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Featured In6

More Stories6

  • E Evenfall

    If mind is the perfect labyrinth, how does one escape? The case of Twilight meeting a unicorn called Even.
    4,487 words · 2,882 views  ·  145  ·  4
  • T Public Enemies

    Carrot Top's already bad day gets ruined when she discovers she accidentally robbed the Ponyville Bank. Don't you just hate it when that happens?
    11,172 words · 825 views  ·  46  ·  0
  • E Sweat and Edit

    What happened at the Canterlot garden party when it came to light that Rainbow Dash is not, in fact, the Wonderbolts' trainer? And just why did Fancy Pants favour Rarity? Why haven't we seen her high society friends since the Garden Party?
    5,817 words · 935 views  ·  38  ·  0
  • E Vignettes

    Two short scenes: a Wild West showdown between Twilight and Rarity, and a glimpse into Carrot Top's life.
    1,319 words · 230 views  ·  12  ·  0
  • E Cancelled

    Your worst nightmare is coming true: Hasbro cancels My Little Pony. Why would they do such a thing?! //Written for the February Write Off//
    5,029 words · 865 views  ·  15  ·  4
  • E The Day Twilight Sparkle Turned Into a Diamond Dog

    An official report in the form of a memoir, summarizing the detailis of the so-called 'Diamond Dog' incident.
    4,167 words · 749 views  ·  12  ·  13

Blog Posts22

  • 78w, 13h
    On the fly

    A fly was sitting on the window. The term ‘sit’ might not be entirely correct, given how windows are vertical surfaces, but it captures the essence of the act, so let’s keep it. So, he was sitting and sitting, rubbing his front pair of legs from time to time as flies are prone to do. Fly thoughts swirled through his head lazily, and all in all he just enjoyed all the virtues of being a fly.

    At some point he saw another fly landing beside him. Since it’s generally known that flies have no names, let’s just call them ‘first fly’ and ‘second fly’.

    “Howdy!” the second fly would’ve said, if flies had been able to talk –  which is, of course, an absurdity. “What are you doing here?”

    “Nothing, nothing, I just withdrew here,” the first fly would’ve answered apologetically.

    “Withdrawing here? Why so glum? It’s a beautiful day! Come, take wing, leave this boring old window behind you! Start living a little!” so the second one would’ve encouraged the first.

    “Oh, I wouldn’t want to make a ruckus, you know. I’d rather not call attention to myself if I can avoid it. I lead a quiet life, not sticking my nose into others’ business: in these trying days, the safest is not to ask for trouble, you know. Maybe this way I won’t catch the eyes of the big shots.”

    “Such cowardice!” the second fly would’ve snorted, had he not lacked the necessary articulating organs. “With this submissiveness, you will only make things worse than they already are! Be braver, stand up for yourself and your rights! If you do nothing but sheepishly let the power shear your wool, no one will notice if you disappear!”

    With this insult (for flies have very low opinions of sheeps), the second fly took wing, shot up, and started to circle around in the room with a loud buzz, proudly, valiantly preaching his uncompromising beliefs.

    Shortly after, however, the voice of a man could be heard.

    “Hey, there’re flies in this room! Get the swatter!”

    It didn’t take long for the large flyswatter to appear. Slowly, menacingly, it drew on the first fly, and no matter how small he tried to make himself, his standstill only made him all the easier target. The swatter struck, and memories of the first fly soon faded into a faint smear on the window’s glass.

    However, as the flyswatter tried to stalk the second fly, it missed. It struck for a second, then a third time, but all in vain: the fly’s quick moves and nimble maneuvers proved to be too much for it. The errant strikes smacked barren walls and furniture.

    The second (and by now, only) fly soared into prideful heights, and the human’s voice spoke again.

    “Hey, Lousie, this one keeps dodging the swatter! Give me the bug spray!”

    And the second fly was sprayed, and he descended into the depths, dead.

    1 comments · 127 views
  • 82w, 1d
    I lost my brohoof-virginity

    14 comments · 136 views
  • 92w, 5d
    In a nutshell

    0 comments · 117 views
  • 93w, 2d
    Warning, spoilers, etc.

    4 comments · 86 views
  • 95w, 5d
    Would someone PLEASE remind the writers...?

    1 comments · 114 views
  • ...
 36
 3,531

"Daring Do leaned forward as she accelerated to a breakneck pace. There were those who said driving a motorbike inside a spaceship made no sense, but after the third robotic gorilla attack Daring knew better..."

Prepare for space-shattering kabooms, dramatic pew pews, and copious amounts of raw AWESOMENESS, because the chase for the generic nondescript artifact has begun!

//Special thanks to McNeil, my proofreader. He rocks!//

First Published
13th Mar 2012
Last Modified
13th Mar 2012
#1 · 141w, 2d ago · · ·

It's pretty obvious who really wrote this story ... :rainbowkiss:

#2 · 141w, 2d ago · · ·

Love it. It was incredibly stupid yet perfect :rainbowlaugh:

#3 · 141w, 2d ago · · ·

My good this was so awesome :rainbowkiss:

I loved the over the top action humor, it reminded me of dr. mcninja and axecop fantastic.

I loved all the cliches the evil german scientist, the self destruct buttons and so on.

And the ending BRILLIANT.

MORE GIVE ME MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE :raritydespair::raritydespair::raritydespair:

#4 · 141w, 2d ago · · ·

Flim and Flam work surprisingly well as murderous zombie cyborg space pirates.

#5 · 141w, 2h ago · · ·

I lol'd. :rainbowlaugh:

#6 · 139w, 1d ago · · ·

That story was beautiful

#7 · 139w, 1d ago · · ·

Having your minions appear from the corners of a round room is certainly a hard feat. Mein Daring hu-pony freund aus den U.S.A can Do better.

I think I have passed the cheesiness factor for a comment, no?

#8 · 139w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

The only possible followup to this...

Twilight Sparkle simply STARED at Rainbow Dash.  "I'm really sorry to say this... but you SUCK at fanfiction.   I mean... really really suck."

Rainbow Dash lowered her head.  "I know."  She sighed, and added, "But at least I remembered to spellcheck it this time!"

#9 · 139w, 1d ago · · ·

Huh.... so that's why Dash reads Daring Do.

Reading this reminded me of the time I put guacamole in my spaghetti ... it's so bizarre it just works.

Seriously, the action is totally over the top, and utterly improbable. The dialog is campy and spattered with movie references, and overall this story reads like a b-movie from the 1950's.

Spot on, Lucky Roll. :rainbowlaugh: Keep it up! Bring back the old "cliffhanger" style from the 50's!

Voted up and Tracked

:derpyderp2: What did I just read?! :derpytongue2:

#10 · 139w, 1d ago · · ·

This was so much fun!

"Rule of cool" at it's finest.

#11 · 139w, 1d ago · · ·

I was in a skype call when I found this story and I knew it was awesome so I did a dramatic reading there on the spot for the people in there.

even the non brony liked it.

#12 · 139w, 23h ago · · ·

Good lord 6 stars in EQD

Must read

#13 · 139w, 18h ago · 1 · ·

You know, using a fishbowl to breathe in space still makes more sense than getting into a fridge to survive a nuclear explosion.

This story is all kinds of win. I laughed so hard at multiple points during the story - the sheer level of ludicrousness followed by even greater levels of ludicrousness is just wonderful. :rainbowlaugh:

#14 · 139w, 16h ago · · ·

It gets 20% cooler (at the least) if you imagine that this is narrated by BRIAN BLESSED!!!

#15 · 139w, 3h ago · · ·

@JohnPerry

I thought the same thing while reading this story, and your pithy comment made me laugh all over again!

I almost did a spit-take on my keys when I read that. Thanks for that grin!

#16 · 138w, 6d ago · · ·

And there I was, planning to write something nearly as terribly amazing as this.

It was going to have BonBon in it, and Gilda with a flamethrower, and all sorts of crazy Indy-type action. And you beat me to it.

#17 · 138w, 6d ago · · ·

Thanks everyone for the comments! You're the best - only after me, of course (just joking!  :pinkiehappy:  OR AM I?!  :rainbowderp:)

>>381541 I had a similar ending in my mind with "Twilight doesn't even", but then this other idea occurred to me and I went with this one.

>>382338 Brian Blessed? Wasn't he the king guy from Blackadder? FRESH HORSES!!! Wait, are ponies horses? We're slipping into creepypasta territory here...  :derpyderp2:

>>385251 Hey, when you have an idea for a glorious random fic, but can't decide whether to write it, ask yourself: what would Discord do? Protip: he'd write it. You should too!

#18 · 138w, 6d ago · · ·

>>386713

Brian Blessed was in a good deal of English comedic movies, and a great deal besides. If it's an older British film, and there's a large man with a large beard with a LARGE VOICE then it's probably BRIAN BLESSED!!

#19 · 138w, 6d ago · · ·

*reads along until*

She was too late! The evil genius, Dr. Scientist was already here!

:pinkiegasp: I'm in this story?!   *evil mad scientist IRL!!*  >:}

#20 · 138w, 5d ago · · ·

>>386942 Despite what you might have thought based on the fic, I actually hardly watch movies, so I can't name any other films featuring him. Though judging by his performance as King Richard IV, I agree a dramatic reading in his voice would be simply majestic.

>>387377 Yes. Yes, it was you all along. Also, Wilhelm is your father. Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

#21 · 138w, 5d ago · · ·

>>388765  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  *cuts off hand and jumps down big metal hole*

#22 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

A sound can be heard in space if it is loud enough!

Truth.

#23 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

I spy references to both Robin Hood: Men in Tights and Spaceballs: The Movie. Somebody is a Mel Brooks fan?

#24 · 135w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>>498302

Why yes, somebody is... but this somebody isn't me, it's you! :pinkiehappy: The references weren't intentional. I haven't even seen those films: as I commented earlier, despite the nature of the fic (action-movie parody), I hardly ever watch movies. (Well, maybe the Robin Hood one, years ago, in high school, but still...)

#25 · 135w, 4h ago · · ·

The mere simplicity is genius. :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

I was laughing at the description for a good 5 miutes before I actually read it!

#26 · 134w, 3d ago · · ·

This was great!! :rainbowlaugh: what a fun read.

#27 · 133w, 2d ago · · ·

I refuse to comment on how much I shat myself laughing at this. Most profitable twenty minutes I've ever spent. The gratuitous German was a wonderful touch.

#28 · 132w, 3d ago · · ·

This was the dumbest thing I have read in a long time. Luckily for you, this appears to be the intention, and so I will gratify you with laughter.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

#29 · 132w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>>319630 Rainbow Dash is the best fanfic writer.

#30 · 132w, 11h ago · 1 · ·

Congratulations Rainbow-bike, you're the new Wilhelm.

#31 · 106w, 2d ago · · ·

This sort of humor is hard to pull off well. All things considered, I might just recommend this for the Pony Fiction Vault next time I'm talking to the guy.

PROTIP: this story is even better if you read while listening to this over and over:

#32 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

Question... Where can I get that chatty voice for the computer?

Great story! It is indeed clear who actually wrote it though...

#33 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1979740

If you order a new space cruiser NOW, you'll get THREE voice sets of your choice free! Don't hesitate, the offer expires in three days!

#34 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·

It's good, but sadly I can't help but compare it to Quest of the Friendship Stones, and I like that better.

#35 · 52w, 6d ago · · ·

capable of detecting heat, radio waves, thermonuclear radiation, or DNA.

This... I... "capable of watching movies, more intense movies, fires, or radio"

You are a genius!:pinkiegasp:

Hof does it sound?

Ahahahahaha.:pinkiecrazy:

#36 · 28w, 2d ago · · ·

or else the crystal would be lost, this much was clear – one could say crystal clear.
great pun :rainbowlaugh:

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