To see Twilight Sparkle off to Canterlot High, but never see more of it than having a hoof on the mirror, passing for the gate to Canterlot High. Luna explained for us when Sunset stole Twilights Royal Crown.
I had seen her return, explaining the details since she was too tired.
Now I had spent the time, planning for the next opening and I have packed my saddle bag full with what I had intended to take with me.
From there I had slipped past the guards and trotted through the gate, only to find myself where I had dreamt to be, only to be in the form of a girl, rather than as the Mare I was, on debarkation?
Now, what am I to do with myself? I could go back any time, within the time I had, until the gate closed.
Of course, I was to give them a treat of my very own, it had to be Hooficure. I managed to set up shop, then I met my friends, allowing them to be the first to enjoy it, thus enticing the rest to go along.
In fond memory of; 28 Pranks Later - Gilda, the Brushof
This is half way between EQg1 and EQg2.
3843948 mind, but what's the relevance?
if I even could see the clip, that is?
Six genre tags, extremely short chapters, and a summary that leaves me confused as to what I just read?
Three strikes, I'm out.
3844081 Maybe you should have waited for the next chapter, since it is considerably longer, unless the contrast is antagonising you? or it had confused you further?
I would appreciate if you had ellaborated on details that bothered or confused you, but I guess that's too much to ask, if for nothing, comparing with the previous comments I just got here?
I'll just leave you in peace, if it isn't your story, I guess that's that, as they say?
3844131 at leat you can write, how convenient?
though I should ask what you mean by the last part, just to make sure I know it was not a typo, since it looks as if it was?
I find you a bit harch, for the one story, you barely had the chance to read, considering it was barely leagal, y the time.
for a slightly fairer judgement, read the next chapter?
if that's not too much to ask.
still, I guess I can see more of you, then this one comment. I just may choose to sample your efforts, later down the road, since I do enjoy reading. just a matter of finding something to my taste?
If I find anything, I promise a fair response, just for your convenience.
3844148
Ok, I'll say a bit more.
I didn't even read the story.
You have six genre tags. Two of them (human, anthro) have to be there, but I don't know if alt uni belongs. Dimension travel is canon, after all. Then the other three don't seem like they go together. Romance and Adventure I can see. Adventure and Random I can see. Romance and Random might work. But all three, and I have no idea what to expect from this story.
That third chapter is ok length-wise. Some people post three or four thousand words in a chapter, and if it's too short, people won't take your story seriously.
The whole description confused me.
I… I don't even know what this is trying to say. I don't even know who is touching the glass, the speaker or Twilight. And what's a he gate?
So yeah. Lots of things confused me.
3844249 thanks for pointing me towards that problem. I have heard the point of the chapter length, but I guess it is part of how I write. chapter divides for when I swap scene, narrative perspective or time jumps. though I guess there may be room for more details?
since you stated that the dimencional jump is canon, that's the mirror I'm taklking about. still, maybe I should have made this clear, in the description, for the once who did not see the film "Equestria Girls"
I guess you're right on the part of the gate is canon. I can change these tags, any time, when I change my mind on exactly where the story will end.
if I read you right, you found me a bit on the 'triggerhappy' side, picking all the tags? if that's the case, I'm conssidering to drop one, depending on exactly what is to come later.
as you stated, human and anthro will stay, and since this is a Pinkie Pie episode, the Random feel certain to stay.
This would leave Romance, Adventure and Alternative Universe up for the final slip.
I think I should thank you for sticking around for this. You are the most helpful of the comments this far.
If it isn't what I as a writer may like to hear, or read, it is what help me devellop the story further, more then every Yay I could see.
I guess the story may be more of a challenge, then the initial joy of the inspiration let on. I just let on, just a tiny hint as of what the story was intended to be, in the third chapter. the rest, just setting up the scne. and they didn't really show much of how the school looks, just as they did say next to nothing of the casle, where the mirror was at the time, asuming it still was, where it was back then?
I end my reply with a final "Thank You", since you pointed out something I missed, aside fom the obvious too.
3844003 They're trying to tell you that what you're writing isn't even English. It's full of terrible grammar and spelling mistakes. It's nonsensical. It rambles. It's incoherent. In short, it's painful to read.
Since you can't view the clips, I'll quote the relevant line from the first clip that was linked, which is from the movie Pulp Fiction:
Jules: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
3844612 I guess they're not my bigest fans?
I know I make typoses, and I constantly work to correct them.
I just don't give a Squaek for the 'Pulp Fuckin'
as to the speaking, I most certainly do, just as I do read books, some of which may be over the heads of the majority here as well.
on the other hoof, the comments came before there was an actual story too read. considering that the latest chapter just doubled the wordcount, just like the previous?
Not sure how much difference it made, I'm working European English, as opposed to the Ammerican English.(doesn't change grammar to my knowledge)
As to the 'final' question, how much they cared about the story I try to tell. I did change the description after the comments too.
besides, I'll try to catch an editor for the story, as soon as I can find one.
3844717 Just...just stop. Until you learn how to write clearly and concisely, just stop. Let me show you how many errors there are just in that comment alone:
I don't care how erudite and well-read you claim to be, people are not going to want to try to read your work when it has so many horrible errors.
3844747 thanks for the tip
most of these are typos, though you may re-read and reconsider a few points, if you intend to stay on the high horse here.
if you actually want to help anyone, how about looking at the story instead?
but I know you're not up to being the Editor I need.
so I'm not going to ask you to, I'd rather wait till my current editor gets around tot he story, even if it would cross your heart, and leave you dead by the wayside?
3844819 Oh, we're being condescending now, are we? Lovely.
I glanced at your story, saw how horribly written it is, and have no intention of looking at it further.
Oh, and FYI? I don't edit for free, and I doubt you could afford me.
3844828 read it as you please.
I'm sure you have better things to do. I know I rather put the efforts into the story.
if it made it into a story I could sell, but why bother paying you as much as a nickle, if I find someone who actually likes the story to do it?
by the commnts I have this far, there are a few who actually do enjoy my stories.
You seems to have pretty high thoughts of yourself, right?
3844868 No, I just have respect for the English language, proper proofreading, spelling, and grammar, and not spewing out the kind of slapdash crap you write. And seeing as I am actually trained as an editor, charging for my services isn't ego, it's practical application of acquired skills.
I've glanced at your other stories. Every last one of them is exactly as horrible as this.
In any event, I'm done here. I know to avoid anything you write from now on, and that's all I need to know.
Hmm, I hope you're not passing the story up, because certain comments.
You've had lots of comments about the grammar and the writing, but to me what sticks out is that there is no story. You don't have a plot or the suggestion of one, and telling a reader that there will be one later on usually doesn't work, because they have stopped reading long ago. That makes the long nail polish session worse, because I kept hoping there was something special or unusual or interesting about the nail polish, but nope. Long sections describing an activity shouldn't take up so much space in a short fic.
When you do get an editor, keep it unpublished with a password, and don't release it until you're ready for everyone to see it.
4248397 I commonly get comments about the grammar, I guess.
Looking for the Plot? Maybe the 2 first chapters should have been longer, that may be possible to fix.
I hope it isn't giving away too much if I say that it is about preparing for the party, just like in the first time around. I'll just have to prepare for a few twists, before this can come to pass.
That is just one chapter, and I had something planned for that, later.
I can't go back and make the section longer, when the story is finished, just beause the story calls out for it at that time.
Now I just need to get the following chapters to the same standard.
3844828 i didn't know you could gauge income via comments...
4935508 As an editor, he forget to actually read the story, before looking for spelling and grammar problems, so he is incapable of seeing what the story was acutaölly about in the first place, no wonder he can't enjoy my stories.
Sure, I still get a few comments like this and the likes, but I actually do get a few more constructive comments from readers/viewers who actually do like my stories.
Note that this still is among the early stories, since it was published in January. I have edited out some of the problems since then.
I may have more popular and good stories than most on the site, even if they may not be epic. Sadly, most of them still are incomplete, not that he did any to help out.
4935902 this might be a lost cause though what with all the negativity in the comments and the like/dislike ratio
4937472 If you haven't read the comment, how could you know what it said?
I don't need to take rude, irrelevant and inflamatoiry comments?
Not that the story is marked 'Everyone', that means the comments are to live up to the same level.
I am not changing the setting, just because you are plain rude.
If you don't like the story, so be it.
That's your choice, don't push it down my throat!
Edit, I have enough I feel bad about, without you telling me there are further reasons, if you like anyone to feel bad, be my guest, but pease, don't bother me with it. Your nonsense is merely slowing my improvements down, thank you very much.
4936123 Good thing I don't have to listen to him, or take his word for it.
I intend to complete the story, it isn't that much left of it.
Those who doesn't like it could save their time by read something they actualy do like?
Edit; I am making a few small corrections to the story as I go along in hopes it will enhance the story for any who choose to read.
4936123 Good thing I can rise above that now.
Once I can complete this story, I can start polishing the chrome, as it were, although I did go over the story again. If any of it makes any difference to you or any others is another matter, though.
I just tried to implement the latest of features and the best of where my writing is right now, as opposed to where it was when I started to write this story, almost a year ago at this point.
Seriously guys, could you stop flaming? Honestly, you don't have to like the story. I don't like it much either, but if all you're gonna do is throw insults, then just leave. Quit wasting your damn time.