<

Rainbow Sparkle

Joined January 2012
179 followers

Stories (4)

  • A Jewel of a Problem
    A brony gets his mind/soul placed in Diamond Tiara. This may not end well.

    68,852 words · 7,156 views · 686 likes · 24 dislikes
  • One Last Letter
    An alternate ending to Return of Harmony Pt 2
    3,035 words · 6,212 views · 148 likes · 12 dislikes
  • The Choices We Make
    Sequel to One Last Letter. Luna must live with the choice she makes trying to save Equestria.
    6,299 words · 545 views · 22 likes · 1 dislikes
  • TCB: A Strange New World
    A TCB Reconstruction meant to forge a different path between the two exetremes. The year is 2059 AD/47 AC, and a pegasus named Feather Duster is given the task of writing the stories of humans, equestrians, and others about their life in this world
    5,093 words · 849 views · 28 likes · 7 dislikes

Blog Posts (98)


Discord was defeated, but what if the Princess was unable to reach her student. What if Twilight didn't get the friendship reports that she had written, and rediscovered the magic of friendship.

What if...she had written one last letter...and left Ponyville forever?

Inspired by the song One Last Letter by SoundofTheAviators, this is a dark oneshot I decided to do. I hope you all enjoy it.

Hey, it got onto Equestria Daily! Three Cheers for eternal chaos, muahahahah!!

First Published
15th Mar 2012
Last Modified
15th Mar 2012

Comments ( 61 )

#1 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

Poor Ponyville, doomed to everlasting chaos.:twilightangry2:

#2 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

>>326453

And we're next. It won't take long for total destruction here. Discord will barely have to do more than snap his fingers.

#3 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

Ah, very good. I had heard this song a while ago. Your addition to the body of tragic literature is most appreciated. While I can make an argument that your description of Twilight's absolute depression and desperation does not fit the song based on your short description, you are more faithful to the way that the show portrayed Twilight. While the song was more poetically tragic, your story is more faithful to the cannon. And although I favor the more depressed and desperate Twilight rather than the bitter and angry Twilight, this was a very good work.

#4 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

...

:fluttershysad:

...

:fluttercry:

...

:fluttershyouch:

...

:fluttershbad:

#5 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

Wow.  The picture painted is one of utter hopelessness.

I have to wonder what happens next.  The story can't end here!  It just can't...there has to be hope...somewhere...:fluttercry:

#6 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

If you didn't click on the link to the song, here it is again. I suggest you listen to that and read this at the same time. Ahahahahah! *where's a Discord emoticon when you need one* One Last Letter by SoundofTheAviators

>>326629

Well, the song inspired me, but I didn't want to just take the lyrics and morph them into a story. I wanted something that would fit how things would have ended in their world if Discord stopped Celestia from interfering. I also figured that the song would play as more of a backdrop. Listen to it as you read this...I think it makes it all the more grim and tragic, muahahahahaah. As a side note, I wasn't trying to make her angry, if she did come off that way. I was going for a "Twilight Sparkle without any hope for restoring harmony"

But I thank you for your comment. Honestly, seeing these comments is making my day.

>>326808

Excuse me one moment...*cough hack cough*

*laughs manically*

>>326819

*continues to laugh evilly and darkly* That is what I was aiming for my little bronies. An eternal reign of chaos isn't complete without the breaking of a few strong spirits.

To quote the song this is fic was inspired by (and I believe I used this line)

Dear princess, the lesson I learned today

Is that sometimes everything just fades away...

As for this being the last chapter....well now, writing one that has some hope would kind of defeat the purpose of this one shot. But, *grins mischievously* I suppose if enough people ask for another chapter, I may consider it...

After all...there is somepony everyone seems to be forgetting about...even in the show itself...*laughs evilly again*

#7 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

Any chance of an epilogue?

Exceptionally well written, well done.

#8 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

Hopelessness is the word :fluttercry: Twilight's letter is just insanely depressing to read, and the fact that Celestia is so close to Twilight just makes it all the sadder that she leaves. I don't know if you have any ideas, but I would love to see it expanded upon. Did Celestia get sealed away? Where did Twilight go and will she ever come back? And just where the hell was Luna during all of this?

Oh well. As it stands, it's a very good one-shot. Into my favorites you go.

#9 · 128w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

Endless Chocolate Rain!!! :pinkiehappy:

#10 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

>>326926 ooh you mean Princess Luna? it's Luna isn't it? if it's Luna then please make more :pinkiehappy:

#11 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

>>326627

No, no, no, Discord may be Lord of Chaos in his world, but even the gods themselves are controlled by higher powers.  He must bow to the will of the Shadows Who Watch, just as the very Pony Universe did.  It was the Shadows which caused the end of the Third Age, and until the Shadows wish it the Fifth will not begin.  Beyond Them are the Creators,  Hasbro All-Maker Beginning And End Amen, the Writers/Author/Editor/Publisher, the Lady Shaper All-mother Faust.  These beings of greatest power, greater than Entropy and Havoc, even greater than all of the Draconequi and Alicorns, reside within our world.  Discord shall not pass over the Rainbow Bridge, for it has already been shattered and the World Between the Worlds closed.  Strife and Anarchy closed it, and they are no more.  Besides, our universe already has a Lord of Chaos, and He/She/It/They Who Shall Not Be Named on account of the First and Second Rule will not tolerate competition.

And for those of you who would despair of the situation, I invite you all to read the stories of [url=alexwarlorn.deviantart.com]Alex Warlorn[/url], and how Twilight Tragedy at last remembered herself and freed Equestria while rewriting history to the state as we know it today.

#12 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

>>337858

unless of course, we are not creators, but merely recorders of that which happens elsewhere. Doomed to never seen these fantastic places of which we write, and only to see them in our wildest dreams, doomed to wake with feeling of longing, or terror, or sorrow, but never to walk along the wispy walkways that link this world to so many others. We can come close to it, for when we dream of attaining injury, we wake with similar, if lesser affliction, but always we are held separate from them.

Cursed and blessed are we with the Fourth Wall, for though it denies us our dreams, it also protects us from the nightmares, and the dark things that only seem to be spawned from the darkest corner of the Human psyche.

#13 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

Wow... I don't even know what to say... give me a moment

*takes deep breath*

Okay first of all I enjoyed this story (not the fact that Equestria is doomed but the writing itself). The mere imagination of Celestia crumbling to the ground gives my heart stings, after all she represents hope and order. A goddess that lived for more than 1000 years breaks down in sobs?! :fluttershysad:

If I weren't writing at my story I would write a sequel, describing how Luna would find her sister and comfort her and how they would search for Twilight, turning her back to normal and... well you get it ;)

I think one reason for this to torture ones heart is that no brony wants to imagine what Equestria would be like if Discord had won (and if he would be truly evil and not just... crazy).

Fanfics like this were the reason why I wanted to write something myself...

Thank you for that amazing story! :twilightsmile:

#14 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

I'm not into all these Discord win it all, but this one was kind of nice. I was pretty revolted and I guess that's a good sign. For me, it means the story works. Maybe the fact that it was short helped me to read it through. Anyway, well done ! :twilightsmile:

Yet, I don't like the idea that Discord is far superior to Celestia, which he is here. I'll put them on equal grounds and even though he was superior to both princesses individually, they could balance him if they fight together. I'd like to see him win by being smart instead of ridiculously powerful :trixieshiftright:

Here's one complaint I have, Luna's absence. Well, she was also absent in the show, so that's kind of difficult to put her in the story..

Also, you weren't too cruel on Celestia, not too much at least. That is a good point ! :trollestia:

Have a nice day !

#15 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

When I saw this on Eqd, I thought it was mine own story of the same name.

You did it better...

#16 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

I was so sure he would turn her into a weeping princess statue. Hmm. :coolphoto:

#17 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

About five minutes later, Luna turns up. "Hi, Sister, I finally got my full power... back?"

Pause.

"Okay, Celly, you really should have let me know when Discord escaped. Now, who were the backups I looked into?"

:eeyup::coolphoto::derpytongue2::trixieshiftleft::scootangel::unsuresweetie:

"...we really should have rehearsed this."

#18 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

Welll didnt Celestia  and her sister have the elemts of harmony.Didnt they stop Discord before?:rainbowhuh:

#19 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

>>338537

To point out, Celestia and Luna are no longer bound to the Elements. While its theoretically possible they could use them again, something tells me it might not be as effective. Of course, theres the whole "Discords broken Celestia" bit, so I'm pretty sure the elements might not be all that useful to her in her current state.

>>337928

Yeah, I enjoyed writing that bit. In fact, I'd say thats my most favorite part. Just picture Discord just standing there, a triumphant and twisted smile on his face as he hammers the last nail into Equestria's coffin. Heck, the bit where Celestia was pleading was a bit too much for myself, I had to stop and take a moment just to let that image set in my mind.

A sequel is in the possibilities. This was actually meant to quite literally only be a oneshot. While I have no problems with others going ahead and writing their own sequels, I am giving some consideration to the idea of writing one. Not that it would necessarily be any brighter or less depressing, muahahahahahah :pinkiecrazy:

>>337975

From the way they portray it in the show, Discord is indeed superior to both Celestia and Luna. It takes the Elements of Harmony to defeat him even with only Luna and Celestia, so they obviously don't have the power (normally) to actually fight him on a level playing field.

Luna's absence is done for the simple fact that she didn't show up in the episodes themselves. my personal theory is that she fell asleep studying Equestrian history.

I wasn't too cruel to Celestia :pinkiegasp: What blasphemy is this!!? I made the Solar Princess break down and cry as she loses all thought of hope against beating Discord! I made her most beloved student abandon her and all of Equestria to a reign of Eternal Chaos!

I obviously need to work on my evilness :trollestia:

#20 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

Very powerful, very emotional, very hitting.

I felt more from that then I did My Little Dashie.

Excellent writing, excellent indeed. That was wonderful, saddening as all hell though.

Bravo.

#21 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

>>338572

Well no, you see that's where I disagree. For me they are on even ground. If they just go on plain battle with him, it would end in some sort of endless battle with, ultimately, no real winners. If they just tried to undo what he did, he will start somewhere else and so on. Thus, the royal sisters needed the elements of harmony to prevent him from acting.

As to why they didn't fight him in the episodes, I'll say they didn't want to hurt anypony around in addition of what I said above. I would even go as to saying they are now a bit stronger than him as he was idle for maybe millennia !

About the display of power we see from Discord in the show, I can turn it to fit my position too ! The less we see, the more is possible... (I'll never try to translate expression again, Pinkie Promise). My point is, we see a LOT about Discord and not so much about Celestia, then Celestia has virtually more power than Discord. He can control both the moon and the sun ? So does Celestia. He can alter the world properties ? She can break a spell, and I'm sure she has a spell or two to do the same. Well, he does have the ability to nullify some magic... But he couldn't break the spell cast by Twilight at the end, the bubble shield.

To summarize my point, they did have the power to fight him, not the power to neutralize him.

All that, including what you said, is assumption and interpretation, of course. I asked Lauren Faust about that, but I don't think I'll get an answer... :fluttershysad: One day maybe !

Sorry to pollute your story's comment with this, but I love to debate ! :twilightsheepish:

About the cruelty, I have read a fanfiction where she is far more psychologically destroyed. That is why I found you merciful. Well, that plus the fact that your story was short. The other story, heavenly turmoil if you ever want to know, is 8 chapter long. It's easier to torture a character with that length.

But I'll admit it was still very cruel... The fact that she was powerless and totally helpless was a little unbearable.. That's what I don't like about all powerful Discord. But I don't know, maybe she can fight him and in future chapters she will try to bring back the elements of harmony ? :pinkiehappy:

#22 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

BRB Depression.

#23 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

Some goddess Celestia turned out to be.... where's Q when you need him?

#24 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

>>339282

Q's already there, didn't you know :trollestia:

#25 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

>>339323 Is he Discord and making this whole take over the world thing up as some sort of joke? He ain't that evil.

#26 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

And then Haku pressed the 'Nuke It All' button and everypony died.

#27 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

Your story was nicely executed. I absolutely love the song and your story does serve it justice. Like others have said I do want to see more of this, but I do understand making it hopefull would defeat the point. However you do have an opportunity ( in this community... ok you can shoot me) too progress tragedy even farther. For example one character you still could break is Luna. Seeing her sister in the state discord left her in causes her to at first want to avenge her, but then after failing she see becomes angry at Celestia for letting this happen. An awesome power struggle could come about if she is posessed by Nightmare Moon. Just imagine that neither out come of that is good for equestria.

I would also like to see where twilight goes. Maybe she hunts down those who have wronged her? Twilight as a antihero would be awesome.

But regardless awesome story I love it as is and appreciate the effort. Also I'm sorry if it seems like I'm telling you what you should do, I get excited very easy and start ponder ideas. Wish I could translate them into writting, then agian i dont think the world is prepared for my stories/mind.    

#28 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

>>337975

Actually that's a pretty nice theory... I never thought about that. I've read a fic where Twilight fights against Celestia (and wins)... well Celestia was pretty badass (like drenched in golden flames, crumbling stones to dust badass!) and I think you might be right with that endless battle. I don't think that we will ever see Celestia actually fighting in the show, but in fandome terms she is pretty powerful (after all she controls the freaking SUN and was though enough to banish her own sister for a thousand years and didn't break on that horrible feeling).

But this is a fanfiction after all, Rainbow Sparkle could also made Discord a raging demon, rising the fallen legions of the underworld and- well you get the idea. It's fine with me that Discord is stronger than the princess in this fic, if I find some time I might write some critic...

#29 · 127w, 4d ago · · ·

Indeed, not too harsh at all.  Scented Venom is much harsher in my opinion.  Although, I'm not sure if this is Pony POV-level harsh.

#30 · 127w, 3d ago · · ·

This is based on my favorite song ever and you did an amazing job. Kudos to you, my friend. :ajsmug:

#31 · 126w, 5d ago · · ·

All be honest, I found the song first, and after I found this I had to read it.

Perfect. Sometimes I just like dark fics, and this one fit the bill perfectly. Discord was so close in the TV series... had he but managed to not underestimate Celestia and Twilight, he would have won again.

I love this story.

#32 · 126w, 4d ago · · ·

I usually avoid those alternate universes things, but this one was worth the while.

Good read! A bit sad as Discord seems a lot darker than he was portrayed in the show, but the outcome is quite remarkable.

#33 · 126w, 3d ago · · ·

Perhaps Twilight will do one last "noble" thing and take Spike to the Dragonlands (some fanfics call it the Wyrmstadt) and leave him there so he can be the dragon he was supposed to be, and after that, she would find some place to live as a hermit.

Celestia and Luna would then search frantically for replacement Holders of the Elements, or scramble to reattach themselves to them, once they pry them out of Rarity's hooves. :D

Discord's power is impressive, after all, he altered the sun/moon cycle, so both Celestia and Luna would feel their power being worked against.

One other thing I thought about is this: when Twilight found Starswirl's time spell, what if.....

....instead of going back 1 week to tell herself not to worry about the future.....

....she instead wrote down a list of instructions....

...and went back several months, to 24 hours before the CMC freed Discord?

The instructions would be:

1. Reschedule the field trip to 1 day after what was programmed.

2. Warn Celestia that since the Holders of the Elements had changed, the spell imprisoning Discord was weakening, and the Elements were to go to Canterlot immediately to re-seal him.

3. Tell Luna to ease up on the Royal Canterlot Voice. :D

4. Fix the dam immediately.

5. Tell the mayor not to let the Flim Flam brothers into Ponyville.

6. Tell herself to be careful with Spike's hoarding instincts on his upcoming birthday.

7. Inspect the construction of that building (and also a few other incidents on the Mare Do Well episode).

8. Tell Applejack to ramp up her training for the upcoming rodeo.

9. And, of course tell herself to not worry about the future :D


Just a few ideas :D

#34 · 126w, 3d ago · · ·

>>370663

I had no plans for Spikes or Twilight's fate when I initially wrote this (before I was convinced to write a sequel).

The only problem with that is that Celestia's spirit has been broken. Luna is...somewhere :derpytongue2:

And the problem with this is that the timeline has been altered. Twilight won't find Starswirl the Bearded's time travel spell. (Or, if she did, she wouldn't use it because she feels that it doesn't matter, that Discord would still win. Remember, she's been Discorded, and it was thanks to the letters that she was brought back)

Remember, this is an alternate universe and an alternate ending to Return of Harmony part 2. thus, anything that would have happened afterwards has been changed.

#35 · 126w, 3d ago · · ·

>>370938

Valid points, it's just that my time travel idea would be for a completely timeline separate from this fanfic. Sorry for the confusion.

#36 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>326926 nay shes back into night time mode if you know what i mean

and i no i ahvnt read the rest of the comments yet

#37 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

>>326926

A pony not seen even in the show...Starswirl the bearded? Lil pip? Super mega ultra scootaloo, the destroyer of worlds...or...or maybe...paco, the magical christmas donkey...

#38 · 111w, 2d ago · · ·

I don't read many fics but when I do, they don't often move me. This is one of the few that has. I don't really like the darkness and hopelessness of it all but that was the point wasn't it?

#39 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Phew, it's a good thing Celestia sent those letters a tad bit earlier in the show...as if Discord could have stopped her anyways.

You know, just those reassurances I give myself after reading something disheartening.:twilightsheepish:  Kind of like Cupcakes (which I haven't actually read, but there is A LOT said about).  Therefore, Cupcakes for me is officially just one of the nightmares within the Silent Ponyville universe.  

#40 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

>>928015

Actually, all Cupcakes is is graphic. Its not really all that disturbing, so much as simply graphic. Plus, its not written well enough to be all that terrifying. And sweet apple massacre is supposedly even worse when it comes to the writing.

Silent Ponyville on the other hand, it takes the bad that is Cupcakes and makes it oh so deliciously evil and terrifying that I just get the shivers thinking about it.

#41 · 110w, 1d ago · · ·

>>929538

Ah, but the ending to Silent Ponyville is so much more satisfying.

I see what you're saying, though.  Cupakses - some author just trying to be graphic and maybe trying to cash in on shock value vs. Silent Ponyville - which has A LOT of emotion running through it.  I can definitely still get the shivers when I think about the Pinkie Pie vs Pinkie Pie fight.  I've read plenty of fight scenes, both in published literature and in fimfiction, but Silent Ponyville PP vs. PP surpasses just being a good fight due to how emotionally charged that whole storyline is.  And the terrifying nature of it all, especially for our heroine Pinkie Pie, to whom the terrors are so personal.  The more immersed you get as a reader (and I got pretty immersed) the better it gets.  All these things add up - for example, in the PP vs. PP scene - to make things just so much more impactful than your typical fight scene.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm a fan of that fic.  :pinkie happy:  

To me, though, all of these factors also add up to make the ending so much more fulfilling when it comes and we see all of the personal healing that happens.  And it leaves me feeling happy.  Not ecstatic, bouncing off the walls happy, but maybe more tear-in-my-eye happy.  Quiet, fulfilled happy :pinkiesmile:

Thanks for responding, by the way.

So, this has kind of been a slightly long-winded way of explaining why I still love Silent Ponyville even though it totally is a lot scarier than Cupcakes is as a fic.  The idea of cupcakes just kind of leaves a bad taste in your mouth, IMO.  And it's not really good for much else.  Maybe it was somewhat of a bad example in my previous comment, seeing as you're not the first person I've seen say that it was poorly written.  The infamy in the fandom, though, doesn't seem to want to let me forget that it was written :twilightangry2:.  But after Silent Ponyville, I stopped being annoyed by it.

Anyways, good luck on your current fics!

#42 · 88w, 6d ago · · ·

>>337858

Thanks. While the tons and tons of recursive works (many I've adopted as part of canon) are still mostly on deviantart. I do now have a fimfiction account too.

#43 · 82w, 2d ago · · ·

After starting my fanfic of  the PMV Clouds (BronydanceParty) I decide to go back check other fanfics based off  other songs and PMVs. that is how I came across yours and I have to say it is really awsome. I kinda wish that you could go more in depth about what happens to Twilight and her friends afterward but it still works to end it now. Well done.:rainbowdetermined2:

#44 · 82w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2047528

There is a sequel, which I really need to get back to work on.

#45 · 82w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2048041 oh cool I'll Keep my eyes out for it.:pinkiehappy:

#46 · 82w, 3h ago · · ·

Bravo! Great story!

#47 · 72w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

The way you wrote the letter doesn't make sense. You wrote it like it was dialogue, with pauses and stuttering due to Twilight's emotional state, but it's not dialogue and that's not how people write letters. Unless you're working somewhere where you can work in tear stains and variations in handwriting and such things, and are willing to put in the associated effort, you pretty much need to constrain yourself to expressing the thoughts behind the words using only choices of phrasing and crossed-out words. This story is a good example of what I mean about how to write letters, I'd say.

If you'd permit me my pathetic attempt at writing a letter:

Dear Princess Celestia,

This will be my last report to you on the magic of friendship.

We failed. We all fell for Discord’s trap when we stepped into that labyrinth. One by one, my friends changed into big fat jerks. Applejack lied, Pinkie was suspicious of everything any of us said or did, Rarity was hoarding a giant boulder she had named Tom, Fluttershy was cruel to all of us, and Rainbow Dash abandoned all of us in that maze. It was too late when we finally found the Elements. Thanks to Discord's magic and the missing element of loyalty, we weren’t able to imprison him.

And now he has won. My friends have run off, I don’t know where, and I guess I don’t really care either. I don’t want need friends like them anyways. I was perfectly happy fine before I had friends.

It’s hard to write to this. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I just can’t see any way to fix everything and I can't seem to care any more. Every time I try to think of my friends, of how they used to be, and all the memories we shared, I see what they’ve become. It hurts I see those memories tinged by the changes that Discord has caused.

Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe this would have happened someday even without Discord. It’s better that it happens now then years from now. I don’t know if I could handle the pain I would feel.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that I’ve learned that sometimes some things just fade away, and there is nothing we can do about them.

Your Faithful Former Student

Twilight Sparkle.

#48 · 60w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2394196 I understand where you're coming from, I think he's trying to represent the thoughts that went through Twilight as she penned it down.

#49 · 59w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2811127 Then he should have put it in quotation marks, so it was Twilight talking to herself as she wrote the letter. There are a multitude of ways to convey a story, so no writer should ever feel it necessary to structure a channel of communication like a completely different channel just to show the reader some piece of information. It breaks suspension of disbelief.

#50 · 56w, 3d ago · · ·

I was evilly laughing the whole way through!

0 15671 47864
Login or register to comment