Tale of Two Bronies
A 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' Self-Insert Fanfiction
by milesprower06 and FenixTheFox93
The beakers touched our lips, and just before the liquid reached our mouths, there was a flash of light, and the beakers were gone. Brady and I each took a step back in shock, wondering what had just happened.
“Do you two really think we wouldn't find out?” Celestia said behind us. We turned in surprise, and she had a sudden, stern look of disapproval on her face.
“W-what are you talking about, Princess?” I asked. There was another flash of light, and now, floating before her, in the grasp of her magic, were three laptops. We recognized them as ours. Celestia rotated one, the screen facing us, and we noticed it was open to YouTube. The name of the video was “Friendship is Magic Bitch!”
Our stomachs dropped, when we realized what was happening.
“B-b-but Princess, most of the people back home think this is just a sh-”
“So THIS is where you came up with that pizza? From a video where I shoot ponies to the moon for fun?” Celestia asked.
Brady could not respond.
“Well, let's give it a try and see how fun it is!”
Our eyes went wide.
5 MINUTES LATER
We had to admit, the Earth did look stunning from up here.
“Wow, who'd have imagined that she ACTUALLY had a trap door and a cannon in the floor?” I asked Brady, who merely shot me a glance of discontent. “Probably because when she wasn't eating my pizza, she was in her throne room looking at what the fandom has done online.” he replied. I gave a light giggle, then spotted something over in the distance. “Hey what's that?” I asked, pointing over to a small hill several hundred feet away, that appeared to have something on it. We galloped towards it to investigate, and the object became clearer. It appeared to be a queen-sized bed.
And what's more, there was somepony in it. They must have heard our approaching gallop, because as we slowed to a halt, the pony sat up, and rubbed her eyes.
Her fur was a rich chocolate color, her mane and tail were stripes of yellow, brown, and velvet. Her eyes were creamy yellow, and her forelegs were the same color, as if they had been dipped in...
“...Butterscotch? Butterscotch Sundae?” I asked disbelievingly. The cutie mark on her flank confirmed it; a glass dessert dish with a scoop of ice cream with chocolate syrup and a cherry. She gave us a smile, as if she was pleasantly surprised to see us here.
“Hey there. Nice to see new faces. It's been awfully lonely up here. And I take it you two are Bronies!” she said delightfully. “Yes, how did you know?” Brady asked. “You knew who I was. Which means you must be a fan of my fanfictions!” she said, hopping out of bed. “Yeah, I was wondering why you hadn't updated in quite awhile.” I told her. “So, what are you two doing up here?” she asked us.
“Oh, Celestia discovered the Brony fanbase, and decided to take it out on us.”
“And what about you? How long have you been here?”
“I got to Equestria lone month ago. Pinkie came through my mirror, and took me back with her.”
“So what did you do to get sent up here?”
“I was always up here, actually. But that troll of a Princess had a problem with me kissing her sister. Apparently, only SHE'S allowed to do that.”
“So how do we survive up here?”
“Oh, not to worry. We get all kinds of junk up here from the castle. Celestia has one short temper. I hope you guys like a steady diet of burnt toast.”
“Figures, we would’ve been home by now.”
Butterscotch rushed up to us and put her front hooves around us. “Oh it's not too bad. It'll be better now with company up here. And look! The bed is big enough for three!”
Brady and I sweatdropped. “Uh...are you talking about...”
“It gets awful lonely up here, and you wouldn't believe some of the things three ponies can do in bed!”
CANTERLOT THRONE ROOM
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
With a duplication spell performed on the laptops, the seven ponies remaining in the throne room now had their own access to the World Wide Web, and now opened themselves to the horrors of the Bronies.
“Okay, now this is just SICK!” Pinkie screamed.
“I think she found Cupcakes.” Twilight muttered to Celestia.
“You think that's weird?” Rainbow began, “I just found Jake's page on something called 'DeviantArt'. He wrote an alternate ending, where I was saved and I went to Sweet Apple Acres to rest and relax.”
“So? What's weird about that?” Applejack asked.
“And then he puts me in bed with you! I mean, what kind of sick freak has a workhorse come on to a torture victim?!” Rainbow shouted over to the farm pony.
“Well, that's not the least of your problems. If these stories are any indication, you're pretty much the whore of Equestria, Rainbow. Sleeping with, well, all of us, mostly.” Twilight said, scrolling down her screen. Rainbow felt sick all of a sudden.
“And it is simply preposterous to think that I have human immigrants slaving away in my boutique! I would never stoop to that level. I'd use the finest in PONY slave labor first!” Rarity pouted.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy simply stared at her laptop screen with a confused expression.
“What is it, Fluttershy?” Twilight asked.
“Um, I'm singing. I-in my Poison Joke voice. At least...I think I'm singing. But I don't know what 'fuck' is, I don't know what 'shit' is, and I certainly don't know why you'd want to stack them on top of each other.”
In fact, the only pony that was pleased with this newfound discovery was Luna, who now pranced around the palace in socks.
“All right, I think we've had enough of this for now.” Celestia said, pressing several keys on her laptop.
“What are you doing, Princess?” Twilight asked.
“Apparently, Jake was working on another story right before Pinkie brought them here. As a matter of fact, it was finished. I'm just making a few last minute adjustments before uploading it for him. No story should go unfinished!”
A/N: Leave comments worshiping my ass or join the authors on the moon!
- Her Royal Highness,
Princess Celestia of Equestria