• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 16th, 2019

TWhylight


Let the Clop Flow Freely!!!!

Comments ( 20 )

Wild Berry flavored cum? :pinkiesick: Ew.

Regardless, this was a well-written story. For something technically classified as a one-shot, this was pretty nicely paced, but not so slow as to keep those reading it only for the pony sex annoyed with the wait. A few grammatical errors, but nothing too distracting. Good job!

I approve. Amazing job, writer! I was thoroughly entertained.

I can't think of anything I could complain about here... :raritystarry:
Twilight's plan and it's execution were more then amusing and very content with it's outcome. Have all of my likes! And make more like this!:raritywink:

A few small mistakes-

Do you know how hard it is to like someone. To like like them.

Should be question marks.

I think your're

*you're Somehow an extra r slipped in there. Tried to fuse 'your' and 'you're' together.

carved by Equestrias finest

Need's an apostrophe.

I'm guessing your dying to try these on

maybe your into bubbly

*you're

Not bad at all.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Saw the cover art, insta-noped, and ended up reading it anyway.

Not bad, but redundant at times. Some other grammar issues as well, such as missing commas. I wouldn't mind giving you a bit of help, but I'm not about to do it without being asked. I have to agree with Clonetrooperkev about this: you need additional editing.

The dialogue is bad.

The grammar is bad.

The emotion is bad.

The exposition is flat.

The scenario was unbelievable.

This was simply gratuitous in every sense of the word.

3904842 Thankyou.

-Twhylight

Rarity: (motions to lingerie selection) Is this what you were looking for?
Twilight: Umm... I was actually looking for chains and whips and leather, stuff like that.
Rarity: To my bedroom then!

LXG

reviling in the scene

That really, really isn't the word you want there. It's pretty much the total opposite; you want "revelling".

3990462 Sweet thanks. :twilightblush:

-Twhylight

4141205 I found this comment very amusing.

-Twhylight

Loved it I loled at the fifty shades of gray pun.

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