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This stories description will be edited a lot. I have no idea where this story is going, but so far it's been going well.
Shayne, a college student has been in the worst times of his life. A mysterious voice contacts him on a hospital bed, and everything that happens next changes him.
Thank you 
I actually havent been able to change it to italics... I'm not so sure how :D whenever i do i get this thing in brackets and such... I left it there once, and continued on with the typing and adding the 'italics' but when i published it and went over it, it didnt show. I did this twice before i decided to figure it out some time later. Thanks for reading though, sorry for the screwed up shizz i got going on.
Sean's POV has a HUGE lack of paragraphs, besides that, I guess it's readable. Not too many errors altough when Sean went to save Shayne, you wrote that SEAN had a metal pipe or something like this when it actually should be Shayne.....
P.S. also.... Sean and Shayne? those names are too similar, Im afraid to confuse them eventually
Sorry about that i guess thats the 
side of me, i'll fix that paragraph now, and i've fixed the SUPER LONG paragraphs, in the third chapter. I was kinda rushing through. So It'll be better, thanks for letting me know, and next time i make a story, i'll keep in mind to make the names different. Thanks for reading though
ok..... find the contradiction here
That's called a cutie mark, you'll get it when you discover your special talent. Mines is a moon, and I raise the moon when its time. My sisters is a Sun because we don't want night to last forever, so when the time comes, she raises the moon."
it's an easy one
oh and looks like Pegasi are what most human-turned Ponies tend to become..... wonder why they so popular...
looks like a mix of 55% Pegasus, 40% Unicorns and 5% Earth Ponies as far as OCs go.... I still don't know why....
Well you were going strong, not that its bad...its just i have a problem with humans being turned into ponies.
i'm very sorry but i'm gonna have to stop. i love the story, ill watch it but... yeah, i love human in equestria stories, but humans being turned into ponies in equestria is not my thing.sorry again.
To change to italics, put this around the text. Put your text in the middle of the code there.
If it doesn't work, I'll just explain it.
Put a square bracket, with an i inside, and then another square bracket, so it makes a kind of square.
Put your text it.
Do the same thing, except after your first square bracket, put a forward slash, then the i.
There you go. Hope it helped
Hmm... good one, I did my best to fix the problem, but for the pegasi thing, It may be because most humans want to fly (like me, if i had wings....) some may prefer to have magic (twilight once gave rarity wings) and for people who choose earth pony, i dont know. maybe they want to make something original. Thats all i got for it.
I'm glad you do :) hopefully I get better when it comes to spelling and grammar and awkward sentences, but I'm improving. I'm making an update right now so 
I have a blog keeping up on this story, check it out so you can see current ideas or you can pm me things too. I want this to be a reader based story. Of course if I get an idea that won't really work out or turn the story around too much I may not take it. All these things are comming from the top of my head, and they're all unplanned. So expect random stuff
Is that from another fanfic? Because I do not recall that name rorschrach. I do like what you did with marathon. Do you mind if I use your idea of marathon and switch it to Mare-athon? Its really clever and I'm suprised I hadn't come up with it! But no. This is just a random abandoned cave. and thank you for your feedback!
Yes it is from another fic, "Rorschrach in equestria", its about a guy from the movie "Watchmen" after he dies, going to equestria. he is human.
The Mare-athon thing i think i saw on Equestria daily, and the Hub channel at one point. Cool that u like it.
humm truble mind here... if you are a pagasus how are you gona pull off the fine details of tecnologie i think you would have been more use if your where a unicorn than you could ask twi how to use the wing spell and your still capleble to fly.... thats my POV but hay it your story ^^
uhm... here a sugestion... if you gona go like thinking in your mind you could do somthing like (this) or -this- maby *this* or ~this~ it would clear things up a bit ^^
I think lieing to her would be easier on her. She won't need to know where I'm going, but its almost sundown.
lying-lieing
>>344937 >>345616 seems that you got some good intell in to the story huh? TNX for that...(AppleMLP) but it would be more of a clifhanger if you yust mention a dak figure lurking with in the shadows flaring it wings and illuminating horn... hearing a cry for forgifness... somthin in that line next chapter you would have some sort of training chapter to how he got his power ^^ first i tought it was discort... but the moon cutiemark trowed me off thinking nightmare moon... but its talking about a ''he'' so i asume its discort >.>
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meh. Other than that.... Cool story bro.
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