Barking Mad
Barking Mad
I wake up screaming. My white blanket is wrapped around me tightly. "Get off of me! Get off! Don’t touch me!” I howl. I’m shaking. I gotta calm down, calm down. My eyes drift around the room and I cautiously make sure they’re gone. Steel grey walls? Check. Tiled floors? Check. Was it just a dream? It was just a dream, thank Celestia, oh thank Celestia!
My mother runs in, wearing that hat as always. I hate her when she wears that hat; I don’t know why but I just do. “What is it?” she asks.
I turn and run to her. I say, “Mom, it was awful.” The neighbor’s pets create an awful noise outside right as I plunge into my explanation. I wish those dogs would shut up! The mutts just scream louder. Mother cringes as I try to talk over the barks. “These monsters killed you and dad and uncle,” I continue. “I was so scared,” I whimper.
Mom hugs me. “It’ll be alright,” she coos, looking away. My wonderful mother’s frowning and nearly crying. I should have kept my muzzle shut. The dogs stop.
Mom takes me into the shower after removing her hat. I hate that hat. That hat blocks my mom’s beautiful purple-white mane. Mom pulls off the white curtain that has wrapped itself around me. We get into the small, spotless shower. Mom washes my messy mane; I could never keep it tidy like hers on my own. She’s still frowning, tsking as I wiggle about in excitement. “Settle down now,” she commands me. I listen and stop, since she’s my nice mother.
I decide to cheer her up, since she’s feeling so low. “Mom,” I begin, only to have those dogs start as well, their voices louder than my own. “IT WAS JUST A DREAM, REMEMBER? YOU DIDN’T DIE! WE’RE ALL OKAY, RIGHT?”
Mom must hate those dogs as much as I do; she always makes a sad face whenever we hear them. She brushes my hair, “Yes. I understand, dear,” she says calming me down. I’ll never understand it, but she never needs to raise her voice above the dogs’ yelps.
The dogs have stopped again. Mom breathes a sigh of relief, thankful for the silence. I smile at her. She looks back at me, weariness occupying her eyes. She doesn’t seem that sad anymore. Yay! I did it! I congratulate myself. She tells me it’s time for breakfast. We get out of the shower and that white curtain falls back on me. She’s already in the kitchen.
-------
I smile after seeing my uncle sitting at the kitchen’s table. He looks up and I swear that he scowls slightly, before wiping the scowl off and replacing with a smile. I shake it off quickly and sit down. He looks over at me, “So how are you doing today?” he asks raising his eyebrow.
I open my muzzle to tell him, but Mom answers for me, “She’s doing fine, just had a bit of a scare last night. Right honey?” she looks down at me. I nod to Uncle. He frowns; I guess he’s in a bad mood. Mom says to Uncle, “She had a terrible nightmare. She thought we were all killed by some kind of ‘monsters’. Tell her that we’re alright.”
Uncle looks up and stares at me. He seems tired and annoyed. Oh I know why. He’s wearing his favorite tie. It’s thin and black and awful looking. Whenever he wears it, he’s mean to me. I hate that tie. He says to me, “Yes, it was all just a dream. You’re safe now.” His smile seems forced. He turns to Mom. He straightens his tie and says, “Well, I need to get back to work.” Uncle has a job that lets him come and go whenever he wants. He chooses to stay there most of the time, though. I’m glad I get to see my wonderful uncle every morning.
Mom gives me my breakfast. It's oatmeal, just like every morning. Mom’s pretty bad at cooking, but I still eat all that I can get. Dad says that I might get ‘a bit pudgy’ if I don’t stop ‘gorging’ myself. The oatmeal is grey and smells funny. I dig in, and try not to throw up. I notice Mom watching me, frowning. I slow down a bit.
Uncle gets up and heads out the door, as I finish my breakfast. I follow him as he trots out the door. Dad is sitting out in front of the house, like he does every morning. He’s watching Celestia’s sun rise. I think he’s happy. Dad looks up and smiles when he sees me. “Hey now, where do you think you’re going, young filly?” he says as he grabs my tail and gently pulls me back into the house. “You know you can’t go to work with him,” he lightly scolds. I go up against him and try to hug him. His smile shrinks a bit. “What’s the matter, honey?” he asks me. He looks worried; I shouldn’t tell him.
Mom comes into the front room. She turns to Dad and replies for me again, “She had a nightmare last night. She thought some sort of creature got us. She woke up screaming like crazy. You didn’t hear her?”
Dad shrugs, “I was too busy protecting the house from monsters to hear,” he responds, winking at me. He was fighting monsters last night. There were actually monsters! They could still be out there!
I begin yelling at my dad, “What monsters? Are you okay?! Don’t die!” The neighbor’s dogs yell back at me.
Mom gives my dad a scary look, “Don’t scare her like that! You’re upsetting her!”
My dad, my amazing incredible dad, comes over to me and places his big hoof on my head, a sad frown on his lips. “I’m sorry sport. I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he says, his head facing the other way. “We’ll never leave you,” he finishes quietly. I nod and smile. The dogs are silent for now.
-------
Mom takes me back into my bedroom. “Dear, I need to leave for now and get some things. I’ll be back tonight in time for dinner. Your dad is outside, so if you need something just call for him, okay?” I nod my head excitedly, ready for a chance to show her how good I can be. She trots out the door.
I sit in the middle of my room and look around. What could I do? I could draw something for Dad, but my hooves feel sort of tired right now. I could take a nap, but I might have that dream again. I begin thinking about those scary monsters again. Their furry bodies. Their sharp claws. Their pointed ears. I begin to cry, afraid that they’ll get me. The dogs howl with me, woken up by my cries.
Dad gallops in, panicked. I look up at him and say, “I want to sleep, but I’m afraid that I’ll have that dream again.” He nods and says to me, smiling, “I think I got it. How about I stand outside your room for you while you sleep? Does that sound good?” The dogs are quiet. I nod. I love my dad. He never wears a hat or a tie. Just a shirt, but I like his shirt. It’s a nice shirt.
Dad goes into the next room and sits down outside my door. I love him. I close my eyes and go to sleep, into the darkness. But I’m not scared. Dad’s right there with me.
-------
Even when I’m sleeping I can tell if my mom’s around. I wake up as she walks through my bedroom’s door. “I’m back,” she says. She’s not wearing the hat. I like my mom when I can see her mane fully. I gallop over to her side. She backs up; I guess she thought I would run into her. She tells me, “Time for dinner.”
Mom and I go into the kitchen. Dad and Uncle are already there. In front of them are big bowls of salad. Oh boy! I love salads. My mom is so nice! I love Mom without her hat. Uncle still is wearing the tie. Dad sees me and with a smile he asks, “Did you have a nice rest?” I nod and sit down next to him.
Uncle looks at Mom. “Is she feeling any better?” he asks. Maybe Uncle is nice right now. I hope he is. I like it when my family’s nice.
Mom replies, “Yes, I think she’s feeling fine now.”
I begin to eat my salad, while Mom and Uncle are still talking about me. I put my muzzle into the bowl and bite into the lettuce. Yum! It’s nice and fresh. I look around at the other bowls. I notice that Uncle has tomatoes in his salad. Tomatoes are my absolute favorite! I stretch my neck over to his bowl and chomp down on one of his tomatoes. Red juice flows from it and down my chin.
I look up and see my dad staring at me, his muzzle opened wide. I look over at Mom and Uncle. Mom has her hooves to her mouth and gasps. Uncle is furious, his eye twitches both in anger and pain. That's weird. Why would he be in pain? I guess he isn’t in a good mood.
Dad picks me up and quickly carries me back into my room. “Just stay in here until we sort this out, ‘kay?” he says. I look at him. I don’t get it. Did I do something really bad? Am I a bad filly? I don’t want to be a bad filly.
Dad goes back into the kitchen. I trot quietly out of my room and listen to my family. My mom and my dad are trying to calm down my uncle. “This cannot go on! I want her nowhere near me anymore!” my uncle screams.
What?! He doesn’t want me anymore? I’m sobbing. I’m sorry, uncle! I didn’t mean to! If my family doesn’t want me around, I’ll just leave.
I sneak around my very loud and angry family and go out the door. The dogs start growling.
-------
I need to think of where to go. Maybe my neighbor’s house? No, that’ll be the first place they look for me. I don’t want to be near those dogs. I know! I’ll go into the Everfree Forest. They won’t look for me in there. I gallop as fast as I can to the forest. I wobble slightly as I walk, since I can barely see anything through my tears. I hate that tie! I hate that tie so much. It feels like my heart is breaking as I make my way clumsily to the edge of the forest. I breathe in. I enter the forest. I can still hear the dogs.
The forest is nice and cool. It’s pretty dark. I can’t see for a bit. My eyes get used to it. I look around at the trees and I almost scream. Branches are grabbing at me and faces leer at me from their trunks. I jump and turn around, hobbling as fast as I can. “Help! The trees are trying to get me!” I yell to no one. I don’t have anyone. I’m alone. The dogs get louder. I cry harder than before. I run. “Mom! Dad! Anyone! Help me please!”
In the distance I hear hoofsteps. Behind me I see something white. Mom? My ears perk up. Mom? Dad? I begin to smile. “I’m so sorry! I’ll never run away again!” I yell. Louder and louder. I head towards the sounds. They are coming from the other side of this bush. I part the leaves to either side. LOUDER AND LOUDER.
-------
The dogs snarl; their mouths bore revealing huge pointed teeth. There are three of them. Each is about twice the size of Dad, who is a big stallion. They have claws and long muscular legs. Their black coats of thick fur gleam in the moonlight. They each have a long snout with a wet nose at the end. Large red eyes stare at me.
I back up and shake in fear. My heart is pounding. No. You’re not supposed to exist. What are you doing here? Why are you here? I turn and gallop off, yelling, “MOM?! DAD?! ARE YOU HERE?! HELP ME!” The dogs howl from behind me. They’re coming!
I hear a voice in front of me say, “I found her! Here she is.” My Dad is holding a flashlight in his mouth. “DAD!” I yell. I run up to his side and say, “Dad, we need to run. There are these three giant dogs out there. They’re following me.” The shrieks of the beasts are getting closer.
My mom comes out from behind some trees. She looks tired, but glad to see me. I’m glad she’s not wearing her hat. Dad drops the flashlight. Mom goes over to Dad and the two talk quietly. They turn to me. The beam of light catches something. Dad trots over and gives me a piece of rope with a small hoop at the end, “Here. This way we won’t get separated.” We begin to trot slowly, heading for the forest entrance. I can hear the dogs following us. Their breaths are low but loud. LOUDER AND LOUDER.
I scream at my parents, “CAN’T WE MOVE FASTER?! WE GOTTA GET AWAY FROM THEM!” The dogs are getting closer; their yelps are really loud now. I continue yelling, but my parents aren’t listening. They aren’t going any faster. We’ve reached the edge of the forest. I can’t see the dogs, but I know that they’re there; I can hear them squealing as I yell at my parents. We are heading towards our house now. I can see our roof. I begin to speed up, but Dad holds me back. “DAD?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” The dogs are back, adding their yells with mine. They come out of the forest and are steadily following us. They look hungry. “MOM?! DAD?! THEY’RE RIGHT THERE! CAN’T YOU SEE THEM?!”
They look at each other and then down at me. “It’ll be alright,” Dad says to me, a small frown on his lips.
Mom adds, “It’s all going to be fine.” Mom’s wearing her hat. I hate that hat. I love her, but not the hat.
“NO IT WON’T!” I bark back at them. The dogs are really close. I can see them again.
We reach the house. Mom and Dad bring me inside. Uncle’s in here. He’s still mad. He’s wearing the tie. LOUDER AND LOUDER. They’re outside. I’m inside. We’re inside. We’re safe. The white walls are choking me. “See you tomorrow, hon’,” Dad says. I turn around. They’re outside. They are all outside now. No I can’t be. My body becomes tight. I can’t see. “UNCLE! MOMMY! DADDY! DON’T GO OUTSIDE!” The neighbor’s dogs are up; they howl with me. I can’t breathe. I love that tie. I love that hat. I really love that shirt. “I’M SO SORRY! I’LL NEVER RUN AWAY AGAIN! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!” The dogs let out a blood curdling screech. The dogs let out a blood curdling scream. All of the dogs yell together.
-------
The nurse, the doctor and the security guard have left the room.
The bound mare’s muzzle is wide open; a look of horror plastered on her grief-stricken face. She howls. Mangled shadows of her family and the dogs dance across the walls of the small padded room. A river of tears cascades from her eyes, leaving a puddle on the tiled floors. Her unkempt grey mane stands on its end. She begins to forcefully twitch. She struggles against the straight jacket as her body is thrown all over the room. She rams into one of the walls and stops, still barking, but otherwise perfectly still. She slides into a dark corner and closes her eyes. She stops her outburst and shuts her eyes, falling into a restless sleep. There she will have a dream that she has every night. The dogs are howling.
-------
I hear mom shouting orders at dad, and him shouting right back. I can hear the dogs howling into the night. It is terrifying. I scream "MOM! DAD! PLEASE, GET AWAY FROM THEM!" I can hear them. No one can hear me.
Then it begins. It sounds like Mom, and she is in extreme pain. A strong "thud" against the side of my room. I swear I can hear Dad crying outside. I start shouting even louder, but am drowned out by the sound of Dad and the dogs. LOUDER AND LOUDER.
"DAWN! NO! I’LL KILL YOU, YOU MUTTS!!" And then I can't hear him anymore. They must be fighting. There are a few more “thuds” against the wall, and I hear at least two of the dogs cry out in pain before going silent. Finally, I can hear what sounds like pained cries of the last dog running away.
I finally stop screaming, and everything becomes silent, except for the almost inaudible sobbing I am doing. Finally, I get up and look out the door. I am relieved to see Dad lying down next to Mom, and run over to him. But something is wrong.
Mom isn't breathing, and doesn't appear to be watching me. I see Dad crying. He’s covered in some red liquid. Tomato juice? But that doesn't make any sense. I reach him. He seems to be having trouble breathing. He looks up. He’s confused. His eyes are blurry. It's almost like he doesn't know I am there. Finally, he says "It's alright, honey. We’re here." And then he’s silent.
Suddenly, he takes in a huge breath and his body shudders, before it goes limp. I walk over to him and nudge him a few times. "Dad? Dad, please, get up." My throat hurts from all the crying. When he doesn't move, I lie down next to him, and start crying again. It's all my fault...
My neighbor’s dogs howl, but this time my howling overpowers theirs.
I wake up screaming…
-------
Nurse Sweetheart looks back at the steel door and listens to the moans coming from the pony inside. “Poor dear,” she thinks, her heart heavy with pity. She puts a hoof on her purple-white mane and pushes her askew hat back in place.
Vigilance, the guard stallion, notices the caretaker’s sullen expression. “She’ll be fine. She should be asleep in a couple of minutes. Don’t worry,” he says reassuring her. Sure enough the howls stop and are replaced by soft snoring.
Doctor Stable snorts, “I don’t get how you two can put up with ‘Barking Mad’ in there. She’s a psychological nightmare.”
Sweerheart says in an inaudible whisper, "Her name's not 'Barking Mad'."
He straightens his thin black stethoscope that he's wearing. “She is becoming more and more violent each day. Just look at my neck!” He points to a slightly red bandage that is covering a wound on his neck. “She bit me! She’s never done that before! And then, she escapes! How the buck does an insane mare in a straight jacket escape from a guarded cell?! Hmm, Vigilance?” he turned to the security stallion.
Vigilance stared down the doctor, “She caused no harm and we put her back before her breakdown. She’s really a sweet mare once you get to know her.”
Stable looks ready to explode with rage from this comment. “A sweet mare?! She is a wild animal! I say we put her out of her misery before she can kill anyone!” he hollers, the color of his face now matching the bandage.
Sweetheart and Vigilance look over at the unicorn stallion, both with a disgusted look on each of their faces. “Oh be quiet, Stable! You don’t know what she’s gone through! You didn’t witness your entire family’s slaughter when you were just a colt, now did you?” Sweetheart loudly whispers, careful not to wake the sleeping mare in the next room.
She clasped her hoof over her muzzle, “Whoops, that was supposed to be a secret!” she realized.
She glanced over at Vigilance, who just nodded. “It’s alright. I already know,” he whispered.
Stable scoffs angrily, “Fine, then. You two can take care of the beast. I’m done! Through with her, you hear?!” He storms off, leaving in his wake a small trail of blood coming from his bite.
“Good riddance,” the white mare snorts. Sweetheart turns to Vigilance, a confused look on her face. “How did you hear about that incident? I thought that only Stable and I were authorized to know?”
Vigilance sighed, his eyes shifted downwards. “She sometimes talks in her sleep. It’s always about her family and the dogs. She never has a good night’s rest.” He trots back over to the steel door. “She seems so pitiful, you know? I want to just protect her,” he sadly says to the nurse. He sits down, “And so I will. I’ll protect her if any dogs dare to show their mugs around here,” he states, focusing his eyes, ready for whatever dangers maybe lurking down the hall.
Sweetheart chuckles and shakes her head, “Anypony ever tell you that you’re a nut? Good night!” she says merrily to the guard. She trots over to the steel door and leans in, her head now touching the cold durable metal. She softly says to the solitary resident, “Good night dear.” She canters down the hall, careful not to step on the red splotches left by the irate doctor.
A muffled voice coming from within the sealed room replies, “Good night Mom.”
The dogs are sleeping.
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At first I was like
But then I was like
Then I was all
And then I was like
And the last line broke my
Fantastic, I really hope this story gets some attention with a feature! Really, this did everything right; the character, the interaction, the subtle hints, the emotion it was all great, thank you for this story!
This, by far, is one of the best stories EVER! I loved it! Everything was just perfect, the title, the writing style, just.....AWESOME!
Why isn't this featured?!
322318
You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it!
322765
! I think it's because it was made available a bit too late, around 1 A.M. Oh well, there's always next time.
Thanks for the compliment
333969
)
Still... should be up there. It's amazingness. (And for the record, Pegasis here
334256
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Pegasis here? What do you mean
334275
"Thanks for the compliment man"
Sorry, I'm never clear - I'm a girl 
335358
.
Whoops...
Well, this is awkward
335588
... definitely.
Why does this have so few views?!
This is amazing. It made me feel. It made my heart feel. God, this is good stuff.
Wow... normally I avoid stories with those tags, but this was very well written.
Bravo.
Now I just want to see some kind of happy ending... maybe a longer sequel where she finally starts to heal/recover/etc. I don't expect such a story, mind you, but would love to see it.
This was great
even if the ending made me
Hmmm... I was expecting a more indirect reference to dogs or maybe dogs not being an active part of her condition; like in Freud: The Secret Passion. The brain wouldn't actually make her bark like a dog because, by doing so, it would actually remind her of what it's trying to suppress.
But nonetheless, the story was very enjoyable. It is a shame that it focuses so much on the emotional aspect, but not enough on the psychological aspect of the subject.
I took me a while to realize what was going on, but this is one of the best fanfics I have ever read.
346193
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I plan to make the sequel focus more on her psyche while remaining as emotional. I'm glad you liked it nonetheless though
hope you write a sequel to this
oh, and congrats on getting mentioned on Equestria Daily 
346211 A sequel as in; one more chapter to this story or as in a new story?
Neat. Fairly obvious where it was going, especially given the image that goes with it, but still manages to be engaging. Upward thumb.
(Y'know, at first I didn't really like the thumb system, but it makes judging a story a LOT easier.)
346221
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An extension on her backstory as well as her future. So sort of a new story, but not really if that makes sense
346229 No, no. I mean: A new chapter on this story (on the site) or as a new story completely (on the site)?
346234
New story, though it will be linked.
Shit, I wanted to track to read it later, but instead hit the thumb up. Nothing left to do than to read it, then. Maybe tomorrow, when I'm not so sleepy.
Good job. Almost Faulknerian how you put us inside the mind of madness. My only substantive feedback is that Screwloose's thoughts and the sentence structure and grammar you use are perhaps slightly too coherent, logical, and correct to fully let us into her head. It's almost as we are reading the story from a combined perspective of both her and the author, and I think it would be more powerful to have total immersion, even if it made it much more challenging to read. Anyway, this story was (substantively) great and (emotionally) powerful.
Loved it.
346330
I'm glad you associated my story with Faulkner. I got the idea to write this after reading As I Lay Dying and I tried to write stream of conciousness like him.
346337
Yes, I saw what you did there, as it were. I was immediately reminded of Benjy in The Sound and the Fury, so nice job!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/251/079/382.gif
I lost it after that last line. I'm gonna go pick up the pieces of my broken heart now.
Good stuff, bravo. MOAR.
Now that was quite the interesting read, even if it did give me just the vaguest air of deja-vu.
There aren't that many first person fan fics out there, so it's always good to see more. I suppose my only complaint is that, while this is a nice short read, it's a little too short and could use with a lot more development. Writing from the POV of a mad character is very tricky, and here it felt maybe a tad too rushed. While I normally wouldn't recommend this sort of thing, I feel that a sequel would definitely be a good idea in order to elaborate on this character, though it would have been nice to have seen it in this story.
346690
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A sequel is already in the making
I found it a little difficult to follow, both in the good, mind-bending way and the less good confusing, unclear way. For the first half of the story I thought the purple-maned pony was Screwball, especially given the repeated references to her hat. The blurring of the line between past and present worked for the most part, but by the end I was unsure if it was written out of sequence or if any actual incursions into the past had occurred. I also can't tell whether the barking was in our heroine's head or if she was actually barking throughout, which leads to the further question of how the nurse was able to understand her, if at all. It's surreal enough that I can tell it's not meant to be straightforward, but instead of the uncertainty invoking a sense of wonder in me I just felt confused. Also, given the amount of trauma that it actually takes to give someone a lifelong crippling mental issue, I found the reveal at the end to be a little weak.
But that aside, don't think I didn't enjoy this. The characters are wonderfully well-realized and I felt a range of clear emotional connections between them. When I wasn't distracted by the chronology I loved the scenes with Screw Loose and her "family." The character is equal parts lovable and tragic, and I actually felt a little sad at the ending. Not a favorite, but definitely worth reading.
Well this is just awesome. Poor pony. I'd like to know her real name... you think you'll do a continuation with her real name and real cutie mark? And I liked the guard, too. Kind loving heart to a poor disgraced pony.
I don't always read tragedy/sad fics, but when I do, they blow my mind.
AAAAAHHHHHHH DAMMIT
I ALREADY STARTED a 1st person present tense stream-of-consciousness story detailing Screw Loose
Sighhh.... You and I think alike, author
this needs a lot more views.
WHY SADFIC WHYYYYYY?!
I don't know why I decided to read this sadfic. But hay, it was good.
yOkay. Seriously. A lot of this reminds me of Screwball in the Pony POV Series. Okay, maybe it's simply due to both being mad ponies in a mental ward with those who still care for them. But still the line 'Her name isn't' is right out of Rarity's Reharmonization chapter.
Someone whose insane in the pony verse was obviously traumatized by something. I'll admit I never figured that her family being slaughtered by dogs would be the reason. I wonder if the three dogs she saw in the woods were real, or a delusion of hers. Telling a POV from the point of view of a lunatic always has that problem.
I'll admit her 'eating a tomato out of a salad', I would have NEVER GUESSED was her biting a doctor! She's not even aware that's what she's doing!
Are they just going to feed, wash, and house her until she dies of old age? Or do they actually have any treatments in store to try and repair her psyche?
I'll admit the 'shouting over the dogs' was not something I would have thought up. I'd have gone the simple 'thinks she's a dog' delusion. This is a completely different take on this sad broken pony. How DO you heal a pony this lost in her own world? Does the nurse really understand what she's saying, or does she just figure it out form her body language?
Well done.
Well, PTSD doesn't work like this, there are many instances of children seeing their entire families killed (Holocaust, Rwanada, various major natural disasters, for examples) and were not driven to this level of insanity. But it's an interesting first-person story.
It becomes plausible, however, if I add in an assumption that she's also autistic, in which case the mental trauma would be much more likely to lock itself into a continuous loop, due to the obsessive and repetitive nature of severely autistic personalities. (biologist, focusing on developmental neurobiology and genetics)
350918
Good day to you sir 
Well you have to take into consideration a few other things in the case of this pony. First of all, this is Equestria, where, supposedly, there are such few evil things that it is basically a utopia, and had been for a long time. When you live in such a peaceful place all your life, with the most violence having been seen was caused only by yourself, seeing a pack of wild dogs/wolves kill your entire family is going to be much more traumatic than if you grew up in a place like Earth. Also, she is repeatedly reminded of the event almost every night because she relives the event in her dreams. Imagine seeing your entire family slaughtered, and then dreaming about it every day for the rest of your life, and waking up remembering every detail. You wouldn't be in a good mental state either. Just stating my own opinion here. Feel free to put in your ideas on what I say
351477 That's the classic literary device for this level of insanity. However, research has quite thoroughly proven that for such a severe psychological disturbance, an organic disorder of the brain is the primary culprit, with the traumatic event exacerbating/accelerating/triggering the final irreversible onset.
Single traumatic events, no matter how horrible, do not lead to such overt behavioral and mental derangement. I've seen young patients in PTSD literature noted as very withdrawn, sometimes with violent outbursts and a tendancy for criminal behavior depending on the individual, but never anything close to this extent without an underlying neuropsychiatric disease.
She doesn't appear to have any of the classic schiziform syndrome pathology, plus her onset trigger was the emotional trauma as a filly places her too young for any of the classic schizophrenia psychotic breaks; therefore it's most likely she was moderately autistic and the severe emotional damage triggered a cascading mental breakdown. Autistic children recall trauma VERY astutely, and can occaisionally react with very violent and savage behavior when they recall it or are confronted with something they associate with the trauma. Barking Pony's repetitive episodic behavior and many of her ways of thinking (especially focusing almost obsessively on the liking/disliking of the hat and tie) remind me very much of moderate to severe autistic children I have known.
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Wow, you have thought about this deeply, huh? I'm glad, because I'm learning a thing or two in this debate. Anyway, I forgot to mention in my last comment that you also have to take in the consideration that BM is not human. Also, she is technically from another world, which could mean any number of things like this are possible. Personally, I think she focuses on the hat and tie alot because her parents either A) had similar jobs to the nurse and the guard or B)They may have been wearing a hat and/or tie similar looking ot what BM sees the nurse and Vigilance wearing. It would make sense to me. Then again, I am not yet a trained psychologist, and am only going on what I know so far. I plan to major in it though!
Really liked the story. At first the writing style put me off, but it worked well in establishing the mindset of the character. However, I believe that changing it on the sections "outside" his mind would make for a better story, with a better contrast between both sections. Not that it detracts a lot from the final product, but I believe it would make the final scene more impacting.
It took reading a few of the comments in order for me to understand what was going on. I'll try not to ruin it for those who want to figure it out, but when I figured out what the true significance of her "family" was, I was chilled to the bone. I'm working on my Psych degree and I have spent my fair share of time in asylums and mental hospitals. While you didn't exactly capture the character of a madman (madmare?) perfectly (No sane person can truly understand it though...), you made a damn good story. I look forward to the sequel if it means you explaining what happened to Screw Loose to cause her trauma.
My first Favorite, great job! Quite the interesting narration, one that I hope to write like soon!
P.S. woah, dude...similar titles, lol: youtube.com/watch?v=BUHylymfhjg
Yeah, I figured it was all in her head. Poor dear.
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. Sorry to say that she won't get any better in the sequel.
Yeah