Interesting concept, although you could be a little more specific when it comes to dialogue. I barely had any idea who was who at the dialogue at the end of ch.1.

But still interesting nonetheless!

>>1443814438

It'll become more clear as the character personalities are learned more.

you need to find subtle cues that alert to each character.

I'll give a hint: Aigi is more energetic and swears a bunch.

1. You. Don't. Write. 4,053. Words. Worth. Of. Short. Outbursts. Unless you want your readers to go crazy.

2. When you write Sci-fi you ought to try to get educated about current state of Sci part. As far as we know question of the Universe edge doesn't have any meaning 'cause it would be beyond our event horizon. And no, there's no credible hint about possibilities of overcoming that limitation.

3. AI can't have taste because it's not real? That's the most ridiculous thing I have read in a while. Like I said, you should get educated about Sci part. Conscious itself is a virtual thing, but you still have a sense of taste. I'd recommend starting with Jill Bolte Taylor TED presentation following with Vilayanur S. Ramachandran ones.

4. Keep your story consistent. You're jumping all over the place like it was a retelling of a schizophrenic trip.

5. Use indentations, meaningful paragraphs etc.

I liked the idea enough to read first chapter, but the implementation stops me from reading it any further.

PS: Check the used literature list for Peter Watts Blindsight. That's a good example of a good sci-fi.

PPS: If this is some kind of a literature experiment consider me a neigh-sayer.

>>1465814658

1: My style, not yours.

2: Much further into the future, who knows what we may make by then.

3: Perhaps I didn't explain it right. It's impossible for HIM to have a sense of taste. Think about it and learn why.

4: There is reason for that.

5: Read 1

And no, it's not a literature experiment.

1. Oh, sorry for giving you feedback.

2. Poor excuse.

3. Your explanation is simply not valid. Sorry.

4. Well, I hope other readers will be patient enough to reach the conclusion.

5. Won't happen again.

>>1476614766

...

I certainly like this story although it's a little confusing with your writing style. I couldn't really tell who was speaking and who was returning said conversation back to them. Although you defintley have a reader waiting for your next chapter. Keep it up

>>1476614766

1. Tomatoes are green

2. PIE!

3. Is their a free movie?

4: can i has cheezburger

5.

>>1626716267 >>1476614766 >>1472014720 >>1465814658

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnudd5lNKb1qzmowao1_500.jpg

It took a bit but I'm kinda liking the writing style. Cant wait to read more.

Superb story, love it, love it, love it. This story is the closes HiE I've ever seen to my ideals. I also like the fact that it isn't anti-human. Thanks for the awesome fic ^^

Fucking talentless hack

No Doe! Not the flowers u Fool!

Death to all Pony Haters!

>>2409924099

Huh?

>>1465814658

See, the way people (or ponies) write is not something to critisize outright, unless you cant read it at all bceuase its a jmulbed mses . I get what your talking about with the syfy part (I like their logo), but its science FICTION based on a FANTASY universe with no technology. Thats like saying Robin Hood is a Klingon. So your argument doesn't make much sense.

And, its fanfiction. SO CHILL.

>>1465814658

See, the way people (or ponies) write is not something to critisize outright, unless you cant read it at all bceuase its a jmulbed mses . I get what your talking about with the syfy part (I like their logo), but its science FICTION based on a FANTASY universe with no technology. Thats like saying Robin Hood is a Klingon. So your argument doesn't make much sense.

And, its fanfiction. SO CHILL.

>>1477614776

Why is your picture of the brotherhood of steel logo?

>>2411624116

It's the closest pic I could find to Doa's armor

Woah dere since when was dis a Human X Dash

>>2636226362 My bad, I realized this isn't the fic I thought I was reading >.<

>>1748617486 I found my new background today!

This story made my brain hurt... You don't just write like that!

>>2694426944

And?

And I also couldn't tell who was talking, so I just made up a character named "Jofro" and pretended he was just crazy and talking to himself :derpytongue1:

Derby tongue 1 doesn't work anymore :(

looking back at the comments you have a bad attitude

>>2695826958

If you are talking about me (Most likely) it is due to a very, very stressful life.

In the past years my aggression has gone up drastically.

In the end it can all be summarized by this...

>>2695826958 LOL I bet you feel pretty bad right now!

Good fic, comrade. 4 stars, but I fear others might not like it and your writing style!

>>1748617486

I can never get my pictures to work.

I cannot tell if I like this, the writing style is atrocious.  There is an accepted and expected writing technique that is certainly not in use here.  Sorry, have to rate it very low for its lack of readability.

>>2725727257

okay.

/shrug

eh...

this isn't the route I want for this story anymore...

I have a much better idea, one that I can work with properly.

So, this is cancelled.

DOS stays in the story though, so ha.

Don't finish what you can't start.

uh oh poision joke!

They are humans they know that they are harmless probably some kids told them about mlp and to stop.

... maybe they are watching twi get kidnapped by people right now? LOL!!!!!!