and thank u
3998013
You are aware that he punched Rumble in the face right? and he grew out of that little bitch phase when he turned 12
Good Job!
Someone to help edit would help a lot. (I am not up for the task.)
And I hope your aware that just because someone punched someone does not automatically make them a badass
4012535
Actually, I do have someone to help edit and it will be fixed, but I published this chapter to see what you think of it.
Finally A new Chapter
4017302
Told ya it was coming
I would like to officially apologize my my previous words it is clear to me that you know what you are doing
I feel like $%@^
4115195
Its all good my friend I just didn't wanna spoil the surprise
Wow, this is really good so far.
Kinda hoping Rumble shows up later, just to see what would happen.
4115871
Be careful what you wish for
I have just been on a Button and Sweetie fanfiction rampage lately, romance or not. Since I'm working on my story revolving around the tow characters, I have been studying other stories to see how I can compare, and I must say... this one is pretty great! :)
4141043
Your kind words bring me to tears Thank you so much
Not just is this my new 2nd fav fanfic, but I'm also very happy to see some button badassary! keep it up, and more people like me will help you reach the top of the fanfic list!
I applaud you sir you are the first one to make a fanfic were Button Mash is not a whinny bitch I am hoping that he will get power up's and learn combo moves and awesome weapons and at the end of this adventure he will be able beat Sweetie Bell in a fight because of all the Exp he's going to get.
and finally don't piss him off.
Man, that was a depressing chapter. It was awesome seeing Button take out the first boss, but the scene with Rumble was sad.
4183330
First Mid-Boss actually. The true first boss is much tougher
Button's badassery level just got over 9000. Man, keep it up, cause this is getting far! Only complaint: please don't make Sweetie look like a jag. You did better seeing the rumble scene, but I thought the spanking and the whole "submit" thing was a bit far ... But fix that, then we got the perfect fanfic.
4187855
Yeah hormones do strange things don't they? and umm what's a jag..?
Flat out jerk/ somewhat insensitive. You fixed it with rumble, but it just seemed weird that a character like Sweetie Belle would be like that.
4188209
OHH. Ok But Sweetie Belle isn't a jerk nor insensitive. When she said that Button submits to her she was joking around. And the spanking thing? Well she just likes to do that sometimes.
Ehh.... I guess I shouldn't have brought it up. Really, I guess it seemed out of character to me. Oh, and I have some music suggestions for fights. Try posthaste music or future world music. They have no lyrics and are flat out epic!
I love this cant wait until the next chapter comes out... are you going to go between what button is doing and what sweetie is doing? is she going to try to escape?
>>PrincessSkyla hey, that's not a bad idea!
I have a feeling that Rumble, in a bad way, is somehow involved with this mysterious game.
4261783
You're half right.
yes new update love it
well if theirs one thing iv'e learned in life is that a jealous stallion can beat the living hell out of anything a jealous mare on the other hoof all I have to say is
run motherfucker run
p.s. I think you should change the rating to at least teen because the direction this story is going in well it would be hard to keep it pg as it were
4264494
Yeeaaahhh probably should do that. The Crimson Beauty, she, well lets just say that moral guardians would be pissed at me.
Badass Button strikes again! Heeeeell yeh!
Dem flashbacks
4264928
More flashbacks than an episode of Naruto right now.
I will look for that I loved this chapter!!!
And so the shit hits the fan.
Other than the desperate need for an editor, this chapter is flawless.
Sweetie somepony else is trying to take advantage of your sweet button mash and she did it by cheap shot now how does that make feel
loved it!!!
Wait.. Moral guardians pissed... The word crimson in her name... Oh god, is she gunna kill him with sex?
4313986
Well, unless there is some sort of speech craft necklace she has on, I think Button's answer is rather predictable.
awesome!!! I can't wait for the next chapter P.S. I bet button says no and goes to find sweetie belle again lol
Surprise prediction: Rumble gets involved and either helps button or tries to take revenge on button.
I think we all know how this is going to end...