Author Note: This is my very first story, I joined adult foal/padded ponies for awhile now.
I am truly inspired from the author here whom devoted to write stories for everyone to read. I appreciate every author here and that’s why I want to give back to the community too.
This story is rated teen and contains using of nappy/diaper, adult foal and lots of happy cuddles.
Introduction: Button mash a young colt who love playing video games. As everyone knows he had a crush on sweetie belle but his love for gaming sometimes get in the way. Button’s mom is a lovely and caring mare… I wonder how she got her cutie’s mark- a diaper pin and a baby bottle. What will happen when her little colt starting to wet his bed again…
If you wanna follow my work, interest, or simply have a nice chat just go to this link.
http://crinklejunishy.tumblr.com/
Obvious trollfic is obvious. -1
Hello Admin.
I read this on a Livestream to make fun of it. We all had a good time. So thanks for writing such a bad story.
Haha.
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130123010135/potcoplayers/images/2/25/Carl-sagan-dude-what.png
I'm pretty sure he's at least ten-twelve. But at least flutters has a friend...or two? Hmmm...
While this does sound intrguing you need to polish this quite a bit. Pick an editor, or proofread since there's a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. The introduction probably should be included further up. And the premise could do with some editing, seeing as the story's there, but it's kind of rushed.
It's intresting for a padded Button Mash fic, considering he could potentially wear them for those late night gaming sessions, plus he's at the age where bed wetting is common. But it's not what it could be.
This is a pretty good story, the grammar and the like could use some touching up
I like the idea of Button and his mom in this kind of a situation...
But this fic doesn't do it well at all. Too many grammar mistakes, rather quick, and just a really awkward story.
Um... quick question and I hope it doesn't offend, but- what the fuck? Reading is extremely cumbersome and at bath time it tends to get more sexual than it should.
Needs quite a bit more polish.
The basic story was good, but the execution wasn't.
It was rough to read, but it has a certain charm to it. Needs to be polished some, but, it is a good idea.
sorry, waste of time you should of got and expert. on read better story. thumb down.
Dear readers,
Thank you for your feed back, I will try to improve and extend episode 2 to be better than my first ep. I know I might not be able to reach the standard of many stories posted here. But please be generous with me, my english is my second language. I really put efforts in to writting my story. And as you know this might lean a bit on to adult baby side of things.
I will try to work towards all the comments I have received.
See you soon my beloved readers,
Fearzop.
I really don't know what to make of this. At least he seems to know he's far from good.
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Very rough dialogue and prose but the idea is quite interesting.
I suggest getting an editor.
The Good: The concept: You do not know how long I have waited for a adult foal button mash story. The seed of buttons mom's cutie Mark was set, but no-one did anything with it, and it's nice to see someone do something with it.
The Bad: The spelling/grammar: (This is going to hurt a bit)
OW!
The grammar and pacing felt awkward, strangely put, and overall hard to navigate through. Also the reader was having to struggle to understand some big plot points.
The first big one: why does button mash still need a bottle? Why does he still have a bottle? When did he get the bottle? None of this is explained, and for all we know he got it from the tooth fairy.
This however can be savaged.
The Fixable: My advise on how to make a smoother, more polished story is three simple steps.
1. Copy and paste this in a word document, or any document that has spell check, and can spot punctuation errors. Run it through and clean up what it tells you.
2. Read your story OUT LOUD to yourself. If your read the story, and a sentence sounds weird when it is spoken, chances are it sounds weird to read. Edit anything that sounds weird.
3. GET AN EDITOR!!!!!!!!!! Another pair of eyes looking over a paper can catch mistakes that you might have missed.
Once all of that is done post it on here and you are more than likely going to get a better response to your stories.
One more thing, unless buttons mom is going to be diapers, take her out of the cover, there is another perfectly usable button mash diaper picture that can be used.
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Thank you for your guide on writting and improving the fiction spacecardswell. I am considering to edit my first episode before posting ep.2. I wrote this story on microsoft word. I understand that currently the fic is not polish, and I will fix this.
3780002 thank you for putting the effort to fix your story, I hope to see it better soon.
Well the rewritten chapter is an improvement. There are still some mistakes you could correct, and it wouldn't hurt to at least pick up a prereader to point out some of the more noticeable mistakes. But it's better then how it was to begin with. Hopefully you can continue to improve.
3794752
3778588 fearzop, you really should listen to SuperPinkBrony.... He knows what he is talking about (excuse me if I misunderstood your gender SPB12) this is a good story, shows good ideals.... But needs a but of work, because I read through it, 3 entire times before I understood placement of everything..... Its confusing when nothing is formatted right.... Otherwise great story ideas..
3780002 I did suspect English wasn't your first language. The premise is good but the errors spoil this fic. I'd suggest working on your English generally. Also, don't write in that way where you put actions in asterisks instead of actually writing them out fully- it gets close to writing like a script, which FimFic doesn't allow.
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Hi Penjacker, I really appreciate your feed back. That I can work on directly, I will keep your comment in mind when I write episode 2. I will try to write the actions out fully this time so it's not like a script (I am not trying to write a script, but there are lots of dialog going on.) I know it's a long road for me to be a good writer but I have to try right?
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Hello DGGAMES, thank you for your feed back too! I understand that, it maybe hard for many readers to understand me. I apologize for that. I am trying my best too on my side. I will try to improve my ep.2 to be better, and I hope you will read it only once this time haha. I also got an editor now too. And my gender is Male and I am straight.
3847451 oh I was talking to SuperPinkBrony on if I screwed up his/her gender ;)
The writing isent very good but very cute
Please keep writing!
Dear, Fellow readers
Here are some updates on ep.2
Well firstly, I'm sorry it has been quite a awhile for ep.2. I'm still writting it but it has been put on hold for the moment due to stressty time at work (
Too much work 10 hour a day).
But it's coming! I promise
Ep.2 is going to be awesome! Exploring more into how Button's mom actually got her cutie mark! (Not gonna spoil it
)
So stick around for better grammar, better stories, cooey, cuddly and warming plot.
In Mommy’s cutie mark.
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i cant wait be read it ^^
I wanted to read a male padded pony story and then I saw this.
I just want you to know I was not disappoint.
Is English your first language? Anyway, loving this story
Not bad. You're improving slightly.
4024049
Thank you for your compliment. English is not my first language, but it can be use as a strong 2nd language though
4024873
Thanks! : Bird Bird Bird Bird Bird Bird. I like Peter Griffin's bird song XD
4028603 What is your first language anyway?
This is a great story no matter what anyone else says.
Happy Random Holiday day!
4035517 holiday means vacation too.
4044394 Well, "Since it's a vacation why don't you sleep in a bit more?" doesn't really make sense right?
4059096 since when does british terms make sense in america?
Ill pull the story, edit it, then send ya a message with the edited version. Ill be using microsoft word and the comment tool. Unless you want me to just go ahead and edit it. And in that case, I can stay as close to the original as possible, only changing typos and what not, or I can rewrite some parts, as needed, so it can flow a bit better.
4077416
I'm happy to have you to edit my work, you have my permission to edit the story. When you are finish you can message me via inbox. Oh and if you edit by using microsoft word, I would love to have a copy of it so that I can re-submit my work again. Thank you for contributing. I would like it to stay close to original please. Have a great day.
I would like to do a short poll, you can either post a reply here or send me a message too on your opinion.
Who's the pony you are interested to read and explore more into their story, or let me write more about?
A. Button's mom
B. Button Mash
C. Twilight Sparkle
Is exploring how Button's mom (Lilly) got her cutie mark is exciting to you?
A. Very Excited
B. It was Ok
C. I would prefer, more like ep.1
4086544 In response to your poll > B. B.
4086544 b-b
Ummm dude, in the description, you got Button's mom's cutie mark incorrect. It's a heart and a baby bottle, not a baby bottle and a diaper pin
Does Button's mom (or Lilly) gallop everywhere????
4086544 I also vote B-B.
Is this story dead?
Update!!
Hello everyone, it has been months since I continue the story and left you hanging. The good new is that episode 3 might be release next month(week 1+ unsure).
I wrote this story in my sparingly free time so grammatical errors do occur. Which I believe was unintended. Right now I don't have an editor and plan to do an editing by my self.
or anyone can welcome to be my editor (you will get to read the story first though XD)
I have read the poll and will response to it. And lastly, I hope you will enjoy it.
3967379 one day you will simply walk past a fez
I hope this continues
Announcing Episode 3: "Missing you mommy" is coming soon. I need to polish and finish this ep's ending. I was going to post a teaser, but it won't feel like worth the wait. So I am posting the whole episode soon. I am sure you will feel the hype as this episode introduce new characters and interesting new setting abroad Button's home. The hype is real! I won't ask for more patience (Well its been 2 years ya know haha... ha.) Well not so funny, but thank you for following my work. I do hope to write ep.4 after this. But you have to wait for another two years HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Just joking hehehe *giggle*