Silver Spoon has never been considered a fan favorite among the fans of My Little Pony, and with good reason. She isn't really that developed in the show aside from being a constant brat and bully towards the Cutie Mark Crusaders with Diamond Tiara, but why is she like this? Does she partake in such actions just for pleasure, or does she have some other, more tragic motive for being so crude?
When Apple Bloom and her friends discover that Apple Bloom is being paired up with Silver Spoon for a class project, they finally get an opportunity to discover Silver Spoon’s true nature. At first, the three crusaders begin to assume the worst and prepare themselves for the worst week of their lives. Apple Bloom is unsure whether she should trust the grey filly. She is eager to finish the assignment before Silver Spoon can deal out any more painful and bitter insults. However, as Silver Spoon begins to spend more time away from Diamond Tiara, Apple Bloom begins to realize that Silver Spoon is a much more tolerable and pleasant pony to be around. Apple Bloom begins to trust Silver Spoon more and more over the course of the project as tragic secrets are revealed that were once hidden away from all to see. Is this all just some clever scheme; a facade put on by Silver Spoon to milk sympathy from others, or is life served with a silver spoon not as sweet as they were led to believe? And when she learns the truth of Silver Spoon's parents, can she really be mad at her for all she's done?
Harsh criticism welcomed.
Dramatic readings; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJrb-SK-hWg
The rewriting is going great. There are a few (emphasis on few, as in little) spelling mistakes and a few places with extra commas and no capitalization for Granny. But that's really it. It's coming along really nicely.
4255670 why thank you, I don't suppose you could take the time to point out those spelling mistakes. I'd be happy to return the favor.
4255736 I don't have any stories out currently, but I have one in the making. Would you like me to PM the mistakes to you or put them in a comment?
4255924 Actually I take that back. Comment it is.
4255924 pm
4255948 Okay then. PM it is!
P. S. All this changing is getting tiring.
I'm really enjoying this
Very well.
First of all, you have a lot of problems with grammar, typos, and the like. It's not bad enough to make the story unreadable, but it's definitely bad enough to be distracting.
Then we've got Apple Bloom and Silver Spoon. It seems like you haven't really figured out what their characters are like and how they're going to interact with each other. Silver Spoon is especially confusing because her changes in attitude really don't make much sense so far, but I'm willing to forgive that because I'm sure it will be explained at some point in the story. But Apple Bloom seems to continuously jump back and forth between hating Silver Spoon and treating her like a friend. It seems to me that you want the two of them to be friends, so you're basically writing them like they are already friends, and then just throwing in some bits where Apple Bloom reminds us that she actually hates Silver Spoon.
And while you technically can jump back and forth between telling the story from Apple Boom and Silver Spoon's perspectives, it's usually better if you don't. If you can tell the story just as well by only using one perspective, do it.
4303125 thank you kindly then, most people just tell me a grammar error I can fix. Anyway, I can't promise I'll make any changes because of your comment, but I will keep it in mine, and tel the sequel from one characters point of view.
I'm enjoying this story.
CONTINUUUUE NOAW DX
I'm writing a story about Diamond Tiara's and Silver Spoon's lives before they get their cutie marks. Your story reminds me of it.
The end of this chapter seems kinda rushed.
A very nice ending.
author, what is wrong with this sentence?
4472646 ...thanks. What chapter was that, and I hope it doesn't ruin the rest of the story
Good chapter.
I'm curious as to how Silver Spoon's cutie mark changed and if it's even possible.
This is a good story :)
Silver Spoon has Dyslexia?
This possibility should be explored more, methinks.
I find something wrong with a PONY cracking her KNUCKLES.
For some reason, I find this sentence odd. Anypony care to help me out on this?
Well, now you're just trying to point out the things that the CMC have done wrong in searching. Sure it's in character for SS, but the CMC and cutie marks are like the doctor and ginger hair, or spike getting a date with rarity. It's just not meant to be!
You could have possibly ended it here, but I'm glad you didn't.
You said Tartarus-bent at one point, then he'll-bent a few sentences later.
5453111 well, it IS technically possible, it's just so uncommon that it pretty much never happens. When a pony has a blank flank, his/her magical talent flows equally with it's own natural strengths and weaknesses from a point of focus, namely the flank. A pony gains their cutie mark when they use one of their magical talent's strengths to such an extent it literally blows a hole in their magical focus area, which for an instant let's all their magic flow (which is the white glow you see). This is quickly sealed, like clotting blood, by a gate of sorts, letting strengths flow and holding back weaknesses. In SS's case, she used a new talent so powerfully, it overloaded her gateway, which blew it off AGAIN, leading to a reformation of her mark.
I kinda saw that one coming
6443281
Thabks :D
Trying to explain divorce to a ten-something year old.
Just... Dear god.
THAT's not even remotely clever. "Did my stretching cause you to FALL for me?" that would have been more worthy of Silver's praise and the hoof bump that follows.
yeah I feared as much.
4303125
that was certainly my observation as well. However I disagree with how Silver and Bloom are represented. It makes perfect sense for Silver Spoon to have the ability to adopt the personality of the pony she is with either out of a deep seated and desperate desire to fit in or a desire to just loose herself in that persona.
It's perfectly understandable that she would lapse into this infiltrator mentality out of instinct. Esentially she has put on so many masks she forgot who the pony is underneath them. Only by watching Granny Smith, who seems to act without fear of ridicule or consideration of popularity, can she let her inner self shine through.
It's too bad that Granny Smith's ability to act independent of pony norms is due to an obviously serious onset of dementia or Alzheimer's.
okay I don't even know what you were trying to imply by "the reeks from the skin" and I think the word you are looking for is "complexion" not composition.
what?
I was legitimately shocked by this revelation. Your "editors" have done nothing to improve the mechanics of this story. And if they have, then I honestly hate to think what errors existed prior to their reviewing it.
This chapter was the worst so far, not for the story, the story is AWESOME and I loved Silver's method of stress relief (very creative), but as you can see by the passages listed above, this was the first time there were instances where I didn't even know what you were trying to convey.
The story itself is excellent and I love it. It's just frustrating when I can't understand what a character is trying to say.
5973993
boy I hear you, I don't like to dwell too much on the ending to "Crusaders of The Lost Mark" myself. I consider it purely a Diamond Tiara episode and try not to think about the three (almost identical) shield marks that appeared simultaneously due to the writers being lazy jerks who didn't want to deal with the prospect of the CMC getting their marks separately and having to deal with it as portrayed in "Bloom and Gloom".
this hurt to read.
"She began to curse herself for how she was thinking, beating herself up inside, as she imagined how she would feel if somepony felt good if both Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo were out sick, leaving her all alone for the day."
well at least she's taking AJ's advice and considering Silver Spoon's point of view, as if it were her own.
"as Sweetie Bell sang." why was that inserted?
and I can't help but
over the fact that Silver Spoon suggests something just for Scootaloo to try but NO they all have to try it out together. This won't end well.
also, speaking of Sweetie Belle, I think you are trying to cram too much into one chapter with Silver Spoon offering advice to both Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. All that's missing is Silver suggesting Bloom practice carpentry and study engineering or potion mixology.
Better to have Silver Spoon discover Sweetie's talent for singing in a later chapter.
1. when did they even enter the library? (there seems to be a whole scene missing since they were outside and Scoots just got through doing an "awesome" stunt, then Sweetie sang for no reason at all.)
2. when did they request the books?
3. I thought Silver Spoon was an "A" student. Why is she arguing with an owl?
4. so are there 3 or 4 books carried by Owlowicous (even I don't know how to spell his name)?
5. How does an owl carry up to three books at once, let alone 4?
1. Have you seen sheer numbers of Apple Blooms LIVING relatives? How could the book on her family history be so small? They founded Ponyville for buck sake!
2. WHY is Apple Bloom glaring at Silver Spoon? What did she say that was so wrong?
you know most fics regarding Silver Spoon redemption go with the order of
easy
moderate
hard as BUCK!
Ever the optimist, Sweetie is willing to beleive there is good in either Silver Spoon or Diamond Tiara.
Applebloom is skeptical but due to her teachings by AJ she is willing to offer the benefit of the doubt.
Scootaloo is usually the most difficult to convince or even give Silver Spoon a chance, often responding with serious hostility at the very idea she be allowed to stand in their presence.
I appluad this new approach where Applebloom is the toughest egg to crack despite AJ encouraging her to give Silver a chance. Given the fact it all started with Applebloom and it was their teasing that reinforced her desperation for a mark and caused her to form the CMC in the first place.
OH I forgot to mention I thought it was REALLY clever to have Celestia decree that any realtive greater then "great great" would be hence fourth refered to as "greatest" to save on time and archive space.
I love how Silver Spoon's strict training allows her to see through the veiled attempt by Applebloom to appear sympathetic and understanding when really she is just waiting for Silver to strike out at her, just waiting for the smallest reason to continue hating her.
At the same time I can't imagine how agonizingly painful it is for Silver Spoon to know that somepony besides her servants is pretending to enjoy her or even tolerate her company.
On the BRIGHT side,
this means if Diamond Tiara was not being genuine in her friendship, Silver Spoon might have been able to spot it.
However on flip side of that,
if Diamond is putting forth a "fair-weather" or false friend performance and Silver is ignoring it out of a desperate need to feel loved well.. that would be so sad that it would earn this fic a "tragedy" tagging.
What I really want to see is Silver Spoon visiting Diamond Tiara when she's sick, (having been given the flu by her partner Snails) and see how Diamond treats her.
I want to believe there is good in Diamond and that she truly does appreciate Silver being with her in both good times and in the bad. I'd like to think Diamond Tiara would visit Silver to make sure she was okay if the circumstances were reversed.
I could just SEE Diamond Tiara as a pyromaniac demanding hay-fires be set at her command LOL.
well when I read the title of this chapter I thought it was going to be
who had the Dyslexia and Silver Spoon whose parents where getting the divorce (finally)
See you made Silver Spoon out to be the perfect student, with strait A's.
while Bloom studied as hard as she could but could never get ahead, so I expected Bloom had the learning disability.
and what?
I can't even fault the writer for that, that's just CLASSIC Rainbow Dash.
gee Rares, thanks for that mental image.
LOL Silver Spoon's been taking social skill lessons from Starlight Glimmer-
You had me loving this like a remake of Crusaders of The Lost Mark, with Silver Spoon as the focus instead of DT. I had no problem with the CMC getting their marks at the same time because each mark was tailored to their own special talent which they all seemed to realize roughly the same time so it felt natural even though it may not be a common occurrence.
the re-marking however, I just wanted to puke when that happened.
I would have rather you just have Silver Spoon re-define what her mark means to her. Look at Cheerilee's mark. It's not obvious it's for teaching (looks like a gardening talent mark) but that's how she interpreted it to her class.
the three spoons.. with smiling faces.. I just.. I liked her one spoon with a heart. I think a
better signifies the love she would have in teaching her future students. You didn't need to copy Cheerilee's mark.