I'm a person. I like to read about ponies, and I would also like to try and write about ponies. That's all there is to it.
Murder never happens in Ponyville... except now it did, apparently.
A pony is found dead in her new home, and a non-experienced amateur detective is forced to take on the case against her own better judgement. She enlists the help of the royal guards, and the recently crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle.
(As for continuity, this story probably takes place sometime between Equestria Girls and Season 4.)
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this is............. itneresting. while considered a murder, the body is sitll seemingly alive. not decaying, not becoming chill............ did someone take out her soul?
Not sure where all the downvotes are coming from; it seems to be an interesting premise...
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Perhaps this is not the best design for the first chapter of a story. The later chapters will hopefully remedy this by slowing down quite a bit and getting more in-depth.
I actually wrote most of this chapter like six months ago, and edited a few things over the past few days. Perhaps I would have written it a bit differently today, but I really wanted to move on now. Let's use the Lucas excuse: "It's stylistically designed to be that way."
Would sure love some feedback on whether that is a correct analysis on my own part?
3817739
Well... stories starring OCs always tend to attract drive-by downvotes, it seems, so there might not be anything more to it than that.
It is a bit dialogue-heavy; some more descriptive detail of what things looked like, what ponies were doing or how they were acting, would probably help.
Also, a couple of things did leap out at me. First, it's very unprofessional (and a bit disrespectful of the dead) for Snoop to "raid" the dead mare's kitchen for coffee like that. An old-school film noir private eye might get away with that kind of thing, but it's not appropriate for a law-enforcement official.
Second: It seems kind of odd for Celestia to repeatedly insist that this is "top priority", yet offer something as relatively trivial as a ballroom party as an excuse for why she can't stay more than a few minutes, or why Luna can't come to Ponyville to talk to Snoop as well. Unless this inconsistency is actually a plot point that's going to figure in later, I'd change it to something a little more pressing, such as delicate negotiations or a major diplomatic crisis between Equestria and one of the neighboring nations requiring their personal intervention.
Oh, and this:
I think I know what you meant by this, but the way this dialogue is worded, it kind of makes it sound like the examiner doesn't think 3rd-degree burns are all that serious.
I'd change it to something more like "However, they're mostly first- and second-degree; serious enough, but hardly fatal, especially not so quickly. She didn't die from this."