Long Haul's mail route takes him all over Equestria, barely giving him time to stop. He spends almost every waking moment in the air, and that gives him a unique view on the gift of flight most pegasi possess.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 30th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 10th, 2020
q97randomguy
I sometimes write but mostly edit. I'm also a PR for The Royal Guard.
q97randomguy
Joined 30th Jun, 2012 ·
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A really nice contrast to 'Life in the Air'. Definitely love the fact that you decided to do a take from the other side of the cloud. So to speak.
Glad that I happened to see this when I was going through my feed tonight.
You deserve a helluva lot more people following you, and you'll get them at this rate.
Keep up the amazing work, q97!
Edit: Because I've always wanted to do this...
seoenquirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/firstpost.jpg
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Love ya too, Sparky!
And yeah, I wanted to really showcase how flight could mean different things to different pegasi; after all, no experience is exactly the same for everyone.
There are two sides to every coin. Freedom and Bondage. Escape and Entrapment. Love it. Especially in conjunction with the previous story. She's gotta be damn pretty mare to make a pegasus wish he were an Earth Pony, though.
Great work, q97.
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Thanks, man, I try.
As the others have said, this a good counterpiece to Life in the Air, and a really well done take on an unusual perspective of flight. I personally have always found flight extremely boring, but (I assume like most people) have always thought that if it was me rather than an aeroplane it would be much more fulfilling. This deconstructs nicely the possible perspective on someone who has grown up in an environment where flight is normal, for whom it would not be such a distant lofty goal, as it is to us.
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Wow, that was quick! Thanks again for reading and faving, and I'm glad you liked it.
Alright, same deal as the other one. Yada Yada Yada. Let's get into it.
Alright, now THIS! This is what I like. This is what I wanted. This is great. This is, sorry to say, FAR better than the other one. The other one pandered and went all over this place; this one got straight to the point and delivered precisely what it is. It's the thoughts, the concept, the idea, everything, EVERYTHING leads up to the final drop of realisation, and it does it in a very clear, patterned, and focused way.
I really, really like this. Not only is it a take on it that I wasn't expecting, it came in a fresh way that was relevant to his feelings. The framing, the use of thoughts, and the voice is very clear, and very sharp, and he has a good character who can be 'heard' quite clearly.
He makes his points and backs them up with reasons that are believable and personal, and that outweighs the general logic of this. It's also always nice to be able to hear gripes and groans sometimes, and in this story, it certainly didn't distract from the general narrative, but rather aided it with character.
So, I did like this, yeah.
Now, everything has a bad part. Some of your sentences are a bit hard to get through, not because they're written badly or whatever, but because they're clinical. I think I used this word in the other review as well, but you have a way of writing that delivers information straight to you like a punch in the face. In SOME cases that works well. In direct thought, here, it's good! It didn't work so well in the other one, where a passive voice, or more flowery language to elaborate on esoteric concepts were needed. So it's a matter of appropriation. Still, though, some lines here I stumbled over once or twice, like "And then there is looking at all the towns I can see from so high up and thinking about how there are so many ponies in them".
Don't forget that in our minds, we tend to use contractions more, say things oddly (which sometimes can help make the sentence sound more natural) and that using colloquialism is a PLUS.
I also feel that you can also allow some things to go unstated to have a greater effect. Same as the other fic, but I'll give you an example from this one.
In the middle of the fic you have this -
Now, what I would do is probably cut the 'I need' bit. Why? Because by stating it here you already tell us what it's about rather than show us. It's like revealing your hand too early. It's like telling people the twist to the movie before the ending reveal. IT's not that nice. The SECOND I read that, I already knew that it was going to be about relationships. Everything before had the slight vibe of it (I would have muted it more too, but that's a different issue) but this sealed the deal, and it should not have been here where we get this information, and not in this way. What I'd have done would be to cut him off.
What this does is also shows resistance of the mind. It has a secondary effect of showing that there are some thoughts harder to think and follow through than others, and sometimes playing with that helps push out the character of a character more.
But I am nitpicking by this point because overall, I have nothing much else bad to say about this at all. From flow and pacing and content, I'm very happy with it all, so well done. I like this one.
Welp, sucks to be... a pegasus? I mean - the story is honestly that good at making the feeling of flight so... regretful? No, that is not how the line is supposed to go.
Flight is supposed to be bliss, yet it tears us apart literally and socially!
M-my perspective has been skewed.
What is better for the soul: blissful solitude or loving company? Who do I believe? Why is there no right answer!?!
...And that is why we keep open minds!
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It seems as if I accomplished what I set out to do, then. I don't know if you liked that or not, but trust me when I say this — getting such a reaction really improves my day and lets me know that I, as an author, did something very right.
And as an author, my shameless plugs are shameless. I've still got two other stories which you might like. And trust me when I say that the one which looks like a troll fic is not that at all.
Seriously, though, thank you for your kind words. And if I may, how did you find my stories in the first place?
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I saw your stories submitted to the Good Grammar Directory and figured, "Why not give this one a look?"
Needless to say, I am glad I checked the feed. Continue kindling your ideas into writing if you will.
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I do have more ideas in the works. However, with school going on, time to work on them is in short supply. Once summer rolls around, I'll be able to grind out more.
I've never been a fast writer, but I like to think that what I write is of good quality.
Life and love, how they fit together makes one think.