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JakeDrake 52469

Joined March 2012
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    JakeDrake's Stories (5)

    • The Element of Chaos
      When Discord defeats the Elements he decides to bring another Draconequus into Equestria.

      30,872 words · 1,260 views · 105 likes · 9 dislikes
    • Student Regent
      When Twilight goes to show Princess Celestia and Luna her original spell, what happens when one of smallest of things is off by a few strokes of a brush?
      1,470 words · 634 views · 42 likes · 2 dislikes
    • The Journal
      When twilight finds a journal when looking for something to read, will she find more than a story?
      1,121 words · 115 views · 5 likes · 1 dislikes
    • Trixie’s Magical Revenge of Mumbo
      What happens when Trixie, after failing in manehatten, gets a little help from a famous colt spirit?
      1,604 words · 249 views · 4 likes · 5 dislikes
    • Lighting up the Sky
      4,350 words · 16 views · 0 likes · 0 dislikes

    After Discord's first victory over the Elements of Harmony, he decides to fix the worlds new lack of his kind. He brings a new Draconequus into Equestria, even if he had to bend the rules of dimensionary travel. He brings the new knocked out being which was knocked out in their world. After turning this person into a Draconequus will he survive even after Discord is turned to stone leaving him alone with only a case and a guide book?

    First Published
    11th Mar 2012
    Last Modified
    31st Oct 2012

    Comments ( 202 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Besides the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, seems okay. You should lose the center alignment in my opinion.

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>310458

    Thanks for pointing that out. I didn't mean for it to be centered like that.

    #3 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    I believe the term 'look before you leap' would come into affect here. Keep up the good work :twilightsmile:

    #4 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Except for some grammar problems, this was good. I'm going to track and see where this goes.

    #5 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>310477

    Thanks, this ideas been in my head for awhile and I've decided to finally write it. Glad you enjoy it.

    #6 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Ahem.

    My good sir, i believe i have found the proper way to express my feelings about this story.

    #7 · Chapter 1 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>310585

    Already working on it. Didn't expect something like...erm that popping up when I saw I had a comment.

    #8 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Funny thing is, my sister and I are working on a story with the exact same title over on Fanfiction.net. Our stories are obviously significantly different, though.

    #9 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>310596

    I kinda also posted it on FF.net under the same name under my username there. Sorry if I stole your title. :twilightblush:

    #10 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>310591

    You should learn to expect then unexpected if you expect top live up to the expectations that we expect to come from your story.

    :rainbowwild:

    I shall rephrase: Moar

    #11 · Chapter 2 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>310607

    It's not stealing if neither of us knew about the other's story. You might've been the one who made your story first, even.

    #12 · Chapter 3 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Yesh!

    :pinkiehappy:

    #13 · Chapter 1 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    "He could just reach into a parallel world to grab some kind of female version of himself, but he had done that over two thousand years ago."

    #14 · Chapter 3 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>311163

    YES! I'm So glad someone caught that! :pinkiehappy:

    #15 · Chapter 3 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    #16 · Chapter 3 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    You should try to get a pre-reader. There are quite a few spelling errors in this story.

    Besides that I did enjoy reading it. It's something delishiously chaotic.

    #17 · Chapter 3 · 62w, 6d ago · · ·
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    I would watch your face again, Angel was not named for his attitude and actions.

    #18 · Chapter 4 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Hmm...interesting... meh *le track*

    #19 · Chapter 4 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Dun Dun Duuuuunnnnn....

    #20 · Chapter 4 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This won't end well, I just know it

    #21 · Chapter 4 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Excellent

    #22 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
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    :rainbowlaugh:

    Oh man, this poor guy

    #23 · Chapter 4 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Making Discord's last name Q is perfect. :moustache:

    #24 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
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    STOP! HAMMER TIME! Not sure I like crazy agressive Pinkie, but as long as she calms down it should be fine. He meets the CMC next this will be funny.

    #25 · Chapter 4 · 62w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Yes, show a pony who is obiusly uncomfertable around u a book that just might save u from a rotting dungeon

    #26 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 4d ago · · ·
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    hmm... intriguing :moustache:

    #27 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>316471

    Not like could read it.

    #28 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>JakeDrake

    Is it my crazy imagination, or did Pinkie just pull the POW Hammer on him?:rainbowhuh:

    #29 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 4d ago · · ·
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    When Pinkie pulled out that giant hammer, I suddenly got a mental image of Amy from the Sonic series with her hammer.

    #30 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>317968

    Glad someone saw it like that.

    #31 · Chapter 5 · 62w, 3d ago · · ·
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    And then the CMC is either going to start screaming calling the attention of AJ or Big Mac to the Clubhouse, or they will go the route of Cutie Mark Crusaders Discord Catchers.... I think the first will happen...

    #32 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 17h ago · · ·
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    He'll be fine. Physical contact with Rainbow Dash allows someone to withstand things that would utterly destroy other, less awesome beings. :rainbowkiss: Science says so.

    #33 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>358944

    Remember Kitsune, he was then crushed by Apples.

    #34 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>358960 Remember Jake, it is a world of logicless ponies.

    #35 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>359024

    Touche. But he also got a board to the...Crotch. Such painful thing to write.

    #36 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>359038 Bullet to the chest, spear through his right arm, and many more coming in my story... Don't even get me started on what an alicorn did to me :fluttershyouch:

    #37 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>359046

    At least now you can laugh at a Draconequus's pain.

    #38 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>359069 Eeyup. Did find it funny how he can't get a break :trixieshiftright:

    #39 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 16h ago · · ·
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    >>359074

    Isn't that what people love about a character? How he just has the worst luck in a happy go lucky world? :pinkiecrazy:

    #40 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 16h ago · · ·
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    >>359080 Sums up Diamond Heart. One minute he's walkin' down a dirt road, next he is preparing for a invasion.... Don't you love making the worst happen to the best?

    #41 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 16h ago · · ·
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    >>359092

    Only my favorite past time. :rainbowlaugh:

    Also...Speaking of War. Give you this little tidbit. Think of what Discord said about Turning ponies to stone in the old days. It wouldn't be true if he were...Cranky.

    #42 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 9h ago · · ·
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    YES!!! I knew Pinkie was using the POW Hammer!!!

    #43 · Chapter 6 · 61w, 1h ago · · ·
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    >>360261

    Hehe. Glad you liked that tidbit.

    #44 · Chapter 6 · 60w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Yurp.:moustache:

    #45 · Chapter 6 · 59w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Woo! Tracking! That is all.

    #46 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    FRIKKIN AWESOME! This is gettin MAJORLY Epic!.......I'm gonna reread it.

    And now, a word from our sponsors.

    Discord: Doctor! This is Chaos!

    Doctor: No...This..IS.....ALLONS-Y!!!

    #47 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>409218

    And now with extra Dalek Cola!

    Dalek Cola! The Drink of Doctors.

    #48 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Oh dear.  That's quite a bit to dump on some poor ex-human at one time.  I wonder if he can handle it, or if he'll screw up everything horribly?

    ...I'll get the popcorn.  :pinkiecrazy:

    #49 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    A few things...

    First- The image in my head of Luna in PJ's is so much D'AWWWW

    Second- Mention of Doctor Whooves being the Spirit of Time is badass

    Third- Trollestia strikes again :trollestia:

    Over all, this chapter was full of Rainbow Dash AWESOME:rainbowdetermined2:

    And a prediction for what will happen... Now that Discord is no longer the Spirit of Chaos, he can now use the Element of Chaos and come back and a LOT of shit will hit the fan.:twilightsmile:

    #50 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>409824

    Make sure it's Butter! Pinkie pie was seen at the popcorn stand with a bottle of something...Don't ask.

    #51 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>409898

    Thank you!

    I loved the idea of Luna in PJs. Plus! It's the middle of the day so..."Night" for Luna.

    Your review was filled me with Pinkie Pie :pinkiegasp:

    #52 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    You have been knocked out. Continue? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1 You have chosen to continue in: Godmode. That is what Jake just experienced.:derpytongue2:

    #53 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    When in doubt, immortal it out. Cause that way, you can do what you want as long as you don't mess with Tia. Bad things happen. :trixieshiftright:

    #54 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>410115

    Eeyup.:eeyup:

    Adventures in Ponyville? Maybe? Oh...we'll see.

    #55 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Another good chapter.  I was happy that you gave a history on how the Draconequus race diminished to how it is today!  Explaining a possibility for why Doctor Whooves is able to do what he does was briliant!  I could learn a thing or two from reading your stories. :twilightsmile:

    #56 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>410316

    You are too kind. And you might just get that little History lesson. Make sure to maybe watch for any other stories mate. Draconequus are strange...and Random creatures.

    #57 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>410335

    true dat

    #58 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    If The Spirits of Equestria are immortal, and the Mane 6 are the Spirits of the Elements of Harmony, does that make them immortal too?

    Keep it up: another great chapter.

    Read this with "The Return of Harmony" playing in the background.  In fact, I read the part in which Discord showed Jake (it is Jake, right?) the Mane 6 sealing him back into stone while they were doing the same thing in the episode.  What Timing.

    #59 · Chapter 7 · 59w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>411186

    I haven't fully explained the Spirits thing. But, the mane 6 are the elements of harmony.Not the spirits.

    There are a few difference. It'll be explained later.

    #60 · Chapter 8 · 58w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Yes! I've loved the story so far, and This update was perfect.:raritystarry:

    #61 · Chapter 8 · 58w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>430986

    Glad you liked it.

    #62 · Chapter 8 · 58w, 4d ago · · ·
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    ♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

    #63 · Chapter 8 · 58w, 4d ago · · ·
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    It feels weird, reading this.

    At first, Celestia says that he is the new spirit of chaos. And that he needs to learn his powers and what not. And that if he gets his powers taken from him, he would turn to dust.

    But then later she says they'll look for a way home for him? Why? That doesn't even begin to make sense, since celestia wants him to stay there and be the spirit of chaos.

    It's very confusing T_T

    #64 · Chapter 8 · 58w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>434828

    Celestia is looking out for him and is...Giving him a reason to Stay the spirit of Chaos, aswell as stay near and not go crazy. Think of it like saying you'll pay a Merc if he does X and keep changing it.

    #65 · Chapter 8 · 57w, 1h ago · · ·
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    #66 · Chapter 8 · 56w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Hrmm...  Just got to this story today, and would like to offer some constructive criticism:

    First: your grammar has improved since the first chapter, but there are still some rather significant problems. For example: "You knew I was going to land here...And that I didn't know I thought I'd die...didn't you?" He did not know that he thought he would die? I think the meaning would come across better written as: "You knew I was going to land here...And that I didn't, and thought I'd die...didn't you?" A proofreader could help you with this - and cut down the amount of time you spend looking for grammatical errors and let you concentrate on simply writing your story.

    Second: It's very hard to track what is happening through the dialog. I had to read through a couple of times before I caught the moment that Pinkie left the room. Speaking of which - where is this happening at the beginning of the chapter? All we know is that there are wooden floors, a door, and a balcony. Take a little time to tell us about the environment that these things are taking place in.

    Third: I'm having trouble understanding your characters. Everything is action/reaction. What is going on through the characters heads? I don't get Jake at all. So far the only thing that has fazed him was a death threat from Celestia. If that's his character then that's his character, but I see the same lack of depth to all your characters. They feel less like individuals and more like props to your story. Take some time to get into each characters head and understand their motivations, then show us what they are feeling with some more descriptive language. For example this line:

    "Wow...That's...kind of hard to take in," He said leaning on the edge, "I mean...Stuck in a castle...Learning to control my powers...watching the world around me change...Not even in my own world."

    There's so much more you can do with this, This is where it looks like it finally starting to hit Jake that he's stuck with a new life that he knows nothing about. You can show what he's feeling through references to his posture (There are many ways to lean... He could slump, prop an elbow, be stiff, be casual, etc...) or you can refer to his tone of voice (He can speak softly, wonderingly, faintly, in a whisper, angrily, sadly...). Where is he looking, or NOT looking. Is he staring off into space, avoiding looking at Celestia, staring at her? This could be the point in the story where Jake's world crashes around him, or reforms into something better. Instead it's just another line of dialog.

    I'd like to say that despite my criticism, I really do like the story. You have a great plot going and I'd like to see where this goes as your storytelling skills develop.

    #67 · Chapter 8 · 56w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>482271

    I have to say thank you for all your complaints really. My first Chapters were done without a proof-reader and I have one though he is offline for a while. Thank you for your view and I'll try to be more descriptive in my next chapter. Thank you all and if you have anything else I should watch out for, please let me know. :twilightsmile:

    #68 · Chapter 8 · 55w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I'll track this and read it later.

    #69 · Chapter 8 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Moar plz:pinkiecrazy:

    #70 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    ..... That explains everything!

    Also, contrats. You made the featured box.

    #71 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>599334

    Hold on...wait a minute...I DID?! *goes to look* HOT DOG! I DID! TIME TO GET TO WORK, DOUBLE THE SPEED OF MY TYPING!

    #72 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>599341 aaaaaand now its gone I think. The featured box has been going crazy lately. I think they changed the criteria or something.

    Edit: Never mind. Just went up to spot 4 from spot 5. HUZZAH

    #73 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Daddy Discord reference?

    #74 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>599354

    Eeyup. I like daddy discord, a fan of the song itself and the story, plus Screwball is the PERFECT pony to help Discord out. But She won't be the only one. Just wait...you'll learn why a certain Bug hadn't been seen before.:pinkiehappy:

    >>599350

    You won't believe how happy I am. First time people have liked my story this much. :twilightsheepish:

    #75 · Chapter 3 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>311818

    Yes he was, he was just ironically named for his attitude and actions.

    Good story by the way... aside from the painful grammar.:fluttershyouch:

    *takes more aspirin*

    #76 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>599815

    Sorry, I'm promise that it gets better. My grammar wasn't the best for the first few chapters...

    #77 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>600080

    eh, some aspirin and a few breaks following YouTube links in the comments cleared it up... probably spend a little to much time reading here anyway.:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:  

    #78 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>600096 Where else would you read? Books? HA! Internet is better.

    #79 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I'm sorry, but if you need a proofreader, I'd be happy to help. (spelling and grammar mistakes bother me):twilightblush:

    #80 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 2d ago · · ·
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    this blows past sins out of the water:moustache:

    #81 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Nice way to explain things and keep Discord in the picture.

    #82 · Chapter 9 · 53w, 14h ago · · ·
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    Soooo, I see that Queen Chrysalis may be coming into the story. Only logical character I could think of that has a swarm.:twilightsmile:

    #83 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    “What have I done to deserve this?” you make it sound like a bad thing :rainbowlaugh:

    #84 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>678438

    I'm going to be adding a little...War between the sisters...he's just going to try and stay out of the cross fire. :pinkiehappy:

    #85 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    This sir is beautiful

    No words to describe should have sent a poet

    #86 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>678609

    You sir, are far too kind.

    #87 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>678712

    I hired a poet no seriously.

    This is the powm he came up with to match your awesomness

    Fullstop is

    not the End,

    WE can write a new sentence after it.

    Same in life !

    Failure is

    not the end.

    It can be the real Beginning

    to SUCCESS.

    #88 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>678746

    I just write for people to enjoy it. Don't be so kind, really.

    #89 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>679823

    And we really do enjoy it, great chapter by the way.:twilightsmile:

    #90 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>680382

    Thanks, Sorry for taking so long. I've been on vacation...then my computer broke. So I had to use Google Docs on my new laptop.

    #91 · Chapter 10 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>680418

    Meh it's fine, I can wait for a good story.:raritywink:

    #92 · Chapter 10 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>680418 you need to get a better cover, that doesn't look like jake at all :applejackunsure:

    #93 · Chapter 10 · 49w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>745198

    I had a friend that I asked to draw a picture for me. I requested the basics of what made Jake different than Discord and that's what came out of it. It was nice of my friend Leri to even draw that for me so I'm happy to put it as the cover.

    #94 · Chapter 11 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    wow... he can take a beating... broken spine in the morning, please, vbroken neck from falling down the stairs, please.!

    #95 · Chapter 11 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>859388

    Nothing is truly broken. It's cartoon physics and he is well...like Discord.

    I bet if Discord truly wanted to he could just grab one of his horns and pull to either pull the horn off. Or his head.

    If it was so different than normal he could.

    #96 · Chapter 11 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    #97 · Chapter 11 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>859420

    Thanks for pointing it out like that. Never though of he could in fact have so many true injuries...huh...Glad you liked the chapter. :twilightsmile:

    #98 · Chapter 11 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    lol good chapter

    #99 · Chapter 11 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Best Discord fic and HiE! How long will thus go for? I hope a long time! I like Discord fics (mostly ones where he's not super dark and evil) and this is my favorite because I oh so wanted a human to become a draconquues!

    #100 · Chapter 11 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>859554

    How long will this go on for? I never...well really though about that.

    I just will most likely let it run it's course. But I do have a sort of...idea of the future things.

    Little things will be dark but not very dark.

    Best hint of it can be...Discord being the Fairy Godmother in Shrek.

    Wait...maybe that's too much a hint...eh what ever. Glad you enjoy it.

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