Yarrr!! WeirdBeard be in the writing mood, or something. Idunno, probably'll edit this later.
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Previously on 'Shut Up!'; our heroes had discovered that strange things were ahoof in Ponyville! A mysterious being had entered into the lives of Doctor Whooves, Twilight Sparkle, and Pinkie Pie.
"That was just five minutes ago! Who are you talking to anyway?"
"Some super duper awesome friends, that's who! Hello all of you!"
"Pinkie, stop waving, there's nopony there!"
"Twilight! You can't say something awful like that! Quick, ring a bell to bring them back before we lose them forever!"
Well, with all that out of the way, shall we get on with the story?
"What story?! We're just standing here while you go crazy."
Great gazoo, doc, this is as productive as a session of Congress. No Pinkie! Don't touch that drum set, I don't need- *BADUM TISH*
"Oooookaaaaayyy. Let's just get down to brass tacks."
"Sorry, I didn't bring any. I drove."
"Ugh, this is gonna be painful."
"What, the tacks? Try not to sit on them!"
Mighty, I'll be surprised if we're not banished forever for a reference like that.
"Don't worry, only the bestest of best friends will get it! Doesn't look like Twilight nor Whoovesy Woozy picked it up either!"
"Enough! Can we focus for just a minute?!"
"Ooo! I know what'll help! Steve, can you summon up a cake for us right now?"
"Summon a cake? Pinkie, he's not some type of wizard, I doubt he can even function properly."
An abrupt flash in the room knocked the naive stallion onto his haunches. Now in place of where he was just moments ago, there was an enormous three layer, pink frosted cake. Shall I teach you how to Steve?
Whooves glared at the delicious dessert. "You really chap my hide, you know that?"
Doesn't matter, Pinkie's happy. By this point the princess of pink was face deep into the cake.
"Steve, didn't you say it's your job to narrate us?"
I'm sensing bigger questions are ahead, but yes that's correct.
"Then you're not doing a very good job. You haven't described anything in detail at all!"
Now wait just a minute-
"Oh what's wrong, sweetie? Did we hit a nerve?"
Ohhh, you are such a delight! Why don't you go back to your cave?!
"Steve Steve Steve, somepony's gotta make sure you're actually working to your pay. How much are you getting anyway?"
Hey doc, knock knock.
Nunya business dangit! Now go out and do something!
"Why would we do something else when we're already having fun bothering you? Looks like the tables have turned."
I'm gonna flip those tables over if you keep this up! You're making this job harder than it should be!
"That's what she said, haha!"
"What? It's no wonder he was enjoying himself so much before, this is fantastic! It's
the fun that never ends."
Pinkie let out a gasp. "Steve, we never described what you look like! Everypony knows us, but not you!"
Believe me, Pinkie, it doesn't matter. Now can we please get on with-
"Steve is super cool! He has deep brown eyes that can stare into your soul, he's very-"
"Are his eyes brown because he's full of sh-"
Yeah, that joke would have been totally clever. But then it's being said by the BROWN pony!
"ENOUGH! YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST!" a thunderous voice boomed in interruption.
Aw crap, it's the Writers' Inquisition!
"The Writers' Inquisition?! That's a bit unexpected, don't you think?"
Of course! No one expects the Writers' Inquisition! Now they're over-riding the narration device!
"TELEPORTATION SEQUENCE ACTIVATED!" the voice called out. A subtle rumble shook the room, growing gradually while the three ponies started glowing.
Ugh, not again.. Alright all of you, hold onto your shorts! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!
"Hooray! I love rides! Except for this one time when Fluttershy had eaten right before we went on this roller coaster and-"
Pinkie didn't get to finish before a bright flash of light overtook the trio. They suddenly found themselves no longer in the doctor's home, but inside of a swirling vortex of alternating color. Fortunately or unfortunately, Steve was alongside them as well. While Doctor Whooves and Twilight were flailing about in fear, Steve simply drifted along in the flow.
In the bare minimum, Steve can be classified as a homo sapiens. His lack of respect and carefree attitude were evident in his dirty blond hair which was ruffled in his face due to the free fall. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.
Pinkie, meanwhile, was having the time of her life. She giggled incessantly as she twirled and whirled around her three friends. Just as soon as the unnatural phenomenon began, however, it ended with a crash landing upon a dark, obsidian floor. Pinkie landed lightly on her hooves while the others were wheezing in pain from the brash impact.
Twilight was the first to recover. She looked in awe at their new new surroundings. No walls nor doors could be seen, only a bleak darkness over compassing their lit spot. Before them was a gigantic podium that stretched into a semi-circle. Lighting similar to their own spot appeared on the podium's occupants. Nine robed figures glared down at the quartet, but their own facial features were well hidden by their hoods.
"GRAND TRIAL CASE ‘Q U THIRTY THREE F’ IS NOW IN SESSION! THE COUNCIL RECOGNIZES THE ACCOMPLICES: TWILIGHT SPARKLE, DOCTOR WHOOVES, AND PINKIE PIE! THUS WE BEGIN THE WRITERS' INQUISITION V. STEVE NANCY PHELPS," the center counselor loudly addressed.
Doctor Whooves snorted and tried to refrain from laughing. "Your middle name is Nancy?!"
"Shut up, Whooves," Steve angrily whispered.
"THE DEFENDANT HAS BEEN CHARGED WITH 4,500 COUNTS OF FAILURE TO DETAIL, 3,000 COUNTS OF DESTROYING THE FOURTH WALL, 2,500 COUNTS OF ILL-USED JOKES, AND 1 COUNT OF FAILURE TO RENEW HIS MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION!"
Twilight was about to protest the sheer absurdity of it all, but Pinkie interrupted her, "That's a LOT of counts! Why, that's over nine tho-"
"SILENCE MORTALS! CRACKING OLD AND POINTLESS JOKES LIKE THAT IS A FELONY IN THIS COURT! MISTER PHELPS, HOW DO YOU PLEA TO THESE CHARGES?" another authority on the right asked.
"Not guilty, it was all Whooves," Steve retorted.
"Nice, they'll really believe that," Doctor Whooves replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, MISTER PHELPS. IT IS A SHAME, THE APPLE HAS TRULY FALLEN FAR FROM THE TREE. WHAT WILL YOUR FATHER THINK?" a counselor on the left asked.
Steve groaned. "First off, the guy you're referring is not my father. His 'golden' material that you hold so dearly is pathetic drivel that has no entertainment value at all. I don't care about what he thinks nor what all of you think."
Pinkie glanced at one of the counselors closest to her. "Hey! He looks kinda like Gummy!" she excitedly exclaimed.
Steve turned away from the council to see his cohorts. "You're taking all of this surprisingly well."
"Eh, it's their party, we're just here for the show now," Doctor Whooves said.
Twilight nodded. "No point in freaking out when it could get us further in trouble."
"MISTER PHELPS, AS YOU HAVE NO REBUTTAL AND WE HAVE SUBSTANTIAL EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU, WE, AS REPRESENTATIVES OF LITERATURE IN THE UNIVERSE, FIND YOU GUILTY OF ALL CHARGES. YOU SHALL BE SENTENCED TO LIFE IN WRITERS' PRISON!"
"Wait!" Pinkie cried out. "You can't send him away, there has to be a different punishment!"
"THE COUNCIL RECOGNIZES MISS PIE. TELL US, WHAT SHOULD BE DONE THEN?" asked the counselor that resembled her pet alligator.
Pinkie looked at Twilight and the doctor, silently begging for their help. Twilight smiled wickedly and responded, "I believe I have a solution."
"AND WHAT MIGHT THAT BE, MISS SPARKLE?" the center counselor asked, completely devoid of emotion.
"Why don't we give him a taste of his own medicine? Let's make him part of the story!" Twilight suggested.
"No no no, haha, there's no need for that. I'll take prison," Steve stuttered.
"Not just part of the story, but the main character as well!" Doctor Whooves happily shouted.
Steve glared at him and Twilight. "What are you doing?!" he hissed.
"VERY WELL, WE WILL SENTENCE THIS AS A PROBATION, A TEST TO PROVE HIMSELF AS MORE THAN A WRITER. ERWIN FROM ACCOUNTING WILL SUPERVISE AND NARRATE THE STORY." another counselor stated.
"Erwin from Accounting?! I hate that guy, he's such a bore and he's gonna ruin everything on purpose!" Steve argued.
"SILENCE! THE COUNCIL HAS MADE ITS' DECISION. YOU WILL GO BACK WITH THESE THREE PONIES AND REPORT BACK IN 30 DAYS. THIS COURT IS ADJOURNED!" the head counselor shouted, slamming down his gavel.
Immediately after the loud smack, the quartet was transported in a brilliant flash out of the room. The counselors remained in their seats, contemplating the recent events. One of the judges on the end of the table nudged his companion. "I betcha thirty bits that he won't last a chapter."
"You're on," the counselor whispered.
Our heroes blinked repeatedly from the blinding light to find themselves back in Ponyville, safe and intact. Well, almost.
"That was fun! Can we do that again?" Pinkie asked, already bouncing on the hill where they now found themselves.
"Ugggghhhh, why did you do that?" Steve muttered as he pushed his face into the grass.
Twilight and Doctor Whooves were now pushing themselves off the ground when they noticed something very different about Steve. "Steve? Is that you?"
"Well, this is unexpected," said the doctor.
"What? Did they vaporize my clothes or something?" Steve sarcastically inquired, still not realizing what had happened.
"Pinkie, do you have a mirror?" Twilight asked.
"Of course! I have mirrors stashed around all over Ponyville, in case of mirror emergency!" Pinkie replied, pulling a mirror out from behind Doctor Whooves' ear. He was about to ask how, but then remembered who he was dealing with.
Pinkie held out the mirror in front of Steve's face. The reflection baffled him. Staring back, was a brown-eyed, green-coated, blond-maned pony. Steve grabbed the mirror. "WHAT?! HOW?! I DON'T..HUH?!" he spouted off question after question in absolute confusion.
The doctor grinned. "What's wrong, Steve? Feeling a little hoarse?"
"OH SHUT UP!"