Chaos has won
One Last Letter
“Come now, Twilight Sparkle. You've got to get into the spirit of things! After all, this is your new home.”
Twilight looked at the land around her, the land she had once called home. Buildings were floating in the air, some upside down while others constantly shifted in place. She looked down at the ground below her, which was now in a blue checkered pattern, and a glance up at the sky showed that the blue that belonged there had been replaced with a green color. The sun was up above them, but knew for how long.
She recalled how she had watched as her friends each tossed the element that they were supposed to represent to the ground, except for Rarity, who quickly scooped each of them up with a shout of “MINE!!” Somehow, each of her friends had changed. Applejack, the most honest pony she had ever known, had lied everytime she opened her mouth since she found her in the labyrinth. Pinkie Pie, a pony who had been able to bring a smile to anypony’s face, and whose laughter had saved them in the quest to stop Nightmare Moon, now wore a scowl of resentment as she glared at each of them in suspicion that they were laughing at her behind her back. Rarity was busy gushing over the elements and the giant boulder she had named Tom, all traces of her generous nature had vanished. And the Fluttershy,...dear, sweet, and kind Fluttershy was no more. In her place was a cruel and sadistic pony who relished and took pleasure from the misfortune of those around her. And Rainbow Dash…she had abandoned them, gone to whom knows where.
Her friends…no, they weren’t her friends anymore. And Ponyville certainly wasn’t her home anymore. Without her friends to fill her life with the joys and magic of friendship…it was an empty place, full of nothing but memories.
“Not anymore….” She murmured, closing her eyes and passing Discord, who grinned in delight as he watched her head for her home.
He cackled and shouted out to the heavens “YES!! Ahahah!!” A cruel smile spread across his face, and he turned his gaze to the distant mountains that held the city of Canterlot. “Time to rub somepony’s face in the dirt..ehehehaahahaha” Discord laughed at the prospects of the poor Princess when she learned what had befallen her precious elements…and her student. With a snap of his fingers, he was off to find out just that.
------------------
Princess Celestia paced across her chambers as she awaited word on the fate of her student and her friends. All her attempts to learn what was happening outside the palace were blocked by Discord’s magic, and a feeling of dread was beginning to form deep within her heart. She glanced out the window, once again being greeted by the sight of Discord’s chaos at work.
“Well well well…you look rather calm for someone whose only hope has dashed.”
Celestia whirled and gazed above her, spotting the Spirit of Discord hanging from her chandelier. “Discord! I don’t know what it is you hope to accomplish coming here, but the elements-”
“Will do absolutely nothing, ahaahaha…” Discord chuckled darkly as he swung down to float in front of her. He brought his face close to her’s and smiled as he spoke “It may be hard for you to believe, considering who’s bringing you this news, but then, I have no reason to lie when I’ve won.”
Her eyes narrowed in fury as she retorted angrily “What are you talking about?!” Deep down though, a voice in the back of her head already had an idea of what it was he going to say.
“Your little ponies have failed, your highness,” he replied with a sneer, disgust evident in the last word as he stared at her with contempt. “The elements didn’t work, and harmony is dead.” He pulled back and laughed at the expression of shock that briefly crossed her features.
She gathered her resolve as she said “They haven’t been beaten yet Discord.”
He pulled back, laughing at her naivety as he snapped his fingers, six mirrors popping into the room and floating over towards her. “Oh really? Then why don’t you take a look at your precious elements, and tell me I haven’t beaten you.”
She glared at him, but she couldn’t stop herself from gazing into each of the mirrors. Inside each one, was one of the elements, and as they revolved around her, she was overtaken with pain and heartache, especially when she saw the image of her faithful student falling to the same powers of disharmony the others had. She could feel tears forming in her eyes as she turned her gaze back to the spirit of disharmony who was gorging himself on her rooms wallpaper. Her fury returned in full force as she slammed a hoof down, her magic sending the mirrors flying and crashing around her.
“You still haven’t won Discord! Friendship is worth fighting for, and I will not abandon my student or her friends!”
He yawned, a bored look crossing his features as he returned his attention to her. “Gag, you go ahead and try that Celestia. It’ll be far more enjoyable for me if you keep trying to resist, even though the game is over. When your spirit finally breaks, I shall be there to drink in the despair. Au revoir princess!”
A flash, and he was gone. She glared at the space he had occupied for a moment before making her way towards her study. She knew how to restore the magic of friendship and save Equestria from the chaos of Discord’s insanity. She just hoped she would be in time.
Meanwhile, Discord watched as the solar princess brought forth all of the friendship reports that Twilight had sent her since the defeat of Nightmare Moon. He frowned as he saw each of them glow with her magic, and then transform into a silvery mist and head rushing out the window. It didn’t take much for him to figure out her plan, and he felt his mouth twist into a delightfully evil grin as he raised his claw and wagged it, a glow surrounding it as he murmured “Oh no, we can’t have that now can we dear Celestia. I will not be stopped this time…your world is mine for eternity.”
He stretched out his magic, and snatched each letter she sent out, burning them with his magic and sending their ashes across the lands of Equestria. When she had exhausted all of the letters, he turned to watch her as she glanced outside again. He cupped his hand to an ear and heard her murmur “Its all up to you now…”
He laughed. This was going to be a moment to remember.
------
Twilight stepped into the library, and saw Spike attempting to clean up some of the mess that had been made earlier by her former friends. He was having a hard time of it, as periodically, a book he was reaching for would snap at him, or something would grow little legs and move to the other side of the room. She shook her head at the sight of her home filled with bits of chaos…she decided to ignore it as she closed the door and started heading towards her room.
“Oh, Twilight, your back-Woah, what happened to you? You look as grey as the others did…”
Twilight gazed at herself, and noticed that she was indeed grey. Just like her friends, she had changed. But thanks to the hollow feeling deep inside her…she just couldn’t get the nerve up to care.
“It doesn’t matter Spike…just grab your things. We’re leaving Ponyville.”
Spike was stopped in mid-step, but he recovered quickly when another book tried to bite his tail. “What do you mean Twilight?! We can’t just leave Ponyville, not with Discord still out there!”
“Discord’s won Spike, the elements failed…I failed. And without the elements…and my friends…” She paused there, feeling her eyes watering up a bit, but she blinked the tears away and continued “Without them…there’s nothing we can do…and no reason to stay here.”
Twilight shook her head before pulling out a suitcase and placing some books and food in it. She pulled the element of magic off her head and held it in the air with her magic, before tossing it aside in a nearby trash can. Spike watched this with a horrified expression, and he tried one last time to get through to Twilight
“But what about the Princess? What about Equestria?”
She stopped briefly when he said that, and thought about that. She knew that deep down, she really should care about the fate of her mentor, and the country she had called home for so long. But once again, that hollow feeling overpowered those thoughts.
“It’s not our problem anymore Spike…now go get your things and meet me outside the library. There is one last thing I need to do.” Spike tried to protest, but he could see it wasn’t going to do him any good. And he had a feeling that if he didn’t go hurry, Twilight would leave him behind, and he couldn’t let that happen.
Twilight barely listened to his footfalls as she approached her night stand, pulling out a bottle of ink, a quill, and a scroll. She dipped the quill in the ink, and began writing.
Dear Princess Celestia…this will be my last report to you on the magic…the magic of friendship.
We failed. We all fell for Discord’s trap when we stepped into that labyrinth. One by one, my friends changed into big fat jerks. Applejack lied, Pinkie was suspicious of everything any of us said or did, Rarity was hoarding a giant boulder she had named Tom, Fluttershy was cruel to all of us, and Rainbow Dash abandoned all of us in that maze. It was too late when we finally found the Elements. Thanks to Discords magic and the missing element of loyalty, we weren’t able to imprison him.
And now…now he has won. My friends have run off…I don’t know where, and I guess I don’t really care either. I don’t need friends like them anyways…I was perfectly fine before…before…I had,…f-friends.
It’s hard to write to this…I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I just can’t see any way to fix everything. Every time I try to think of my friends, of how they used to be, and all the memories we shared, I see what they’ve become. I see those memories tinged by the changes that Discord has caused.
Maybe it was meant to be this way…maybe this would have happened someday even without Discord. It’s better that it happens know then years from now…I don’t know if I could handle the pain I would feel.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that I’ve learned that sometimes…something’s just…fade away..and there is nothing we can do about them.
Your…Your Former Student…
Twilight Sparkle.
She felt another tear fall from her face as she finished writing the letter, rolling it up with her magic as she let the quill hit the floor. She picked up her suitcase and headed down the stairs, taking one last moment to look at library, before stepping outside. She saw Spike sitting on top of a small suitcase, a red gem in his mouth as he sucked on it.
“Spike? I have a letter for you to send. Could you send it now so that we can get going? It’s going to be a long journey.”
Spike hopped off his suitcase and walked over, taking the scroll from her and looking at it. He glanced at her and asked “Can I read it?” A shake from Twilight’s head told him her answer, and he sighed as he took in a deep breath and blasted the scroll. They both watched it transform into mist and head off for Canterlot.
“So, where are we goin-woah!” He gasped as he felt a purple glow surround him, and he could feel Twilight’s magic flowing through him. He felt her do something, and then the magic faded, and he was gently set down on the ground. “Hey, what gives Twi, what the hay did you do?”
“I broke the spell that lets you send and receive letters to the Princess. We don’t need you coughing up letters every few minutes. Now climb on Spike, we’ve got a lot of traveling to do.”
Spike grabbed his bag and climbed on Twilight’s back, taking a glance at the library he had come to love and the town he had called home. “Any idea where we’re going Twi?” He saw her doing the same as he was, but she tore her eyes away from it all as she started walking forward.
“I don’t know Spike…but I can’t stay here a moment longer.” She said as she passed over a bridge of gumdrops over a river of chocolate. A few minutes later, as they approached the edge of the Everfree, Twilight took one last look at Ponyville, at what had been her home.
“Goodbye…forever…” She murmured, two final tears falling from her eyes and falling to the ground as she turned and entered the forest.
-----------
Celestia sat in front of her fireplace, a roaring fire keeping her warm as a cold wind blew over Canterlot. She looked outside and saw it slowly raining ice cream as the city tried to cope with what was happening.
Why hasn’t she responded yet? Why hasn’t Discord’s magic vanished?
She soon got an answer, as she heard the telltale shimmering of a letter heading towards her. Through the window came the silvery mist, and it reformed into a scroll before her and dropped to the ground. She picked it up with her magic, but as she did so, there was a sudden jolt inside her. She briefly felt her student’s magic reaching all the way from Ponyville, and a look of sheer terror crossed her face as she realized what was happening.
“No, no no no!” She shook her head as she tried to focus her magic, to try and repel the dispel, but a wave of extra power overpowered her defenses, and she cried out as she felt the spell being broken.
“No…she wouldn’t…she couldn’t have…” Her legs trembled as she tried to stand up, but she used every ounce of her willpower to do so as she picked up the letter still sitting on the floor. She had to know, despite the fear and pain she was still reeling from, she needed to find out. And there was only one way to do so…
She unrolled the letter…and read it.
Tears began to form in her eyes as she read each word, and when she reached the end, she had to close her eyes. Her mind just couldn’t accept it, she couldn’t finish it. To finish reading it would make it all too real for her…
She opened her eyes as she heard the throaty cackles of the very being who was the source of it all. She looked at the fireplace and saw Discord standing there, a triumphant look on his face. And unlike when he had been there earlier, there was nothing but twisted and dark joy in his eyes as he watched her.
“This…this has to be a trick! It has to be!” She cried out at him, his expression never changing as he stood there. She rolled the scroll up and tossed it at him, turning away so he wouldn’t see the tears that were beginning to fall from her eyes.
Discord, for his part, simply caught the letter in his eagle claw, and walked around Celestia so that he was again standing in front of her. Her head was down, and he could see the stains her tears were forming on the carpet below. He placed his lions paw under her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking straight at him as she opened her eyes. He saw the pain, the despair, the fear of what it was he was about to do next. He drank it all in, but he still saw a single thread of hope that was clinging for dear life. And all it took was a single thread for her to continue to resist.
It was time to end this. It was time for the game to end, for the victor to be declared. Still maintaining his silent, dark expression, he unfurled the letter and kept her gaze pointed at it. She tried to turn away, to look away, but his magic kept her eyes stuck to the letter. She was forced to reread the entire thing, and once again, she stopped as she neared the last line. For a brief second, she glanced up at Discord and whispered “Please…no…please…”
Celestia pleading not to face reality? It was almost too good for him, and he nearly lost his composure then and there. But he couldn’t do that, no. He forced her eyes back to the final line, and watched as her eyes traveled over each word.
Your…Your Former Student…
Twilight Sparkle.
Discord released his hold on Celestia, and she crumbled to the ground, her body wracked by sobs as she finally broke. He felt the last thread of resistance snap inside of her, and he bathed in the feeling of her soul breaking as he finally started to laugh.
It was over. And he had won.
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Poor Ponyville, doomed to everlasting chaos.
326453
And we're next. It won't take long for total destruction here. Discord will barely have to do more than snap his fingers.
Ah, very good. I had heard this song a while ago. Your addition to the body of tragic literature is most appreciated. While I can make an argument that your description of Twilight's absolute depression and desperation does not fit the song based on your short description, you are more faithful to the way that the show portrayed Twilight. While the song was more poetically tragic, your story is more faithful to the cannon. And although I favor the more depressed and desperate Twilight rather than the bitter and angry Twilight, this was a very good work.
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Wow. The picture painted is one of utter hopelessness.
I have to wonder what happens next. The story can't end here! It just can't...there has to be hope...somewhere...
If you didn't click on the link to the song, here it is again. I suggest you listen to that and read this at the same time. Ahahahahah! *where's a Discord emoticon when you need one* One Last Letter by SoundofTheAviators
326629
Well, the song inspired me, but I didn't want to just take the lyrics and morph them into a story. I wanted something that would fit how things would have ended in their world if Discord stopped Celestia from interfering. I also figured that the song would play as more of a backdrop. Listen to it as you read this...I think it makes it all the more grim and tragic, muahahahahaah. As a side note, I wasn't trying to make her angry, if she did come off that way. I was going for a "Twilight Sparkle without any hope for restoring harmony"
But I thank you for your comment. Honestly, seeing these comments is making my day.
326808
Excuse me one moment...*cough hack cough*
*laughs manically*
326819
*continues to laugh evilly and darkly* That is what I was aiming for my little bronies. An eternal reign of chaos isn't complete without the breaking of a few strong spirits.
To quote the song this is fic was inspired by (and I believe I used this line)
Dear princess, the lesson I learned today
Is that sometimes everything just fades away...
As for this being the last chapter....well now, writing one that has some hope would kind of defeat the purpose of this one shot. But, *grins mischievously* I suppose if enough people ask for another chapter, I may consider it...
After all...there is somepony everyone seems to be forgetting about...even in the show itself...*laughs evilly again*
Any chance of an epilogue?
Exceptionally well written, well done.
Hopelessness is the word
Twilight's letter is just insanely depressing to read, and the fact that Celestia is so close to Twilight just makes it all the sadder that she leaves. I don't know if you have any ideas, but I would love to see it expanded upon. Did Celestia get sealed away? Where did Twilight go and will she ever come back? And just where the hell was Luna during all of this?
Oh well. As it stands, it's a very good one-shot. Into my favorites you go.
Endless Chocolate Rain!!!
326926 ooh you mean Princess Luna? it's Luna isn't it? if it's Luna then please make more
326627
No, no, no, Discord may be Lord of Chaos in his world, but even the gods themselves are controlled by higher powers. He must bow to the will of the Shadows Who Watch, just as the very Pony Universe did. It was the Shadows which caused the end of the Third Age, and until the Shadows wish it the Fifth will not begin. Beyond Them are the Creators, Hasbro All-Maker Beginning And End Amen, the Writers/Author/Editor/Publisher, the Lady Shaper All-mother Faust. These beings of greatest power, greater than Entropy and Havoc, even greater than all of the Draconequi and Alicorns, reside within our world. Discord shall not pass over the Rainbow Bridge, for it has already been shattered and the World Between the Worlds closed. Strife and Anarchy closed it, and they are no more. Besides, our universe already has a Lord of Chaos, and He/She/It/They Who Shall Not Be Named on account of the First and Second Rule will not tolerate competition.
And for those of you who would despair of the situation, I invite you all to read the stories of [url=alexwarlorn.deviantart.com]Alex Warlorn, and how Twilight Tragedy at last remembered herself and freed Equestria while rewriting history to the state as we know it today.
337858
unless of course, we are not creators, but merely recorders of that which happens elsewhere. Doomed to never seen these fantastic places of which we write, and only to see them in our wildest dreams, doomed to wake with feeling of longing, or terror, or sorrow, but never to walk along the wispy walkways that link this world to so many others. We can come close to it, for when we dream of attaining injury, we wake with similar, if lesser affliction, but always we are held separate from them.
Cursed and blessed are we with the Fourth Wall, for though it denies us our dreams, it also protects us from the nightmares, and the dark things that only seem to be spawned from the darkest corner of the Human psyche.
Wow... I don't even know what to say... give me a moment
*takes deep breath*
Okay first of all I enjoyed this story (not the fact that Equestria is doomed but the writing itself). The mere imagination of Celestia crumbling to the ground gives my heart stings, after all she represents hope and order. A goddess that lived for more than 1000 years breaks down in sobs?!
If I weren't writing at my story I would write a sequel, describing how Luna would find her sister and comfort her and how they would search for Twilight, turning her back to normal and... well you get it ;)
I think one reason for this to torture ones heart is that no brony wants to imagine what Equestria would be like if Discord had won (and if he would be truly evil and not just... crazy).
Fanfics like this were the reason why I wanted to write something myself...
Thank you for that amazing story!
I'm not into all these Discord win it all, but this one was kind of nice. I was pretty revolted and I guess that's a good sign. For me, it means the story works. Maybe the fact that it was short helped me to read it through. Anyway, well done !
Yet, I don't like the idea that Discord is far superior to Celestia, which he is here. I'll put them on equal grounds and even though he was superior to both princesses individually, they could balance him if they fight together. I'd like to see him win by being smart instead of ridiculously powerful
Here's one complaint I have, Luna's absence. Well, she was also absent in the show, so that's kind of difficult to put her in the story..
Also, you weren't too cruel on Celestia, not too much at least. That is a good point !
Have a nice day !
When I saw this on Eqd, I thought it was mine own story of the same name.
You did it better...
I was so sure he would turn her into a weeping princess statue. Hmm.
About five minutes later, Luna turns up. "Hi, Sister, I finally got my full power... back?"
Pause.
"Okay, Celly, you really should have let me know when Discord escaped. Now, who were the backups I looked into?"
"...we really should have rehearsed this."
Welll didnt Celestia and her sister have the elemts of harmony.Didnt they stop Discord before?
338537
To point out, Celestia and Luna are no longer bound to the Elements. While its theoretically possible they could use them again, something tells me it might not be as effective. Of course, theres the whole "Discords broken Celestia" bit, so I'm pretty sure the elements might not be all that useful to her in her current state.
337928
Yeah, I enjoyed writing that bit. In fact, I'd say thats my most favorite part. Just picture Discord just standing there, a triumphant and twisted smile on his face as he hammers the last nail into Equestria's coffin. Heck, the bit where Celestia was pleading was a bit too much for myself, I had to stop and take a moment just to let that image set in my mind.
A sequel is in the possibilities. This was actually meant to quite literally only be a oneshot. While I have no problems with others going ahead and writing their own sequels, I am giving some consideration to the idea of writing one. Not that it would necessarily be any brighter or less depressing, muahahahahahah
337975
From the way they portray it in the show, Discord is indeed superior to both Celestia and Luna. It takes the Elements of Harmony to defeat him even with only Luna and Celestia, so they obviously don't have the power (normally) to actually fight him on a level playing field.
Luna's absence is done for the simple fact that she didn't show up in the episodes themselves. my personal theory is that she fell asleep studying Equestrian history.
I wasn't too cruel to Celestia
What blasphemy is this!!? I made the Solar Princess break down and cry as she loses all thought of hope against beating Discord! I made her most beloved student abandon her and all of Equestria to a reign of Eternal Chaos!
I obviously need to work on my evilness
Very powerful, very emotional, very hitting.
I felt more from that then I did My Little Dashie.
Excellent writing, excellent indeed. That was wonderful, saddening as all hell though.
Bravo.
338572
Well no, you see that's where I disagree. For me they are on even ground. If they just go on plain battle with him, it would end in some sort of endless battle with, ultimately, no real winners. If they just tried to undo what he did, he will start somewhere else and so on. Thus, the royal sisters needed the elements of harmony to prevent him from acting.
As to why they didn't fight him in the episodes, I'll say they didn't want to hurt anypony around in addition of what I said above. I would even go as to saying they are now a bit stronger than him as he was idle for maybe millennia !
About the display of power we see from Discord in the show, I can turn it to fit my position too ! The less we see, the more is possible... (I'll never try to translate expression again, Pinkie Promise). My point is, we see a LOT about Discord and not so much about Celestia, then Celestia has virtually more power than Discord. He can control both the moon and the sun ? So does Celestia. He can alter the world properties ? She can break a spell, and I'm sure she has a spell or two to do the same. Well, he does have the ability to nullify some magic... But he couldn't break the spell cast by Twilight at the end, the bubble shield.
To summarize my point, they did have the power to fight him, not the power to neutralize him.
All that, including what you said, is assumption and interpretation, of course. I asked Lauren Faust about that, but I don't think I'll get an answer...
One day maybe !
Sorry to pollute your story's comment with this, but I love to debate !
About the cruelty, I have read a fanfiction where she is far more psychologically destroyed. That is why I found you merciful. Well, that plus the fact that your story was short. The other story, heavenly turmoil if you ever want to know, is 8 chapter long. It's easier to torture a character with that length.
But I'll admit it was still very cruel... The fact that she was powerless and totally helpless was a little unbearable.. That's what I don't like about all powerful Discord. But I don't know, maybe she can fight him and in future chapters she will try to bring back the elements of harmony ?
BRB Depression.
Some goddess Celestia turned out to be.... where's Q when you need him?
339282
Q's already there, didn't you know
339323 Is he Discord and making this whole take over the world thing up as some sort of joke? He ain't that evil.
And then Haku pressed the 'Nuke It All' button and everypony died.
Your story was nicely executed. I absolutely love the song and your story does serve it justice. Like others have said I do want to see more of this, but I do understand making it hopefull would defeat the point. However you do have an opportunity ( in this community... ok you can shoot me) too progress tragedy even farther. For example one character you still could break is Luna. Seeing her sister in the state discord left her in causes her to at first want to avenge her, but then after failing she see becomes angry at Celestia for letting this happen. An awesome power struggle could come about if she is posessed by Nightmare Moon. Just imagine that neither out come of that is good for equestria.
I would also like to see where twilight goes. Maybe she hunts down those who have wronged her? Twilight as a antihero would be awesome.
But regardless awesome story I love it as is and appreciate the effort. Also I'm sorry if it seems like I'm telling you what you should do, I get excited very easy and start ponder ideas. Wish I could translate them into writting, then agian i dont think the world is prepared for my stories/mind.
337975
Actually that's a pretty nice theory... I never thought about that. I've read a fic where Twilight fights against Celestia (and wins)... well Celestia was pretty badass (like drenched in golden flames, crumbling stones to dust badass!) and I think you might be right with that endless battle. I don't think that we will ever see Celestia actually fighting in the show, but in fandome terms she is pretty powerful (after all she controls the freaking SUN and was though enough to banish her own sister for a thousand years and didn't break on that horrible feeling).
But this is a fanfiction after all, Rainbow Sparkle could also made Discord a raging demon, rising the fallen legions of the underworld and- well you get the idea. It's fine with me that Discord is stronger than the princess in this fic, if I find some time I might write some critic...
Indeed, not too harsh at all. Scented Venom is much harsher in my opinion. Although, I'm not sure if this is Pony POV-level harsh.
This is based on my favorite song ever and you did an amazing job. Kudos to you, my friend.
All be honest, I found the song first, and after I found this I had to read it.
Perfect. Sometimes I just like dark fics, and this one fit the bill perfectly. Discord was so close in the TV series... had he but managed to not underestimate Celestia and Twilight, he would have won again.
I love this story.
I usually avoid those alternate universes things, but this one was worth the while.
Good read! A bit sad as Discord seems a lot darker than he was portrayed in the show, but the outcome is quite remarkable.
Perhaps Twilight will do one last "noble" thing and take Spike to the Dragonlands (some fanfics call it the Wyrmstadt) and leave him there so he can be the dragon he was supposed to be, and after that, she would find some place to live as a hermit.
Celestia and Luna would then search frantically for replacement Holders of the Elements, or scramble to reattach themselves to them, once they pry them out of Rarity's hooves. :D
Discord's power is impressive, after all, he altered the sun/moon cycle, so both Celestia and Luna would feel their power being worked against.
One other thing I thought about is this: when Twilight found Starswirl's time spell, what if.....
....instead of going back 1 week to tell herself not to worry about the future.....
....she instead wrote down a list of instructions....
...and went back several months, to 24 hours before the CMC freed Discord?
The instructions would be:
1. Reschedule the field trip to 1 day after what was programmed.
2. Warn Celestia that since the Holders of the Elements had changed, the spell imprisoning Discord was weakening, and the Elements were to go to Canterlot immediately to re-seal him.
3. Tell Luna to ease up on the Royal Canterlot Voice. :D
4. Fix the dam immediately.
5. Tell the mayor not to let the Flim Flam brothers into Ponyville.
6. Tell herself to be careful with Spike's hoarding instincts on his upcoming birthday.
7. Inspect the construction of that building (and also a few other incidents on the Mare Do Well episode).
8. Tell Applejack to ramp up her training for the upcoming rodeo.
9. And, of course tell herself to not worry about the future :D
Just a few ideas :D
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I had no plans for Spikes or Twilight's fate when I initially wrote this (before I was convinced to write a sequel).
The only problem with that is that Celestia's spirit has been broken. Luna is...somewhere
And the problem with this is that the timeline has been altered. Twilight won't find Starswirl the Bearded's time travel spell. (Or, if she did, she wouldn't use it because she feels that it doesn't matter, that Discord would still win. Remember, she's been Discorded, and it was thanks to the letters that she was brought back)
Remember, this is an alternate universe and an alternate ending to Return of Harmony part 2. thus, anything that would have happened afterwards has been changed.
370938
Valid points, it's just that my time travel idea would be for a completely timeline separate from this fanfic. Sorry for the confusion.
326926 nay shes back into night time mode if you know what i mean
and i no i ahvnt read the rest of the comments yet
326926
A pony not seen even in the show...Starswirl the bearded? Lil pip? Super mega ultra scootaloo, the destroyer of worlds...or...or maybe...paco, the magical christmas donkey...
I don't read many fics but when I do, they don't often move me. This is one of the few that has. I don't really like the darkness and hopelessness of it all but that was the point wasn't it?
Phew, it's a good thing Celestia sent those letters a tad bit earlier in the show...as if Discord could have stopped her anyways.
You know, just those reassurances I give myself after reading something disheartening.
Kind of like Cupcakes (which I haven't actually read, but there is A LOT said about). Therefore, Cupcakes for me is officially just one of the nightmares within the Silent Ponyville universe.
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Actually, all Cupcakes is is graphic. Its not really all that disturbing, so much as simply graphic. Plus, its not written well enough to be all that terrifying. And sweet apple massacre is supposedly even worse when it comes to the writing.
Silent Ponyville on the other hand, it takes the bad that is Cupcakes and makes it oh so deliciously evil and terrifying that I just get the shivers thinking about it.
929538
Ah, but the ending to Silent Ponyville is so much more satisfying.
I see what you're saying, though. Cupakses - some author just trying to be graphic and maybe trying to cash in on shock value vs. Silent Ponyville - which has A LOT of emotion running through it. I can definitely still get the shivers when I think about the Pinkie Pie vs Pinkie Pie fight. I've read plenty of fight scenes, both in published literature and in fimfiction, but Silent Ponyville PP vs. PP surpasses just being a good fight due to how emotionally charged that whole storyline is. And the terrifying nature of it all, especially for our heroine Pinkie Pie, to whom the terrors are so personal. The more immersed you get as a reader (and I got pretty immersed) the better it gets. All these things add up - for example, in the PP vs. PP scene - to make things just so much more impactful than your typical fight scene.
In case you couldn't tell, I'm a fan of that fic. :pinkie happy:
To me, though, all of these factors also add up to make the ending so much more fulfilling when it comes and we see all of the personal healing that happens. And it leaves me feeling happy. Not ecstatic, bouncing off the walls happy, but maybe more tear-in-my-eye happy. Quiet, fulfilled happy
Thanks for responding, by the way.
. But after Silent Ponyville, I stopped being annoyed by it.
So, this has kind of been a slightly long-winded way of explaining why I still love Silent Ponyville even though it totally is a lot scarier than Cupcakes is as a fic. The idea of cupcakes just kind of leaves a bad taste in your mouth, IMO. And it's not really good for much else. Maybe it was somewhat of a bad example in my previous comment, seeing as you're not the first person I've seen say that it was poorly written. The infamy in the fandom, though, doesn't seem to want to let me forget that it was written
Anyways, good luck on your current fics!
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Thanks. While the tons and tons of recursive works (many I've adopted as part of canon) are still mostly on deviantart. I do now have a fimfiction account too.
After starting my fanfic of the PMV Clouds (BronydanceParty) I decide to go back check other fanfics based off other songs and PMVs. that is how I came across yours and I have to say it is really awsome. I kinda wish that you could go more in depth about what happens to Twilight and her friends afterward but it still works to end it now. Well done.
2047528
There is a sequel, which I really need to get back to work on.
2048041 oh cool I'll Keep my eyes out for it.
Bravo! Great story!
The way you wrote the letter doesn't make sense. You wrote it like it was dialogue, with pauses and stuttering due to Twilight's emotional state, but it's not dialogue and that's not how people write letters. Unless you're working somewhere where you can work in tear stains and variations in handwriting and such things, and are willing to put in the associated effort, you pretty much need to constrain yourself to expressing the thoughts behind the words using only choices of phrasing and crossed-out words. This story is a good example of what I mean about how to write letters, I'd say.
If you'd permit me my pathetic attempt at writing a letter:
Dear Princess Celestia,
This will be my last report to you on the magic of friendship.
We failed. We all fell for Discord’s trap when we stepped into that labyrinth. One by one, my friends changed into big fat jerks. Applejack lied, Pinkie was suspicious of everything any of us said or did, Rarity was hoarding a giant boulder she had named Tom, Fluttershy was cruel to all of us, and Rainbow Dash abandoned all of us in that maze. It was too late when we finally found the Elements. Thanks to Discord's magic and the missing element of loyalty, we weren’t able to imprison him.
And now he has won. My friends have run off, I don’t know where, and I guess I don’t really care either. I don’t
wantneed friends like them anyways. I was perfectlyhappyfine before I had friends.It’s hard to write to this. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I just can’t see any way to fix everything
and I can't seem to care any more. Every time I try to think of my friends, of how they used to be, and all the memories we shared, I see what they’ve become.It hurtsI see those memories tinged by the changes that Discord has caused.Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe this would have happened someday even without Discord. It’s better that it happens now then years from now. I don’t know if I could handle the pain I would feel.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that I’ve learned that sometimes some things just fade away, and there is nothing we can do about them.
Your
FaithfulFormer StudentTwilight Sparkle.
2394196 I understand where you're coming from, I think he's trying to represent the thoughts that went through Twilight as she penned it down.
2811127 Then he should have put it in quotation marks, so it was Twilight talking to herself as she wrote the letter. There are a multitude of ways to convey a story, so no writer should ever feel it necessary to structure a channel of communication like a completely different channel just to show the reader some piece of information. It breaks suspension of disbelief.
I was evilly laughing the whole way through!