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Sometimes, the moments that define our lives, that change the course of our destiny, aren't grand adventures or powerful forces. Sometimes, they're just everyday events, lined up like dominoes, waiting for a tiny breath of air to send them tumbling down.
For Octavia, it's an emotional breakdown with her toothpaste.
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I for one would enjoy reading that sequel.
I'll admit I was skeptical about the story as a whole while I was reading it, but getting towards the end and starting to piece together the overall meaning of it I realized that you've assembled something rather amazing. I don't run into quite as many one-shot masterpieces like this, so it's thrilling to have run across this one entirely by accident.
(It was entertaining seeing Parish Nandermane called Harpo as well, normally one would only see that used as a nickname in jest.)
Baking soda toothpaste is fantastic.
Oh, and the story was good too.
3662131
I'm flattered you consider this a masterpiece
3662509
Thank you! Did you ever actually preread the story? I couldn't tell who was who on the gdoc.
3662599
I think I made a few notes as Matt Osterndorf, but I never finished working on it properly. The last few weeks have been... involved.
3663367
Good enough, I added you to the prereaders.
this is art true art..and expression of true emotion something i could never do bravo....bravo and i like how it isnt continued that way we can conclude what happend outselves and the emotion, not to much not to little you have hit a formula that it take writers many years to get and many never succeed
Very nice. A reminder to live your life, not just go through it.
very good fic CloudHop. I quite enjoyed it ^_^
Though I myst admit, I did find it a tad too exagerated at points,especially in the beginning (in fact, the whole first part could use being shorter, IMO)
also, please don't use strikethroughs...
the only time you should use strikethrough in any text here is as part of a hoofwritten text in-story, that is being relayed to the reader.
It's just ugly otherwise =/
3665249
I removed the strikethrough.
Towards the end I kept shouting in my head "Go to him, Octavia! Be free!"
:P
Really excellent story here. I definitely wouldn't mind if you decided to continue it separately.
Wow!
+1 Didlsbrony4evah words - I too stumbled at this story accidentally and enjoyed this masterpiece greatly :)
It is amazing heartwarming story!
And of course +100500 to sequel votes
Wow, I came in expecting a silly story expecting toothpaste abuse, but then I instead got this masterpiece. I admit, the plot of "upper-clase mare realizes its decadence and seeks a down-home soulmate" might be common, but this is one of the greatest ponified adaptations I've seen. The characterization and though process for Octavia was beautiful. You probably concluded the story on a good spot, able to leave the reader imagining the subsequent scene, but I really would enjoy some sort of conclusion. Perhaps another scene with those lovebirds agreeing on a date, or some months later where Octavia recounts the past year together during another concert where he proposes afterwards. Anyway, whatever you do, I
I'll be watching intently.
3749279
I have an entire sequel organized and outlined, but my new job is killing me and I'm not sure I'll be able to write it. Or more accurately, I'm not sure I can write something of high-enough quality for me to be satisfied with it. The premise is essentially that, as a consequence of getting together, Octavia loses everything she ever had and has to rebuild herself with nothing but her love for Clerkovski to sustain her. I think it could potentially be just as powerful as this story, but I'm not confident in my ability to execute it.
I can add you to a list of potential prereaders if I ever get around to writing it.
It's sad to see the quartet acting as nothing more than professionals... they're not friends, they just work together, and snipe at each other over formalities and social structure. The music they make together must be so cold if they don't actually enjoy it.
Are you a musician? IT sort of feels that way, reading through this. I'm a music education major myself, and I always feel giddy when people start talking about theory and what-not.
Anyways, good stuff. I do love a well-written Octavia story, and this is surely a well written Octavia story. Props to you! I'd be happy to read more in a sequel or whatever.
P.S. - Not sure if you read Syncopation Records, but the fact that Harpo seemed to be a sort of snarky guy made me laugh.
4671161
I write songs, so, yes.
4671169
warosu.org/data/vr/img/0016/87/1402640219281.gif
That was quite a lovely piece, I enjoyed going through it. Once you get into the heart of it, it's very good. You do a nice job of showing the aching emptiness of Octavia's life and how desperately she clings to even the hope of love and something better.
There are, a few things I felt were weak with this story. I've omitted them here and PMed you. No need to mar the story with them.
3752038
I was going to say, you don't have to rush yourself. Write what you can, when you can.
Of course then I saw the age of that comment.
You have done other things since (which is how I came across this), and I do hope that you haven't moved far enough away from the source that a sequel could still be salvaged.
4980641
At this point I consider this story a lost cause. If I wanted to be happy with it i'd have to rewrite the whole thing and then write a sequel and honestly I have better story ideas at this point.
Damn that was fast.
Oh well. More's the pity.
I see an homage to Skywriter in that chapter title, do I not?
4993994
SOMEONE GETS IT!
A very nice short. Just a few things off:
delete 'an'
I believe the term is 'hooves'
change to past tense
10/12 good show.
4994004
I wondered why that title looked familiar...
This was a weird one. Like Chris said, the "frequently overwrought style" can be a bit much. On some theoretical level, I can see it working as a form of emphasis, but it's probably one of those things that's best in small doses. Sind was right about it getting better, even if the ship's problematic, at least up until the anti-music theory part. I almost wanted to leave a dislike after that, but couldn't do it in good conscience. It still really soured the experience, though, and I'm not sure I'd read further chapters had there been any. I do think there's some potential here, for what it's worth, and still gave it a like
5426078
I've gotten a lot better over the past year with restricting my overwrought writing to small doses. You'll see that in my other stories, I focus on restricting descriptive passages to opening scenes and moments between character interaction, so they act as a break from dialogue rather than a self-replicating monstrosity that takes over the story.
The musical theory complaint is interesting, and I think it's because I didn't go into enough detail here. I write music, myself, and basic music theory is extremely useful for writing songs. What I was trying to convey here is that her school focused only on complex music theory, to the detriment of everything else, including creative expression, which is a perversion of both musical expression and music theory itself. Theory should be used to augment creative expression, not destroy it.
Again, there's a whole lot of problems with this story. I'd have to throw the entire thing out and rewrite it from scratch if I wanted to salvage it.
5427326
I'm no expert on the subject, but what I've seen of music theory suggests the issue wouldn't be one of complexity so much as a fundamental misunderstanding of theory, perhaps teaching certain stylistic choices as though they're rules (something I've certainly seen in the real world, though it's more often an introductory course merely simplifying things for new students). Music theory, after all, doesn't teach you what to write, but to understand what it is you're writing
5427805
As I said, it's a perversion of musical theory itself if you use it as a tool to crush creativity by saying that you have to write music that follows certain rules. It's kind of like how people pervert religion as a tool to control people. I feel like that could have been an entire section by itself, but this story is... not my best work.
Huh didn't or.. did I expect that?
This legit made me throw up 🤢 nice job 😂