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  • E Princess Celestia Hates Tea

    Seriously, a lot.
    8,536 words · 39,509 views  ·  3,653  ·  54
  • E Sun Princess

    In the final days of her life, an exceptionally faithful student muses on the subject of her perfect and immortal mentor Applejack.
    1,709 words · 14,298 views  ·  2,157  ·  29
  • E Martial Bliss

    Shining Armor learns the most important tactical lesson of his life.
    1,514 words · 16,499 views  ·  2,030  ·  27
  • E How to Remove a Unicorn Tooth

    Three missing pieces, two loving alicorns, and a single stupid decision that will set young Princess Cadence on a fresh new course.
    11,618 words · 13,091 views  ·  1,071  ·  12
  • E Derplicity

    Derpy Hooves is secretly a changeling. Nopony particularly notices, or cares.
    7,984 words · 21,351 views  ·  2,441  ·  35
  • T Shipping Sickness

    Twilight Sparkle and her bedside table: like two 'ships that pass in the night.
    2,286 words · 17,906 views  ·  1,901  ·  26
  • E Infernal Machines

    The touching tale of a pony and her pet mechanical salamander.
    8,113 words · 7,111 views  ·  563  ·  5
  • E Lady Prismia and the Princess-Goddess

    Filly Cadence turns her first heart.
    10,724 words · 4,647 views  ·  475  ·  4

Blog Posts106

  • Wednesday
    Feeling Bad About Feeling Good

    (Sorry about the doublepost.  Accidentally published too early, and I didn't want comments coming in on the incomplete version before I had a chance to explain myself...)

    So.  Just watched "Rainbow Rocks" again.

    I actually really like this movie, and it makes me sad, because I keep on imagining what Ms. Faust must think of it, and what she would think of me, by proxy.

    This is nothing new to me, of course, speaking as a Cadance fan.  It's well-known public record by now that the show's original developer never wanted more than two alicorns, and yet, here I am, devoting most of my creative energies in this fandom to the once-controversial third alicorn.  (Is Cadance drama even a thing anymore?)  When pressed on this topic, I will always fall back on the following conclusion:  Cadance is a Bad Thing, and we are making the most of it.

    If I am being brutally honest with myself, however, I realize that I am saying this because I have the specter of a disapproving Lauren Faust watching me over my shoulder.  I like alicorns.  I like to have a selection of alicorns.  I like that there's a younger alicorn.  I like that I do not have to choose between "godlike, regal, and canon-perfect" and "struggles with inner darkness."  I like everything about the fact of Cadance...

    ...except for the fact that I feel like I'm stepping on someone's childhood imaginings by doing so.  Pity the professional artist, who frequently has to sell control of her childhood friends to a corporation who never knew them, and who will take them places you never wanted them to go.  Craig McCracken, Ms. Faust's husband, as much as confirmed that "Equestria Girls" was contrary to her original vision.  And I can see why, of course.

    The original Equestria Girls was very much an honest "making the most of a Bad Thing" period for me.  That movie was a bit of a mess; I enjoyed bits of it and did not criticize it too harshly.  The fans and creators were both dealt a bad hand by management, and I liked the idea of us all sort of enduring it together.  But now we have a sequel, and while rough edges still exist, on the whole, it's a much more satisfying film experience.

    Nothing about it being a satisfying film experience changes the fact that it's never going to be the direction this show, this franchise, was intended to go.

    My entirely non-scientific surveys of the Ponynet suggest that people are generally pleased with "Rainbow Rocks."  I am... disheartened by the people who are unquenchably angry about the whole thing, the ones that point and say, functionally, Skywriter, you are the problem.  That you continue to consume this media spits on the thing Lauren Faust was trying to do with this show.  You, Skywriter, have participated in muddying this from something great into something merely okay.  One in particular has exhorted the general public as follows:  "Don't you dare forget what could have been!"

    I wonder what this hypothetical show looks like in that fan's imaginings.

    I wonder if I would like it as much as I like the show I'm currently watching.

    I wonder if I am a worse person for liking what "could have been" greater.

    I wonder if it's even true that it "could have been" greater at all.

    I wonder what Lauren Faust thinks of me.

    Ms. Faust, there is no chance that you are reading this, so I say this purely for myself:  I actually like what they did with the characters you thought of first this time, and I'm sorry if anything has been diminished because of what I do or don't like.

    It's the best I can do.

    Final non sequitur:  Why haven't I seen any crackfic stories where Cadance is actually the fourth siren of the coven, the only one redeemable by Star Swirl?  Get on it, fandom!

    59 comments · 555 views
  • 4w, 4d
    "Rainbow Rocks" (flagrant, persistent spoilers throughout, obvs.)

    Welcome to another edition of "Because You All Perforce Must Care What I Think."  Let's make this short and sweet, shall we, getting the unpleasant bits out of the way first.

    Category A:  Things That There Was Never Any Hope For Improvement On

    1.  Human character designs still not doing it for me.  No amount of time and effort will make our girls not look like somewhat sexualized and rainbow-hued versions of Mr. ZIP what with the huge heads and stick bodies and all.

    2.  Still no substitute for actual pony film.  Actual pony screen-time even lower than last time around.

    3.  All protagonists are suddenly skilled musicians, when canonically only Pinkie, Fluttershy (maybe?) and A.J. have even been shown handling an instrument.  And Twilight is appropriately lampshaded in the narrative, so I guess I'm only questioning Dash and Rarity?  I dunno.  Let's move on.

    Category B:  Things Actually Worse Than Last Film

    1.  Vinyl Scratch.  I am absolutely great with fandom nods.  No allergy whatsoever to seeing Octavia, Snowflake Bulk Biceps, and lots and lots of Trixie.  Welcomed.  But basic storytelling dictates that you cannot have a functionally nameless character pull not one but two eleventh-hour saves without seeding the plot properly first.  Story structure demands that the protective qualities of her omnipresent headphones be hinted at before they are used to save our heroes' bacon (something so simple as including a version of the the disapproving Celestia / Vinyl interaction we saw in the "Music to My Ears" short would have been absolutely sufficient) and the Bass Cannon Sedan needs to have been at least established (if not fully revealed) prior to its use as a problem-solver.  When you count on an audience's in-joke knowledge and delight over a character to fill in the cracks of a story, that is when your fandom nod has crossed the line.  Furthermore, I can't tell if the creators are putting her forward as a strong-silent master of her craft or actually envision her as the same loudmouthed Bohemian that the fans see and are merely having her stay mute to appease the "Nowacking or Nothing" crowd.  I wish they would just pick one, because the more the plot actually hinges on her the more distracting her silence becomes.  Thank goodness they actually had Octavia speak a line.

    2.  No Candybutt, not even in cameo.  This is not a fault in the story as such, I'm just (predictably) disappointed and furthermore holistically trepid that my functional OC will continue to fade into the background as Twilight becomes more and more Cadanceified.  She's got wings now, is a princess, and lives in a crystal castle.  All she needs is a coat of pink paint and to get married, and the narrative will have no use for dear sweet Candybutt whatsoever.

    Category C:  Things Better Than Last Film

    1-n.  Virtually everything else.  The scene compositions were more visually adventurous and intriguing, the villains had a plot which made some damn sense this time, the songs are marginally superior, plot points are followed through on and not just mentioned and dropped, and the whole thing seems to have been stitched together with a lot of love and affection for the property.  And Sunset Shimmer is handled exactly the way I wanted her to be handled.  The scene where she once again attempts bad-girl intimidation in the darkened hallway only to have it fizzle this time is just splendid, and I for one gratefully welcome Sunny as the unexplained sixth peripheral star in "Magical Mystery Cure."

    That is all.  Thoughts?

    54 comments · 659 views
  • 5w, 6d
    "Cadance of Cloudsdale," the... official soundtrack?!

    I am... a tad gobsmacked but nonetheless unquestionably overjoyed to report that via the generosity and talent of esteemed pony musician Night Breeze/Wind Wolf and my good friend S.R. Foxley, "Cadance of Cloudsdale" has an upcoming song cycle dedicated to it!  So exite!  Very yes!

    Check out the first track, "Reduit," below.  Thanks, you two.  You helped make my day.

    21 comments · 315 views
  • 6w, 4d
    "Princess Celestia Hates Tea," thoughts on a sequel.

    No secret whatsoever:  the number one reason people hate this story is the flippin' ending.

    It's not the number one reason I hate this story, but it's certainly up there.  Those of you who have gone on to read "A Short Story by Twilight Sparkle" have doubtless perceived the autobiographical inspiration in Twilight's experience, particularly this part:

    ...the whole ending felt shockingly rushed and weak, because, frankly, I was so darn tired of writing it by that point I couldn't see straight. I had testily sworn to myself that I would not endure another morning with that stupid "Tea" story hanging over my head...

    ...which is, of course, all true of me.  That said, it's not like another day of writing it would have "fixed" the ending, either.  It's been like two years now (insert shocked-dismay emoticon) and I have yet to come up with a "better" ending that feels right.

    So.  Message received, from like hundreds of you.  You hate the ending.  I get it.  I hate it too.  It's too late to edit the original story, but if it had a sequel, what do you most want to see in it?  What, specifically, chafes your gizzard about how this story closes?  The general lack of all-around happy?  That Twilight doesn't get her just desserts for an entire evening of torturing Celestia with the memory spell?  That, in a world where you can literally turn birds into oranges, that some kind of solution wasn't forced using unicorn magic?  What?

    Please note that the characters will remain kind of panicky and stupid, so if the fact that the characters are panicky and stupid is your major beef, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to accommodate a fix of that nature.

    103 comments · 812 views
  • 8w, 19h
    "Cadance of Cloudsdale" gets another addition...

    In a short story done for a fic competition!  It was written by Eakin, a master of arts; his story "Hard Reset" is top of the charts.  This one is does not deal with time loops and despair, but rather a fortress and the Sisterhood there.  I'm so glad to see another tale told of our Pretty Pink Princess when she was just a foal.  It's really good work--if I haven't been clear--and I recommend checking it out over here.

    (If you are concerned why I'm talking this way, it's apparently "Type Like Zecora Day."  I find my Zecora-style writing quite dismal on account of my rhymes being hella abysmal.)

    18 comments · 364 views
  • ...

In the wake of the events of "Infernal Machines" and the Nightmare's most pathetic assault on Ponyville yet, Applejack is thrown into an existential crisis, despite her not knowing what the word "existential" means.  So when a stranger named Stranger arrives in town, teaching a new way of coupling talent to power using complex machinery, she is quickly suckered in, along with everypony else.  Now, it falls to the Most Dependable of Ponies to bring the resulting ruckus down to earth, but can even Applejack's legendary pragmatism stand up to the brain-fizzing horror that is... CONTRAPTIONOLOGY?

First Published
9th Mar 2012
Last Modified
17th Jul 2013

I can tell this will be funny.

This is a wonderfully creative premise with a unique voice, and I cannot wait to see more.

Nightmare Scoot?




TAKE ALL OF MY MONEY, NOW. Scootaloo is best nightmare.

Can't say I'm too pleased with the whole "villain-of-the-week," one-trick pony you've turned the Nightmare into :ajbemused:

Other than that, this is amusing and I think I'll track you for a bit.


This is going to be hilarious...

Can't wait!

Although, I think Nightmare Tom would be best Nightmare.

Nightmare whatever, the new running joke. I am liking this idea.

However, I must say that the timeshifts were a bit unclear. You need to make it clearer to the reader that a flashback is going on.

Of course, the most important part here is the fact that this is one of few fics written in first person. You did it well and it shows just who the narrator is.

I was half-thinking this was going to be a The Incredible Machine crossover, but then I remembered that that discipline's just "Contrapology". Oh well~

NIGHTMARE DERP:derpyderp1::derpyderp2::derpytongue2:

This is relevant to my interests. And is fantastic

Aww... They should just leave Scoot nightmared. After al it's not like she actually has the ability or power to make a science fair last forever. And who knows if the power boost won't let her wings get stronger?.

(Also, Scoots can fly a bit as shown in several episodes, you NEVER see ANY of the young Ponyville pegasi  flying though, only Pound Cake and the Cloudsdale ones.

Nightmare Derp is best pony.


I am sorely tempted to make a sockpuppet account, just so I can give this a second thumbs up.

Damn. AJ comes alive when you write her. Good show! :ajsmug:

Poor, poor Applejack. :applejackconfused: I can honestly say I'm as confuddled by all that's going on as she is.  Filly needs to take a nap. :ajsleepy:

Her perceptions are definitely putting heavy coat of coloration over the events, but the way you write it keeps me reading. Keep it up. :ajsmug:

Also: Pinkie's a horrible secret-keeper.  Did Twilight neglect to have her make a Pinkie Pie Swear? :trollestia:


I could read your AJ's internal monologue all day.


The story makes a little more sense if you read "Infernal Machines" first; one of the real foundation weaknesses of this piece, at least as far as the presentation on FIMFiction goes, is that it contains an integral prologue that's not even in the same story file.  I pondered posting the entirety of "Infernal..." as Chapter 1, but that means changing narrators right out of the gate, which I thought might be more confusing than not.  I just couldn't work all the flaws out of this particular concept, but I think I'm gonna run with it anyway.

Unless that's not what you meant at all, in which case, never mind!


Additionally, yes!  Twilight appears to have forgotten that step, which would have been handy for her.  Pinkie Pie Swears appear to throw Pinkie's otherwise scattered care and attention into stratospherically high gear.

It's the occasional fic like this which makes me think there might be something to the TwiPie ship. For Science! :twilightsheepish:


Apparently, though I don't keep close track to the terminology, this is "Twinkie" or "Twinkie Pie".  It's far from the most far-fetched 'ship, although Pinkie here is notably different than canon Pinkie, much as I try to sell the reader otherwise.  :trixieshiftright:

Thanks to MandoPony's "Sweet Apple Acres" for getting me in a nice solid Applejack headspace, and as ever to Device Heretic for helping me understand that I'm not wasting my time in doing this.  :twilightsmile:

Road trip denied...

I'm still finding the whole Nightmare-of-the-week thing to be real cheesy, and I've got this feeling we're not done with it quite yet.

Asbestos.  Safe. :ajbemused: You ponies have GOT to be kidding me. :facehoof:

Keep it up. :pinkiehappy:


Thoroughly enjoyed, sir. This story is getting funnier by the minute, and I can't wait for the next chapter. I spotted absolutely no errors, and I just wanted to know, do you proofread your own work? Or do you have a beta you bounce this stuff off of? I only ask because if you do not have a beta, I would gladly volunteer. Not that you're a bad writer or make mistakes, it's just that if you slip up or—not that you're going to slip or anything, I just—I—um—uh—the—

Well, fuck me. I seem to have contracted chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome.


The Nightmare of the week makes sense for the story in that it allows for a crisis in which the elements are required yet not one that will send the entire town into a panic like the widely varied disasters that regularly occur but require a less "Orbital Friendship Cannon" response. It is cheesy though, but Nightmare Scoot has got to me the most adorable thing ever.


I found this chapter funnier than the previous 2. Even though the tone was more or less the same I guess there was more showing with AJ responding and less of AJ just telling (sarcastically bitching). I felt that was a bit overwrought in the first 2 but perfectly balanced here.


Everybody makes mistakes, Akela.  I keep finding them and squashing them.

I don't have a beta circle; I'm pretty new to Pony and haven't gathered one yet.  Any lack of errors in my stuff can be blamed on faint obsessive-compulsive tendencies that urge me to keep reading my own stuff over and over over again.  Additionally, Pony seems to be my outlet for uninhibited writing -- I've found that I work best if I have an prose outlet I don't have to worry too much about, and writing about simple, broad, candy-colored characters with absolutely no pressure to sell the work when I'm done (because I *can't*) seems to be fitting that bill nicely.  

That all having been said, I'd be more than happy to have another voice from the web to bounce things off of.  PM me?


Oh, we are *so* not done with the Nightmare, but perhaps not in the way one might expect...

Twilight's... "time kitty"? Is depleted? What is this I don't even...


It's slang! A 'kitty' is a pool of spare change; here, Twilight is saying that she's already used up all the time she had scheduled for Unexpected Disturbances.

I've been spreading this story far and wide as documentary proof that you're one of the best writers in the fandom. I am a huge fan of your style of comedy, and your dialogue and characterization are right up there with the best. I will read everything you write, so keep giving us more. :heart:


Thanks, NorsePony.  Word-of-mouth is best word.


Glad to hear I've hit balance, at least temporarily.  Unfortunately, things start getting off-kilter shortly after this; see if you stick with me.  :pinkiecrazy:

I, for one, love the Nightmare of the week idea. The comedy in this fiction is just grand, keep it up!


Thanks, Moose.  I only think it gets funnier from here on in, but I'm me.  :pinkiehappy:

"Stranger Danger.":fluttershysad:  That is a name to run away from VERY fast.

And I think Pinkie needs to reorganize her show notes... :trollestia:

Derpy's grey, not blue. :derpytongue2:


This is basically the dialogue:

Author:  Okay, so, Derpy's sort of a periwinkle color.

A.J.:  Your mother's a what now?

Author:  Periwinkle.  Like the flower.

A.J. (thinks):  Naah.  Too fancy.  She's blue.

Author:  But --


I think I can bargain her down to "gray", but that's not right in my eyes.  Maybe I can get her to agree to "blue-gray".  Let's see.

UPDATE: Compromise successful.

I need to brush up on my hypercube dance. It's a little rusty.

Loved the chapter, keep up the good work!


I'm sorry, but Derpy looks like a very definite "grey"  to my eyes.:derpyderp2:

... Ok, the FiM wiki calls her "blueish-grey"...  Still, I think most people would look at at her and think "Grey with yellow mane."

Capsaicin in its pure form? It doesn't just burn, it's toxic.


Oh, perfect.  Source, please?  :pinkiehappy:

Alrighty, finally finished what you've got published. I like it! This is easily one of the better-written fics on FiMFiction here, and I think you'd get a pretty good reception on Equestria Daily if you choose to continue pursuing that route. I saw this in the queue and while I don't know what exact response you were given, I believe that you may have been referred to Ponychan when the reviewer only meant to suggest a few touchup points.

Can't believe I missed this until today's EqD post. One of the only fics I've read that had me literally laughing out loud.

Only one thing to say Skywriter... 'BRAIN HUG!!!!!!!' I'm loving this, your portrayal of the characters is excellent along with such simple but awesome dialogue as "All right, let's blast her,"

And this chapter's almost-made-me-wet-myself-from-laughing-so hard award goes to... "Ooh!  Ooh!" said Pinkie.  "Rarity, make a mooing noise!"


that's kind of the point. The fanfic writers HAVE turned her into a one-trick pony.

Somepony has ISSUES....

Parody is a useful ingredient--- but only in small doses. Don't overdo it, or it comes off like a hate-letter to the thing you're writing a fanfic about.

Utterly hilarious opening. I do like the idea that by now Nightmare vanquishing is so utterly commonplace they barely take the Elements off.

So Pinkie's going all Bill Nye on Ponyville's plot? This cannot end well.

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