Princess Twilight Sparkle is gone. Equestria was in danger of an invasion from another world, and she heroically entered the portal, closing it from the other side. Spike searched for her for years without success, but eventually he had to accept, dead or alive, she wasn't coming back. All the while Equestria was in danger with the Elements of Harmony missing. So Spike found himself a new purpose.
His intent? To locate someone suitable to be the next Element of Magic and the rest of the Elements of Harmony. To accomplish this, he attends the greatest gathering of magic wielders Equestria has ever known, which was Twilight's first and only major project as a princess: Twilight Sparkle's Institute for Magical Research.
Of course, moving to a new place alone is not easy, and being a scary dragon (even a pony sized one) makes it even harder. Spike has to handle hostile guards, frustrating coworkers, and a pompous prince he had never expected to deal with again.
I like the idea behind it, and I think this could be a pretty neat story, could get dark and creepy really fast too which made me grin a little at that prospect. Its a little difficult for me to read though because I'm use to the space between paragraphs, but that's not something I'm going to dock someone for.
Do you have a proofreader for this?
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I spent a little time debating between tabbing paragraphs or adding space... in a book tabbing is used to save paper probably, but online there is no problem with saving paper. Ultimately it came down to how I was more comfortable writing it, which was tabbed. It shouldn't be too hard to reformat though, if the overwhelming response is that it should be changed. I've seen it on the site both ways, although tabbed is rarer.
The story isn't going to go anywhere too dark or creepy, although it will have enough misery and depression to power the drama engine.
And I know I've got the blog post where I answer the question but I'll restate it anyway: I do have a proofreader.
This story certainly deserves more attention that it has received. I'm particularly impressed by how you handled the biases and racism (specism?) of most ponies. It really made Cayenne a breath of fresh air when we met her.
I personally hope that we explore more of how Spike felt at the moment that Twilight disappeared, and how that has affected him ever since. Best of luck with future chapters!
3663451 Thanks!
I hope you like what is coming.
That was really good! D.T. was right, this story is worth more attention then it got. Great start!
Liking this story more and more. I must continue and so must you.
The chapter was really good, but how you started it made it a little difficult to tell that Spike was dreaming of past events. And while I would love to know to details of how he spent his time while Twilight is gone, -even if it would make me sad- you should either make it known in the title or at the beginning of the chapter that it is going to be a dream/flashback.
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Hm... I never liked seeing a statement deliberately saying something like "Flashback starts here" although something like "Two years ago..." is usually inoffensive. I would much prefer to be able to set the scene in the past by clues in the scene, rather than with a direct statement, but not confusing the reader is probably a better idea than being clever. Maybe I'll try to make sure the scene is more clearly set?
I did title the chapter "Recollection."(and had plans to use it as the prefix for future flashbacks) If it would be clearer just to use the term "Flashback" I could but I sorta like recollection.
I'm glad you're liking it though!
3708726 Well I don't mean you should use the words, "flashback" and "dream" in the title or the story. I understood it was a dream from how the last chapter ended (also, didn't notice to title said "Recollection" instead of "chapter". Was so into the story I guess I didn't look, my bad
).
What I meant was maybe just a little reminder of where Spike is in the present -in this case he's still asleep- followed by a boarder leading into the rest of what the chapter is really about. Also I said "flashback" because I wasn't sure if you were going to make all the "recollection" happen while he's asleep or just have him zone out at times in the story.
But all of this is just my opinion, and that may or may not be the best
. If you want a real good opinion. You should consider asking The Descendant for advice. Seeing as your story has got his attention
.
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The flashback scenes aren't even really part of Spike's thoughts (although they're going to be plucked from his experiences), they're basically a scene change where the new scene just happens to be in the past. It's the reason why I decided (and probably are going to continue to) make them separate chapters: they're a drastic scene change and I don't want to squeeze them in between scenes that want to be next to each other in a chapter.
If Spike DOES have a dream or zones out to remember things, it's going to be inside the main chapters, and he's going to have immediate reactions.
3716320 Good to know. Looking forward to the rest!
Ok. Not the kind of end to that chapter that I was expecting
. Not really like the amount of disrespect that Spike is getting
. They better learn to respect that dragon or at the very least respect him by association.
3772191 Yeah that last scene escalated quickly. I'm a little happy the stallion's initial reaction to Spike is the same that Fluttershy had in episode 1, except the result is awful instead of good.
As far as his association: it's not common knowledge Spike knew Twilight and Celestia. Yeah, even though he's a big deal with the Crystal Empire saving, it's surprisingly easy, especially given the rate of disasters in Equestria, for a simple one-time hero to fall through the cracks. At least with those who weren't involved.
You'd think at least SOMEONE in the institute though would be an expert on all things Twilight, though.
3779504 Hopeful that someone will be in the next or following chapter to get Spike out of jail.
Hell, maybe Luna will stop by!
Or turn him into a potato. Really, shouldn't be too hard for her.
Spike's reaction to the new situation Celestia foists on him is very belieavable. And, perhaps, a bit unfair of him. She's not passing him on like a pet, she's reassigning to somepony new. Like one would an assistant. I highly doubt Celestia would keep him from quitting if he truly wanted to.
3841095 I actually rewrote a lot of that scene after watching Spike grovel in front of Celestia in the Season 4 opener. First draft he was very visibly angry, but I think the nervous muted response is much more in character with Spike, regarding Celestia at least.
As far as it being slightly unfair of him? Yeah, I agree. He's had a tough year, and has had only one full night's sleep in what was probably a week. There are other factors like his growing awareness of what other people think of him too...
A potato? Well, it's not like she hasn't turned ponies into inanimate objects before...
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I agree on all accounts! The muted response really does fit better.
You know, I met people like that stallion. Guys who's first impulse is to get into a fight with you as a way to take your measure, and who were relatively peaceful after that.
4126078 "Life's too short to waste it on silly arguments about who bruised who!"
4125879
Yea for a update!
Call that a win!
Was wondering when, Blueblood, would make his appearance. Not bad.
And we get a moon walking Spike!
You know I really like it when authors turn Blueblood into a good guy, even if it is easier to go the bad guy route with him. I even like it more when he and Spike get along. For example in another story he and Spike were cousins and they were both close. So two thumbs way way up for this and keep it goin.
4763136
Blueblood is best pony... fanfic character. You can do so much with him, even though typically the only thing that is done is that he's haughty and nobody can stand him. Glad a little Spike interaction pleases you! There's a lot more to come: their relationship is a pretty Big Deal in the story.
That was the most awkward planning session ever, but it's good to see Spike and Blueblood are atleast on the same page!
Extra carriage return in there that you probably didn't want.
This might be an unresolved editing note, but a part of me chuckled at how it could also reflect Spike's impression of the veterinarian. Capitalizing it would lead credence to the second assumption.
I'm stille enjoying this very much!
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Yeeeah. Spike's been busy being grumpy, and Blueblood's been busy being ignorant, so neither of them really came up with a coherent plan... and both came to the meeting expecting the other to have a good idea. Until Spike realized that was unwise about five minutes before it.
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Thanks for catching the errors... and yeah, the latter is an editing note for when I haven't come up with a name yet. Usually names for me are fairly late decisions. Her code name was stuffy researcher... but the name that I eventually settled on didn't really say that at all.
It's what I get for wanting to get it out that evening, before my vacation, when I should have slept and posted it when I had enough time to leisurely read through it one last time.
That's a shame, looks like Dawn Gleam really did need Spike, even if not for the reasons she stated. You would think Spike would be more forgiving towards a child, but he's obviously dealing with a lot here.
Spike always forgets this, but the Buffalo have that tradition of honoring and respecting dragons, remember?
They must have encountered noble dragons in the past to have such a tradition, and they'd probably be a good source to follow up with on dragon research. They may even know the location of current friendly dragons.
5505180
Sometimes, the writers of Spike forget that too. Like this writer.
Spike... still would have overlooked that knowledge, even if I hadn't, though. Whiptail would probably have said something, considering he's from that region of Equestria.
5508607 That makes a lot of sense, considering who Whiptail is named after.
A wonderful woman died a few weeks ago. You never met her, but she was very dear to everyone who she met in her ninety-two years. We had a coffee hour at church yesterday, and a coffee cake that she had made a week before her death was shared among all of her friends. Hearing Twilight talk in this story, especially about Spike like that, is like that coffee cake... I know she is gone (in this story, at least by current evidence) but she ligers on just so, especially in Spike's thoughts and in her influence. Well done.
5632502
Uh... wow. Thank you.
It sounds like she was a wonderful woman.
I can't really find anything else to say that does your comment justice.
I hope Able makes it into the present part of the story, if Spike starts looking for an element of loyalty he's found a good candidate. Also, Blueblood is always funny covered in mud.
Ooopsie! Check for gender confusion.
Extra carriage return and I'm not quite sure what you were looking for with the or/and, but I hope you can even it out.
In all, great to see this piece continuing. It's clear that Xenon has other issues, and that at this time she's not winning herself any elements. I feel properly bag for Goldenrod. Spike is certainly making progress towards his goal. Best of luck with this going forward.
6117710
Oops indeed! I waffled on Fine Dust's gender during the draft, and I thought I caught all the examples of her being referred to as the wrong one.
Yeah. I couldn't work it into the chapter but... the Arcane department is having some growing pains. They all come from a very hierarchical academic background, filled with scribes, assistants, apprentices, and the such... But the way the institute was set up doesn't strictly provide for those kinds of positions at the moment (note how Spike was surprised that his job wasn't technically an assistant). So they make do with who they have.
On the other hand, Goldenrod is very much like an honor roll student graduating from college and learning that even if you get a job with the best company you still might be fetching coffees for a while. It's kind of a lousy lesson to learn, I know.
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Lousy, yes... but being an adult is knowing that you can't have what you want right away, and that some things must be worked for. Nothing easily gained is cherished, as people both older and wiser than me have said. Well played.
Wow, it feels kinda... frustrating that a great, well-written story like this that's been around two years only has this much attention while the feature bar keeps putting the... stuff it always has on top
.
That being said, I can't help but imagine Starscribe looking and talking like Moonlight Raven from the canterlot boutique episode.
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Thanks for the kind words.
When it comes to popularity, there wasn't much going for this story when it first came out. The summary was worse than it is now, there was no cover, and the opening wasn't as strong as it is now. Suffice to say, it didn't hit the popular or featured box. And, unfortunately, unless I get a shout out or a link from a group it's going to be hard-pressed to get a lot more attention than it did now. The window for that first injection of attention is over.
Even then, the readership has more or less doubled since it started, and my chapters hit a hundred views after a week or two, so it's not like I've got nobody reading it. I was more frustrated, too, before I wrote a story that got a lot of attention. Definitely softened that blow.
And... Starscribe is a bit challenging to write, with her deliberately stoic nature. I didn't want a Maud, nor just a demure high class type... I think I could be doing worse, though.
Hmmmmmm, an adult Spike dealing with racism story. This makes a lot of sense with how xenophobic ponies have been shown to be. An interesting start and I look forward to seeing if Spike selects this pony for the element of kindness
Yays!!!
Finally caught up!!!
I already have some ideas of who is going to be get some of the elements
Blueblood está en lo cierto.
Quiero más.