Time heals all wounds, but the scars and their poisons never fade. What happens when Discord's corruption never fades away from Fluttershy mind? Will she fall apart, or succumb to the darkness?
Multi ACT short story series.
Uhhm... wow. This is a concept I have thought of doing (Though I already have too many projects in the works, so I'm more happy then upset to see someone else post it) and, seeing how you did it, it was really powerful, and left me wanting more, especially with that last line. The only problem is that you're missing a few spaces, leaving some words likethis, which can make it a little hard to read, and even harder to stay immersed in the story. Still not bad by any means.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for pointing out that formatting error. This document was originally written in google docs and then copied into microsoft word so sometimes formatting errors tend to happen. I'll go fix them now! Thank you!
Bro that was awesome. I always enjoy a good Fluttershy breakdown.
This one had a pretty dark ending but that's what makes it delicious.
Thx for the read!
So far, I am fairly impressed by the approach. Not Once have I seen a story on either this site or fanfiction where a character is fighting, well, herself in a conflict for total dominance of the pony mind. So for originality, I am pleased.
Now for some feedback. The first thing I wish to address is some words are scrunched together. Give 'em breathing space, boy! Put a space between 'em! you gotta find these kinda errors before puttin' your stuff up. Now granted, I don't expect it to be perfect, even one or two minor mistakes now and again, but to have the same mistake a few times, is kind of annoying. Please fix this soon.
Again, the originality, and the conflict inside the mind of Fluttershy, is a nice feel. Doesn't feel too random, although it would be nice to explain when and why she started having conflicts, just putting it in a dream and saying it's an origin, really doesn't cut it for me. To be frank, it's quite lazy, and overdone.
Hopefully, you give us a little backstory on the other side of fluttershy, and how it came to be. Again, If I sound Harsh, it's constructive, so no tears please.
your italics broke.
Well, I'm 99% sure that entity is based on the Discord Fluttershy, or "Flutterbitch" as she is called. Partially why it's so fond of specifically chaos.
It just makes you feel so bad for her...
>>354782354782 Even if so, I'd like that to be explained. (It just puts the check on story plot definition and all)
A very dark and sad story. Fluttershy being the one afflicted by this is doubly painful when I remembered that she was unique out of the Mane Six when corrupted, the others inadvertently embraced their darker sides when Discord tempted them, Fluttershy's was yanked out by Discord against her will
I liked the flutter rage part. And the part with the chicken coop and how everything was out of control. I also liked the way you wrapped the story up at the end.
FLUTTERSHY!!!! How dare you hurt that little irritating butterfly?!?!!?
This was good, I like the direction with her Discorded self still being there.
You might find me wierd for this, but I actually like Flutterbitch.
She's not as shyly cute as normal Fluttershy, but I like her.
It seems story of like an intro intro the "Ask Murdershy" Tumblrs. I like it.