big mac!

when did you become such a badass

awn, so cute

I still get a bit confused on whos talking sometimes, though

Alright, now that things have calmed down and I've had a nap, I just want to say thank you for tracking, commenting, liking, and just generally paying attention to my story here. It's not the first story I've written, but it is the first one I'm willing to share, so any criticism is welcome. Just please be specific.

That being said, I hope y'all enjoy the rest. It's...I'm not gonna lie, it's a roller coaster. That is, if I'm doing it right.

>>330701330701 I like to mess around with the character names a bit. I tried to make it clear enough for people to see what was happening (plus the dialect helps), but if it's still vague, I may go back and change it. Thanks for telling me.

>>331067331067

Not a prob

I dare to say that changing paragraphs when other character is talking might help

>>331324331324 Just to clarify, you mean adding a line of space in between, right? If not, then I'm confused...

>>331364331364 ...Or you could mean how the leading sentences to the dialogue are right next to said dialogue. Oh. Adding space might help with that anyway. I'll just go do that.

Oooooooooooooh yeah. This and the other chapters should look a lot better now; made some format changes and added more detail for clarity's sake. It's amazing what one line of space can do XD

>>331364331364

exactly

>>323751323751

big mac has always been a badass

it's the reason he doesn't talk much, because words cannot begin to convey the wisdom and sheer awesomeness of his character.

Thumbs up and tracked, I really, really like the pacing of this story.

It's not like, omg I love you *bucks each other first night of relationship* haha. Keep writing!

>>342940342940 Yeah, the having sex at the first opportunity trope always fell flat for me when I thought about it realistically. But that's not to say it doesn't happen

Thanks for your comment, and I hope you enjoy what's to come!

ooooooo! Lets hear it Mac!

Awesome speech! Wooo

Chapter revision! With stuff! Yay!

How arent more people reading this!!?? Its fantastic so far, cannot wait to get caught up! Thanks for writing it!

>>372563372563 Well, you're very nice for saying so

I'll be satisfied as long as those who do read it find it enjoyable. That, and I'll do a final clean-up once it's all done.

I don't understand this chapter a bit, would you explain?

>>379258379258 You'll have to be more specific, but I will say the scene transition was something I just wanted to try out. If it just confuses people, I'll add the scene I had planned back in. I HOPE it would make sense then.

Edit: I added the scene in anyway. It just fits better. I also cleared up the whole 'fetlock/hoof' mix-up if that confused you.

Edited this chapter to make it less crap, and wow parts of it were crap. So yay!

...I need to stop uploading chapters just because they're done. It's not worth it DX

For the love of....Yo, YellowHammer? What exactly IS a Fetlock? I've seen the word used occasionally, but I have no idea what it is. My stepdad keeps telling me that it's the majority of the foreleg, but that is nowhere NEAR correct from what I've read. Could ya fill me in?

>>380429380429 Yikes...your stepdad's right. I was way off. The way I'VE seen it used is to refer to the hoof of a horse, or at least that's what I told myself. What I was trying to say is Macintosh has sections of his hooves that are insensitive to something like shoeing, while Caramel and so many other ponies don't at all. It might seem like a contrivance...but what the hell? If they're all supposed to have them in theory, then why aren't they shown?

So yeah. I confused you because I was confused myself. This needs some re-writing *blush*

Edit: There, that should make sense now. That's just embarrassing. But it's good I sorted it out now instead of later on, good grief.

I hate how the italics look with the new font. It's so ugly...

This font is ugly. I hope it goes back to normal after the first. Ugh. At least be thankful you don't have many appearances by other members of the mane six. Good chapter, by the way.

>>391524391524 It makes sense that this would be an April Fools joke Not that it excuses the ugly-ass font and name changes in MY story, thank you very much. It's just a little jarring when you have a serious narrative set upon by comic sans and (accidental?) Rainbow Factory references D:<

>>391897391897

There's a wordfilter on the names of the mane six, turning their names into their g1 counterparts.

>>391948391948 I JUST noticed that

Now I have to wonder if he will go through it all or choose to drop it at last minute.

For better or for worse, I have now written a novel-length Caramac fic. And it's not even finished. I'm strangely okay with this.

>>440871440871 to clear it up, Applejack is falling in love with Caramel?  As she said near the end of this chapter.

>>441028441028 All I'm going to say is I wrote what I wrote for a reason. Read carefully.

Description, Romance tag, Two male protagonists, strangely acting Big Mac... Smells like stealth slash.

*engage Slash Immunity*

*Puts on reading list.*

>>503487503487 I wasn't trying to be obtuse with the description...just to tease a little I may change it, and that's not just because of your comment.

I'm glad you like it! It's hardly a pure romance, so I'd like to think anti-slash readers could enjoy it. If not, then that's something I'd like to know.

>>503664503664

Just add a slash warning or you Will get Loved And Tolerated... Spacebattles style. :P

Oh and I can't say I liked it, just that I will read it when i get to it... ( I have about 400k workload at the moment so it will be a few days XD)

>>503692503692 Understood. I added the warning, even though it's a click away from immediate recognition -.- If they miss that, then at least it's not my fault they're misled anymore. Derp.

You know, one of the things I like most about this fic is that it wasn't just "shipping, then they fall in love, the end".   It's great seeing a relationship with actual struggles and strife!  

>>585845585845 I'm actually really glad you said that! That was the biggest reason I wrote this story. I was recoiling from "perfect" relationships in stories and even this franchise; so I wanted to write something for me.

And of course, I'm thrilled you like it

Very lovely story ya got here! I can't wait to read more!

Wow, the conflict in this story is amazing. ever since reading from the beginning, this story has gotten better and better. I love the characterization for this story. I really hope to see another chapter of this story soon

>>705582705582 I'm glad someone brought up characterization! I was wondering what everyone thought of all the different details, as opposed to "Wow, this is great!" or "Wow, this is unremarkable!" or whatever buzzed through their heads at first glance. But I'm rambling XD

As for an update...I'll be honest, I've been having trouble getting motivated for writing the next bit. I know what's going to happen, but it's a matter of sitting down and actually writing the damn thing. I'm more inclined to actually spend time with people, for once. I'm socializing more, and it feels weird.

I hope you like what's to come!...whenever that happens

>>705613705613

I'm eager to see what happens next between caramel and big mac =D

Ooooh! This is great, but now I have fo wait for another chapter!

Just make sure it is worth the wait!!!!

Yay! it updated kinda got lost at the internal dialogue with junebug, and I found a few spelling mistakes, but overall this was a good chapter. The tension between caramel and mac is so thick that you can cut it with a knife. Can't wait to see what comes up next

>>771930771930 Eh, it doesn't surprise me you found mistakes; I was working on a paper for a class when I uploaded it, so I was a little frazzled. Derp.

For June's internal dialogue, if you think there's a way I can make it more navigable, feel free to let me know.

>>772422772422

I'm not a master at critiquing writing, since I have yet to write my own piece of fiction, which I really want to, but this is my take on some confusing parts.

"On reflection, she would have sought him out after enough time had passed since Iron Pony...but certainly not this fast"

Was she talking about how she suspected Big Mac to come find her or was she trying to find Big Mac?  that made me a bit confused right there

“Ooh!”, she made sure to exclaim at the sight of the frosted...brownie? Unusual, but she supposed worse confectionery ideas existed. It probably tasted sinful, despite looking like an accident. Predictably, Big Mac grinned as he sat it down."

After junebug threw smartypants, I wasn't sure if Big Mac was back or not when you started talking about the brownie.

from "The flower mare allowed herself to smirk as she started talking on autopilot" to " All because of a sleepy act of habit."

I got kinda lost from the internal dialogue that junebug was having about the cataclysm. I totally forgot what they were talking about before and had to look at it again.

you can bush up some of the spelling also, but the mistakes were only here and there once in awhile

You can take my critique of these parts to heart or not, whatever you want to do. Keep up with the awesome work  

>>776096776096 Interesting. In my defense, I myself don't find these sections to be confusing at all. However, if they're tripping other people up, then I'll just have to find a way to reword them.

The only part I feel was a bona fide mistake was perhaps a lack of transition into the cataclysm exposition while June "started talking on autopilot". I'll have to look into all of these carefully (it may even take a while, for reasons that are and aren't related to my writing abilities), but that may be the simplest bump to smooth over. Or not. We'll see XD

Thank you so much for the feedback! Every bit helps.

>>776192776192

I was reading this story late at night, so maybe my senses weren't a 100% accurate. Hope you can clear up the cataclysm part with junebug and glad I could help hopefully I'll be able to write my own fic one day

>>776235776235 Well, congratulations: you just made my story better. Have a Macintosh!

Great. Now I have to give one out each time!

I'm confident you can write an awesome fic. Hells, if you feel you need help, don't be afraid to ask me! I'm a pretty good reviewer myself (when it comes to other people's work -.-) You'll just have to be specific as to what you want with the story so I can make suggestions to your vision. 'N stuff. XD

>>776333776333

xD thanks for the Macintosh, I'll send you a PM if I need any help

If the previous chapter was like a bullet right in my feels, then this one was more like a slow-acting acid. Another excellent chapter.

>>778082778082 Aw, shucks. You guys sure know how to lay on the sugar. Thank you.

...Alright, here, have a Macintosh. I started this trend, and I have to be consistent with it. For now. XD

This is one of the few fanfics that have me thinking only about the character's and how they're going to solve their problem. I love you forever.

Amazing discussion between them, and relationship is being salvage, I'm looking forward for more!

You used my feels as a punching bag and that last line was an uppercut to the balls.

>>900178900178 I'm addicted to abusing your feels. It's like a drug, man.

>>900185900185

Ha! I have a counterweapon!

In my mind, there are two versions of Horseshoes. The normal one that keeps on breaking my feels, and the one that stops with Ponyville's Lights. The latter one has a happy ending, and it is with that happy ending that I deflect your feelattacks.

>>900298900298 Eugh...that hit a little close to home. Not your fault, but I'm thinking of how to tie those two parts together in a way that makes them a whole story. I think I can do it, but it's giving me a headache to throw possibilities around. Expect heavy rewrites once this whole thing is finally finished.

>>900666900666

I don't really like to read fanfics more than once, but I might make an exception for this one.

I didn't mean to offend, though.

>>901613901613 Oh, no offense taken! In fact, I'm glad you mentioned it. It's just that authorial "Aw %#@$ it, someone noticed" feeling that's so common, completely regardless of how much it helps me. And it did help

This is the best thing I could ever come back to on the internet after a trip without access to internet.

>>922707922707

You should be a baker, cuz you're laying on the sugar like a pro. I, on the other hand, need to work on my jokes. HARD.

Will Caramel ever get back with Big Mac?

I don't understand what happened near the end. (with the cliff and the writing and such)

Hopefully it will be explained later.

I will write a more in depth review when I am not half awake at 3:41 in the morning.

>>11028041102804 If you mean you don't understand what physically happened, then that will be clarified later on, yes.

Gah, the uncertainty is like a tornado on my feels!

“Yeah...I love you too, Dad.”

Wait... WHAT?!

I don't have words to describe this line...

that last bit flowed kinda weird

Feeling the tension break, the temptee saw his little pony walking ahead of him...and grinned the stadium grin. Today was another roller coaster...and it was time he got off.

Image: http://i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/46/mlfw2604luna_saw_what_you_did_there_display.jpg

>>11208611120861

what you said..

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png

wow... Just wow