• Member Since 7th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 1st, 2017

TheSheepMaster


I like to pretend I know what I'm doing, so that eventually I'll start to believe it.

T

He has lived in Equestria for years under the alias of Angel Bunny. The yellow one can't stop him now, though. This time he will fight the rulers of this strange land and emerge victorious. There's only one problem, he's stuck in his current, mortal form, a little white bunny from Ponyville. How can he show the world how dark and powerful he truly is when he looks like this?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

Cute story. I liked it. One bit of advice, though: don't do perspective shifts mid-passage. The bits where it cuts away from first-person POV? That's generally a no-no. Of course, given the structure of this piece, you can fix this by simply italicizing those specific paragraphs. But that won't always work, so keep that in mind.

3770441

All right, thanks! I wasn't sure about it, but my proofreaders didn't say anything so I left it. I'll fix that right away!

needs more carrots

I give it a 765.8/1008

I always knew that Angel is the root of all evil in Equestria :rainbowlaugh:

so is this your first story on here?:rainbowhuh: liked and faved btw:twilightblush:

3770666

Well... I wrote a story before this, but I took it down 'cause it sucked, like real bad. Here I am three months later with this story, and a heck of a lot more writing knowledge.

This is my first story with more than three likes.

Oh, and thank you sooo much for the like/fave.

3770709

I like the way you think.

3770695 yeah my first story was like that but i didnt feel like taking it down, that feeling sucks i know:fluttershysad:

WHAT.

You actually wrote something?!?!? :pinkiegasp:

3771273 ...Who are you?

ANd what have you done with Sheep?

3771281

Ummm...

Is it really that surprising?

3771319

Well, this is the "real" me, I promise. I got the idea to write this yesterday and one of my friends told me to drop everything and write it. I was holding my cat at the time.

After the kitty hit the ground, I began to write, and once I had reached the minumum of accepted words, I pressed submit. Now, I have a story, and I hope it is the first of many.

So, I pretty much died reading this. :rainbowlaugh:

3774062

So you now are... dead? Mostly dead? Barely un-deceased? Hangin' on by a thread? Uhhh...?

3774974 Hangin' on by a thread.

I think I will survive the lol attack.

I found this rather entertaining, especially with the inner monologue showing just how (potentially but improbably) evil Fluttershy could be. Well done, TheSheepMaster; you've earned a like.

3778241

Thank you, I appreciate it.

Congrats! your story has been reviewed!
Click Here!

Greetings! From that group with the headcanons and the discussions thereof. I noticed that your story was added to our group and I've come to see if it qualifies for... whatever kind of qualifications we require.

I should probably discuss that with DJK, but no matter! If you have not already cleared it with another moderator I would like to hear from you why you think your story belongs in the group.

Now on to my impressions of this first chapter!

Overall... It wasn't bad. Not a lot happened throughout, and only a couple of passages made me crack a smile. The hook is definitely good, but this first chapter doesn't really do much to follow up on that.

In the end I neither Liked nor Disliked the story as it stands.

3786791

Oh... I'm sorry. I didn't realize there were requirements for posting stories in your group. If it fails to meet them, just tell me and I'll take it out.

Before I go and see what the requirements are, I will say that this story is my personal headcanon for Angel Bunny, if that counts as anything.

Now about your opinions of this. I appreciate you taking the time to read it, and I'll keep all of what you've said in mind when working on the second chapter.

Honestly, I'm still at the point where I'm just learning how to do most of this writing stuff. I'm probably gonna screw up a lot.

Anyway, I'm glad you found the first chapter at least ok, and I hope it improves as time goes on.

Cute fic, I like the headcanon too.

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