midnightshadow
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Comments ( 8 )
I totally feel Twi and her fear of doctors/dentists. I mean, how can they look so calm when ripping your mouth or other body part open? Scary much?
Confound you, Ponychan! You drive me to read like a reviewer!
"purple equine’s bedroom" - Lavender Unicorn's bedroom?
Space between "barely" and "opening"? Why?
The shadow is a he? Wouldn't a shadow be an "it"? Unless it's the shadow *of* something.
"Fishing an object out of an unseen pocket - a thin ring, coloured a dull green but almost black in the half-light"
Why not just say "Fishing out a thin green ring out of an unseen pocket?"
"Where's my magic?" - Why the break?
"keep having to posting them back" <- wut?
"as she was led" passive. Maybe "as her friends led her"?
"a pristine white unicorn with gorgeous purple mane and tail"
MUST you subject us to such copious amounts of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome?
"Beauty comes naturally to a girl like Twilight"
Yes. That's why Rarity freaked out and gave Twilight an emergency makeover when she saw her for the first time.
(If you were going for sarcasm, I wasn't picking that up)
"yellow and equally timid looking pegasus"
WE KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE! Just say "Fluttershy".
So, wait. The "horn rot" was just an elaborate way to get Twilight under their control? JEEZ! Why not just jump on her as she walks out the door?! Whose idea was this anyway?
"Practicing for this in secret had been hard" get rid of the italics
Final thoughts:
GOOD GOSH, her friends are MEAN! That's a really cruel prank, even for Rainbow Dash!
If I was Twilight, I wouldn't talk to Pinkie Pie for a week!
I'm tempted to say the entire prank is simply out of character for all her friends. I just don't see them doing something that mean. ![]()
I'd definitively recommend reading "Calling the Shots" before reading this, gives a little bit of background.
>>43040 The reason they put on this elaborate prank was because in dude's last story, Calling the Shots, Twi tricked Spike into going to the vet's office, and though it all worked out for him in the end, he wanted to get her back. Thus, Spike thought up this prank, which wouldn't have been possible without at least Rarity's help for her ability to use magic to tranq Twi and Celestia's help in acquiring the ring, but the others were there mostly to be trolls, but also to restrain their friend so Rare would have an easier shot since she's less well versed in the use of magic aside from telekinesis and gem-finding.
Honestly, I don't find it mean, since all in all, their ultimate goal was good dental health for their friend. They just have interesting ways to show their care for her.
Very nice, this is actually my second read through of these, I simply love these stories! Thank you for writing them!![]()







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