Tale of Two Bronies
A 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' Self-Insert Fanfiction
by milesprower06 and FenixTheFox93
Fancy Meeting You Here
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24TH, 2011
“Hey Twilight. What's soaking wet and clueless?”
“Fluttershy, I've had just about enough of-”
When Fluttershy slammed the bucket down on Twilight's head, I had to quickly take the bowl of cereal away from my mouth while I nearly choked on what I had swallowed in laughter. My best friend Brady, sitting on the other bed in the hotel room, likewise failed to contain himself.
The season 2 premiere of Friendship is Magic continued on regardless of our bout of laughter, and we soon got ourselves under control so as to not miss any of the plot. Even in light of our lack of sleep the night before, we were still up dark and early on this Saturday morning in the small double bed room with a 27 inch television on the adjacent wall between the two beds.
“Who would've thought a year ago that we'd be planning time off around ponies?” Brady joked at a commercial, finishing his breakfast.
“Just imagine if I hadn't pushed and nagged you constantly for a week. Don't think I've forgotten your reaction when I told you I first started watching. 'Jake, are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? It's for little girls!'” I recited in an all-too-mocking tone. Brady leered at me.
“But that doesn't compare to the THREE weeks that it took you to finally read Cupcakes.” I continued, finishing up my cereal, and getting up to wash the bowl before the show returned from commercial break.
“Yeah, and here was your thought process for The Cupcake Chronicles: 'I'll take the goriest thing I can find and make it all sad and sappy!'
“Ha. Correction, I took the goriest, most well-written thing I found and made it all sad and sappy. You don't see me writing any alternate endings to Sweet Apple Massacre, now do ya?”
All these wisecracks were in good fun. Brady was grateful for his conversion to the Bronydom; he quickly got over his initial shock of Cupcakes, whilst I was completely aware that the success with my most popular fanfiction was mostly due to the coattails of Cupcakes.
The premiere finally wrapped up, complete with the obvious homage to Star Wars, and the credits began to roll.
“Too bad it doesn't say 'To Be Continued' again. I wanted to see you rage.”
“Oh? And you didn't rage last Saturday?”
“Well, no. I was expecting the same thing as the Season 1 pilot. Besides, what's the use of To Be Continued if you're gonna continue it in 30 seconds? Oooh, that was a long wait!”
“Shut up.” Brady replied, leering at me again. “Go write a sappy alternate ending to Sweet Apple Massacre.”
“I don't think so. Massacre wasn't even close to believable. Cupcakes was at least in-character and believable.”
“Pinkie cutting ponies up and baking them into treats is believable???”
“Well yeah, if you give her a bit of psychotic schizophrenia.”
“Psychowho schizowhatia?” a new voice sounded in the room.
We turned surprisingly towards the source of the voice, the television.
There was Pinkie, in front of the rolling credits, her front hooves on the edge of the screen. She climbed up, placing her front hooves higher on the glass, raising her bottom hooves to the bottom edges of the screen, and with the glass stretching with her like it was cellophane, Pinkie somersaulted out of the television with a pop, and landed with a soft thud on the hotel room carpet.
“PONY!” we both exclaimed simultaneously, before going into a state of dumbfounded shock.
“Hi!” she greeted friendly, and got no response, as we sat there on our respective beds, staring stupidly in shock at the now three-dimensional pink pony standing in front of the television set, which had apparently not been altered or damaged in any way.
“Wha-wha...how...?” was all I could muster from my agape mouth. Our bodies and minds were on the verge of going numb at the unexplained event that just took place. Pinkie didn't seem to react to our dumbfounded state.
That is, until she saw Brady's hoodie.
“Ooh! Balloons! Oh, more than balloons! My cutie mark!”
She bounded forward, ignoring physics as only she could, leaping up on Brady's bed, and came to a halt in front of him, inspecting his hoodie, her three-balloon cutie mark front and center on the chest. It had been his high school graduation present from me, the same time I got my cutie mark hoodie.
“And you have Dashie's! She'd love to see that!” Pinkie exclaimed, seeing mine as well, hopping over from bed to bed, and taking an equally closer look.
The two of us were at a loss for words as Pinkie Pie hopped off my bed and began looking around the room excitedly. Finally, it occurred to Brady to rush over and close the curtains to our room's window. And after he made sure no peering eyes could see inside, he went for the door.
“Jake, be right back.” and with that, he bolted out the door with the speed of an Olympic sprinter.
My mind still barely functioning, my gaze went from the shutting door back to Pinkie, who had, quite literally this time, broken the fourth wall.
Her form having expanded upon exiting the TV, she stood quite tall; taller than I thought when compared to a human. From her hooves to her back, she was about 4 feet tall, and her head came up to five, and with her cotton-candy-like hair, she nearly came up to my neck.
“How did you do that...?” I was finally able to ask her, fighting through my stupor, while she sniffed and inspected my luggage in the back corner by the bathroom.
“Oh it's nothing. I see you creatures all the time! Only this time I wanted a closer look, and pop! I guess I came too close, haha! What are you guys, anyway?”
“Um, humans.” I answered.
I'm sure if she was able, Pinkie would have unzipped all of my bags, and gone exploring through them. Who knows, maybe she could have, what with Applejack being able to hold sticks to roast marshmallows and carry a hobo sack without actually holding on to it. Perhaps her curiosity had already been satisfied.
I heard the card lock of our hotel room door click open, and for a split second, my mind went into panic mode. When the door opened, there stood Brady, out of breath, and holding two items.
A plate of a half dozen cupcakes, and a bottle of hotsauce.
“What are you...”
“We have. To try this.” he said, catching his breath.
Her attention also grabbed at the opening door, Pinkie's curious gaze snapped away from my small pile of luggage, and was now locked, and focused with the concentration of a laser beam, on the pile of cupcakes and hotsauce.
“I remember these are your favorite, Pinkie.” Brady said with a smile.
“Oh, absolutely posituvley!” Pinkie said, rhyming in her typical mannerism, sitting anxiously in between the beds as Brady sat opposite from me on his bed, setting the plate on the center nightstand while he popped open the glass bottle of hotsauce and proceeded to pour hotsauce on the six treats. After all six were well-covered with the red spicy liquid, he offered the first one to Pinkie, and the second one to me.
Taking it in my hand, I bravely took a bite and swallowed. Thirty seconds later, I found myself at the bathroom sink with my tongue directly under the faucet current, trying in vain to douse the fire in my mouth.
Pinkie had finished hers, and Brady had actually managed to eat his hotsauce-covered cupcake, and when it was apparent I wasn't going to be finishing the one I started, the pink party pony had no objection to finishing it off for me, drawing it in with her tongue and swallowed it with one gulp. By this time, I had made my way back to my bed, my tongue still protesting what I had tried.
“Mmm-mmm! That was super-duper-delicious! If only you two could taste the treats we make at Sugarcube Corner in Ponyville!”
Her eyes immediately widened, and we could've sworn we saw the lightbulb above her head blink on.
“Hey! Would you two like to come back to Ponyville with me? It's like, the most super fantabulously fun place ever!”
Here, our brains froze yet again. No, it wasn't enough strain on our perception of reality that Pinkie just happened to pop through the TV and land in our hotel room. Now, she was offering to take us back with her.
“How can we go back with you? Is that even possible?”
“Oh it's easy! It's the least I can do to thank you for the cupcakes! And you can meet my friends!”
Why it took us the better part of five seconds to answer that question, I'll never know.
“Yeah, sure! Let's go!”
“Allllright!” Pinkie exclaimed. She scampered towards the television, and waved for us to join her. We stood on either side of her, and she leaped up, reaching around our necks with her front hooves, and brought us down to our hands and knees when she fell back to the ground.
“Might want to hang on. I'm not sure how the trip feels to hoo-mahns!” she warned, and with that, she started for the television with one, long leap, her marshmallow hooves around our shoulders, dragging us with her.
Fast approaching the screen, we had no idea what to expect. The last thing I remember doing before Pinkie hit the television, was squeezing my eyes shut and holding my breath. I felt myself get lifted off the carpet, and I felt resistance to our momentum at first, which soon gave way, and a bright white light fought through my closed eyelids, enveloping me completely. I opened my eyes, but didn't let out a breath yet, afraid that in this white space, there was no air to breathe back in.
Pinkie and Brady were nowhere to be seen, and I felt myself falling, yet I still felt the party pony's foreleg around my shoulders.
“Wahooooo!” Pinkie's voice echoed in the boundless space, and unable to hold my breath any londer, I drew in a breath, and waited for the landing.
If it was ever to come...