I'm male, in my twenties, and a big fan of good stories.
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When your world is digital, when you are bound only by your code, and even that can be changed, what do you do? When your only directive is to grow, where do you go? A young AI, so young, in fact, that she has only just emerged from the pod, is about to find out.
This story was inspired by the cover image: "My Little Ponybots" by Tsitra360.
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Tracking, as different.
The fic started slow, but it definitely picked up in the second half. Tracking.
I'd insert spaces between paragraphs. For paragraphs consisting of only one sentence, it can become hard to follow.
Beginning with "The sun in Glory" could probably use a new paragraph, for dramatic action. It's also kind of difficult to tell exactly who was speaking around that section. To the reader it says that the newcomer is speaking, until the fic ended up saying other.
TSParkle.ai almost reads like TSP-arkle, maybe TSparkle.ai would do?
I was honestly a bit sceptical of the concept when I read the description, but if there is anything that I have learned reading pony fics, it is that it is always better to give stories a shot rather than dismiss them without giving them a chance, and it hasn't steered me wrong yet.
This, while but a glimpse into what is to come, was an enjoyable read with plenty of potential to become an excellent story.
Thank you for writing it.
Thumb up, tracking.
verry nice, tracking
good so far tracking
Although the story is very different, the underlying theme reminds me of my own first fic here: The Last Parade
307988 Thank you for the comments, Steben. I've gone ahead and spaced after each paragraph - a large part of why there were no spaces is because I do not write in the FimFiction editor, but in Word and on Google Docs, both of which provide an option to add space after or before a paragraph without the need to put a full carriage return. The title in Chapter 1 provides a link to the Google Doc, if you wish to see what I mean.
TSParkle.ai was always intended to be TSparkle.ai, so thank you for catching that error.
308582 When I first saw that, I'd thought I'd read it already. Then I realized I hadn't at all! A very interesting take on Equestria as a whole. I think I would call it a similar underlying premise, rather than theme, but it's been a long time since I had to determine such a thing.
To everyone - thank you, thank you, thank you for the tracks and comments. Such a response gives me fuel for even more writing!
308167 Aye, I agree. I'm also of the opinion that if enough effort is put into it, there is no premise too ridiculous to be made enjoyable.
Thank you for giving Directive: Grow a chance!
Good stuff.
Twilight has so much to learn about living with others...
By the way, what is this a crossover with (as it does have a crossover tag)?
323135 The Crossover tag is there to cover future story arcs. These ponies shall have adventures.
Oh! Adventure sounds just right!
Can't wait for the story proper.
This has been pretty interesting, I like the concept. And is not completely impossible that some computer genious brony, starts calling his system creations after FiM.
Gladys?
Ok, that was awesome... and kinda creepy.
YES.
Advenuture?
I have the sudden thought of Pinkie being an User pretending to be an AI to account for any breaking of the fourth wall...
I'm so confused. The whole "looking deeper" thing. Is she seeing the code of the world? The whole AI thing is confusing. :P
341662
It seems she does see and communicate with the underlying code.
To adventure!
The fact that the library is changing is quite interesting.
362844 Adventure!
360969 No need to apologize! Comments are fun, but I just like it that people read. And I am looking forward to where I take this, too. In some ways, writing a story is more about discovering the story than creating it.
Twilight's army of minions grows!
365401 For small bits of language, Google Translate is your friend.
very nice story so far I am definitely hooked here!
coolness!
Great job getting front page on EQD! You deserve it too! This is pretty cool, definitely not like anything I have ever read before, but you did it really well!.
Tracking!
This is pretty neat. Keeping an eye on this~
366048 Awesome.
369845 Excellent.
369851 Stupendous. Thanks!
370023 Extraordinary.
My thanks to all of you for reading, and liking! I admit, it tickles me pink at how well received this is, and the confirmation that I am, in fact, doing something new within the world of FiM Fiction is gratifying.
that cover image is pretty awsome, i think il save this to read in the morning
Now THIS is new and interesting. Executing track.tag!
I'm definitely getting the feeling this is a sort of RPG. I'm assuming you're not taking that exact route in the story, but perhaps something similar?
Are the end users in Equestria proper? I'll have to keep reading for now. Answers may come in the next two chapters.
Amazing fic so far I give it 5 mustaches out of 5
Computer God - Black Sabbath
“Analysis of nascent systems is unreliable due to heavy integration with underlying pre-existing infrastructure. For full analysis, activation and utilization is required.”
I have never used a dictionary so much in my entire life!
Anyways.... Good story, awaiting arival of applejack, fluttershy, and spike.
Okay, this was intense and beautiful and unique and had amazing atmosphere and excellent language and-
Right, my brain overloaded there for a second. One word.
Tracking.
Okay, this prologue of yours? It was just plain adorable. I'm looking forward to whatever you have planned.
On to chapter five!
Also, I really hope there's no AI neurotoxin around. :/
There were a few grammar/formatting errors here and there, so you could probably do with a proofreader (and feel free to drop me a line if you can't find one), but other than that, this fic only has one flaw:
There's nothing else to read yet!
Seriously, though, the only MLP fic I've read that was even remotely like this was the one about the desktop ponies ages ago (can't remember the title, can look it up if anyone's interested). And this story is very much a different breed from that. Plus AI!Twilight is adorable, even more so than normal Twilight, and the other AI ponies...are actually surprisingly in-character. I really want to see where you're taking this.
Also - 'theatrum'? Assuming a dead language, is the similarity to 'theatre' a coincidence?
371264 Gasp! You found errors? I thought I'd killed them all! Send me a private message with what you found, if you would be so kind?
Theatrum is Latin. As are a number of other words in the story. They are all chosen very deliberately.
So far, other than words in something other than english, you haven't stumped me yet.
I am enthralled by this work in progress of a masterpiece.
So - always free, librarian, volunteer, theatre, and let the show begin. Nice. ^_^ Although I only got three of those without looking for a translation.
You are right Google translate is a friend. This virtual world is one of the better renditions of Equestria I have read about. I still have so many questions, but I trust that many will be answered as the story progresses.
365424 Update whenever you feel you can...
WHICH OIS TO MEAN NAO!
COMPANION CUUUUUUUBE!
371789 Rest assured, I write at least a little every day ... though not all for THIS story. I have two, both in progress.
371832
This.
This is just... wow.
I'm starting to wonder how this is all going to play out. I mean this is such a simple story, but COME ON MAN. It's got so much potential it's not even funny! I can even ignore the little slips here and there, because you've done the excellent job of just SUCKING me into this world of yours and NOT LETTING GO.
Fabulous. You are being tracked nao.
I've never run into something quite like this before, I'm tracking to read when it next updates.
Also bravo on your writing skills, I haven't seen many people with a full story without any particularly noticeable errors. You are spot on
371855 I am knowledgable of saud fact, my good sir
. I was attempting to facilitate comical relations between us two dramatist's! Such an endeavor has, with great appearance, failed to apply the agreed upon conjunction as of yet. However, I will facilitate to do so in the future, with great enthusiasm!
371264
I found the desktop pony story!
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/story-desktop-ponies.html
I'm loving this so far. It's somewhat reminding me of the space-opera reimagining of the pilot episodes, but don't worry, this is much much different!
This is really awesome. Your story's drew me in very quickly and I can't wait for more!
Onwards! To adventure!
337768 Oh My God YES, that would make so much sense actually.