Tonight, We Dine... in Australia!
Tonight, We Dine... in Australia!
April 17th 2012
Of all the things I had seen in my thirty-two years of life, the man who stepped out of the plaid Humvee was by far one of the strangest. As he approached, I noticed that the samurai armor he was wearing wasn’t actually real armor at all. It was a greyish papier mache creation that had been folded expertly, and fitted the man well enough that it had fooled me from a distance. It seemed to be held together by the Hello Kitty stickers at the joints, creating a gaudy, yet impressive, masterpiece.
The man was tall, too. I stood a good one hundred ninety six centimeters; or six feet, four inches tall. This man towered over me regardless, and could have passed for an NBA player if he wasn’t so... gangly. His eyes were two different colors - red and purple, his pointed white beard looked almost goat-like, and a snaggle-tooth topped it all off. It was strange once I thought about it, but Discord looked almost identical to his draconequus form despite being human. His smile did not touch his eyes as he addressed the cowering dingo behind me.
“Still making assumptions then, are we, Ashton?” the man asked with a hint of disappointment. “Well, I suppose I never was the best teacher,” he added dolefully.
“Bark!” Ashton yelled. I looked down at him and raised an eyebrow. “Er, I mean...” he said lamely. Looking around frantically, he cleared his throat and actually barked. Seeing that this didn’t impress anyone, he proceeded to roll around on the ground like an actual dingo would, but soon realized that his charade wasn’t working. His idea of a change in tactics was to pretend to chase his own tail.
I looked back at Discord and met his gaze for a moment before raising an eyebrow again and shaking my head slowly. Discord shook his head slightly as well, confirming that he, too, felt that it was a painfully poor attempt at fooling him. His demeanor suddenly changed as he folded his arms across his chest and spoke two words to the dingo.
“Fluffy ponies.”
Ashton stopped suddenly and let his tail fall out of his mouth with a moan. The fur on his back raised on end as he gave a slight shudder, then he sighed and lifted his head slowly to look up at Discord.
“I thought we agreed not to speak of that,” he said bitterly.
I was fairly certain that I didn’t want to know what ‘fluffy ponies’ meant, especially if it affected someone as odd as Ashton in such a way. I looked back over my shoulder and saw that Pinkie and Angel were still staring in open-mouthed wonder at Discord and his Humvee. Fluttershy was cowering behind Pinkie, her head peeking out to observe, but otherwise she seemed to be fine. It was as good a time as any to speak.
“Nice armor, mate. Did you make that yourself?” I asked Discord. Of all the things I could have said to Discord, the living incarnation of chaos, that was all I could think of at the time. It was as good an opening as any.
Discord shrugged. “Eh, it came with the car,” he stated nonchalantly. His eyes seemed to size me up for a moment. “And you are...?”
I glanced down at Ashton before answering, hoping for some kind of hint or clue as to what I should or shouldn’t say. He just tilted his head and seemed to try to shrug, but only managed to lift a paw before losing his balance and steadying himself again.
It couldn’t hurt to be honest, I thought. “Well, my name is Doug,” I replied, uncertain as to whether I should let on that I knew who Discord was. My heart was racing, but I tried not to let it show. It would probably be much safer to remain below Discord’s notice, if possible.
Discord gave a slight smile. “Earth has some wonderfully peculiar names, does it not?” he asked, bemused. I simply gave a small smile in return, hoping he’d lose interest in me soon.
“Come on, Fluttershy!” Pinkie’s voice called out from behind me. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. Besides, I really want to get a closer look at that humongous car-thing that the other human just arrived in! Doesn’t it just look amazing?”
“Um, no thank you,” Fluttershy squeaked as she struggled to keep from being pulled closer. “It did just kill all those trees, you know...”
Pinkie stopped for a moment to consider that. I could almost hear the thought processes in her brain. On one hoof, you have a fantastic new device to examine and possibly play with. On the other hoof, it’s capable of destroying trees with little or no effort and might be more trouble than it’s worth. She was still contemplating this when Discord perked his head up.
“Flutter...” he began, thinking. “Did she just call that girl Flu-”
“Yes!” Ashton yelped, jumping up and running to stand between Discord and the Equestrians. “Yes indeed, Disco. She totally just said Fluttery Shies. Yes, the Fluttery Shies. She’s a celebrity here on Earth, you know. Irish folk singer extraordinaire!” He glanced back towards me, and I understood. He didn’t want me to say their names in front of Discord. Unfortunately, the Equestrians didn’t know that.
“What are you talking about?” Pinkie said with a giggle. “That’s not her name, silly. It’s Fl-mmph!” I cut her off with a hug, placing my hand over her mouth as I did. I ignored her look of shock and risked a glance over my shoulder. Thankfully, it seemed that nobody had noticed what she said.
Discord had reared back at the name ‘Disco,’ and was busy glaring dangerously at Ashton. “Who told you that name?” he bellowed scornfully.
While Discord was distracted, I used that moment to turn back around, let go of Pinkie, and get the attention of the other Equestrians. I hoped that ponies were familiar with putting one’s finger to their lips to signal someone to be quiet. Ponies didn’t have fingers, of course, but perhaps they put a hoof up or something. I couldn’t remember if I had seen that in the show before or not, but I was rewarded for my efforts when the three Equestrians became silent, though not without some confused glances at one another.
When I turned back around, Discord was blowing on a dog whistle that he had retrieved from somewhere. Although I couldn’t hear it, Ashton seemed to be in agony as he cringed back from the sound. I never knew you could punish a dog with a whistle, but this was Discord, after all. Anything was possible. He would give the whistle a few notes, then dance a little jig for a few seconds before blowing on it again. I might have laughed if I didn’t know how dangerous he could be.
“Well, yes,” I began, hoping to spare Ashton from whatever torture he was enduring. “This was a great show of, uh, randomness. Quite impressive, mate. I should probably get going though. I have, uh, business to attend to.” I looked down at Ashton and gave a small shrug as if to say “What am I supposed to do about this?” His eyes widened before his expression changed to one of indignation.
“Well... you know, it’s almost time for lunch...” he said, looking up at me and... was he grinning? Smirking? Whatever it was, it didn’t bode well for me.
Discord stopped examining his dog whistle and looked down at Ashton, then back up at his surroundings. He put a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun before seeming to realize for the first time that he was standing in the middle of a forest.
“A picnic? Oh how delightful! Thank goodness I came prepared!” he exclaimed, suddenly jovial as he turned on his heels and walked straight back to the Humvee.
Ashton stood up, his tail wagging. “Ha!” he barked. “Thought you could leave me like John did, huh? Fat chance!”
Bloody hell. Was Ashton really expecting me to sit down and have a picnic lunch with the embodiment of chaos? I’d taken the trip to Burrinjuck to cheer Fluttershy up, not to adopt a talking dingo and his demented god of an owner. The whole dingo thing was starting to bother me, too. Maybe I could get out of this if I played things the right way. Maybe I could trick Discord into turning Ashton into a human again. Say he looked uglier as a human or something. Or perhaps get Discord to say his name so the Equestrians would finally understand why I wanted them to remain silent.
“So, mister uh...” I called out to Discord. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t catch your name? Anyway, what stupidity did Ashton get up to in order to deserve this?” I gestured toward the dingo as Discord glanced back over his shoulder.
Discord stood up and turned completely around to look me in the eye. “He did what you are trying to do, Dougie my boy!” he said with a glint in his eyes. “He had the gall to assume that he could predict chaos!” The Humvee suddenly emitted a ding and he turned back around. “That’s the pie!”
Crikey, he's on to me. Don't. Piss. Discord. Off. Think, ya wanker!
“Running didn’t help John,” Ashton murmured from his spot by my feet. I wondered how the Crusaders were faring for a moment before remembering that the Spirit of Chaos was getting annoyed with me.
“My apologies,” I said to Discord’s back as I tried to think carefully about what words to use. “I did not mean to offend. You must realize that most of the people I meet are very, uh... dull. It’s all-too-easy to get into the habit of predicting things.” I glanced back towards the Equestrians, who were thankfully still watching in silence, though Pinkie looked to be getting restless. I hoped she wasn’t offended by the sudden hug.
Discord froze suddenly, as if in thought, but he waved a hand behind him as if to brush it off. “That is an interesting topic of conversation, Doug. We shall discuss it over lunch,” he said with finality. He then turned his attention back to the Humvee, popping the hood and withdrawing a picnic basket from where the engine should have been. It was even rumbling as if it actually were an engine.
While the Spirit of Chaos was busying himself with the basket, I turned back to Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Angel once again. “Hey,” I whispered, getting their attention. “Trust me on this; this man is dangerous, but everything should be fine if we’re careful. Most importantly, do not say your names.”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” she whispered. “That’s just silly!”
Damn it, Pinkie.
“Just pretend it’s a game. The Do-Not-Say-Your-Names Game.” I stared at her until I received a small nod in response, then looked at Fluttershy and Angel until they nodded as well. I remembered afterward that Angel couldn’t talk, but it was best that he understood as well. Once I was satisfied, I turned back around just as Discord finished retrieving items from the Humvee.
“I believe this will do quite nicely,” Discord said as he balanced the picnic basket, the pie (which turned out to just be the mathematical sign for pi), a large yellow blanket sporting a smiley face, and a chainsaw in his arms. He dropped everything but the chainsaw onto the ground, with the blanket landing and unfolding first, followed by the basket and pi pie on top of it. Then he began to rev the chainsaw. “Soup’s on!” he yelled as he used the chainsaw to noisily cut into the picnic basket, dividing it into six equal parts. When he finished, he calmly bent down and picked up a piece of the basket, then bit into it as if it were a sandwich. He looked up at us and raised an eyebrow. “Well?” he asked impatiently.
I ran through my options. Apparently, running had led John, or Fullmetal_Pony, to becoming injured somehow. Fighting Discord without magic would be completely foolish and I’d probably end up worse off than John or Ashton were. Eating a picnic basket, or whatever the bloody hell it was, was out of the question. The only thing I could do was play along and hope to get this over with quickly.
“Oh how interesting,” I said. “I brought some snacks as well. Do you mind?” I asked, pointing towards my car. It would probably be best to remain polite around Discord. Perhaps like a bear, he may eventually just leave us alone after a while.
Discord looked pleased. “Oh not at all, Doug!” he said cheerfully. “Hopefully what you’ve brought is more interesting than this common fare,” he remarked, indicating the ‘food’ on the blanket.
I somehow doubted it, but I made my way toward my car anyway. I had packed some Tim Tams, a few packages of Oreos, some vegetarian sandwiches for the Equestrians, and a ham sandwich for myself. I was surprised to see that Pinkie had actually left six Cokes as well. I grabbed everything and brought it back toward the picnic blanket, where I found Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Angel to still be standing. I set the food on the blanket and patted the ground beside me, indicating that the others should sit down.
“Well, here we go. Hopefully it meets with your approval,” I said as everyone took a seat.
I passed around the sandwiches and snacks, and handed each person a Coke with the exception of Ashton, who didn’t have any hands to accept it with. I set a can down in front of him with a shrug and watched with mild wonder as he tried to gnaw on it for a few moments. Once the food was served, a long, awkward silence followed as most of those gathered simply sat and stared at the food before them. Only Discord and Pinkie seemed content to actually eat anything.
Discord made a show of examining his sandwich, pulling the bread apart and carefully scrutinizing the vegetables within. “The green stuff is the healthy bit, isn’t it?” he inquired pensively. He set the sandwich down and looked at Ashton. “Do you remember that pizza I gave you? Sawdust. Every last bit of it.”
Ashton’s eyes widened for a moment before he began to gag and practically choke in revulsion. Pinkie stopped eating for a moment and looked at me suspiciously, so I picked up my own sandwich and took a bite to show her it was safe. With Pinkie satisfied, I turned around just in time to see Ashton cough up a tiny wooden figurine that was a solid representation of Chuck Norris.
I wasn’t sure how to react to that. If I had been watching a cartoon and saw a dingo cough up a Chuck Norris figurine, I might have laughed. Having it actually happen in front of me was a different feeling altogether. It didn’t make sense, and it wasn’t funny here. It was making me nervous, and I didn’t often get nervous about anything. What would Discord do to me or the Equestrians if he found out who they were? He had to know that they were powerless. Pinkie had told me that he had somehow hidden away the Elements of Harmony, and I didn’t know of any other way to stop him. If he could create chaos on Earth, what could anyone do about it? We were defeated before we even began.
Ashton licked his lips and made some comment about the figurine tasting like cinnamon. I wasn’t really listening. The man he had once been seemed to have given up as well, and just went along with whatever happened to him. Hell, I didn’t even know if Ashton had been a man. He may have been a child or a teenager. I knew nothing about him other than that he seemed to be Discord’s plaything at the moment. Was that the destiny of all of humanity? To becomes toys for Discord’s amusement?
“I have to use the bathroom,” Ashton announced suddenly. “Doug, care to join me?”
The words snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked up. For some reason, all eyes were on me. Was it a coincidence that I had just been doubting whether I could trust Ashton? If I followed him, he might have information that I could use. That would also leave Discord alone with Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Angel. None of them knew he was Discord, and the Spirit of Chaos had no idea who they were. That would change the moment any of them said their name. What if the fate of Earth rested on whether I chose to follow a talking dingo to the bathroom or not? Why me?
“I don’t have to go,” I announced firmly.
Ashton shot me a pleading look, but I was having none of it. “But...” he began. “But this is Australia! What if something attacks me? Doesn’t anyone else have to go?”
I was preparing to tell Ashton to be quiet and go find a bush when Angel rolled his eyes and stood up, looking at the dingo expectantly. Did I trust Ashton to go alone with Angel?
No.
I pardoned myself from the picnic, murmuring “One moment,” before walking quickly to my car and retrieving something. I returned to the picnic site a moment later and handed Angel one of my fishing knives, which he took with a look of complete confusion.
“Just in case some big, scary animal attacks our friend,” I said, meeting his eye. For a former bunny that used to live in a land of magical talking ponies, he seemed to catch on immediately. Smart bunny. I turned to Ashton. “He will protect you.”
“Great,” muttered Ashton, rolling his eyes. “I mean, great! Thanks.” The look he gave me was not one of gratitude as he reluctantly followed Angel back towards the bathrooms.
“I never got any help when I needed to go,” Discord observed with a pout. He turned to look directly at me.
I shrugged. “I guess you’re more competent than he is. How are the Tim Tams?” I saw that Discord had barely eaten any of the sandwich, but he had licked the Oreos and consumed the cookie parts, leaving the cream. The Tim Tams had actually been eaten in a completely normal fashion.
The Spirit of Chaos shrugged as well. “At least they weren’t dull,” he commented. His eyes then lit up as he seemed to remember something. “Oh yes, we were going to discuss something over lunch. You see, there is no such thing as anyone being dull, Doug.”
Looking at Discord and his papier mache suit of samurai armor, I wasn’t convinced. Compared to him, just about anyone else would seem dull. I wasn’t about to argue with him, though. In fact, I needed to get away before Pinkie went mad from boredom. She had remained quiet up until this point, but I could see from her squirming and the look in her eyes that she was a ticking time bomb ready to explode and unleash a party at any moment. Keeping Fluttershy quiet was easy. Pinkie? Not so much.
Discord continued. “You only need to pull the right kinds of strings, and suddenly anyone can become amusing. Then it’s a fun little game.” His eyes glinted as he said the last few words.
As did Pinkie’s eyes. The mention of the word ‘game’ was too much for her, and she let out a little squeak before covering her mouth with her hands and trying, without success, to sit still.
The Spirit of Chaos smiled slightly and chuckled. “It’s so wonderful, not knowing everything about someone. Slowly finding out what makes them tick,” he continued, glancing at Pinkie, then back to me. “Just talking to them and getting... friendly.” Although the words he spoke were innocent enough, the way he said them sent a shiver up my spine.
Pinkie had reached the critical point and was in danger of a meltdown. Her fingers were digging into her knees as she fought to keep them jumping up and running around, or worse. Her breathing was rapid, and she looked at me almost pleadingly.
Discord looked at me for a moment longer, then turned to Pinkie. “How rude of me, what might your name be, Pinkie?” he asked with a grin.
Pinkie and I looked at each other in shock. How could he know? Nobody said her name, unless... had Ashton lied? I’d break his bones one by one, damn him!
“Uh, what do you mean?” I asked, knowing we were screwed. “That’s not her name...” It was over. Goodbye Earth, Equestria, and whatever else Discord wanted to rule or play with or whatever it was he did.
Discord looked at me as if I were the most un-intelligent creature in all of existence. He gestured toward Pinkie. “Pink hair, what is there not to get?” he said. “Honestly, have you never used a nickname before?”
Oh. Ohhh! Bloody hell.
“Oh, right! I clearly wasn’t thinking. Her name is, uh, Patty,” I said with a grin that was probably far too big to be taken seriously.
Discord raised an eyebrow. “And does ‘Patty’ have a last name?” he inquired.
“Pie!” Pinkie shouted, unable to control herself any longer. She looked at me apologetically, but the damage was already done.
Patty... Pie? There’s no way he’ll buy that.
“Uh huh,” Discord said with suspicion. “Patty Pie and Fluttery Shies then.” He leaned close to Pinkie. “So what are you famous for, ‘Patty’?” he hissed through his teeth.
Pinkie and Fluttershy were nervously looking at each other, and I had just reluctantly come to the decision that I’d have to fight, and probably lose, when Ashton and Angel returned.
“Whoo yeah, that sure was a really great pee,” Ashton announced suddenly, and a little too loudly. I unclenched my fist and turned around to face the dingo. He couldn’t have made it more obvious that he hadn’t used the toilet at all. Or the ground. Whatever. Angel caught my eye and held my gaze until it was clear that he knew something. So Ashton must have had some information after all. I’d apologize for doubting him later.
At that point, Discord stood up suddenly. All signs of pleasantness had drained from his face and were replaced with outright suspicion. “Uh huh. So what are your real names?” he asked, crossing his arms dramatically.
We all stood up. The picnic was over, and things had just gone from frighteningly awkward to deadly serious. Angel came over to stand beside me and I felt him press something into my hand. It was the knife. Glancing down, I saw Ashton look at Fluttershy and take in a long breath. I didn’t know what he had planned, but I hoped it was better than my own, and I somehow felt that even having a knife hadn’t improved our odds of survival much. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and prepared to fight the Spirit of Chaos with a four inch fishing knife.
“They’re trying to get you to move in with them!” Ashton called out suddenly. All eyes turned to the dingo. “Yeah, this kid here says they have an extra room, D-dog,” he added, gesturing towards Angel.
Was he serious? He was trying reverse psychology on Discord? That was his plan? Did he think we were all stupid? Having a go at Discord with a fishing knife was a better plan, and I didn’t expect that to work either. The sheer stupidity of it all was mind-boggling, and I actually found myself walking towards Ashton, whose attention was on Discord.
“Going to strangle him,” I muttered quietly as I slowly crept closer to the dingo. “Too stupid to live, it’s better this way.”
“Euuughhhh,” Discord moaned suddenly. “Ugh. Uh... er...” he said, an intense look of discomfort on his face. “Our, uh... people! Yes, our people need us, Ashton. Let’s go.”
Ashton, Angel, and I all looked at Discord in disbelief, with me stopping just moments from throttling the dingo. Had Discord really just said it was time to leave? Reverse psychology had actually worked?
Ashton looked up at me, jumping slightly when he realized how close I was to him. “Well, it was nice meeting you...” he said with a hint of sorrow. I suddenly felt bad for wanting to choke him out, and for his situation in general. “Maybe I’ll see you again some other time?” he asked, then laughed. “As if...”
I knelt down and put a hand on the dingo’s shoulder. “We’ll find a way to get them home,” I whispered. “Hang in there.”
Ashton turned and looked at Angel, who gave a slight nod. I’d ask him what they talked about later. For now, all I could do was stand with the Equestrians and watch as Ashton slowly walked over to Discord and followed him towards the Humvee. All of the picnic supplies that Discord had brought grew tiny legs and feet, and followed them into the vehicle.
As the Humvee’s ‘engine’ started, Discord leaned his head out the window and looked at us one last time. His expression suggested that he thought we were crazy, and he quickly rolled up the window, obscuring himself from view. The vehicle started and shot off like a rocket straight for us, causing all four of us to hug one another as if the Spirit of Chaos had decided we needed to be eliminated. The Humvee didn’t run us over, however. Instead, it moved slower and slower until it stopped right in front of us, then disappeared in a flash, leaving burning tire tracks in its wake. It was like a reverse Delorean, if that even made sense. Which it didn’t.
The Equestrians and I let go of each other and stood in silence for a good thirty seconds. Finally, I looked at Fluttershy.
“Have you seen enough?” I asked.
She nodded her head vigorously. “Uh huh, ready to go when you are, lead the way!” she exclaimed rapidly, not even waiting for a reply before moving toward the car as fast as her legs would allow her. It was the fastest I had seen her move as a human.
Pinkie was difficult to read. She looked as if she were bored, excited, happy, sad, scared, and ready to fight all at the same time. I owed her for forcing her to be quiet for so long.
“We can have a party when we get home,” I said. I was rewarded with a squeal and a hug, then she happily made her way to the car. I was preparing to follow her when I felt a tug on my shirt and looked down to see Angel looking up at me anxiously.
“What is it?” I asked. In answer, he grabbed my arm and began leading me towards the bathrooms. What was that all about?
The former bunny stopped in front of the entrance to the men’s toilets and pointed at the ground. Crudely scrawled into the dirt was a message. It read:
Hey D, jst N cAsE U r aliv go 2 fimfic . net find me and pm me. U nvr know. ~DRAEQUINE
Draequine? On the fan-fiction site? I turned back around, but the Humvee was long gone. Ashton the dingo was Draequine. I knew a Draequine from that site! What was going on here? All four people I knew who had found Equestrians: Fullmetal_Pony, DragonLS, Draequine, and myself... we were all members of that site.
Before I could think further on the matter, I felt another tug on my shirt. I looked down and saw that Angel wanted me to follow him again. He led me inside the bathroom and pointed to a wrapped parcel laying on the shelf above one of the sinks. It had a pink bow wrapped around it with a small card tucked under the ribbon. Upon the card was some more writing.
Every winner should receive her prize.
- F. A.
I looked back down at Angel, confused, but he simply shrugged. Curiosity got the better of me and I unwrapped the box and opened it up. Inside was a cupcake with blue frosting, topped with some strange-looking pony toy. I thought it was a pony toy, anyway. It was like a cross between a bug and a pony, had insect-like wings, and there were holes in its hooves. It was definitely molded much like other pony toys, but this was a character I had never seen before. She looked kind of creepy.
A cupcake with a toy on top? Why? Who was it for? The note said every winner should get her prize. That meant either Pinkie or Fluttershy. Both of them probably liked cupcakes, but it seemed more appropriate for Pinkie. Plus, she had bought some pony toys already; why not add another one to the collection?
I decided to let the girls sort it out later. All I cared about was getting home before Discord decided to come back and turn me into a kangaroo or something. I shrugged at Angel and put the cupcake back in the box. Angel looked as if he wanted to try to tell me something else, but I held a hand up.
“Can it wait until we get home?” I asked.
He frowned and put his hands on his hips, but then let out a small sigh and nodded reluctantly. I surprised him when I knelt down and looked him in the eye.
“Hey,” I said, holding a hand out. “Thanks for the knife back there. I don’t know how much it may have helped, but... well, it was better than nothing.”
Angel looked down at my hand, then back up at me. I was beginning to wonder if he knew what a handshake was when he finally took my hand and gave it a quick shake. To think I had disliked Angel before all of this. Together, we left the bathroom and walked back to the car. I had some business to take care of back home.
It was nighttime, and the Equestrians were all fast asleep after what had been a mildly enjoyable party. Pinkie and Fluttershy had both known I was keeping something from them, and though it pained me to have to avoid the truth, I couldn’t bring myself to tell them who we had just had a picnic with. Fluttershy was stressed out enough as it was, and I had no way to predict how Pinkie would react. The one thing I couldn’t do was explain to them how we couldn’t just leave and try to track down Discord. They would never understand the rules of international travel, or just how big Earth really is. So I remained silent about it.
Except when it came to Angel. The white-haired boy had insisted on letting me know what Ashton had told him, and after a good amount of time spent trying to guess what his hand-gestures meant, I finally figured it out. Ashton had told him who Discord was, and the boy now understood what was going on. I had explained to Angel why I didn’t want Pinkie or Fluttershy to know, and although I had expected him to become angry, I was surprised that he seemed to understand. Perhaps he realized how much stress Fluttershy was under. Whatever the reason, he agreed to be quiet about it for now.
I turned on my computer, being quiet so as not to wake Angel, and logged onto the pony fanfiction site. Within moments, I had an open PM addressed to Draequine.
Drae,
What the hell, mate? Let me know if you are still in Australia or not. I can’t believe we met and had no idea who each other were. You might recognize my screen name. Keep ‘Big D’ under control somehow while I figure things out.
- TheSlorg
I sent the private message along and checked my inbox. I wasn’t surprised to find it empty. How badly had John ‘Fullmetal_Pony’ been hurt? Ashton hadn’t said that anything bad had happened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but I was still concerned. I opened up a new PM.
Fullmetal_Pony,
Or John, right? Hopefully when you receive this message, you will be recovered from whatever happened to you. You might be wondering how I know that you were injured. Well, I had a visit from a certain Spirit of Chaos, if you get my drift.
Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Angel are all okay. We managed to trick him into leaving with the help of someone named Ashton. You might recognize him, he’s registered on this site as Draequine.
You might already be aware of this, but Discord won’t recognize anyone from Equestria unless you say their names. I don’t know how or why, but Discord has no idea that I found Pinkie and the others, despite the fact that he was staring them all in the face. The same happened with me and Discord. I couldn’t focus on his name until Ashton said it.
Anyway, things are safe here now. Discord took Ashton with him, so it’s just Fluttershy, Pinkie, Angel, and me again. Don’t forget to send pictures of the Crusaders. We need to meet up and make a plan.
Cheers,
-TheSlorg
With that message sent, I had one more order of business to deal with. I opened up my email and was pleasantly surprised to see a response from DragonLS.
TO: Aussie_hunter@ausmail.com
FROM: MidnightSkull_Dragon@wahoo.com
SUBJECT: Status?
Salutations and greetings, Slorg. I take you're having a fine day the moment you read this e-mail? Because I certainly am... well, sort of.
I decided to e-mail to tell you about a few things that's going on, something that I thought about after we had our chat in the IRC channel.
Well, first of all, I never got a chance to tell you my e-mail, which you can see in the FROM box, or TO, whichever e-mail services do these days, whether it's receiving or sending...
But anyway, enough of about my tangent on how e-mail works... So far, Celestia's doing fine. She has clothes, a home to live in, and security. Although there is that one time where she accidentally ate bacon once and fainted, then the time she freaked out over the ignition of my car, oh, let's not forget the rather amusing look she gave when she heard the lines "My Wings are So Pretty!" from a toy clone of hers...
That reminds me... I never understood why Hasbro had the balls to turn Celestia Pink, give her the wrong mane, and just look all... G3? G4? I never watched the previous generations, so I don't know...
But I'm getting off-topic here. I want to let you know that I'm not leaving the U.S.. It would be too much of a hassle and I have no way of legally obtaining IDs and documents for Celestia in a speedy manner. I also want to avoid anything illegal-wise, since that crap can get traced back to you if caught, and getting caught is not what I prefer to have on me right now.
However, I can keep an eye out on any other ponies I come across that are in the U.S., and keep in contact with ya about 'em? Because if we all fly overseas, it's going to cause problems, not only financially, but possibly other unknowns.
Also, one more thing...
We need to Webcam at some point. I think it'd be nice if the ponies saw each other in realtime.
Just a thought. Send me your thoughts on this subject, eh?
DragonLS had some good points, but he was far too casual about everything. It was very likely that the danger of having Discord loose on Earth hadn’t sunk in for him just yet. I’d need to warn him.
TO: MidnightSkull_Dragon@wahoo.com
FROM: Aussie_hunter@ausmail.com
Subject: Re: Status?
Dragon,
It has not been a fine day at all. I’ll get straight to the point - I ran into Discord today. He’s not only here on Earth, but he has some of his powers, too. You need to listen to me.
Do NOT say Celestia’s name in front of him if he shows up. Make sure she doesn’t say it either. I don’t know why, but for some reason Equestrians don’t seem to recognize each other until one of them says their name. Looking back on it, I realize now that the girls had to confirm their identities to each other before they realized who they were. The same with Angel. He nodded to Fluttershy when she asked if it was him, and she only really seemed to recognize him at that moment. I don’t think I have to tell you what might happen if Discord stumbled across a completely powerless Princess Celestia.
We managed to get away fine with some help. Anyway, your idea is a good one. You keep an eye on things in the US, and I’ll keep things under control over here if I can. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are coming to Australia along with the one who found them. See if you can find any of the other ponies. Protip - keep checking the IRC. I have a feeling you’ll have a lot of luck there.
Stay safe,
- TheSlorg
I sent the email, then closed out of the web browser and shut my computer off. It had been a long day, and I desperately needed to clear my mind. As I crawled into my sleeping bag on the floor, my mind wandered restlessly. Despite my best efforts, sleep would not come for me. It would be the first of many sleepless nights.
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FIRST off that was a great chapter, being at Discords mercy was so funny. Anyways, you know the drill "Shit got real" comments go here etc.
Tonight, We Dine.... WITH DISCORD
Pink Celestia... What gave them the idea to do that? I can't wait for the reaction in that story though.
Actually yozzoy, I would say Shit just hit the fan...
Discord is a scary guy to picnic with, thought for a while there that Doug/Slorg was a dead man. Crushed under the boot of a giant or turned into a spider.
I for one, would enjoy a picnic with Discord.
Damn, Discord still has his powers and the shit is going down! Wonder who F.A is though and why they had a Chrysalis toy. Does that mean she's on Earth too?
Wow www... CANNOT wait for your next chapter! And oh yeah... Shit just got real!
-immediately looks for pic of discord picnic-
Screw it, I'm on an iPhone. Keep it up.
Wait a sec:
What happens to the canceled stories? (e.i. The one with Rarity, etc)
Do they leave canon? (For the colab)
I'm confused right now...
1127556 Rarity is being rewritten. All background ponies have been removed (you'll find out what happened to them later). Applejack is still ongoing, but her author has some medical issues to deal with. Her status is up in the air at the moment, but we'll make it work.
I want more........
1127798 Considering the strange PonyFall-writing binge I've been on, it probably won't take very long for the next chapter to come out. We'll see. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
1127803
This pleases me!!! 
Awesome story! I LOVE IT
Well, this definitely raises some questions. What happens in the Future? Will Ashton ever come back? Who is "FA"?
Well, anyway, good work Slorg.
And just so I'm not left out, SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!!1!11
Loving this story man
Got pretty tense there with Discord at the picnic, thought for a second that shit was gonna go crazy and Australia would become a chaotic battle ground
Us poor Aussies, Spider, Sharks, Swimming Knives and now Chaos Gods
1128068 Thanks for the kind words.
That's Discord for you, though. The moment you expect a fight to go down, he surprises you and leaves suddenly.
This awesome chapter has left me speechless. Congrats.
Oh wow...I can only imagine what a webcam session with the Equestrians would look like!
I can't wait. 
There would only be one word going through my mind if I was in your shoes.
And that word would be: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLYSHITIMGONNADIE!
Hmm. So all the ponies have something similar to Perception filters...
1132910
You a troper? Or go to the site?
HERSHENBLARGESFARL! My reaction to Pi pie.
I FINALLY caught up! I'm loving the story so far
Can't wait to see more
Man someone needs to do some fan art of Discord's picnic. It would be sweet!
Keep up the swag.
Haven't you played Resident Evil 4? Suplexing Discord would be much better than knifing him, although knifing is still a good strategy.
I really liked this chapter! The whole ordeal with Discord made him seem pretty intimidating. The tension was palpable. Good job :D
Ohohohoho...now THAT was a tense chapter. None of the PonyFall stories so far have really emphasized the danger that Discord poses. Excellent, I say, excellent. But now I REALLY wanna know who FA is. Onwards!
oh and let's not forget the amusing look she gave me when she heard the lines "My Wings are so Pretty" from a toy clone of hers....
LIKE A BOSS
I never understood why Hasbro had the balls to turn Princess Celestia pink
hummmm
