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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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not bad
Thanks Paul
I think it's lovely. Short and sweet. I couldn't ask for more in a story of this length.
This thing really is almost perfect^^ There's one thing that bugs me though and that's the word "fillyfried". It just wont sit right with me. plus, i think "marefriend" really sounds better. But that's just a personal thing^^ You still get 5 out of 5 Moustaches^^
Thanks for this sweet little fic^^
Gotta admit for a first try it was good
There were still a few small errors
Such as when you said rainbow dash climbed into bed and fell asleep again
I think you meant attenpted to fall asleep again?
Sometimes the story was slightly "jerky" (didnt flow smoothly) and it needa a little more detail but thats just me being picky
Over all i would give it a 9/10 ^.^
Thank you guys. I love the creative criticism, it lets me know what to fix in this story and what to be aware of in my next story.
Quite a cute little fic, nice and light.
Stuff like this is always good for a pick-me-up, and this is no exception.
I hadn't noticed any major spelling/grammar errors (the plague of most new fics) and the story flowed together nicely at most times.
Overall, a good little fluff piece that leaves you feeling good. Well done, I liked it.
Wow, this story iqs extremeley cute. I did jot see any major flaws and it gave me what I wanted, a warm feeling in my heart
I thoroughly enjoyed this fluffy bit of goodness! I'm terrible at pacing, so I can't fault you on the speed. I did catch a few errors:
farmponies who were there keepers -- *their
And not to far way -- *too
lay Ponyville, the residents -- *Ponyville. The
thoughts turned to seemingly -- turned to *a/the* seemingly
party canon -- party *cannon
It also happens -- *happened (verb tense change)
recoded -- *recorded? (recoded works too, if you're manipulating data)
a lith pegasus -- *lithe
battle cry! -- *Battle cry! (capitalized to match the others)
It as if -- *It was as if
I do applaud your double-spacing after periods. I don't know anybody who does that any more, and it was cool to see it again.
I liked this a lot, though. Very original, clever, and sweet. Good job!
This, I must say, was quite a good little one-shot you did.
Very well done.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3566082 Thank you for being so specific. I can see some of my dyslexia as spilled onto the pages but less then I thought
Wait, people don't do double spacing after sentences any more? Thats weird.
Also thank you to everyone els for the polite and helpful comments. And for those of you who just said you liked it, I will give you a thank you as well. Now I have the confidence to publish more of my stuff! Maybe this wash't "an atrocity against literature" after all
Oh ya, I did some edits and now the story is 20% more legible!
You've given me diabetes with this, I hope you know that. And I don't give a damn about the warning; you're paying my medical expenses.
Seriously though, that was awesome. Not too short, the pacing was nothing short of wonderful, and it flowed brilliantly. Not to mention you double-spaced after your periods, which I have vague memories of my English teachers nagging me to do after every essay. Never did remember too....
Anyway, that was awesome.
Fluffy and adorable in just the right amounts to be... well... perfect.
EDIT: I just read the blog about being new to the site. WELCOME! You keep writing like this and you'll go pretty far on this site.
3565215
For a moment I thought I had finally found a like-minded person.
But nope, guess nobody will ever remember that the word "girlfriend" exists, and was actually used in the show at some point. =P
Anyway, good story, short and cute, kinda straight to the point, it was really nice for what it was, good job!
This is a good story, very good. Also, from reading this I couldn't tell that you were new to the site, ( I am but I haven't written anything yet, mostly reading to get a feel of how to write a proper ponyfic) and it looked like you had been writing for awhile. Anyways, good job.
This was adorable, excellent work!
Like the story, but one thing bothered me. If someone came into my bed freezing, I'd react strongly. I've seen other people on TV and in real life react that way. I mean even being a wake would cause me to jump. That's why I can't understand Twilight just turning and grabbing Rainbow to embrace. I mean it would be like hugging a huge snowbank in winter. Other than that I enjoyed it.
3567279 Thats probablly because the show ponyfies everything else like "everypony" instead of "everyone". So its not suprising that fans come up with words like "marefriend"
Not bad, not bad. It's cute.
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133553275688.png
This is amazing, you really need to write a full length fan-fic about this. When I first found this I thought you were just another guy yelling READ MY FICTION BECAUSE I'M DESPERATE!!!, but this is great. I look forward to your future works.
3570675 LOL, Coley, you old dog, I didn't know you had a fanfic account. Thanks for reading my fic by the way!
3567237 Sorry about that. When I read it over I got a few cavities myself. Thanks for the compliments and about the double spacing, well, you should always do it. Looks professional and all.
3567715 hahahaha thanks for the comic
I came out with this fic to make a few people smile. I never knew it was going to be such a rave! Not that i'm complaining. I write for the readers after all.
i.imgur.com/TC3kf9C.png
Have an up thumb.
Cute and so fluffy, my god, please do make a LONG one with this type of style, it would just simply melt hearts away
Hmm, could be romance, but also could just be friend shipping. Nice short fluff piece, though technically rainbow dash just broke into someones home and curled up next to their sleeping form like a deranged person, but can look past that since its not really the type of story you analyze to death.
3583224 Someone said something similar. I thought I made it very clear that they were in a relationship and that pranking was a usual occurrence. The story was supposed to emphasis the point that sometimes ponies ( and people), wether they are romantically involved or not, need some one to sleep with, platonically speaking. It was a bit more profound then just strait fluff. Hope this cleared things up for you
Just about 1,000 views and about 150 likes! WOW thanks!
I think i'm going to run with this universe in future stories. Any body up for a Hearths Warming Eve Twidash Scootalove fic? I know I am!
3583460
Rainbow Dash pranking someone is supposed to make me assume that they are in a relationship? Then wouldn't she be in a relationship with the entire town? If its tagged romance i can just assume they are romantically interested in each other, but by the story itself there is no indication that they feel that way.
edit: read it again and noticed it does say fillyfriend, so that makes it more clear. Didn't see that the first time through.
The prose was little more purple than I usually like, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
Not really sure what Twi's supposed to be combining, though...
3585978 I thought I would add that part to further character development, she is very particular about things such as nightly rituals, I know I am. Thanks for the spell check, hope it didn't take away from the story.
I just have to ask real quick: Your English teacher helps you write things that are entertaining? Mine just keeps trying
and failingto teach me about rhetorical analysis!That vocabulary! It's simply fabulous!
Cute little story, too. Overall a really good job. There are a couple of things...
This is just flat out wrong. If you had started the sentence the same way and continued the thought with what else she did in her bed, all would be fine. Also, if the second half was the same and the...actually no, the second half is wrong anyway. Simple fix, though. As is, the middle bit should read, "...in her bed, which..." Otherwise, the sentence makes no sense.
Also, (and this may be a bit nitpicky, but it's correct,) the last word should have a period after it. I don't care if it's dialogue, an excerpt from something, or a 1500 page essay after which the writer's fingers are bleeding. All thoughts in writing must end with punctuation. (Unless it's a telegram, in which sentences end with "STOP.")
Those two bits aside, I noticed no real flaws in this fic structurally, and certainly not story-wise. Good job.
Thanks for sharing.
3615440 Nice catch on that little part, you get a Twilight for that
The second correction however was intentional. The period looks akward, and yes I am aware that is the worst excuse ever 
but thats
As for my english teacher's roll; he has, for the last three years, made us read short stories and made us write short stories. He has taught me well. Its probably helps that my mom is a many time over published author with short stories in dozens of book and magazines, and even her own novel. She helps me a ton with my writing as well.
You have a keen eye and are a perfect grammar nazi. Would you like to be a pre-reader of my next story?
Nice story.
I believe that should be 'away'.
3618198
... but that's what?
Your mom and your English teacher sound like cool people; you're very lucky to have them helping you.
Do you really mean that? I would be honored!
PM me with more info, please. 
Cute and nicely done. :)
Que warm bubbly felling that makes you laugh at everything until your mom asks what is making you so happy but you won't tell her because you're a closet brony and she doesn't know so she starts asking if you are doing drugs and actually searches your closet. *gasp
Good thing you don't have a secret stash of MLP merchandise...no matter how much you want it...*sniff
Warm feeling's gone.
3692658 You gave me an awesome idea!
A Fan-Fiction about a Fan-Fiction writer, or just a Brony in general, or a closet brony. I'll work out the details later.
Also, im glad you liked it, although that must be a bummer keeping your love of MLP a secret and then being acused of being high. Here in New York City I just blend in with every other wack-job and nut-ball rooming the streets. If your looking for more Bronies to chill with then check this out: Brony Meet-Up Map.
3740528 Glad I could help. I can't wait to read it if it follows through. Yeah, it's hard, but it would be worse if people found out. I'm considered weird already and get a bad rap for it. Oh well, I have you guys, so I'm good and happy.
Hahaha, you consider this an atrocity? This was a nice and sweet little story, and you need to write more.
you consider this an atrocity ah your so wrong it's sooo cute
and simple i love it
4252058
4251395
Whoops, I forgot to take that bit down after this story got somewhat popular
Maybe I should take that part out, it makes it sound like I'm fishing for compliments.
So cuteeeeeee!
... ya' could've gone into more detail with the snuggling....
sorta reminds of the puppy love when meeting your first fillyfriend (girl friend i wanted to make a pun) but i liked it great casual reading but now i wish i had someone to snuggle with
because like rainbow i cant sleep tonight either it is 11:38 pm here in Australia
PS: i'm a brony as in male don't worry about the rose i just like the rose
PPS: i don't know why i added that part in lol
I particularly like steps 4 and 6.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/19/127100/large.jpg
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw716_131027886162.gif
To spare a moment to critique, however; I feel that you got much too flowery in parts of this, like you were trying to use as much of your vocabulary as you could when simpler words would suffice. "Oral burns", "blankets, terrestrial and atmospheric", etc. This is particularly jarring in the first part of the story, which focuses on the decidedly-not-eloquent Rainbow Dash.
Apart from this, I quite enjoy it.
DAAAAAAAW!
D'aaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww.
Never have I read a story that so represented the epitome of short and sweet. This was well written, cute and I appreciate how you made it romantic without it being overbearing. 10/10. <3