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John Bon Pony

Joined September 2011
489 followers

Not a brony, but will still do Fiction if the mood strikes him.

Stories (1)

  • Until you met her
    (2nd Person Fic. You X Rainbow Dash.) How can a rainbow brighten your life?

    37,072 words · 23,960 views · 1,366 likes · 31 dislikes

Blog Posts (220)


Until you met her, the skies seemed like they were a million miles away. Until you met her, you almost always kept your wings tucked flat against your sides, never bothering to even so much as flap them. Until you met her, you didn't even know how to fly. But all of that changed, when you met her.

First Published
18th Oct 2011
Last Modified
24th Nov 2011

Comments ( 950 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

Thus far I like it. I have to say, Dash's enthusiasm for the Wonderbolts was pretty accurate. I hope to see more from you.

#2 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

Enthusiasm is easy, personality is hard. I'm gonna have to do some research and figure out how to write rainbow dash a bit more, so expect maybe one-two updates a week. :pinkiehappy:

#3 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

Interesting! Keep up the good work!:twilightsmile:

#4 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

>>13871 Thanks! Glad you think so!:pinkiehappy:

#5 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

i have alot of hope for this fanfic :raritystarry: make it the best u can

#6 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

>>13898 Roger Doger! :rainbowdetermined2:

#7 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

I find that second person fiction, when done well, can be extremely immersive. I cannot remember if you are the one who wrote all the second-person shipping stories or not, John Bon Pony, but if so you are doing a great job.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 3d ago · · ·

>>13915 Nope, sorry. Ive read them, and I liked them a lot, so i decided to try writing one for my self, but I cant take credit for any others you have read. But I would like to do more if this one comes out successful. :twilightsmile:

#9 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 2d ago · · ·

I like were the story is going! :pinkiehappy:

Would love to read some more chapters, too!

#10 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 2d ago · · ·

>>14333 Thanks! More chapters are in the works, and should be out once-twice a week.:pinkiehappy:

#11 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 2d ago · · ·

I clicked on this because... I don't even know.  It was there, I saw it, I've been coming to grips with the fact that I'm hopelessly in love with Rainbow Dash.  Whatever the reason, I clicked on the link, read the comments, and was about to close the page.  Then, I couldn't.  I have no idea who you are and know that we have probably never met and never will, but when I read your story... It was like reading my journal.

You may wish to check over your chapter, I noticed some spelling and grammar mistakes, but don't let that get you down, everyone makes mistakes.

I enjoy this story and will keep an eye on it, if just because I can relate to it.

#12 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 2d ago · · ·

>>14598 Dont worry, i think everyone has their own pony crush on a character, mine is Luna. Im glad you enjoyed the story and i went through and fixed the errors i found. Keep watching for the next two chapters to come up whiten a few days.:pinkiehappy:

#13 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

Lovin' it so far. Lack of many 2nd person stories on the site, I hope you continue with it!

#14 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

>>15039 Thanks! Chapter 3 is done actually. I'm posting it Thursday, right now its just getting some edits, content changes, expansion and stuff like that.  :twilightsmile:

#15 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

>>15043

If that's the case I can't wait~!! I love these kinds of stories and yours is getting reeeeally interesting!

#16 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

>>15072 Good, cause i have plenty of ideas that i have yet to put down on paper, so i think this story will get nice and lengthy. :twilightsmile:

#17 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

The immersion is great!

#18 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

>>15099:twilightsmile: Thanks! Glad to hear you're enjoying it!

#19 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 15h ago · · ·

oh dear god let us not hope that she tells me off cause i think it a date my :heart: will brake :applecry:

#20 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 14h ago · · ·

>>15435 Dont worry. even though i cant reveal much of the plot, i will say that all trouble will be resolved.:scootangel:

#21 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 13h ago · · ·

>>15443 that makes me feel better and now i want to make time go by faster so i can read it befor ANYONE ELSE:flutterrage:

#22 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 13h ago · · ·

>>15478 Chapter Three comes up tomorrow, and chapter Four will be up on Saturday. Chapter Five MIGHT be up along with Four if i can get them all edited in time, because i feel chapter four has some confusing elements that might need to resolved immediately in chapter five, but that's a few days away so we will see. :pinkiehappy:

#23 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

Alright, you have a bit of a problem capitalizing letters. Often, proper names (Dash, Spitfire) aren't capitalized, and towards the end there was some weird capitalization going on (“What the hay, Why not?”). I'm not sure if you are a native English speaker or not, so don't be insulted by the following :p

Proper names, the names of specific people, places, and things (Dash, Ponyville, the Elements of Harmony) are all capitalized to identify them as important, as opposed to non-specific words (the pony, the town, the artifact). The first word of each sentence also gets capitalized, of course, and that's it. Of course, if you already know all this then ignore my ramblings :p

So, still loving this story. Keep it up!

#24 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

>>15731 I've been running on very little sleep, so im making more mistakes then usual lol. :rainbowlaugh: Glad to see i have a guardian Grammar angle watching my back. I just went through it and i think i got everything fixed, but thanks again for pointing stuff out.:pinkiehappy:

#25 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

Well, I've never really been a big fan of second-person stories. But, I've gotta say, I'm liking this.

#26 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

>>15739 Glad to hear it! LOVE your profile picture.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

#27 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

>>15750 I wish I could say I drew that. Sadly, my artistic skills leave A LOT to be desired. Hence why I hang out on a fanfiction site, I suppose.

In any case, yes, it's an awesome picture. Might be a bit out of place around here, but screw it. Dr Who is amazing.

#28 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

>>15779 It certainly is, and you can always defend it's place by pointing out MLP has Doctor Whooves.

#29 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

coolos no telling u off or something that will disappoint me :twilightsmile: ME GUESTA

#30 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·
#31 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

MOAR!

#32 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

>>15880 More is on the way soon! In fact, im looking for a couple of people to pre read chapter four for me. so if you absolutely cant wait, send me a message and i'll give you the pass word.

#33 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

>>15733 i Know how you feel. i go to bed at like 12 30 and wake up at 4 for swim practice. what can i say im a night owl?! :derpytongue2:

#34 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

>>16054 i just make poor bedtime choices lol:pinkiehappy:

#35 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

Loved it. Need moar XD

#36 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

I'm waiting...:ajbemused:

#37 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

>>16149, Double Update tomorrow!>>16189

#38 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

I must complement you.

Your the first person I've seen that is taking the time to reply to almost every comment you get.  That's really impressive.

I still love the story, I'll be waiting for the updates tomorrow, and thanks for not thinking my last comment is weird. :twilightsheepish:

#39 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

>>16288 Well if you guys are taking the time to read it and leave me comments then the least i can do is try and comment each one of you individually =) I always like hearing from my readers, you guys make it all worthwhile. :pinkiehappy:

#40 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

That...was...GREAT!!!!  :pinkiehappy:

#41 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

>>16518 Glad you thought so! More is to come so i hope you stay tuned! :twilightsmile:

#42 · Chapter 4 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

Wow, can't wait for chapter 6! Rainbow really hurt his feelings, and not only them but his leg as well... Poor guy. :fluttercry:

#43 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

>>16528 Yeah but i think the kiss made up for it =) :heart:

#44 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 5d ago · · ·

This is good. Great success o7

#45 · Chapter 2 · 130w, 4d ago · · ·

Wow, second person is incredibly hard to pull off but you're doing so quite well.

#46 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 4d ago · · ·

*Squee*

#47 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 4d ago · · ·

Just going to toss some advice in here as I read.

This is a bit nitpicky, but it is more professional to write out numbers below 100. When reading novels, authors do write "The War of 1812," but not "The 3 Musketeers." It's not a very important point, but every bit makes the story that much higher in quality. I only noticed it once - the "3 stories tall" Gilded Horseshoe in the beginning, but something to keep in mind.

Bah! You forgot to capitalize Dash's name at least thrice! :p

There's also a couple cases where you are missing an apostrophe (') for possessive objects; "our hotels best patron" should be "our hotel's best patron." A very confusing rule, seeing as "it" is the complete reverse (its is possesive, it's is a contraction), but English is filled with messes like this. You get used to it all :p

I could have sworn that "Wonder Bolts" was one word, "Wonderbolts." Ignore me if I'm wrong :p

Ah, here you say "the three hundred's floor." You're implying that the three hundreds are in possession of the floor, so you want to say "the three hundreds floor," the third floor.

Oh, I thought that "friezes" was some odd typo :p Someone knows more about architecture than me :D

This sentence came across as odd here: "Faced the fire place, but you couldn’t help look at her from the corner of your eyes." Do you mean to say that "Facing the fireplace, you..." or that "Rainbow Dash was facing the fireplace, and [you] couldn’t help [but] look at her from the corner of your eyes." The origional sentence doesn't make it clear who exactly is doing the facing.

Still have a problem with odd capitalizations :p I noticed it is after commas; are you writing sentences, then replacing periods with commas after?

Soarin's antics made me laugh out loud :D

More apostraphie stuff: "ones dream" should be "one's dream."

"You didn’t know if she was at the hotel still, but it was at least worth a try, If she had left then you could wait until morning to find her, but you couldn’t wait until morning without at least trying to track her down a bit first." Way too may commas; if you have more than two in a sentence, you might want to rewrite it. A period instead of a comma at "was worth a try" would work.

So, still enjoying this a lot. Keep it up and tell me if I'm being annoying with all my nitpicking :p

#48 · Chapter 1 · 130w, 4d ago · · ·

is the lead character a girl or a boy?

#49 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 4d ago · · ·

can''t waaaaaaait

#50 · Chapter 5 · 130w, 4d ago · · ·

>>16585

Doesn't really matter. That's why second person is awesome.

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