"Spike~! Spike, have you been touching my books?"
"Can't say I have, Twilight. Maybe Discord knows something about it."
"I know more about the growth of your scales than about Twilight's books."
"Urgh!" Twilight angrily hit her hoof against the wooden floor. "They're all in the wrong places! Just look at this mess! How did 'Party Tricks' end up in the fairy tale section?"
"Maybe somepony visited the library during the working hours and simply put it in the wrong place by accident."
Twilight grumbled something about correct places and inconsiderate ponies.
"Discord, from now on your task is to punish anypony who misplaces a book!"
"While that sounds like an unbelievably amusing and fun job offer, dear Twilight Sparkle, I'm afraid I have better things to do than watching out for that."
"URGH!" Twilight angrily stomped up the stairs to her bed.
"Good grief, can't she ever admit she misplaced a book?" Spike muttered as he got to work to return the books to their corresponding sections.
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Numerous thuds and rumbles. A sound of something, much like somepony's leg, bumping into the wooden shelf and a silent curse.
"Chaotic fiddlesticks, that hurt!"
Twilight suddenly woke up, still dazed and half sleeping, her dream interrupted by sounds that came from down stairs and angry whispering. For several minutes, she was just sitting, trying to concentrate and keeping her eyes open, staring into the darkness as she tried to connect the familiar voice from moments ago with the right person. Once she cleared her head, she recalled it as Discord's voice. The faint light of the fireplace was visible from downstairs.
Slowly, slowly she got up and sneaked to the railing of the stairs. Discord seemed to have really took a liking to the spot in front of fireplace, for he was once more in front of it, bent in front of something he held in his hands she couldn't see.
In the next moment, she noticed there were at least dozen of HER books around him. A part of her wanted to scream, seeing as she really, really didn't like when ponies touched her perfectly ordered books without her knowledge - not to mention, it was obviously him who had messed up her perfect order!
The other, bigger part of her was genuinely confused at what was he had been reading so intensely. And in the middle of the night. And why there were so many books.
"What are you doing?" She asked once she found herself at the bottom of the stairs. The Spirit jumped so abruptly he scared her as well. He stared at her in horror, like he had been caught doing something terrible. The very next moment, he pointed his talon at her and she fell asleep from his spell.
It took Discord a second to realize how stupid that was.
"Oh, curses!" He whispered to himself in a panicky voice. He got up and circled her, not sure what should he do - she had already seen him! Should he leave her here? Should he put the books away, should he just run away for-bloody-ever and never come back!?
"I never should've done this to her!"
As if some magical force heard that, Twilight started to wake up for reasons unknown to him; it only panicked him more and he cast the sleeping spell once more. In the next moment he angrily pulled at his ears after he realized he had done it again.
Biting his lip, he first put the books in what he took extra care to remember was the right place. Then he gently touched her forehead and she woke up, a bit confused. It didn't take her long to realize what he had done; TWICE.
"Discord! What are you doing?! Why in the world did you put me to sleep?!" Twilight demanded to know, visibly angry. The Spirit didn't have trouble spewing out the first lie he could think of:
"Oh Twilight dear, you were sleepwalking again. Such a troublesome young Unicorn you are, really."
Twilight narrowed her eyes.
"I never sleepwalk. Well, not anymore anyway, but that is not the problem right now! Discord, just what in the hay did you do that fo--" Twilight fell silent when she noticed all but one book had disappeared. It was laying half in the darkness, seemingly missed by the panicky Spirit. Twilight glanced at him to see him glancing at her.
It was obvious he didn't want her to know what book it is.
It was obvious she was ready to do anything to find out what book it is.
They both launched at it, ending up wrestling to try and reach the book before the other one did. Why neither of them used their magic to levitate the book remained a mystery.
Finally, with a tip of his talon, Discord reached out for the book and stabbed its cover with a triumphant "ha!". But Twilight, being well known for treating her books the way she would treat a newborn baby, screeched and gained super-pony strength upon seeing her book being hurt; she managed to tear out of the lion grasp he had over her and jumped forward, landing straight on his eagle arm as he let out an unexpected 'squee'.
"Gotcha!" Twilight victoriously exclaimed as she tried to observe the book - however, an audible click later, the book became invisible.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Twilight cried out, feeling the invisible book under her hoof.
Discord let out a huge breath of relief before he managed:
"You... shall not... READ."
Twilight gritted her teeth.
"Why not!? What are you hiding, Discord?"
"It's 'grown up' material for a good night." Discord suddenly said, giving her the most devilish and even suggestive of smiles.
Twilight blushed ferociously at his stupid lie - even though it was a lie, it was extremely embarrassing to hear.
"C-cut the silliness, Discord!" She stuttered angrily, with a hint of shyness in her voice. Discord enjoyed her priceless facial expression - the warm light of the fireplace was still to weak to surpass the redness that covered her face. "As your guardian, I am supposed to make sure you don't s-scheme or whatever!" Discord suddenly snatched the book from under Twilight's hoof.
"My guardian~" Discord repeated after her with a significant accent, prolonging the 'n' as he flipped the pages of the still invisible book; then he abruptly closed it and gave her a very weird look, that silly smile still on his face.
"Is that all you are to me, Twilight Sparkle?" He teased, his eyes reflecting the feigned hurt. Twilight shook her head, trying to hide the blush.
"Enough! I am serious, Discord! Enough of these-- embarrassing jokes, or whatever! Give me the book!"
"But I am very serious!" The Spirit complained, dramatically lowering his voice to a quivering whisper. Twilight deadpanned, staring him at him, not at all amused with his romantic act.
"Ha-ha, Discord. You know what, fine. Read the book all you want, silly. I'll find out about it sooner or later." She said as she turned around, ready to go back to sleep.
"Ha. Knew that would work." The Spirit mumbled, as he turned towards fireplace; but not quietly enough.
"Knew what would work?" Twilight questioned, once again facing him. Discord shrugged, the teasing smile still lingering on his face. He didn't even look at her as he spoke:
"Oh, my dear, dear Twilight Sparkle; your eternal inability to talk about your natural interest in male population of the world is something that will always entertain me - even when it is in a joking manner." He added in the end, chuckling.
"What do you mean by that?" Twilight asked a bit arrogantly.
Discord laughed almost like nothing in the world was more dear to him than to answer that question.
"What I mean is, you're shy to no end when it comes to love; even speaking of it as about a movie or a book would get you shy."
"W-what? Hay no! Where did you draw such a silly conclusion from?" Twilight replied through a hollow chuckle, doing her best to stay in the shadows so the Spirit wouldn't notice her expression of discomfort - she had had enough of his teasing as it is.
"Well then, how about we prove it?"
"Oh please, how would we prove something like that?"
Discord gestured towards the books. "You have enough romantic novels here. While I have no idea if you read any of those, I am fairly sure you're collecting them just as eagerly. Books are books, after all. So, we'll sit right here and listen to you reading one."
Twilight wasn't sure in the half dark, but she could've sworn there was something so similar to malice in those eyes for a second. Either that, or she had been so terrified of his proposition, she was seeing things.
Moments passed in silence, until...
"Fine." She said keenly, before going to the shelves she so rarely visited and pulled out the first romantic book she found. The title of it was 'Naked Singularity'. Huh. It didn't sound that bad. If anything, the title was something she was more familiar with: physics. This could even be fun!
Oh, how wrong she was.
"Chapter one." Twilight started swiftly as she got comfortable, sitting close to the fireplace so she could get a better light on the black letters that covered the slightly yellow pages - though it seemed to be stylized that way. She was determined to make a point here.
Discord got comfortable as he lied down, with his elbows on the floor and put his face into his hands, watching her carefully. That stupid smile still lingered on his face. She would show him!
"As the night slowly neared, Evening Glimmer took the opportunity to take one last look on the setting Sun." Twilight started off confidently. "Its fiery colors, the mixture of red and yellow and the greenery of the grass below her. Only the blue was missing to make her feel like he was here. The sky blue, soft skin of her loved one, of the Pegasus she never forgot, never stopped thinking of... the stallion that she hadn't seen in such a long, long time."
OK, this wasn't half bad. Cheesy, yes, but not really badly written.
"She sighed and with a heavy heart slowly trotted off back to the bookstore; her own, small bookstore, her sanctuary where books provided her company..."
Hey, this sounds a bit like me! Twilight noticed, amused she had something in common with the protagonist. She continued to read normally; the book continued as expected, telling of the Evening Glimmer's feelings and state she was in after her beloved went missing during a rescue mission, for a good few minutes.
Truth to be told, for Twilight's taste, the book was a bit boring so far - just in case, she glanced at the Spirit to make sure he didn't fall asleep, but he was as attentive as before, though munching on some snacks he summoned. Twilight bravely continued.
"Evening Glimmer put on her tiny night gown, ready to retire for the night, but then something had attracted her attention - a faint sound she recognized as the flapping of wings. As she looked out the window, trying to locate the source of the sound, she saw a familiar blur - a blur of blue coat, decorated with streaks of colorful mane, the color of field flowers.
'Could it be?..." She spoke without a breath, immediately rushing outside, not even noticing the slow rain that had started to fall, looking around. Then, to her right, a feather. She gasped, running off in that direction, getting further away from the city... another feather.
Tears were running down her cheeks like a river, mixed with rain drops once she finally found the last feather on a familiar cliff. The place where they shared their first k- kiss."
Twilight stammered a bit at the word she didn't expect, but continued normally once again - Discord didn't seemed to even notice it. At this point, Twilight wondered if Pegasi really did have that many feathers accidentally falling off, or was it some kind of scheme.
"'I knew you would come.' A strong, deep voice spoke and Evening Glimmer turned around to face her long lost love - Prism Slash stood there right in front of her, a nuzzle away, in all his magnificent glory..."
Twilight frowned slightly. What the heck is that supposed to mean?! Magnificent glory? Story pollution, I say. And what does he mean by 'I knew you would come'? How about knocking, silly!
"...magnificent glory, stretching his sky blue wings and allowing his long, colorful mane to flow in the night breeze. The red, yellow and purple in his mane intertwined so enchantingly; it took her breath away even after knowing him for all this time, for all these years... especially after not seeing it for all these months."
This was getting really boring.
"'Prism Slash...' Glimmer started, but was silenced by the gentle move of his hoof. 'My love,' Prism spoke, 'there was no day I haven't though about your soft hair, that b-bounces in the breeze...'"
Twilight got just a tiny bit uncomfortable, but it was nothing she was paying attention to too much. Reading the dialogue was a bit more different after all - she felt like she was invading somepony's privacy.
"...or your eyes, as purple as the deep, mysterious seas... and your s-smile, your dazzling smile, which frees all of your b-beauty... makes you shine... so w-wonderfully..."
She was stammering way too much at this point. Her lips became dry for whatever reason and she swallowed lightly to make her stammering go away.
"'Oh, Prism S-Slash," swallowing didn't help, "I have waited for you only all this time, my love. Never leave me again, promise me!' Glimmer begged, looking straight into his radiant, magenta eyes. Prism Slash smiled. 'Never, my love.' Was all he said before he leaned in, closing the distance between them and k-kissed pa-passion-passionately."
The very obvious stutter was the first thing that broke the silence from Spirits's side - he let out a very obvious and short snicker. Twilight dared not to lower the book, not wanting to see his teasing eyes, nor wanting him to see her dry, cracked lips or the way even her ears got red.
"Evening Glimmer let out a content sound into his mouth, allowing him the entrance through her parted l-lips, enjoying every s-second of contact between their t-t-t-tongues!"
The last word came out a lot louder than she expected due to her nervousness and inpony effort to pronounce it correctly. Her throat was dry and the Spirit didn't even try to hide his snickering anymore. Twilight frowned as she continued.
"Prism Slash caressed her face gently, then lowered his hoof to her drenched gown that revealed her alabaster colored body, shaped in the image of a g-goddess. He whispered: 'You won't need this anymoooOOK, I think we're done here!"
The words that followed after were not words of love and romance only. They were words of something more. Of passion. Very, very, very descriptive passion. Her face was as red as the sunset, her breathing quickened without her noticing and she was thirsty like never before. Not to mention, her heart seemed to have wanted to leave her chest.
Slowly, she lowered the book on the wooden floor, knowing Discord could see her, embarrassed, flushed and beaten in his little game. But she couldn't look at him. Closing the book and pushing it away from her, she simply stared down, feeling the awful wave of defeat crushing over her. She felt almost nervous about all that happened.
Was it the pure shame? Was it the failure itself? Was it because it was him?
Connecting the dots... she came to conclusion it was because of the failure she felt as she got so utterly embarrassed in front of nopony else but him. Meaning, all three.
She knew that if she spoke, her voice would crack. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of witnessing that, so Twilight said nothing, but gave him a determined, though still nervous look, as if to say 'come on, laugh already'.
After a few horribly long moments that seemed like hours, Discord finally spoke.
"Phew, thank goodness you're done! I was getting uncomfortable here!"
Twilight tilted her head. "Huh?"
Discord wore a relieved expression on his face - and with the relief that seemed to come to him disappeared all of Twilight's worries.
"You mean... it was embarrassing for you as well?"
"How wouldn't it be! It is cheesy beyond belief!" Discord rolled his eyes, looking at her in surprise before he admitted: "I didn't expect you to read half as much as you did. For a moment there, I thought you were going to read the... detailed stuff." He frowned, like the mere thought was bothering him. "Naturally, since I am not the one to lose, I would listen to all of it if needed, but that would be very awkward and utterly gag inducing, don't you agree?" He laughed.
Twilight laughed together with him, though not purely out of amusement - she was happy. She was so, so happy right now and so relieved. Who knew that was what was going through his head during her read. They were much alike, in that way.
"Well, I did feel awfully uncomfortable reading it, as you probably noticed," Twilight admitted sheepishly, "so I guess I really am shy when it comes to those things."
"No no, definitely not as much as I thought." Discord suddenly added. "That was quite a thing you went through. I am impressed. I personally wouldn't read such a thing even if I was tortured."
Twilight laughed at the thought. "Why thank you, that is nice of you to say."
Once her eyes fell on the still unidentified, invisible book he was obviously clutching in his hands, she sighed.
"You'll never let me see that book, will you." She said in a resigning tone. The Spirit shifted a bit.
"Well, you can look at it this way." He replied. " We both have things we're... shy, about."
Twilight narrowed her eyes as a playful smile crept onto her face. "Are you telling my you're reading something you're shy about?"
"Shush!" Discord replied. "That little secret stays between us unless you want me to turn you into a coconut, got it?"
"Hahaha, alright, alright - don't worry, I won't tell anypony you're reading romance novels." Twilight teased, delighted to see the reaction she expected as he jerked on the sole mention of something so shameful.
"It is NOT a stupid romance novel!" Discord seethed, looking almost insulted. "Gag, how can you even propose that?!"
"Well, I don't know what else could it be that you're so embarrassed of, but oh, well." Twilight shrugged, but the Spirit didn't offer her any answer. She suddenly yawned, only then realizing what time it was.
"Oh gosh, I can't believe I stayed up this late for this crazy ordeal. Well, it was kind of amusing, if anything. Good night, Discord." She was back in he bed and sleeping in a matter of minutes.
Discord sighed as he made the book visible again. The copy of 'Healing Spells: 2nd Year Textbook' was a big, heavy book in hardcover. Sure, she would probably never realized he had been studying healing magic ever since she ended up in the hospital, even if she saw what book it was; but his pride didn't allow him to show her anything that might give her even the remote idea of doing something for her sake.
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If you, by some miracle, haven't read the ACTUAL FANFIC, 'Naked Singularity' yet, I suggest you do so right NOW. It is one of the funniest things I've ever read, if not THE funniest. A slight bit mature at occasion, but trust me, it pays of.