Interlude - Diplomatic Affairs
She let out a satisfied sigh as she opened her eyes, unwilling to move from the luxurious comfort of her bed. Alas, duty called. Shifting, she fumbled with the covers, tsking as they got caught up in her wings which refused to stay nice and clamped to her sides when she slept. She groaned and got up at long last. Her bed was at floor level, but that did not say much as it was still on a raised dais in her room. The moonlight peeked in through the closed windows as she made her way to the en suite bathroom for her morning ablutions.
Once suitably cleaned and that damnable mane brushed, she made her way to the window. Pulling the curtains open, she raised a hoof to her muzzle and let out a stifled yawn. She was looking forward to today. Her horn lit brightly as the all too familiar warmth flooded her veins and the rush of power flowed from her. The sun crested the horizon and shone gloriously through the light morning drizzle. The scheduled rainbows had been deployed, creating a magnificent view of Equestria from her room. Her smile faltered however.
She had been worried about Luna for some time now. At first she feared her sister had slipped back into melancholy once more. Celestia had made the mistake of letting sleeping ponies lie before, and she swore to never do so again. When she had pressed her sister, she had learned the cause of her unease: a strange occurrence near a harbour town in the west. Luna was quite unnerved – she had only became aware of it because of a subtle wave of energy that had washed over her, and even then she had only noticed it because she had been in a magical trance, extending her senses.
Of course, Luna had taken it upon herself to investigate the town herself, discovering that the ponies there had recently had several citizens rescued from brigands who had taken over the local mine. She had discovered nothing in their dreams indicating any dark force, so she had investigated the mine itself, eventually finding a strange corridor leading to a semi-spherical room carved from the rock, with the floor filled with precious gems and water, mostly notably a plinth of blue marble where once sat an object of power. There had been nothing else there; no symbols, no other rooms, nothing besides a lonely, soaking wet torch. Celestia had approved of her sister’s diligence and had not interfered with it from that point on.
The guards she had sent to investigate the town uncovered that adventurers had been hired to deal with the brigands, a pack of dogs Celestia now recalled. What they uncovered was of interest. The adventurers were a griffon and a strange creature called a human, like a furless minotaur but whose legs and head were different, along with small ears, small eyes, and nose. The closest comparison to its legs were those of a young dragon’s, but they easily made up half of its height. The only fur it possessed was a patch on its head, like a mane, and facial hair. Honestly, it sounded quite ugly, she reasoned, but she had never voiced the opinion. The medical reports weren’t much help as they had been quite basic.
However, that was only the beginning of the trouble the human had caused the royal pair. Chronologically, the next thing the human had done was try to transport contraband medicine through Thornwood and assaulted several rangers performing a sting operation before he had disappeared. After that, the two lunar guards Luna had charged with the investigation had partaken of some of its blood the Spurbay physicians had taken and… had a unique reaction. Celestia frowned at the thought. She approved of the severity of her sister’s condemnation of her guards’ actions but had to stop her from throwing them in the dungeons. Whatever this creature was, this Handy, he had a potential to be a threat. Luna had scoured the dreamscape of Equestria to see if she could pinpoint the creature in his sleep but could find no trace of it. The implications of that were unsettling. Either this creature possessed tremendous magical ability… or never rested.
She suppressed a shiver as she finished donning her regalia and made her way to the dining room for breakfast. The change of the guard was still underway as she left her room. Luna’s night guard were leaving their positions, unicorns magically altering the banners and tapestries, transforming Luna’s achievements and adventures with her own. Her dawn guards saluted as she passed, and she smiled at the familiarity. Her thoughts were still worried and dark, however. After the incident with the night ponies, Luna had requested pairing off patrols with the day guard to cover more ground and to check on any potential threats and countermeasures the human had against the night guard, a wise precaution considering the ponies’ unique predilections and the human’s weapons grade blood.
While they had searched the areas around Thornwood for the human, griffon, and the one pony accomplice that had been with them when they disappeared, she had been quite surprised to learn that a similar-sounding bipedal creature had been apparently travelling the train from the Badlands and was terrifying innocent ponies! Luna had dispatched a pair of guards known for their synergy and efficiency in dealing with threats. What they had uncovered was… interesting to say the least. This Handy was an adventurer and mercenary by trade, spoke in a strange, deep, quick accent but had an upper class air to his words, and hailed from a ‘Milesia’. Celestia knew of no such country in the world but did not rule out the possibility that it was just another name he knew an existing country by.
However, the guards had been thwarted. The human had been in the employ of a griffon count, a chancellor of a king’s court no less, and couldn’t be touched. How he got from the Thornwoods to the Badlands and back in less than three weeks was something of a mystery, and she did not much care for it. It only got worse, however, as the human had foreign currency on his person. And it wasn’t griffon gold. No, it was changeling, ancient changeling judging by the markings, and it was pure gold of a high carat. Equestrian bits were only partially gold nowadays, so one such coin was worth much more than most ponies made in two weeks labour. For the human to just casually drop a coin such as that and not even stop to care meant he had more where that came from. Which could only mean the absolute worst…
Luna was hesitant when the guards had come back with the news after verifying the coin. Celestia, however, was not. She herself had given the go ahead to send guards to apprehend the human before he could commit whatever foul deeds that Queen had hired him to perform. She could handle the fallout from a stuck-up foreign count throwing a fit – Chrysalis had to be stopped from whatever she was up to. They had lost too much time already, and if the train the count had almost certainly boarded, given the last stop he made, made its way across the border, she couldn’t follow. It was, however, Luna’s quest, so she had allowed her sister’s guards to take the mission. A dozen squadrons had set out from Canterlot as Celestia recalled the day guard to fill the ranks. Anti-changeling protection had been reinforced, and nopony had gotten out from regular scanning. They were taking no chances.
That said, however, the reinforcements were made as unobtrusive as possible, for she did not want to create a panic in Canterlot after all. Still, it had been a couple of days now since they had set out. They should be arriving back today. She entered the dining room, and the maids bowed as she took her spot along the short table. The long table was immaculately prepared as always, but it was impractical and impersonal to eat there daily. It was more for formal functions. She laid into her breakfast as a unicorn butler magically refilled her coffee cup at the exact amount she preferred. “Thank you, Punctual,” she said.
“Of course, mum.” The butler shuffled his moustache as he took a step back. The doors opened, and Celestia smiled at her sister.
“Good morning, Luna.” She beamed. Luna gave her a light smile and stifled a yawn. She was quite exhausted and looked forward to a good day’s sleep.
“Morning, sister dearest.” She sat at her seat across from the solar diarch and ate a heartier meal. This was her supper time after all. She requested tea rather than coffee. “What is in store for day court, Tia?” she asked, idle chitchat to pass the time as she chewed. Celestia smiled as she wiped her mouth.
“Nothing, thankfully. The nobles are mostly at their country estates, the economy is good, no major laws to assent to. Indeed, I dare say I shall very much enjoy today, for there is nothing for us to worry about it seems.” Her smile shrunk slightly. “With one exception of course.” Luna nodded.
“I wonder what nefarious plot he’s up to…,” she mused. “We shall soon find out, for he can’t possib—”
“I need to deliver my report now!”
The two sisters turned to one of the side doors of the dining room. It opened and a small collection of Luna’s night guard trotted in, flanked by a pair of day guards. Luna’s gaze hardened. They looked worse for wear: several of them were bruised, their fur and armour was dirty, dinged, and dented. She recognised them.
“What is the meaning of this!?” Luna demanded, standing up from her seat, her anger a mask for her concern. These were the sergeants and captain she had sent out. They did not look happy to see her. The captain walked up and bowed low before her.
“Princess…,” she began, not daring to look up. Her subordinates performed likewise. With a wave of Celestia’s hoof, the day guard backed out of the room along with the servants. She had a feeling this was not going to be good. “We… failed in apprehending the human,” the pony said weakly. Luna narrowed her eyes.
“How?” she asked. “And what happened to thee? I see you have been put through quite the struggle.” The captain lowered her head further, her face now level with the floor. Luna’s heart softened, now worried more than angry.
“There are worse injuries.” Luna’s eyes widened.
“Quick, regale me, what is thy report?” she demanded. The captain recounted the tale in short. They had found the human on the train with the griffons. Her squadrons had assaulted the passenger cars of the train in order to maximise the possibility of finding and extracting the human with minimal consternation to the griffons. Indeed, one of her guards, Stellar Eclipse, had actually defeated the human in combat while the rest of the guards had been busy occupying the griffons in order to isolate him. Luna smiled until she heard about how the human had knocked out Eclipse’s partner.
Luna’s frowned deepened as she was informed it had actually gotten worse from there. Just as they had victory in their grasp, they were attacked by another force. Celestia’s eyebrows raised as she was informed of the attack of spectral ponies that had attacked both griffons and guards indiscriminately. The guards had had a serious threat to their safety and the viability of the mission. As such, Eclipse had had to restrain the human in order to follow orders and help her comrades. Luna gasped in shock when she was informed of Eclipse’s… indiscretion.
Her captain vouched on her behalf, seeking leniency for her actions as she had been under pressure to fulfil orders without endangering the mission by allowing the target the chance to escape. Luna held her tongue for now, trying to see the captain’s reasoning and failing. Eclipse had used the boost she got to assist her fellow ponies in battle, which was admirable but still immoral. What happened next alarmed her, however. The human had recovered from the blood drain with surprising speed and, worst of all, he had bitten into the neck of a guard sergeant and drained his blood, having a similar effect on the human that his blood had on them.
Luna’s wings flared in horror. Celestia spat up her coffee back into her cup and quickly dabbed her mouth, hoping fervently nopony saw that. The human had some strange magic. Whenever the moonlight hit his armour, he had sparkled like a thousand stars, blinding anypony who looked at him. Luna was incensed at this, scoffing. How dare he use her moon against her servants!? His enhanced speed and strength had decimated the ponies, and her subordinate, Midnight Blossom, had recommended a tactical retreat as she engaged the human before he drained another pony. Luna shook with anger but kept her peace. Celestia had now gotten up and walked over to stand beside her sister.
The human had been a blur of violence and had driven the ponies back to the second carriage and began driving them out of that one too before Eclipse engaged the human and fought him on the outside of the train. That was where the battle began to lose cohesion. The griffons had converged on the second car, and the ponies had begun to lose badly. Eclipse had been defeated and fell back into the car, her fur singed and barely breathing and had been forced to retreat. What they had seen on the roof of the train concerned both princesses greatly.
There had been a unicorn wielding tremendous magical power. No one in her company had recognised the mare, but she had summoned a huge elemental that the human had engaged in battle. The creature had summoned bolts of lightning. The captain speculated that was what had incapacitated the Private. The human’s armour had withstood the creature’s magic as he destroyed it before collapsing himself. He had captured the unicorn, but the pony had escaped his grasp as he collapsed back into the train.
The princesses were silent, digesting the implications of what they had been told. “Sister.” Luna broke the silence. Celestia looked at her. “What do we do?” she asked. The human was now over the border and out of their reach.
“That’s… That’s not all, your Highnesses.” The captain stood up and motioned to a subordinate, who brought a tattered black cloak with a golden clasp. It depicted a unicorn horn over a clover, the word Astucieux engraved on its surface. Celestia floated it over to her as she took a look at it. “It was worn by the unicorn who had summoned the elemental.” Celestia considered the captain’s words. Astucieux, a Prance word… What could it be referring to?
“Thank you for your brave service, my little ponies,” Celestia said, smiling warmly at the guards, who were still bowing. Luna echoed the sentiments, stating she would consider Eclipse’s fate in light of the circumstances as she dismissed the ponies with orders to have the wounded guards specially treated. She turned to her sister.
“That monster!” She stamped her hoof. The room shook. Celestia looked at her sister.
“Be calm, sister, we do our subjects no good by losing our tempers. We have underestimated this human, and we still don’t know anything about him. The rumours we have gathered are wild and varied and cannot be relied upon.” She summoned a scroll and ink from a drawer at the head of the long table, walking over to its edge as she put quill to paper.
“Then what!? We must do something sister; we can’t afford to let that… that human go loose! He assaulted our guards!” Celestia let Luna rant. She’d calm down in a bit and consider the situation in more detail. She was jealously protective of her night guard after all. “And what are you writing?”
“Sending a message to Twilight,” Celestia responded. “We can no longer afford to fight in ignorance. I am requesting she gather as much information on this human as she can.” She decided to play up the mysterious aspect of the creature, knowing Twilight’s curiosity would do the rest. It certainly had in the past. “And there’s still the inevitable backlash from the griffons over this…” She did not relish the thought. She could have handled it if the operation had been successful, but it was botched. Sighing, she floated her coffee over her as she took a sip.
There was a knock at the door. Punctual entered as Luna gave the permission. He was holding a plate with several letters aloft. “Urgent missive, mum,” he said, placing the tray on the table, bowing and retreating. ‘Well,’ Celestia thought, ‘that was fast. Aleksander is wasting no time in seeking answers, it seems.’ She resigned herself to her fate, sitting at the head of the long table. Luna stood at her side as she broke the seal of the first scroll and read it. Sure enough, High King Ironclaw, in his usual politesse and matter-of-fact quillponyship, requested an explanation of an Equestrian assault and endangerment of the trade train and a large number of griffon subjects, including a Count and a Prince.
Celestia blinked.
“Prince?” Luna asked, head tilted. “What prince?” Celestia took a nervous sip of her coffee. Nopony had said anything about a prince. She opened the second scroll.
“To their Highnesses, Princesses Celestia and Luna.
Kindly explain why you assaulted my son, Prince Johan, and my own Chancellor, Count Heinrich of Munister, with a company of your own royal guards? I expect a suitable explanation post haste, if you would ever be so kind.
Yours sincerely
King Gerhart”
Celestia’s cup shook as she levitated it to her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. “A-A prince!? We attacked a prince!? Sister, this is, this, we can’t… The griffons will never accept that we thought he was a changeling agent!” Luna said, hopping on the spot. Celestia’s mind raced. She could fix this, no problem. As long as no-pony else found out about these missives, she could contain this, explain things to the two kings, smooth it all over. It was all going to be alright.
She opened the third scroll.
“Dear Princesses Celestia and Luna,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I know I got rid of him so he’d be your problem, but this is just priceless. Really, it’s just too much
With love,
Queen Chrysalis.”
That nag managed to get a letter to Canterlot. Celestia shook with something between fear, fury, and confusion. She put a hoof to her head as she handed the letter to Luna who let out a rather large gasp of shock. The implications of Chrysalis’ letter clashed with everything she thought she knew about the human. She sighed long and hard and pulled out the drawer of her long table. The other drawer, with her special friend.
Celestia uncapped the bottle of whiskey and poured some into her coffee.
--=--
“Dooooo wwweeeeee hhhaaaaavvvvveeeee aaaaaan accooooorrrrrrd?”
“Aaaaaaa deeeeaaaaalllll?”
“Yyyyeeeeeessssss?”
He clicked his beak. It was so tempting, so very tempting. He looked back at the mirror.
“We do,” he said at last. “You are sure this will make me immortal?”
"Yyyyyeeeessssss… Dessssirrrreeee.”
“Wiiiithhhhiiiiinnnn mmmmyyyyyyy poooowwwweeerrrrr.”
“And that’s all I have to do?” he asked, tapping his beak.
“Giiiivvvvvvveeeee tooooo uuuuussssss.”
“IIIIIIIIIII giiiiivvvveeee tooooo yyyyyoooooouuuu.”
“Geeeeeneeeeerrrrroooouuuuuusssss.”
The griffon smiled in the dark of his room.
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aww FINAlly! those chump mane 6 will get a hell of a thrill ride
Chrysalis´s letter in the end as too much
And that´s how Handy drived the princess of Equestria into alcoholism.
P.E: So, the guy is a vampire, sparkles... and yet is a badass
?
3998470 Handy could kick the Cullens's ass with both arms and a leg out of order. Without his armor on.
Handy is not a badass, he is THE badass!
Dat letter.... nuf said
I have not read the letter yet, however.... I see fun events in his future.
is handy's ability just leftovers from breaking the ghost out and then his subsequent wish?
This story is amazing.
3999629 No.
To clarify: Handy's fortuitous power up in the previous chapter was a combination of factors, his own adled mind from having suffered severe head injury coupled with severe, truamatic blood loss, the magical effects of the salamander salve being ingested which caused a rather extreme mental and physical reaction further unhinging Handy further and altering the magical effects the vampony bite had and then the clincher; the vampony blood itself which he consumed. Had Handy been in his right mind he'd never have even considered taking the blood which had an extreme effect on him for reasons literally no one understands at present and won't for some time, but its going to have severe consequences that I'll explore in the coming chapter.
The deal he made with the spirit in the cave of diamonds was just for the terms expressed, break the stone, the spirit saves them, which it did, the spirit isn't going to go out of its way to interpret the deal more liberally in Handy's favour, what kind of salesman would that make him? He's out for profit.
The abilities the armour is expressing is nothing to do with Handy himself, and everything to do with the alterations Grave Danger made to it. I am usually careful to foreshadow or justify events before they come into motion so hopefully when people spot something questionable, I have something to point back to to prove I was not just pulling something out of my ass. Such as I did with leaving the effects Handy's blood had on Onyx and Shimmer an open question in an earlier chapter to foreshadow chapter 8's events.
4000573 well i was just thinking there was a ton of magic used so it wouldnt have been far-fetched for handy to have absorbed some.
This is... oh, God. I'm crying here. For the moment, Chrysalis is best pony!
Damn this story has really caught me by surprise. That letter from chrysalis, oh man, I think my sides are bound to pass Voyager 1 in a couple months.
I only just finished the tenth posted chapter so far but I can't wait to see what the next 17 bring.
4702771 Glad to hear you've been enjoying it.
Chrysalis' letter...can't...breathe...!
I can see it, Chrysalis getting the reports then laughing herself into a coma in the middle of her throne room.
Begs the question though, does she have agents watching Handy?
I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORY! Best of all, this guy is a lot like myself. ehehehehe. THIS is the fanfiction I never bothered to write, and it is glorious.
4951519 oh you know she does. He got out of a desert alive with a shit ton of a gold... that she may have hoped would kill him with the weight at least or the heat of day or cold of night... said gold being changeling gold... and spreading rumors of him being heartless? Yep... she watching him alright.
okay, really. YOu gotta be a sanctimonious bitch to make it a CRIME to EAT. Your version of the batponies need blood, real blood, and they're being forced to get by on whatever halfass tomato juice substitute doesn't make the other ponies feel icky. To say nothing of how your Equestria treats obligate carnivores...
Ha! Crystals can conduct electricity suckers!
Don't need the quotes in the king's letter
Wow the ponies are some major holier than thou freaking hypocrites!
I love this story but at the same time it frustrates me rely badly because so much bad shit is happening to our hero but at the same time it makes him a bad ass mofo when he kicks there shit
I have literally laughed my ass off because of this story! I had to get surgery, granted it was from a surgeon who only accepted Scotch as payment(don't ask).
So much is happening, and . If they ever put it all together, somepony is going to quit
I loved it up until the immortality spiel at the end. That was just frustrating. Poor Handy already has to deal with two deities who control celestial bodies with untold amount of magical spells and abilities. And an agent of chaos on the level of a deity. Freaking DRAGONS!
And now you are adding this crazy cult who have tons of random magic and a supposedly wish granting bodiless entity.
There is epic adventure, and then there is dark souls. I don't think we want Handy dying 500 times.
You know, at first I groaned when I realized this was basically a recap chapter. Typically I hate these things because, while suiting for the characters in question, are usually irritating as they go over something I already know.
Then I realized they're hyping Handy up as a terrifying, mysterious potential threat to Equestria and attributing so much to him when everything he's done has been due to blind luck and excessive drug use.
And Chrysallis was funny as well.
Hopefully Chrysalis's letter will make things go smoother for Handy.
7786544
7358486
I'm about to do same to my coffee.. this chapter.. that letter..
I just hope that crysalis won't die from carapace rupture while laughing
Luna’s frown deepened
Chrysalis' letter
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS THIS IS SO PRECIOUS
10451899
Agreed.
Oh hohohohohohohoh
I am very much enjoying this so far ^^
I kind of hope that it all works out in the end but as it's going I see little hope for that
Still, Handy is a compelling character and I am along for the ride!
I love Chrysalis. She's awesome.