Twenty long years come and go, allowing Princess Twilight and company to grow apart chasing down their own dreams. Having attained a time of peace in all of Equestria once more, Celestia feels that her faithful students have experienced full enough lives to be prepared for one final task; the founding of a kingdom they can all call their own.
Placed on the shoulders of Twilight Sparkle, the young princess accepts the mission and rounds up her friends to share in one last adventure together. A caravan of settlers and a small collection of royal guards are placed under Princess Twilight's charge, and the Mane Six must forage on to the destination of their new home.
After initiating what seemed like the simplest of tasks, Twilight and company begin to experience the hardships of both the journey, and the strain that exists between their once strong relationship. A dark, new shadow now looms over the would-be founders, patiently biding it's time to exact bitter-sweet revenge on the band of ponies for a long-forgotten wrong. Can the Mane Six get it together before a nightmare descends upon them, or will the trials of time prove too great to overcome?
![http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb114/TheFallenAngelHalKallen/progress%20bars/10_zpshi6fyjrc.png[/img]](http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb114/TheFallenAngelHalKallen/progress%20bars/10_zpshi6fyjrc.png[/img]){kind=link}
Good story. To bad it's not on Tragedy.
I would recommend that you give a new speaker a new paragraph. Seeing two separate characters speaking in the same paragraph is a bad idea.
3741845
The full story has yet to unfold, my friend.
3741860
Thanks, I'll try to keep that closer to mind for the next chapter.
Save for some minor spelling and punctuation errors, this seems promising.
Well now, you certainly have my interest and attention with this introduction. The premise holds lots of potential and the first chapter, which was well written both in terms of prose and in terms of providing several plot-related hooks to keep readers interested, makes the future look promising and exciting.
Twilight's characterization was good, and pretty much how I can imagine her turning out twenty years down the road - both in terms of having settled in to running some government related office and being genuinely happy about it (being the organizing nut that she is), and yet craving some more adventure and excitement at the same time - and you captured that feeling quite well. Considering her early years were rather "active" in terms of all the running amok and saving the day (or just general misadventures) she and her friends got up to, and that she is likely one of the more powerful individuals in Equestria, I can certainly see why hitting the road and going on an adventure, after a prolonged lull, would light that spark of adventure right back in her.
Applejack's situation is pretty interesting as well, though it does seem slightly odd that Twilight hadn't visited her in years - I mean, she lives a short trot a single teleport away. I can imagine Applejack locking herself away in depression and showing nor hide nor hair of herself easily enough, but it does seem a bit odd that Twilight (or any other of their friends) would poke their head in to see what's up. Twilight can't possibly be that busy. Also makes me wonder about the state of her other relationships - surely she hasn't gone for years without seeing any of her friends, some of whom would live just across the street or two.
Though at the same time, this makes me wonder if this isn't one big plan of Celestia's to get all the friends together again - it's obvious that if Equestria needed the Elements right now, chances are pretty good the mane 6 wouldn't be able to get them to work, on account of Twilight/Applejack alone. This adventure, should they undertake it, seems like a good opportunity to glue them back together.
And it's also nice to see that this story will, apparently, have a bit of romance on the side. I generally find that to be a nice addition in many adventure stories, so long as it isn't done badly, and what I have seen of the first chapter leaves me confident that you can pull it off with good style. Two guards from Crystal Empire and Flash in the character tags, eh? Guess that's where Twilight might find someone to spruce her love life up with. And who knows - with 5 other guards around, perhaps AJ might set her eyes on someone eventually and get over her previous fallout.
Regardless, you have my interest and I am looking towards more - both to Twilight's attempts of rounding up her friends, the trip itself, the overarching plot and the romance on the side. Consider myself hooked.
The one thing that has me looking warily at the story is the tragedy tag though - I will readily admit that I'm not one for stories that end on a sour or depressing note, and having the story labeled a Tragedy all but telegraphs that's going to be the case. Certainly puts a dampener on the excitement I'd otherwise feel for this.
3748276
I'm glad I did my job well enough for you to like it!
I'll admit that I was... apprehensive of the approach taken between Twilight and AJ. I'd actually rewritten it several times over the course of a long few hours. In the end, however, as my friend put it, it generates the feeling of a wake-up call, and it certainly demands a moderate amount of concern and curiosity.
as for why Twilight had not taken strides to visit any of the others, I feel that in a situation like this; her friends -who shaped her into the friendly and loving mare she is now- all growing up and achieving their dreams in life, she herself would put up this barrier as they one-by-one moved away to prevent the emotional impact of the transition from having everything she ever needed, to having everything she desired. In so, Twilight would downshift to clinging to these fond memories of a seemingly past life while subconsciously avoiding contact to preserve the good times. Does this make sense? I'm horrible when it comes to explaining my reasoning, so you'll have to forgive me lol.
My largest regret was having to introduce the Crystal Spire this early on. To me, it feels painfully obvious how exactly it works and what it's tied to. But, without a clear direction or motive, the story would otherwise fall flat, with a random directive coming from out of nowhere and invoking an element of surprise that I'm not trying to achieve. So, it's like, "What can you do?" On the flip-side of the coin, I may be over-thinking it a little...
As for the Tragedy tag, I do kind of regret that marking it generates a large red flag that indicates bad times ahead, but again, it can also incite wonder and curiosity. For me, as a writer, as long as I can get people to ask the right questions, give answers in a flowing manner, but still leave them wanting more, then I've done my job. I don't want to say a whole lot about it, but suffice it to say that this tragedy element will be relatively fresh compared to the stories I've read so far. I'm 98% sure of it.
3751202
I can get behind the idea of Twilight wanting to live in happier memories compared to the realities of today, where she and her friends have drifted apart - it's a pretty good idea all things told, but I do believe you took it a bit far by having her not seen her friends in YEARS. That's over-dramatic to the point of being hard to take seriously. Either that, or Twilight (and all her friends, considering they could have initiated contact as well, but apparently didn't) are delusional and living in a fantasy land to the point they should be prescribed a mandatory psychiatrist visit. It just doesn't seem very plausible, especially given their close proximity and that they are likely to run in to each other simply walking around the town.
My advice, such as it is, would be to change the "years" to "months" - that still gives plenty of a gap between visits for all sorts of things to have taken place, included Applejack's little romance mishap, while not being completely over the top meanwhile. You could even say the gang has some get together twice a year or something, and thus Twilight could use these mandatory meetings to justify that everything is still fine between all of them (they are getting together once in a while after all!), while filling in the month-long gaps with wishful thinking and happy memories. And would make more sense as to why she would assume they would still want to go together on an adventure as a gang, rather than assume the same of ponies she hasn't actually seen for years on end. Such a change would make the chapter much easier to swallow.
Regarding the Tragedy tag - it's not the "Hard times ahead" that has people often avoiding these, but the fact that a Tragedy pretty much says "this is going to end badly". A tragedy implies no light at the end of the tunnel, the protagonist failing to achieve what he set out to do (or at such a cost that the end result wasn't worth it), a closure shrouded in misery and sadness. Tragedy doesn't so much describe how the story will go, but how the story will end.
Which is why people tend to shy away from these, because it all but guarantees an unhappy (or at best, a bittersweet) feeling and a message at the end of it, and why Dark or Sad stories aren't as red-flag raising: because neither of those exclude the possibility of an uplifting ending, while a Tragedy pretty much telegraphs that, indeed, the tunnel will end in darkness ... or that the light you thought you saw at the end was but a flickering light-bulb, right before a collapsed exit.
3753875
I kinda see your point, I guess.
For me, personally, it's entirely plausible because I hardly ever visit my family anymore. I get to see my mother's side like once every five-ish years. My father's side, just slightly more often. On a day-to-day basis, I don't really think about them at all, but when I was younger, we saw everyone at least once every three months. Once a year, I spent a whole week with someone.
It's not that I stopped caring about them, or vice verse. It's just that I've gotten older and my life busier. So busy that I couldn't visit them at all for varying amounts of years? Not at all. So, why not? Well, it's hard to say, really. I mean, sure, there's real world concerns that get in the way which might otherwise not be present in Twilight's life. Money, gas, food, and the like. All of which are not huge concerns for me. It's still prominent, but I could certainly take an opportunity to visit them once in a while, instead of waiting for them to visit me.
Does it affect me adversely? Certainly not to a point in which I need a psychiatrist. Shit sucks from time to time, and I do miss the old days. My family was the first friends I ever had, and we did a lot of fun things together. But the simple fact of the matter is I grew up and moved on, and so have they.
Again, I can kinda see your point from an analytical stance. But, at the same time, I think labeling Twilight mentally unstable or delusional is a bit much. Lots of people have coping mechanisms, but that doesn't automatically make them crazy.
3756723
The difference between you and Twilight though, is that you don't (or at least I assume so) live across the street from the rest of your family. For her to have had no contact with her friends for years, she would need to be actively avoiding them. Not just having it slip her mind because she is busy (if it's a coping mechanism, then she hasn't forgotten at all, actually, and is actively thinking ... or trying to avoid thinking ... about them).
She'd have to be careful not to step in to the market while Applejack is there, selling her produce. Avoid going to Sugarcube Corner at all. Be mindful to never be caught by Rainbow zipping about. Watch out for Rarity and Fluttershy as they move about the town or go on their Spa visits. On top of that, somehow avoid contact with all of them during public events and appearances, which she would have to make as the mayor.
All things told, it's considerably more effort for Twilight to not see any of her friends for years on end, than the other way around. With that in mind, yes, I'd say she is in desperate need of counseling, because she has been doing her damnedest and has gone to considerable lengths to avoid her friends for years on end, while, apparently, drowning herself in memories as a coping mechanism.
That's a fair deal different from living some distance away and genuinely having no opportunity to run in to your family on day to day basis simply by going about your business and having to specifically plan a visit in advance. Her's is a fairly impressive feat of active avoidance.
3759226
I see what you're getting at now. I'm totally not slow on the up-take...
That would be a better argument if it wasn't for the fact that there's a difference between a visit and a social encounter. ( Also, I wasn't sure before, but part of your point is revolving around the idea that all six of her friends are still living in Ponyville.
)
Under the premise that she never even stopped to give a passing "Hello." or anything like that, then yes, you would have a very valid point. A Visit, however, would imply that Twilight took time out of her day - at least an hour - to go over to Sweet Apple Acres and sit down over a drink or small meal and make conversation. Or to stop by at Fluttershy's cottage and discuss recent events over a cup of tea. Things like that.
We also have to remember that a lot can happen over the course of twenty years. Twilight isn't the only one taking on a successful career. The only pony I couldn't quite figure out what to do for was Fluttershy, and that was simply because she'd never actually expressed a dream or ambition. Not that I'm aware of, anyway. I could be wrong. Case-in-point being that she's content as the local animal caretaker, bringing in strays and generally caring for the sick. At best, I was able to say she'd take on a part-time job at the vets. And I only say "part-time" because she still has her own gaggle of critters to care for. Even Applejack can get pretty busy working on the farm. If we stop for a moment and come to the theory that the average life span of a pony is at or near Granny Smith's, the conclusion can easily be drawn that over twenty years, the population of Ponyville would have grown by approximately 30%, give or take about 5%. Which would mean that Applejack and Big Mac's work load and responsibilities have increased by a relative amount. Perhaps not in a super significant way, it could just mean that each simply spend an extra hour or two in the market after twenty years, but the work load still increased to some degree.
When you take this into consideration along with her having become a recluse, one could easily assume that Applejack is getting bent over not having as much time to herself as she used to, and refusing to talk about it could mean that she understands why and doesn't want to say anything because she doesn't want to offend anypony by indirectly blaming the increased population for her lost personal time.
Also, if you look back, I had placed in the story that Twilight knew AJ was going through a rough time, and not talking to anypony, through some sources - at least what sources she has left. Perhaps I had been a little too vague here, but honestly, who else talks to Twilight and gives half of a damn about how AJ is doing? Not to be offensive, I know I can be rather blunt sometimes. If it took a couple of months for anypony to notice, or even if AJ were simply embarrassed about it, it wouldn't be hard to say that none of the others could give any insight, and any small amount of pressing by them would cause AJ to flip like she did with Twilight. Oh, and before anyone calls bullshit for her being able to keep Pinkie at bay, I'mma shut you down right now and simply say "No." Though Pinkie is the most insistent pony to date, I can easily rationalize Applejack's ability to drive that crazy pony out of her hair by saying that Applejack knows exactly what to say to her and how to say it. ( In case that didn't make it obvious, I'm not Pinkie's number one fan. I don't hate her, but that doesn't mean I like her either. )
Now, I will apologize if at any point in this chapter, I specifically wrote or implied that Twilight never ran across any of the other ponies at all. I had attempted to eradicate those lines in my first rewrite, after I refined my back story reference sheet. But I have a bad habit of skimming when I shouldn't, so I might have missed one or two of them. I'll look over the chapter again before I continue work on the second to make sure. But yeah, no, Twilight still sees her friends from time to time, and would still have attended the occasional event in which the others may or may not have all gone to as well. I'd love to be able to tell you more to further rationalize my side of the debate, but I don't want to spoil the next few chapters for you.
I must admit, you do seem rather passionate about the subject either way. If you really want to get behind the story, You could PM me and we can discuss the back-story a little bit. Perhaps weed out any potential plot holes, or even simply to suggest any ideas you think would be great. Otherwise, I don't want to fill the comments section with a mile-long debate over the continuity of the story. Not that I wouldn't mind, I appreciate the concern as well as your ability to keep it from descending into petty argument. ( Truly, you have no idea how much I appreciate that part especially. ) I just feel like the comments section isn't exactly the best place for a lengthy back-and-forth.
Wtb spike or even a mention of his gloriousness
3774155 "Wtb"? Not sure what that means...
As for Spike, suffice it to say he'll be in the next chapter.
3774227 The internet says WTB means "Want to buy", but considering the context, I'm guessing Grizzly was aiming for WTF. Oh! It could mean "What the buck". Yeah, I'm betting that's it.
3774307
But then it would read:
Which doesn't make a lick of sense.
This shit right here is why I'm a grammar nazi, lol. (Though, not in the strictest of definitions)
3774344 You just need to break it into two sentences.
"What the Buck! Spike..." That would make more sense
Twilight speculating on how the Crystal Spire works eh ... sounds like something to ask Celestia, though I guess there is no guarantee the princess would actually tell her the truth. After all, there are Luna's worries about how ponies of her time "couldn't handle it", and Celestia referring to this whole ordeal as the last adventure of Twilight and her friends. Wonder how she would know that, unless there is something about the whole Spire ordeal that ensures that those 'reclaiming' it would never be able to go on another journey, eh ... oh Twilight, you should prepare a mean curse to leave behind just in case before you leave on this journey.
*ahem*
Moving on, I'm actually surprised how well Rainbow took the news of Twilight pulling strings to essentially get her the captain position. Granted, from the sounds of it Spitfire was deliberately holding Rainbow back for no real reason (professional jealousy?) and, I imagine, could have gotten in to trouble for it herself, had Twilight decided to push the issue, but Rainbow doesn't know that. As far as she knows, Twilight may have well ordered Spitfire to give her the position regardless of the wonderbolt's opinion.
Though on the other hand, you can never know with Rainbow. Her excitement over getting the position (and the prospect of adventure with her friends) may well override her concerns of how she got the position, so long as she did. Either way, that's a lucky break for Twilight - I don't think she would have gotten over two strikes in a row, and with Rainbow refusing for good, her chances of assembling the whole gang would have been irrecoverably dashed. With two of them onboard now, though, I imagine roping in the rest should be easier.
Rarity should be easy enough I imagine (a whole new land for her to dominate with her fashion, as she could reasonably expect to be the dominant brand), and I guess Fluttershy could always be lured away with the promise of meeting new and perhaps previously unseen animals. If the palace gardens got her excited, I imagine this might as well. Pinkie is ... Pinkie.
Was nice to see Twilight running in to (or not ... for shame, I was expecting a redux of their earlier meeting) Flash as well. With her memory of him having been jostled, that should give her reason to pick him as one of her two escorts, from an otherwise nameless and faceless sea of guardsponies. And then the ship set sail ...
Anyways, this was a pretty nice chapter (and Skyla made for an interesting addition ... not quite what I had imagines from a princess, but given her mother's bubbly personality, perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised) and it was good to see something going Twi's way. Looking towards the next chapter.
3776425
Unfortunately, I share the same sentiments as you when it came to Rainbow's reaction to the promotion. Originally, She'd gotten angry that Twilight just swung her title around to earn her the promotion. But, no matter where I went after that point, I couldn't manage to get Rainbow back on board with the adventure, so I had to scrap it.
Instead, I decided to test the water with something of a double negative. Twilight still used her title a bit frivolously, but at the same time Rainbow was suppose to have been a Captain a long time ago. Given that Twilight can more easily be forgiven for what she did, the attention feels more drawn to Spitfire and her - realistically - half-baked reason for holding back Rainbow Dash. ( If you ask me, I'd be willing to bet she held her back for more personal reasons. Like Dash reminds her of what it was like to be young. Or because she brings a realm of excitement to the group. Something more to do with how Rainbow always seems to get her blood pumping... )
I was a little less than satisfied with the rewritten version. But, after my mind belly-ached for something better than three days worth of work, I remembered something. I'm writing a story about a grown-up version of candy-colored ponies from a cartoon meant for children. Does everything ever make picture-perfect sense?
Fuck the hell no!
So I took the end of the toilet paper roll and ran with it like a fucking troll, lol. Okay, maybe not that dramatically.
All in all, it's not that Rainbow's reaction feels out of character. It just doesn't feel completely accurate either. But, given that she's still a little impatient and has been working on the promotion for years, it felt sound enough to hold water. Perhaps even nectar.
3774344 I'm pretty sure he means want to buy; as in they want to see Spike make an appearance.
3913118
Uhm... okay?
Show me the money, lol.
Got to admit I am happy to see my man Spike show up. Nice to see he is messing with Rar and pulling her out of her funk like he did with Twi (you know what they say, a guy marries his mother lol
)
Damn! What the hay Applejack...?
3966772 What the hay Indeed.
Well, I'd say Spike has mastered the art of being an annoying and fun significant other
Alfred Pennyworth is Bruce Wayne's butler, confidant, guardian, father like figure, and behind the scenes... partner? to Batman. That is admittedly all I can come up with
3974074
Congradu-pony-lations, you get a kudo!
Now for the big question: how will he serve me?
Fucking A! Another long adventure type story. With Sparity as a bonus! This shall be faved!
3976634
Well, hay! Glad you like it! And thanks for the fav
A long adventure story with the added bonus of Sparity? Hmmmm. *liked and faved*
Subtle as a sledgehammer, that Twilight Velvet.
Though, considering that Shining has already married and given Velvet at least one grandchild, and it's roughly twenty years later with Twilight still not having at least a coltfriend/marefriend of her own (special somepony just feels awkward as hell when you write it half the time, there are times for it, othertimes just use colt/marefriend), Velvet could just as well shouted at the top of her lungs: "TWILIGHT, YOUR CLOCK IS TICKING, GIVE ME SOME GRANDBABIES, OR AT LEAST EXPERIENCE FOR ONCE WHAT SEXUAL SATISFACTION FEELS LIKE!!!" and what she said in this would have been less subtle.
Kinda makes me wonder if Velvet's also wondering if Spike and Rarity has some kids as well, if only to just pressure Twilight a bit.
Even though I believe Celestia as Spike's mother, I could see Velvet as a bit of a grandmother-type in relation to Spike.
I'm gonna preface this with a disclaimer: I am commenting on this, having just made what looks to be a quarter of this character already, so obviously reading further will understand things a little better. Just that my comments on it had to leave my mind before I lose it to the depths and forgotten. Also, I started reading this from chapter 3, because of the Sparity. (I know, flame me if you want, anytime I see Sparity, I'm gonna check on it.) I have to re-read this from the beginning to get a better grip on the overall.
That said: I wonder how it's been since Applejack's been like this. And I have to speculate that even though the true motivations are complex, the real nitty gritty is this: Applejack's jealous. Simple as that. Apparently, Rainbow and Applejack were friends through thick and thin, the kind of friend that you would love to spend the night in jail together with because he/she stayed with ya. But now, Rainbow's following her dreams with the Wonderbolts and is spending more time with them. Also, I always kinda had a feeling between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Regardless of her boasts and ego, I always knew that she had a soft spot for her fellow pegasi friend, and from what it looks like, there have been several times over the years where RD has come home from her duties as a Wonderbolt and just stayed there with Fluttershy, probably weekends, if not weeks at a time. Which that really means is that officially, RD and Fluttershy were marefriends in all but name, and it definitely was in RD's persona to use her time off to have sex with Fluttershy over the years. (A friends with benefits situation, if not able to commit to a relationship at least.).
That's what I'm getting. I hope I'm wrong, but it looks like that's the case.
Hmm....so if I can put that in laypony terms....what Luna says is her duty as the gatekeeper of dreams is to prevent nightmares, which could easily make ponies want to make them somepony's unfair or unfortunate actions leading to crimes, or murders, or other things. Basically preventing a problem before it could even get started. And apparently, Discord is surprisingly in the role of maintaining balance---any way that he achieves to that responsibility. Chaos is necessary, just like order is needed. And letting it happen too far in either direction, regardless of realm is really bad. Hence all the apparently unorthadox methods that Discord does that one way or the other, tends to either help or harm Celestia or Luna just enough to make sure things are all level.
Is that right??
Now I've read this chapter to the end.
Thoughts:
-- Like I said before, Applejack's jealous, but it's not what you think. Sure, she knows that RD and Fluttershy are fuck-buddies at least, if not already marefriends. And strangly it seems that when RD comes to check on AJ, it does look like at first glance (in AJ's eyes at least) that RD's unintetionally taunting that she's in a relationship, even with another mare, while AJ's still suffering about being jilted. Though, it looks more like she jilted that Oliver guy. Definite commitment issues on Applejack's end.
-- It's good to see that even though Discord is as chaotic as usual, he's more of an misunderstood guy that is good to know, especially as Luna puts it. Twilight is still learning after all this time, which is good. The day that you actually stop learning is the day you start to decline.
-- I like the idea that what Twilight has learned from her dinner with royalty is equipping her with what is needed to finally get a resolution between Oliver and Applejack. So many arguments and bad blood happen because we don't know both sides of the story. Now that we know what really happened, there should be some recollection.
3980445
I've kind of always envisioned Velvet to be the doting mother. So it just made sense to me that she would do things like that.
Also, she may have Skyla, but Skyla's roughly 16-ish now. She can still be spoiled, but she's not a foal anymore, lol.
Lmao, expecting Spike and Rarity to have kids? I'd love to see her try and make that both subtle and rational.
Part of AJ's problem is jealousy. Though, mostly, not for the reasons you think. And I know I probably should've made a mention of it by now, but AJ's not been herself for roughly... 3-4 years now. That may be subject to change though. Dates and times won't be set in stone until the next chapter is completed.
Lets just say that Discord and Celestia work closely together.
Thanks for the comments, though. I'm glad you were able to enjoy it!
And yes, please read from the beginning. There's more here than just a story. Plenty of laughs, D'aww, and gasps to go around. ;3
Jeez. I can't help but think you have a horrible ending for Applejack planned out. I'm not sure if I like this characterization of her better than what I normally see of her, where she tends to have her head on straight more than any of her friends.
3987393
Don't worry, I have no intention of any bad endings for Applejack here. I have a separate story lined up sometime after this one that will explore darker paths and suppressed evils. Whether that one will be relevant to this one or not, I'm not sure of yet. But that'll be a topic for another time.
But yeah, no. I just super love drama, and it makes me do messed up stuff. Sorry.
3987901
Alright. Whenever I see a fic tagged Tragedy, I infer that it's going to have an unhappy ending, and yours doesn't look to be leaning that way at all. Applejack's story was the only one that I saw potential for one in. But you've enthralled me pretty well so far. Keep up the good work.
i want to read this, but the hole flash tag is pushing me away,
is he with twilight in this? i hope not.
4083537
Well, unfortunately, I don't want to ruin it for the others, so you'll have to settle for, "figure it out yourself." While Flash is in the story, I have yet to make any indications that he will be sharing a relation with Twilight.
Will he? That's the part you need to figure out yourself.
On that note, I'm intrigued to know why it is that Flash Sentry is a deal-breaker for you. If I may inquire?
4083552
i just don't like him.
he was pointless love interest from a horrible movie that never should have came to light.
i loathe the flashlight ship.
4083567
I do agree that the love angle of the movie was pointless.
I'd go farther into saying that the movie itself was almost pointless, but at least the graphics were pretty cool, and I got a few good kicks out of it.
My main problem with Flash, however, was that just like Sombra, his character was horribly unexplored. Ere, when taken at face value, Flash appears to be a Gary Stu because there are no listed character flaws. And everybody hates a Gary Stu, right?
I put Flash in this story so that I could take his half-baked cookie-cut profile and build on top of it to make him a fleshed out, dynamic character. It pains me to see under-developed characters to go under-appreciated.
My only advice would be to read the story and decide for yourself later if it was good or not. The only thing you stand to lose is a couple hours of time. If you really must know about Flash's role before you decide, you'll have to make your inquiry via my mail box.
Otherwise, I kindly implore you find more solid reasons to dislike something before deciding to spend the efforts to avoid it. Big Mac is no more explored and equally as pointless as Flash Sentry, and you don't see epic amounts of people hating on him. Rather the opposite, I mostly see people begging for backstory about him.
Moreover, Discord himself, along with the princesses, have almost zero backstory, not to mention that I can count the number of episodes dedicated to their character development on one hand for each. I've yet to see hate for them specifically.
Before I begin the story. Does it ship spike with anyone.
4131756
Spike is married to Rarity.
4132328 seems legit I guess I'll go ahead and read it then.
4132521
Hope you enjoy the story. ;3
THE FEELS DAMMIT! THE FEELS!!!
Why is most of the text after Applejack's flasback italic? Switching from normal to italic without any fair warning and then just sticking to it looks ugly.
4484271 If you're talking about the "shadows of the past" bits, those weren't exactly flashbacks, but more like... well, I can best compare it to something of an out-of-body experience. Like watching your own life from a third-person perspective. Delusions, if you will. For Applejack, they happened in real time, still aware of the outside world around her. The italics separated past actions from present.
A good example of this kind of tool would be Ghost Whisperer.
4484469 What I meant was that the present is also covered in italics, when it wasn't an out-of-body experience. That's not pretty when you want the viewers to tell what is the past and what is currently present. I was able to tell because of the word 'Presently' that was present, (pun, doh!
) but that was it.
4484515 shit, I might have coded something wrong... let me check on that.