• Member Since 26th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 5th, 2018

Astral Star and Company


An enthusiastic group of fans, getting together and sharing our ideas!

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Astral Star, Verity Honora and Honour bound have been living among mortal ponies for eons. After so many big adventures, they'v lived peacefully among ponies for hundreds of years. An in depth investigation made by the princesses has finally revealed them, and their deeds. Ponies from all over get wrapped up in a giant conspiracy, surrounding an ancient magic and all the evil that it entails.

A mild investigation for facts, quickly becomes a battle for the right to a vast collection of knowledge, hoarded since the beginning of time. Who will find it first?

Chapters (29)
Comments ( 12 )

Ok, I find this story somewhat interesting but there are wall of text problems that can be solved with more application of paragraphs or an extra space between them as well as indenting at the beginning of paragraphs. You also need to make sure to start a new paragraph when you have a new speaker. You've failed to do that a few times and I've had to reread a section a few times to be sure I'm understanding who exactly is speaking.

This chapter also specifically suffers from wrong perspective. It keeps switching between third and first without deciding what it's supposed to be.

4090673
Changes are now on their way, thank you for the heads up!

is this a sequal to somthing? I dont get why the doctor would be involved with the mane 6 if he would be involved at all.

4108606
Some pony called them all to be there, including the Doc. Hazard a guess who?

First of all, the amount of magic their giving off is incredible,

First of all, the amount of magic they're giving off is incredible,

Sorry, my grammar Nazi is screaming epithets and you look like a straw to this camel. Fortunately, I don't speak german and don't know to be offended.

They're: Contraction of "they are". Use contractions every chance you get, they make dialog sound much more authentic...genuine.
Their: Property of two or more beings that are not you or me.
There: Where they keep their crap.

I wouldn't be doing this if I thought the story had no worth. Keep writing.

4187287
Thanks for the heads up! We are going to go through the story for any more grammar mistakes. We'll definitely keep writing. Also, a member of our company named Poppy Seed is German, but its OK, she understands the term and is not offended what-so-ever.

Signed, Astral Star

Ok, I hope Celestia dies horribly in this because what they did is a load of bs.

4212630
She takes "murder" very seriously. Sadly, her fate will not be in the hands of death.

-Honour Bound

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