I'm a rock.
Centuries from now the world is in chaos, and a brave little unicorn is compelled to travel to meet an ancient dragon to ask for his help. But how willing is one who outlived all his friends?
Why is this complete, why not a series, this is a really good start for a massively epic adventure. I liked your writing, though I felt like a few things were left unmentioned, The White Mare of the Forest, was that Celestia? Why did the name of Appleoosa? Still you've written a very nice story. Either way best wishes!
What happens when a dragonette grows up.
This is awesome, I agree this should be series but alas it is up to you :).
This was... okay.
There's a lot of good world-building here, and a lot of good ideas. A lot of it just doesn't seem to come to anything. While this should feel like the beginning of a grand adventure, I don't get the impression that the events here are of that much importance. Since we don't learn anything about the Chaos and the valley is protected by the seemingly invincible Great Dragon, it doesn't seem like anything of great importance is at stake. Since the only parts of the world we see are at peace, it doesn't feel like a world in need of saving.
The character interaction is also a bit suspect. Spike is a little too quick to accept the presence of a lone filly in his cave, and Silver gets over her fear of the Great Dragon almost instantly. Their conversation later on is wonderful. I would just find it more believable if they were more initially fearful and distrustful of one another. Careful that you don't make either of them into a Sue.
One line threw me off for a minute... "She's not a mare." She's... a stallion? I think I see what you were going for, but it's probably not the best choice of words. In fact, a number of your descriptive passages could use some going over. I'm still finding it difficult to picture the scale of the cavern interior, for instance, and your explanation of Greed vs Need is a little unclear.
There are a couple of grammatical errors, but nothing that kills the story. Try using italics to indicate internal thought, and never use more than one exclamation mark to emphasize anything.
That aside, this is quite well characterized and well put together. The writing could use some work, but I like the story that's coming out, and I would gladly read more of it. I highly encourage you to keep going and see where you can take this.
>>307291307291 I'm pretty sure that was Zecora because of the way he said she wasn't a mare.
And yes I also agree that there should be...
whoa... I will keep from being rude and simply say that I love how this story is coming out. very much so.
I like it...I would be adding this to my tracking list if it wasnt marked complete. Are you going to do a follow up or something for this.
*Whistles* One of the best I've read.
I WANT MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! GIMME MORE!
Mmm, that was some good world building. Would be interested in reading more about this Spike and his guest.
Awesome. Positive, uplifting, gives a taste of a much bigger story, satisfying and complete in its own length but still leaving the reader eager for more.
I agree, you've got a really nice start here for a good adventure fic. Sad to see it may not continue. Either way. Kudos on coming up with such a nice premise.
This was VERY good! I don't understand why you don't continue it.
Wow, this is a nice story. I'm really impressed.
Good start, but feels rushed. Needs more character development. Draw things out a bit more.
Looking forward to the next chapter. And there better be one!
(There really needs to be a :fluttershystare: emoticon...)
Well thanks y'all! You Rock!
I do this on occasion when I get a story in my head I just have to put it out somewhere.
And Gagster got it right!
The White Mare: Zecora. She's so old she lost her stripes. I was thinking of making her a bit mad (crazy) and Spike being resentful of her reasons being her views of fully grown dragons, or maybe miffed at her for not being able to save Rarity (who died of natural causes) yet Zecora's still kicking, but *meh*
Him = Discord of course, they don't mention his name in case he takes it as his cue & pops in
Pegasus Farmers = Fluttersy/Big Macs decendants
The Forest = Everfree Forest
The Village = Ponyville
Silver's parent were no one special.
MOAR, the setting is awsome, this should be a series.
I really think you should write more this has a lot of potential.
I liked this. Pleased to be writing more?
I think your story is very good and it remebers me of my favorite fanfiction "it takes a village"
but i hope this was only the prolouge.
Faved and tracked in case you decide to write more
Completed?That's a good one... Oh wait... it's serious... Well Imma track anyways because this story could and probably should (If you want it to) go somewhere.
My god! Author, are you out of your mind?? Continue this!
I like this story. Instead of angst it feels like melancholy nostalgia. And I agree with everyone, it isn't very fair of you to set up what could be an amazing series then stop. I hope you make it a series, or you could even skip ahead a few centuries and have an adult Sliver ready to take on Discord. I can just see Spike coming in at the last moment to take a mortal blow that gives her the chance to finish off Discord. I can just hear the heartfelt farewell speech, "Don't weep for me child." I can picture Silver making him a beautiful yet humble grave, with small pictures of his friends on it and an inscription reading: "Here Lies The Great Dragon; Friend of Equestria" I can imagine her taking her true name afterwards, Princess Arget or something like that, and once again bringing peace to the land, always remembering the teachings of her beloved mentor. It may be nice that I have all that in my head, but it would take someone skilled like you to write it.
Wow you sure spent a whole lot of unnessisary world building for it to end there. :P >_> Write more!
This was an awesome read! For the love of Celestia, keep writing!
I find it fun to read Spike's lines in Urdnot Wrex's voice from the Mass Effect series. Seems fitting now that Spike is considered a deadly legend despite how friendly he is.
tracking, eventhough it says its completed. Who knows, maybe one of these days you will continue this great work.
I agree with these other guys, this setting's too interesting to just let it drop here.
thanks for moving the chapter here
helps the story flow more smoothly.
EDIT: ...did I seriously just get first comment on a chapter? oops.
Huzza! More Great Dragon! And Spike is one tough cookie!
YES A NEW CHAPTER
Yeah I screwed up posting it the 1st time. Finally figured out how to edit something on this site.
Sweet Celestia! A NEW CHAPTER OF THE GREAT DRAGON!!!!! I've been wishing for this for soooo dang long! Amazing work you've got here man, some sentence structure mistakes and grammar stuff but it's all easily ignored by the amazing tale you're weaving, I wait with bated breath for the next chapter!
God. Sweet, sweet Celestia.
Those eleven weeks of waiting has finally paid off.
Have you planned writing more... Soon?
Zecora, what are you doing? Well, I guess this was to be expected. You can't have a story like this without some kind of betrayal. It keeps everything interesting.
Oh, and Silver for best Princess.
I make a Silver's humanized picture
When I opened my fav list this morning, I never expected seeing this fic updating.
I'm forever thankful
Ha! I knew Zacora was a traitor!
Oh crap nice cliffhanger though.
Oh shit. Oh shit. You magnicifient b-.
You certainly know how to write a cliffhanger.
Spike is cursed? Oh poor Silver...
Oh golly things are getting crazy!