this man deserves a mustache.

Your concept intrigues me, and I would not be adverse to seeing this continue.  

In layman's terms: MOAR!!!

Constructive criticism:

I would redo the formatting on the first paragraph, it looks like it was written in notepad without wordwrap.

"grabs a stake and"

The spelling you're looking for is "steak".

There is missing punctuation throughout, creating several run-on sentences.

Other than that, It is an engrossing tale. Being a Halo nerd myself, I can easily hear Keyes' voice at the beginning. It took a second read-trough to catch many of the grammar errors.

I would like to see this continue.

because of your actions the covenant took control of the ring and most likely fired it killing all life in the galaxy i hope your happy

Y...you spelled Commander Keyes' name wrong...

I like the story idea and you wrote the human characters well but Fluttershy, in my opinion, too confident. I think that she would have been scared and/or horrified that they shot at a Manticore. But other than that I think this is going to be a good story.

Dude when ever i read a halo pony story i always picture spike as a bad as spartin. Built in armor fire spartin green and he has wait for it fingers for guns. I just do. Anyways now that i said that very nice you get a

>>408395408395Just one, how about nine!

No man, just...no

I can't take another one. Sorry

>>408442408442

One of Fluttershy's major character traits is that she tends to forget herself when there are injured animals that need to be taken care of, so I think it is in character of her to approach the marines to help the injured medic.  Also, once she is done treating the medic she does back away an act more cautious.

>>408439408439

Dang, I cant believe I got his name wrong. I will definitively fix that.  

>>408415408415

Yeah, that's what I get for relying on spell check too much, and I'm not the best with grammar, but I will go back and fix everything that I can find.

>>408648408648

It's fine, I understand, but I actually had this going a while before the Halo/Equestria crossover became a main thing. It's just I never had enough time to get it up and running on here.

A Spartan Aria - Grant "Stemage" Henry

@ Jm4573r You have a valid point but I still point out that she would most likely run from the gunshots out of fear and not even see that anyone or thing was hurt.  

I bet 5 trollestias that the covenant invade at some point.

Here are mine for proof:

(sigh) another crossover? well it is better than ship fics i guess.

>>408846408846

Yeah, I see where you are coming from, but i had planned on clearing that up in the beginning of the next chapter. Bad move on my part. But I was going for her being hidden and already seeing them and being so scared of them she is frozen and it only makes it worse with the Manticore and gunshots. But then she sees the wounded marine and her instincts kick in  to take care of something that is injured.

And sorry about the chapter title at the very beginning, I cant get it to center for some reason. I'm still relatively new here, so there are some things I've still got to figure out.

Oh my god, 11 moustaches to you, my friend

By the way,

--as going into slip space while already in slip space.”--

YO DAWG, I HEARD YOU LIKE SLIP SPACE

OMG YOU DID NOT JUST COPY CATTED MY FANFIC NAME!!!!!!!! YOU STOLE IT!!!!!!!!!! I ABSOLUTLY DESPISE OF YOU !!! I KNOW TO LOVE AND TOLERATE, BUT THIS!!!!! THIS!!!!!!!!! IS JUST, UNDENIBLY RUDE!!!! IM GETTING THE ADMINS ON THIS!!!!!!!!

>>409544409544 whoa calm down Fan, it's just a title, Besides there's no rules about names in fanfiction

>>409558409558

Agreed. Besides, this title is kinda obvious. I mean, really... Halo: Equestria? I'm shocked the FIRST damn crossover of these wasn't named that.

Also, did anyone else notice a few shifts from present to past tense and back again?

Case in point, right from the start:

"Captain Keyes walked out of the bridge and back to his room on the massive Halcyon-class cruiser, exhausted from the battle he and his ship had just went through. Keyes punches in"

Right there. Those should be looked into.

>>409544409544

To be honest, it isn't the same name.

This title has a colon separating the 'Halo' from the 'Equestria.'

Yours does not.

You simply must understand that this makes it entirely different from yours, with the addition that if the site accepts it, the admins most likely will too.

- Midnight Specter

>>409544409544

Whoa, hey, I'm sorry. But Its just the first name that popped into my head. Like everyone says, its so simple that I'm surprised that it hadn't been used by the very first ones. And plus mine is a totally different plot line. I'm sorry for the name. I just couldn't think of anything all that creative that wasn't already used somewhere else.  

>>410033410033 Thanks..m sorry for making that post im realy sorry... its just been a really bad day... i happen to snap on you :( my fan fic is cal Halo Equestria

>>409786409786

I will definitively change the tense problem. I've always had a little trouble with that sort of thing, but i will fix it.

>>410055410055

Its all cool

This is an insult to the hardcore halo fans, IE, those like me. We play the game with a feel of deep honor and respect, this makes it feel like it's just another game. No, I don't believe any of halo is true. The fact that we think of it as something worth deep honor adn respect is because it defines the meaning of badassary! And another thing, Good work on the picture.

*slides away slowly*

I didn't say I wasn't gonna read it, or say it stinks.

i like the idea of this story but plot hole, wouldnt the covenant find the halo and continue with that unapposed?

Unseal the hushed casket?

>>410265410265

Don't worry, I've already taken this into consideration. Lets just say the Covenant's curiosity and rather large ego will play into this. It will be covered in the next chapter. but on a side note, isnt it because of the Pillar and Cortana's "some-what random" jump that lead the Covenant to Instillation 04 to begin with?

>>410230410230

I see what you mean, but its not meant as an insult, its just something i thought of while playing halo one day and decided to go with it and see where it would go. And the picture isn't mine. I just found it on google.

i only read a little bit and so far so good but might i add the picture is a bit miss leading when i first saw it i though it would be like the mane 6 as spartans but it turn out humans just land in eqestria

>>410314410314

Like I've said before, It will all be explained, I just wanted something that would cover the story as a whole towards the middle and end as well, plus its just a really awesome picture.

Good show, old boy!

Love this fic so far!

Nice start, tracked and waiting for more.

Wow. This is looking good so far. Not the best fic I've seen, but still great. The idea of a Halo story where Master Cheif never landed on Installation 04 is cool. Keep up the good work!

-Magi

P.S. While "FTL Drive" is technically correct, in the books I thought they were usually called Shaw-Fujikawa drives, or something along those lines.

Oh, and before i forget to mention this, this fic. will be updated at irregular times. Nothing like a collage English class to eat up a person's pony time.

k finished it its vary good keep it up and i see well ok then

>>410460410460

They are, FTL just comes from Shaw-Fujikawa Trans Light drive. But now that i look at it you would have thought it would have been called a STL or SFTL or something like that, you can tell I played Halo Wars. Anyway, another mistake, oh well. Its taken into account.

This is my personal opinion but you make the soldiers ramble a bit, I don't know but I personally think of soldiers being a bit more straight-forward.  Though I must say... Kewl story bro

>>410500410500

True, I sort of have to work with it, but I kind of had to have them talk a little to sort of foreshadow what was to come, and thanks.

Like >>410225410225 I am a hardcore Halo fan but I actually like these fanfics. I think it is due to the fact that I played the games for the story and plot more than the fighting and shooting and that Halos timeline sort of got railroaded with Halo Wars and Reach. What I'm trying to say is good job on the story and consider it tracked by me.

And since everyone is giving you these have a moustache and a .

Image: http://www.openmarket.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/freestyle-mustache.jpg

Them being sent to Equestria will mess up the time line.

"Time line? Time doesn't go in lines. It goes in circles. That is why clocks are round."

Tell me who said that line and earn a Big Mac.

>>410529410529

Cool, thanks man. Yeah I'm more or less the same when it comes to playing the games.

>>410311410311

Doesn' matter, it's still insulting. They can never use weapons with flat fricken hooves! If you want a story, do it with an animals that can hold the fricken thing and save it's own life! The nerve of some people.

Derp, not really much rage to use anymore, so, carry on, I've got a story to write.

>>410575410575

I'm getting to it latter, besides i never said they would use Human or Covenant weapons.

Great Story. I rate it 10 mustaches out of 5

>>410535410535

It was Caboose, but i don't deserve the Big Mac, I just couldn't remember so i had to look it up.

>>410529410529

Dude, if you really were as deep a fan as I, you'd know what I am talking about. You have to graspt eh feel, that unexplainable feel .What I am talking about has no name, no emotional distinction. It's a wonderful feeling, I will not lie, it is that feel which you have for the fact that you know you respect your country. It's that feeling of loyalty, honor, and respect all in one. Plus another.

>>410650410650

What do you not like? That people are making Halo/My Little Pony crossovers?

>>410650410650

I have so much I want to say about everything you have just said. You live a sad pathitic life if you think you earn Honor from playing a video game.

>>410683410683

Then take one for the epic story.

EDIT:the first coment is to Bro Dash. The second is to Man Of War

>>410736410736

Thank you.

Please pick a PoV and stick with it.

Thats my constuctive criticism for the day.

>>410755410755

Um, I would but I'm going to have to switch pov. Like how the Halo books do, between the UNSC and the Covenant. But i understand what you are talking about, I'll fix it as best I can.

Please be silent and accept my favs and likes. As well as a well-deserved watch.

Carry on, sir.

Wow, halo sure does seem to be growing in popularity!

Wonder why...

Epic.

MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Balls up in a corner*  Please no fighting in this fic.  

this is so win!

umad?

>>410736410736

You think...that I am saying...that I earn honor from a game? WTF are you smoking? I actually have a life, and with the many years I have played halo, I've logged in enough to understand what ti is at the core. I never said anything about earning respect or honor or whatever the heck you called it, from playing it. I said that you need to feel what it means to know the story line.

>>410683410683 dude, I'm not here to hate the fact that there is MLP halo crossovers, I'm here to hate because you are using the feel of halo incorrectly. And on my part, that is very insulting.

Alt. Universe, Before Halo: C.E., or during Halo: C.E.? Oh, and you are shifting between "Happening" and "Happened", which is something you might want to fix.

Oh damn you.

I was gonna make a story like this where an alien civilization colonizes a planet that turns out to be Equestria.

It wasnt going to be halo, but instead my own original universe.

>>411190411190

"We play the game with a feel of deep honor and respect"

"I never said anything about earning respect or honor or whatever the heck you called it, from playing it"

Respect and Honor. Your words not mine.

"You have to graspt eh feel, that unexplainable feel .What I am talking about has no name, no emotional distinction. It's a wonderful feeling, I will not lie, it is that feel which you have for the fact that you know you respect your country. It's that feeling of loyalty, honor, and respect all in one."

HOW IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY DO YOU FEEL THIS WHILE PLAYING A VIDEO GAME?!?!?! HOW?! It is digital! Even if you have felt this "honor" of yours in real life doing something for your country you say you feel it from shooting up bad guys in a GAME!! That is sad so so sad.

There are so many things I want to say to you, but I digress. As to not start a war in the comments PM if you have an augment as not to distrupt someone else with our personal feelings. I will not metion this again in the comments of this wonderful story.

Note:If you were in the military, police or anything of that nature where you actually do serve your country I want to apologize right here and now. If not then everything I have said still rings true and I have no regrets saying it.

I've never really played any of the Halo games, but I am intrigued by the story idea, and the way you write out the story makes it so that anyone who hasn't played the games at all doesn't necessarily need to know too much about the franchise in order to read this fic. Great story so far, keep it up!

>>411279411279

Easily. And as a writer, I usually get deep when gaming. It only adds to the hate people give me and makes it easier to think when writing a story as well.

You asked how does somone earn respect and honor from a game. I never did, I said that those as deeply feeling as I feel the honor and respect, never said it was honor and respect for halo directly or as the player of the game.

Good story so far, looking forward to more. You can probably tell by my profile that I'm a Halo fanatic, but I've actually seen plenty of other Halo crossovers that I just didn't like much on this site. This story seems like it actually has a lot of promise though.

A couple things I wasn't sure about were - 1. The UNSC has way the hell more advanced tech than simple ponies who obviously aren't even nearing the space age, why would marines be so desperate to talk to pony scientists? Maybe not that big of a deal, idk, just seemed weird. 2. Fluttershy seemed pretty damn assertive 3. why couldn't Keyes see ponies from orbit? Seems like the whole "only way to find out is to send a landing party" is a little sketchy to me. Anyways don't let my points bother you too much. Just wanted to put it out there.

>>408648408648 I'm with you on this man.

>>410535410535 Wait, Caboose is god?

Well, that explains alot, like the platypus.

HEY. THAT'S DOGMA'S JOKE.

This is pretty good so far, I look forward to reading more.

No spartans?

my face when i saw this

my face after reading

I love it keep it up!

This was awesome for a start very good you remade the events of Halo I very nice I really hope you bring Jhon-117 around here as well

>>408434408434 Save for the fact they need a human reclaimer... They'll probably hit the ring sooner or later, just with the ponies tagging along...

Yeah, wait till the Flood come into the picture.

Big Mac is pleased

Oh boy... Ever since I posted my Halo crossover: "005" I noticed a ton of these popping up - I can't help but feel I had a slight part in this... Either that, or I'm kidding myself.

I like what you did, but I can't help feeling that if the Pillar of Autumn is in Equestria, then the Covenant were successful in firing Halo and wiping out all sentient life in our galaxy... Which is the same reason I didn't bring Master Chief, or any of the main characters into my own fic...

Keep it up dude!

Epic pic is epic.

>>411348411348 You don't exactly see humans from orbit, either.

This was a pretty good start. Heck it starts off better than many of these crossovers do, since alot tend to jump the gun abit. Now I'm wondering what the main premise is, just getting that piece of tech or will the Covenant or, God Forbid, the Flood show up out of nowhere.

Good so far, but there are times when the tenses (grammatically speaking) are wrong, and there are a few misspelled words, but I doubt that spell-check will find them because it's not the spelling itself that is wrong but rather the word choice.

So far it's pretty good. I'll follow it.

O dis gun b gud.

>>408442408442 Well, she really doesn't know about firearms, for all she knows they just make loud noises and the manticore ran away from that. Since she was a good distance away and it all happened so quick she wasn't able to tell that hot copper spikes were ripping though the manticore's flesh.

This is 99% percent perfect.

Image: http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae77/massaikursupra/iplayhalo/081.jpg

I love this! Bioshock ponies was here earlier and now halo ponies?! Fuck yes! And I'm reading fallout: equestria!

Good start, I'm looking forward to seeing how things play out. I'm also wondering how much a roll the Master Chief will have, if any, in this story.

>>412051412051 And if she did know she likely would have wanted to go after it to treat its wounds.

>>411234411234

Go for it, it sounds different enough.

>>411348411348

The scan thing, yeah, I'm having second thoughts about that now, have been for a while. They are wanting to talk to some scientists just to see if they have some of the materials they need, but I'll hopefully be able to clean this all up in a future chapter.

>>411860411860

Yeah, yours is one of them that I read and really liked, But the Covenant only found Instillation 04 because Cortana jumped the Pillar there with the Covenant following, at least that what I can gather from a little research, Ive played Halo 3 and up but not the first two, so my details may be a little flawed.  

>>412051412051

Yeah, She came up right before the Manticore attack and she was down on the ground, I really hate to use this word, but, cowering from the attack and the gunshots, which she knows nothing of guns so she thinks that the guns just make noice and thats what scared the Manticore off, She looks up sees the hurt marine and goes in to help.

>>412254412254

While true, the Covenant already knew all about the Halo constructs. So it was only a matter of time before they found them... Not to mention that the Prophet of Regret found installation 05 all on his own shortly after (Halo 2).

Either way, without Spartan 117 and the Pillar of Autumn's actions at installation 04, Earth would've still been found by the Covenant, and been completely glassed in the first wave. The reason being that during operation First Strike (Halo: First Strike - a very good book, I recommend reading it) a Spartan II task force took out the Covenant command and control platform: Unyielding Hierophant - which at the time was home to 500 Covenant ships - the initial strike force the Covenant planned to send against Earth.

I'll stop nerding out now...

>>412294412294

Ah, Ok, I see. Well this story is constantly evolving in my mind so, what im thinking is possably making equestria sort of a pit stop. but I've already said to much.

Ok guys, I wont be on here for the rest of today and for the next two days, so dont think I'm ignoring your comments, just can't get on for a little while.

Alright! A few things to say. I promise I'll keep it (kinda) short.

1) Probably one of the best (if not the best) Halo/MLP crossovers I've seen in a hell of a long time. The meeting with Fluttershy seemed sudden, and not mentioning Master Chief at all are little criticisms I have, but honestly, those are quite minor, and are more opinion on how to write the story than actual mistakes, so I can't actually fault you for those.

2) The one major and consistent mistake you have is your use of present and past tenses. You tend to switch from present tense to past tense within sentences, between two sentences, then back again. Its forgivable (I have issues with that too, which is one reason I point it out), but something you should keep an eye on. Keep it either past or present in each section.

Overall, I am sooooo tracking this. Zero reason not to. For once, I can track a Halo crossover, and be happy

>>410498410498 I just thought it was an acronym for Faster Than Light Drive....I think FTL flows nicely

>>408395408395 This moustache PROVES im great!

>>409506409506 Slipspaception!

This, was epic. And is the Chief gonna wake up to realize that he might have to go into retirement?