The Internet: The Last Crusade!
The Internet: The Last Crusade!
April 16th 2012
A fit of giggling erupted from the back seat of my little white Holden Barina as we cruised along the Hume Highway past Yass, heading north-east towards Sydney. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw Pinkie holding one of the toys I had bought her at Target. She held it up to show Angel.
"Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle," she said with a fairly decent impression of the purple unicorn's voice. "I can count to over one hundred bazillion!" she added and giggled again.
Angel held up the Rainbow Dash toy and pretended it was flying around, making loops in mid-air, then suddenly had it zoom to land on the car seat and make a little bow. He grinned up at Pinkie.
I returned my eyes back to the road. The scenery between Yass and Sydney included a whole lot of nothing at all, and its ability to cause fatigue in drivers was notorious. I needed to keep my mind occupied, so I turned on the radio and set the volume low, then glanced at Fluttershy in the passenger's seat beside me. Her hands were folded in her lap, but I noticed them fidgeting with her dress from time to time.
"Hey, how are you holding up?" I asked. "Does the bite still hurt?"
Fluttershy jumped slightly, but was quick to regain her composure. Her right hand absently found its way to her neck before she answered.
"It does, a little. I just... " she trailed off with a whisper. I glanced at her again and found her staring out her window.
"Go on, you can tell me," I encouraged her.
A sigh, and then, "I just don't understand what I did to make it bite me."
I cleared my throat. "You didn't do anything wrong. This is Australia, the Everfree forest of this world. The animals here are wild and dangerous, and can take care of themselves without assistance." I reached over and gave her shoulder a small squeeze. "I love animals, too. But I'm still careful around them because they're unpredictable. It wasn't your fault at all."
Fluttershy peeked my way out of the corner of her eye. "You really like animals?" she asked after a few moments.
Another outburst of giggling came from the back seat. A quick look in the rear-view mirror revealed that Pinkie had somehow managed to set up a miniature party for the pony toys, complete with tiny balloons. Angel was scrutinizing the bunny that came with Fluttershy's toy and frowning at the yellow ribbon on its ears. I shifted my eyes back to the road.
"Yeah, I've always loved animals, especially wolves. I'm pretty good with them, too." Fluttershy nodded, but her eyes were on the floor of the car. "Hey, want me to turn the radio up a bit? Maybe a nice song can help take your mind off of things," I suggested.
After a moment of silence, she turned and focused her aqua eyes on me. "Can you... could you maybe play that song I really like?"
I was about to explain how unlikely it would be for it to be playing on the radio at that very moment, but stopped myself. A green sign was fast approaching which read 'Goulburn Next 2 Exits', and it gave me an idea.
"How would you like to listen to it whenever you'd like?" I asked.
"Oh, that would be wonderful! Can you really do that?" The look of delight on Fluttershy's face was well worth what I was likely going to have to put up with for the rest of the journey to Sydney.
I nodded and turned my indicator on as we neared the Hume street exit leading into Goulburn. I remembered there being a Sanity music shop in town the last time I had visited and, as luck would have it, I only needed to take a right off of Hume street, then a left onto Auburn and the shop came into view as we neared the middle of town. I pulled the car into one of the available parking spaces, turned off the engine, and hopped out of the car. A moment later we were all walking into the shop, with Angel being helped by Pinkie while Fluttershy leaned on me for support. Neither had become entirely accustomed to walking on human legs just yet, but they were both proficient enough to avoid drawing too much attention.
Angel and the girls followed me to the front counter, where a seemingly bored teenage girl was sorting new arrivals onto a display. She brushed a stray strand of her short, purple-dyed hair away from her face and greeted us.
"Hey, was there anything you were looking for?" she asked. Her eyes darted between Pinkie's and Fluttershy's hair, then down to Angel.
"Yeah," I said, hoping we could get this done quickly. "I'm looking for one of Lady Gaga's last CDs. I can't remember what it's called, but it's the one with Bad Romance."
The girl smiled and winked. "Ah, I should have known you were Gaga fans. You're after The Fame Monster, and you might be lucky because we should only have one left. It came out three years ago, so I doubt we're going to get another one in unless it's re-released." She blinked and pointed at Pinkie. "Hey, I hope you don't mind me asking, but what do you use on your hair? It looks great! I can never get this to come out the shade I want it to be," she said, gesturing toward her own hair.
Pinkie regarded her for a moment, then shrugged. "I don't do anything to it. I was born this way."
The clerk laughed and clapped her hands together. "Hey, I like your sense of humor. Born This Way," she giggled. "Fine, keep it a secret. It does look awesome, though. Here, follow me. The CD should still be on the shelf."
We were led to the Pop aisle and, after a brief search, we found the CD. The clerk handed it over to me, and looked as if she were going to say something when we were interrupted by an outburst from Fluttershy.
"A baby human!" she squealed, looking into a stroller that was being pushed by a woman nearby. "Oh my, it's so cute! Does it talk?"
I quietly offered an apology to the woman, who took it in stride, and led Fluttershy away from the baby.
"Yes, babies are adorable, aren't they?" I said, steering her toward the checkout counter. My face was turning red. "Let's just leave it alone and finish our purchase, shall we?"
"Fluttershy!" The store clerk clapped her hands once more and pointed at Fluttershy. "I knew she looked familiar. That was totally a Fluttershy line."
I slowly turned towards the clerk. "What?" I asked, incredulously.
"Hey, you don't need to hide it. I'm down with ponies," she grinned. She then pointed at Pinkie. "And you must be Pinkie Pie!"
"Wow, she's good," Pinkie said, then giggled.
The clerk went behind the counter and scanned the CD. "Yeah, I totally should have seen it right away," she said as she took my credit card. "You both did a great job on your hair, and you sound just like them, too!" She gestured to her hair. "My favorite is Twilight, as you can see. I can never seem to get the color right, though. Well, it was nice meeting you all. Have a nice day!"
I took the bag from the clerk and offered a smile and a polite wave, then ushered the others out of the store as quickly as I could. I helped Angel and Fluttershy into their seats, then jumped into the driver's seat and started the car. Nobody spoke further until we were back on the Hume highway and heading toward Sydney again.
"Um, Doug?" Fluttershy asked meekly.
"What?" I asked a little too harshly.
"Oh, never mind," she whispered and turned to gaze out her window.
My frustration disappeared as I pondered how she must feel. With a few quick movements, I unwrapped the CD case, opened it up, and placed the disc into the CD player. I selected track one and hit play.
Whoah oh oh oh ohhhhh oh ohhh oh ohh ohhh oh caught in a bad romance,
Whoah oh oh oh ohhhhh oh ohhh oh ohh ohhh oh caught in a bad romance.
Rah rah ah ah ah,
Roma roma ma,
Gaga ooh la la,
Want your bad romance.
As the music continued, I observed the small smile forming at the corners of Fluttershy's lips. Unnoticed by the others, I leaned forward and hit repeat for her and settled in for the remainder of the trip to Sydney.
The three Equestrians had their faces glued to their windows as we approached the exit I was looking for. The scenery had gradually begun to change from barren land to the occasional home and a few buildings nearly twenty minutes beforehand, and we were now surrounded on all sides by structures of every kind. They had thought Yass was rather large, and had been surprised at how much larger Goulburn had been. Sydney was like something they could never imagine, and we weren't even in the inner city.
My apartment was close to the motorway, and it only took a few minutes from the time we took the exit for us to find ourselves pulling into the parking area in the back of the apartment block. I backed the car into my parking spot, then turned off the engine.
"Seat belts off, everyone," I announced. "We're here."
Pinkie unbuckled her seatbelt, then helped Angel, who was still getting used to life with fingers instead of paws. I leaned over and helped Fluttershy, who had nearly managed to do it herself, but seemed to lack the finger strength required to push the button all the way in. She smiled graciously.
"Oh my, is this entire building yours?" she asked, looking up and taking it all in.
"Oh, no. This is an apartment building. Lots of people live here," I explained.
Pinkie leaned forward and poked her head in-between us. "Oh yeah, it's just like in Manehattan," she added.
"Come on, let's go inside," I said.
We all climbed out of the car and I led the trio up the pathway that led from the parking area to the front security door. I helped Fluttershy up the front steps, then unlocked the security door and led them up a narrow staircase to unit number six.
"This one is mine," I said as I opened the door and led them into my home.
A short hallway opened up into my living room. To our right was my five-seat modular chaise, upon which I bid the trio to sit down. Along the far wall was my entertainment center that featured a forty inch True HDTV, the latest Xbox and Playstation systems, a Nintendo Wii, a Sega Dreamcast, and my computer. To the immediate left of that was my treadmill, which was set up so that I could exercise while watching television or listening to music. The far right wall had a sliding glass door that opened onto the balcony, upon which was another small sofa. A door near the chaise led into the kitchen, while a hall near the entertainment center led to the bedrooms and the bathroom.
I turned on the computer and the TV, as I had the TV set up so that it could be used as my computer screen, then took my jacket off and threw it over the treadmill.
"Anyone thirsty?" I asked. "I have Coke, water, and apple juice to choose from. Well, I have some Grey Goose as well, but I think I may end up in Hell if I served either of you three alcohol."
"Coke!" Pinkie yelled, then caught herself. "Um, please," she added with a sheepish grin.
"Um, could I have some water please?" Fluttershy asked. "Oh, and some for Angel too, if that's okay with you."
"Right. One Coke and two waters, coming up. Just sit tight there and I'll be right back," I said. I picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. "Here, I reckon you can watch some TV if you'd like. It's midday on Monday, so I doubt anything interesting is on, but you can at least see a little bit of humanity in action. Don't worry, it's just TV so none of it's real... " I trailed off as I re-thought that statement, but the three were no longer listening. Sesame Street was on, and they all seemed entranced by Big Bird. I stepped into the kitchen and grabbed two glasses from the overhead cabinet above the sink and brought them to my refrigerator's ice-maker and filled them with ice and filtered water. I then grabbed two Cokes from within the fridge and, balancing it all with care, went back into the living room and passed around the drinks.
"All right then. I'm just going to switch this over to my computer and check a few things out. It shouldn't take long, since I doubt anyone's crazy enough to admit they found your friends," I explained. "If anything, I can at least see if those pink skies from a few days ago happened anywhere else in the world."
I clicked the source button on the remote and the TV flashed from a scene involving Elmo to a large background image of a smiling, greenish-tan pony with a curly orange mane bearing two flower baskets on her saddle. Pinkie and Fluttershy both gasped.
"Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness!" Pinkie exclaimed. "It's Junebug, and she's okay!" She bounced up and down on the chaise, but her joy was short-lived as she realized the image wasn't moving. She looked over at me. "Aww, it's just a photo, isn't it?" she asked, dejected.
"Uh, something like that," I said sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Pinkie. I forgot I had that set up as my background." I had told the girls how the internet had to be accessed by computers, and that we had to use the internet to see if their friends had been spotted. She must have thought that we had instant results when the screen showed Junebug, though I knew it would likely be a long time before we could track any of them down. If we managed to find any of them.
The Equestrians were silent as I brought up my Chrome browser and typed in various sites. CNN had reported pink skies over several parts of America, some in Europe, and those in Australia. MSNBC, the ABC, and the Sydney Morning Herald sites all showed much of the same. There was no indication of anyone found claiming to be ponies or from another world.
"You can read all that?" Pinkie asked, leaning forward and squinting at the screen. "The letters look familiar, but they look kind of funny and hard to make out."
I turned to face the others. "So you can't read English? Don't worry, I'll read anything I find that's important out loud," I said.
Pinkie frowned and squinted some more. "I can almost read it. It's way similar to how we write back in Equestria," she stated. "I bet I can read it if I have a few more minutes to look at it."
I nodded. It wasn't surprising that I didn't find anything useful on the big media pages, but there were plenty of smaller sites I could check. That could take a while, though. I leaned back and thought for a few minutes, but I couldn't think of what to do next. I decided to hop into the FiMFiction chat room to pass some time. Then I got an even better idea.
"Hey Pinkie, how would you like to chat with one of your fans?" I asked. "Don't worry, the internet is anonymous. Nobody will know it's really you."
Pinkie's eyes lit up. "Really? You mean you'll let me talk to a brony?"
I stared at her for a moment, but recovered quickly. It was strange, but I was getting used to Pinkie's antics.
"Yes. Even though I've never explained what a brony is to you and yet you somehow know what one is, I'll let you chat to one. Just one!" I warned. It would just be a little harmless fun. No matter what she decided to say, nobody would believe her. Especially in a chat room filled with pony fans.
Pinkie bounced excitedly as I logged into the chat room. I decided to type a quick message into the chat before handing the keyboard over to Pinkie.
[12:10] == TheSlorg has joined #fimfiction
[12:10] (TheSlorg) Heya everyone. Anything strange going down? Other than Horse Power x Featherweight shipping.
I sat back and thought about what I had just typed. In this chat room, I could get some very interesting answers to that question. I thought about just exiting out, but I had told Pinkie she could chat, so I stayed.
[12:10] (Yozzoy) Cosplay!
[12:10] (Ness) eh, just ignore him. Trolls’ll be trolls
[12:11] (PMV) sounds good, hey anyone see the new promo for the Royal Wedding?
[12:11] (Link27) Eh, nothing much. Seems more like games. I bet none of it’ll be in the real finale
Cosplay. Yeah, I really didn't want the girls to have to deal with that right now. I typed one more message, then typed in the command to change my nickname and handed the keyboard to Pinkie.
[12:11] (TheSlorg) Oh lawdy no cosplay please. Anything else?
"Here you go, Pinkie. Just press the letters to spell out your name and hit this key," I said, indicating the Enter key. "Then you can talk to whoever you want."
"Thank you!" she squealed and began typing slowly.
[12:11] (PMV) I bet some of it’ll work in. Bet DJ-PON3 will be there
[12:12] (Fullmetal_Pony) Please! If somepony has found a pony please help! Please!
[12:12] == TheSlorg has changed nick to Pilnkuy
"Whoops, you misspelled your name," I said, then thought about it. "Unless that's how it's spelled in Equestria." I looked at the chat entries I had missed. "Wait... whoah! What is this? Someone is talking about finding ponies!" I yelled. Unbelievable, I wasn't expecting anything to happen this quickly.
"Someone found somepony?" Pinkie asked. Angel and Fluttershy both leaned forward, eager to hear more. In the meantime, Pinkie was typing quickly.
[12:12] (Pilnkuy) Ohoi ohg! Wasrt weaiyt who’;d you fionfd/!
[20:12] (Fullmetal_Pony) what are you talking about?
"Pinkie, give me the keyboard back! Don't talk about this in the main chat, we need to open up a query and talk to him privately," I explained. "It might not be anything. I wouldn't expect anyone to go public with finding a pony, or someone who claims to be one. Let's just see what he's on about and take it a step at a time."
Pinkie sighed and handed the keyboard over, but was soon looking over my shoulder at the screen. Fluttershy and Angel looked on with interest.
I opened up a query with the chatter named Fullmetal_Pony. He was probably trolling, as someone in the chat had mentioned a troll earlier. I thought they had meant me, but maybe it was this guy.
[12:14] (Pilnkuy) Sorry about that. I had to go afk a second. You were saying something about finding ponies?
[12:14] (Fullmetal_Pony) What?
Don't play dumb with me, kid, I thought.
[12:14] (Pilnkuy) Ponies. Why are you talking about finding ponies?
[12:14] (Fullmetal_Pony) Why? You here to call me crazy too?
Maybe.
[12:14] (Pilnkuy) I think everyone in here is crazy. Some more than others. Speaking of which, did you see pink skies a few days ago?
[12:14] (Fullmetal_Pony) Did you smell fudge?
I dropped the keyboard to the floor and stood up to pace. None of the news reports had mentioned the strange fudge smell that had accompanied the pink skies. Was it a link to finding the other ponies?
"What's going on?" Fluttershy asked. "Did someone make you angry?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm not angry. Look, this guy I'm chatting with might have actually found somepony, but I need to find out more. For all I know, the FBI or the CIA or something may have found one, and are fishing for suspects."
"You mean the PIA?" Pinkie asked.
I ignored the question and picked the keyboard back up.
[12:17] (Pilnkuy) Maybe. But I sure as hell didn’t find any fudge. Do ‘hooves’ mean anything to you? Or former hooves.
[12:17] (Fullmetal_Pony) Whodidyoufind?!
Like I'm going to just tell you that.
[12:17] (Pilnkuy) Who said I found anyone. Hooves, mate. What do they mean to you?
[12:17] (Fullmetal_Pony) I found the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Son of a bitch. I can't believe it," I said, dropping the keyboard on the floor again. I shook my head. "No, the FBI and CIA wouldn't call them that. I don't think they would," I mumbled.
"Oh my gosh, what are you talking about? Did you find anypony? Is the guy a brony? Can I talk to him, now? Please?" Pinkie asked as she picked up the keyboard.
"He says he found the Cutie Mark Crusaders," I stated.
"What!?" Pinkie exclaimed. Her fingers flew over the keyboard as I tried to snatch it back from her. Angel and Fluttershy continued to stare open-mouthed.
[12:20] (Pilnkuy) YIUfki;dsftrjhecxiutrijewmnsaewcxruidsasdfeerd/21/1212
[12:20] (Fullmetal_Pony) What?
I reclaimed my keyboard and sat down. Pinkie glowered for a moment, but scooted closer to me after a moment and watched me type. I decided to give this 'Fullmetal_Pony' a clue.
[12:20] (Pilnkuy) Apologies. There’s a couple of pink-haired girls with me who are very interested in what you just typed. You might recognize them if what you’re saying is true. Where are the crusaders?
The answer didn't come immediately. I imagined the person behind the other computer screen mentally deciding whether to trust me. Well, it was too late for him to worry about that once he had started telling everyone in the main chat about finding ponies.
[12:23] (Fullmetal_Pony) Did you find somepony?
Just answer the question, kid.
[12:23] (Pilnkuy) Are the crusaders safe? I need to know how you’re dealing with them before you’re going to find anything else out.
[12:23] (Fullmetal_Pony) I’m trying my best, but I’m scared. I’ve been looking everywhere for help and trying to keep them out of harm, but everything keeps going wrong. I just want to get them back to Equestria no matter what.
[12:23] (Pilnkuy) You could try harder. You go telling the world you have the Cutie Mark Crusaders and eventually someone’s going to believe you. Then what? You get media attention. Military. Rabid bronies.
"I think this guy might be the real deal," I said. "Do any of you object to me telling him I've found you? This could be our only lead to Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo."
"If it means finding our friends, we'll do what it takes," Fluttershy said. "Those poor fillies are probably so scared."
"Tell him, captain!" Pinkie exclaimed. Angel nodded vigorously.
[12:23] (Pilnkuy) Don’t worry. I think you might be alright, but you need to be more careful. Discreet. I’ve kept Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Angel a secret for days. How many people know about the crusaders?
[12:23] (Fullmetal_Pony) You said Pinkie, Fluttershy and Angel? God, what if everyone else is here too?
[12:23] (Pilnkuy) I hope not. Dealing with these three is breaking me balls. Pinkie got ahold of Coke and chased me through the outback, Fluttershy almost died when she got bit by a redback, and Angel kicked me in the bloody shin.
"What are you saying to him?" Pinkie asked.
"Nothing important. Let me type, please."
"Sorry!"
[12:24] (Fullmetal_Pony) Holy crap PM everything! I need help. I don’t know what to do. The CMC are here, but I can’t take care of them.
[12:24] (Fullmetal_Pony) Wait! Please tell me you’re not in Australia
[12:24] (Pilnkuy) Why? Are you here, too? I suspected there might be more ponies here since I ended up with three. Well, two and a bunny. I’m in Sydney. Where are you, Yass?
[12:25] (Fullmetal_Pony) In Texas, US. Crap, I’m on the other side of the Pacific. Please PM everything you know and I’ll PM you everything I know.
Bloody hell. Of course he'd be in the US. I decided it was time to let this guy know who he was dealing with. There were all kinds of people in the world, and I wanted to ensure that the Crusaders were in good hands if I could.
[12:26] (Pilnkuy) Right. Just a word of warning, mate...
[12:26] (Pilnkuy) You seem alright. But I want those kids kept safe. Don't blow it by giving away their identity, and don't let them get hurt.
[12:26] (Fullmetal_Pony) Never! Even if it wasn’t a pony I’d be a monster if I let a kid get hurt! Although, I did already get covered in syrup in the process... don’t ask
"Syrup!?" I bellowed. "What the hell is this guy going on about?"
[12:26] (Pilnkuy) What? What are you doing with syrup around them? Do I need to come kick your ass right now? I have connections.
"Ooh syrup? Is he eating syrup? Ask him if it's good!" Pinkie began to bounce beside me again.
[12:26] (Fullmetal_Pony) What no! It’s just I wanted to get them some good food and well I think before this is over I’ll be kicked out of every restaurant in Texas.
[12:27] (Pilnkuy) Right. Sorry about that, but I’ve got enough problems to deal with without having to find out the Crusaders were found by a weirdo.
[12:27] (Fullmetal_Pony) No! That was actually what I thought when I first found them. Not sure what would have been a worse scenario.
[12:27] (Pilnkuy) …
[12:28] (Pilnkuy) Pinkie asks if the syrup is good.
[12:28] (Pilnkuy) *sigh*
[12:29] (Fullmetal_Pony) I guess, I only got through half my pancakes before we got thrown out.
I was beginning to think I'd received all the information I was going to get out of this guy. I couldn't believe how quickly we'd found a lead on not just one, but three other ponies. It almost seemed too good to be true.
[12:29] (Fullmetal_Pony) Damn. I’m really sorry, but room is spinning on me. I’ve been looking for the past two days, no sleep, for stuff to help the Crusaders. Now it’s all hitting me at once. Just please please pm everything. I’ll get back when I’m in in a proper condition.
[12:30] (Pilnkuy) Right, whatever. I’ll PM you more info. Just be quiet about this stuff and keep the girls safe. I can book you a flight to Sydney within a week. Keep them safe until then. We don’t need any more problems.
[12:31] (Fullmetal_Pony) I promise
[12:31] == Pilnkuy has quit
I looked over at Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Angel. "We've done it! We've found the Crusaders, but they're a very long distance away. I'm going to have to arrange a flight for this guy and the girls, and... " I trailed off. A sudden, horrible realization had just occurred to me.
"Um, what's wrong?" Fluttershy asked.
"Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo aren't going to be able to fly without passports," I said.
"Fly? Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle aren't pegasi, silly!" Pinkie giggled. "And Scootaloo has trouble flying as it is!"
I shook my head. "No, I mean on an airplane. You'll find out later. I was going to contact a friend of mine about getting you three some identification, but we may as well add passports to the list."
Pinkie grinned. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
I sighed and leaned back. Getting illegal papers would be risky enough. Getting three sets of them was worse. Getting six sets of them, then mailing three sets to the US while trying not to let them get them caught by customs was bordering on insanity. The papers would have to be perfect. I wondered if he would be up to the task. Worse, I wondered how much it would all cost me.
"I need to have a quick chat with someone," I said, standing up. "I'll just be in the kitchen." I clicked on the source button again on the remote and Sesame Street came back on the screen. The three Equestrians ignored the television and, with the exception of the mute Angel, began whispering excitedly to each other.
I entered the kitchen and took out my phone, thankful that it still had some battery power left. I dialled a familiar number and waited a moment before someone finally answered.
"Hello?" came a thick Middle-Eastern accent.
"Hi Moey, it's Doug."
"Oh hello, friend. What is my favorite white-skinned brother needing this day?" I could almost hear his grin.
"I need a favor, Moey. A big one."
"I see. My favorite kind of favor, yes? The kind that involves paper and coin?" he asked.
"Yes. That kind. Can you come over?"
"What are friends for, yes? I will be over soon."
I hung up the phone and sighed. This was going to be expensive.
Stats
Page generated in 0.083 seconds
Total duration
1,065 users online
1,964,415 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice to see the other side of the conversation.
*On edge of seat*
ooooh~~ more?
Ok, this is gonna get interesting. By the way Slorg, how're you dealing with Pinkie's fourth-wall breaking antics? She can be quite a hand/hoof-full sometimes. Oh and by the way, never let her get her hands/hooves on 5 hour energy. If you thought coffee was bad, 5 hour energy is that times 100.
I'm loving this story. A far better collab than that Chess Game of the Gods stuff.
Things are getting even more interesting.
I loved the Baby Human bit.
The collab is being collaborative!
all i can say is
This is coooool
931583 Keep reading them. Fullmetal_Pony hit someone over the head shortly after our IRC conversation in-story. I wonder who it was? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
anyone else have deja vu?
Oohhh!!! The plot thikens!!
This guy sounds stereotypical.
934673 In a chapter with three guys mentioned, such a broad comment isn't very helpful.
930990
Wait. Where's the other side? URL plox?
Also, I find Doug to be somewhat unnecessarily aggressive. I mean, he just kinda threatens "Fullmetal_Pony" without giving him even a chance! Why? That's kinda sudden and makes the character a bit unpredictable. Doug was so nice to Fluttershy and Pinkie and Angel but then he just kinda makes a few throws at another random person? Is that is true nature? Has his natural behavior made exception to three character from his favorite show, but yet he is hostile to any stranger he meets? I mean, a anti-hero isn't bad, but it Doug kinda threw me for a loop in this chapter.
...Wait... This is a self-insert, right?
...
...Aw crap, I just insulted you to your own face, didn't I?
Oops. Sorry!
934855 When a total stranger tells me he covered himself in syrup in the presence of three young girls, yes. I get semi-hostile. And I'm big enough to get away with it, too.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
931101
5 Hour Energy? Never heard of that drink before. I'm from the Philippines. And no, I'm not gonna write a Ponyfall story.
934791 I think he means you/Doug come off as stereotypical Australian in the IRC chat. And if that's what he meant, I felt that way too. A lot more bloody hell's and mate's than normal.
934943 Also have to agree with 934855 here. If that's true, and you/Doug act that way, I think it could've been handled a little better. It comes off a lot worse when you're reading it from Fullmetal Pony's / John's perspective and have no context for the hostility.
Oh, and should I get to reading the Ponyfall about Discord? I couldn't really stomach it the first time I tried, but that was a long time ago.
935141 A) Yes, that's intentional. We all act a little different on IRC than we do in real life. Or at least, I sure as hell hope so.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
B) Not quite sure what you mean, but I did make a blog explaining things a bit. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png
C) The Discord one is still crazy. I fear running into him at some point. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Fluttershy.png
935150 A) Huh. I generally try to act the same way online and off. But, that's me, and I don't hang out on the IRC at all. B) Yeah, I just read that. I guess what I mean is that there shouldn't have to be a comment or a blog post that we have to read in order for us to understand Doug's actions. It should be there, in the story. Maybe expanding the scenes a little, in the music shop and on the IRC, would help? C) Well, I'm sure that'll happen at the most opportune of times. Edit: And now my comment is all one big blob paragraph for some reason. Whoo~
935172 The story isn't finished, and I did mention every reason for his frustration in-story. He was clearly flustered with Fluttershy's outburst. His face was red, and the whole time he has a teenage brony helping to ring up his purchase, pointing to both girls and saying their names. I really, really shouldn't have to spell out just how awkward that would be any more than I showed in-story. Additionally, you can tell he's a little stressed when he snaps at Fluttershy, though he recovers and plays her song for her (on repeat, no less). He also mentions the CIA and FBI while on the IRC, and how he suspects Fullmetal_Pony might be an agent. In-story. He also only really gets hostile after hearing about the syrup. Again in-story. I would think that was pretty clear. Which of the above things wasn't clear within the chapter? I'm very surprised that I needed to explain any of it, so obviously pointing out specifics might be helpful here. Warning someone that they better not hurt the girls would be natural for anyone who has dealt with children before, so that's not out of place, either. The only spot I can see that might be misinterpreted is "Son of a bitch" which was a general statement, and not directed at Fullmetal_Pony. I could perhaps have Pinkie say that calling someone that isn't nice, but I prefer to keep her mind innocently unaware of what that phrase means. Anyway, give me some specifics and I'll look into them.
And for some reason, the site won't save the formatting for the above comment. *Sigh* dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
*sigh* I really wishes I had joined PonyFall when it had first been thought up. It would have been great to see someone like me dealing with these ponies. At the moment, all the PonyFall stories have been full of nice guys (albeit tough-looking ones, apparently) willing to drop everything to help the girls. Where are the bad guys, the cruel people, the me's? Oh well. Can't win 'em all, I guess.
Alright, for those who don't read my blogs: Fullmetal_Pony and I have edited our IRC conversation in the story to be less hostile-sounding.
I did this for you guys!
Love to all,
- Slorgy
937984 An Australian has connections to the Middle East, finds three Equestrians, and has a kickass entertainment system?
MY SHALYMAN SENSES ARE TINGLING.
954387 There are a vast number of people from the Middle East and Asia in Sydney. Which is great, because there are a wide variety of restaurants that come with that. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
954408 Number of times you have contracted food poisoning?
954801 In the US? Three times. In Australia? Zero. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
954831 THAT'S BECAUSE THEY SLIP NAUSEA ANTIDOTE INTO YOUR FOOD. THEY WANT TO BRAINWASH YOU BY SLIPPING VALIUM INTO YOUR DRINK AND HYPNOTIZING YOU TO BE A SLEEPER AGENT THAT WILL- *Feed suddenly turns into static*
"Pinkie regarded her for a moment, then shrugged. "I don't do anything to it. I was born this way."
The clerk laughed and clapped her hands together. "Hey, I like your sense of humor. Born This Way," she giggled. "Fine, keep it a secret. It does look awesome, though. Here, follow me. The CD should still be on the shelf.""
You made them listen to Bad Romance in the car JUST FOR THIS, didn't you?
954831 If they thought that Junebug was real on that background.... then what does real life in the story look like? Does it look like the FiM cartoon?
Getting Discord on a plane.... shoo, you crazy.... he's gonna have to take a raft made of sea-turtles.
I am now imagining TheSlorg as an Australian Jack Bauer.
931024 MY GOD! That avatar is by far the cutest goddamn thing I have ever seen. My heart literally skipped a beat when I saw it.
935150 Where did you get those emoticons? Everyone I ask doesn't answer.
935172 The Discord one was freaking hilarious!
This is honestly the coolest story I've read on this sight!
Awesome job, mate! AWESOME JOB!!!!! 
ohmygosh who got lyra?!? i MUST KNOW!
also what ponyfall is twilights? im goin straight there after this one
The CMC are safe. And now... AIRPLANE TRIP
so yeah 
this is a real clifhanger
2088093
I mean, think about it. She will freak.
I seriously pity whomever got Lyra.
OH, GOD! NO RABID BRONIES! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!1!!
dam
OOOOO im soooooo excited for the next chapter
2781263
i pitty the guy or girl who is taking care of the CMC.
those three sure can make alot of chaos without even trying
4399757 .....click me.
Lol. Imagine if I got my hands on the ponies.
7977709
It will be as your name states: a death trap. Something tells me you have malicious intent.