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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I would give 5 moustaches but reading this while listening to Smile in a loop is making me go mad with tears
546005
“You've been through a horrible, life-altering experience, and we're thrilled that you've taken to swimming to help you relax and adapt. And we're here to help you enjoy it even more, Rainbow Dash!”
Okay, that's the breaking point. The premise of RD's recovery from the Cupcakes Incident was what kept me going on this fic, but your execution (no pun intended) needs a lot of work. My advice is this: find yourself a good editor and work with them.
I'm sorry, but I'm not continuing this any further.
the hell is with all the faces ? ah buck it they're fun WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Dash is clearly light sky blue, not cyan.
561064
>:3
What if she comes back from the dead???
That's silly. Wouldn't P-
Aside from that, some of the dialogue really needs some work. Fluttershy in particular seems out of character and some characters, like Torpedo, feel like they're rehearsing for an infomercial.
I need a break so the premise can suck me back in.
I would like to say that love this story and have read it twice (I, unfortunately in some cases, have a soft spot for anything Cupcakes related). However, I would like to point out one glaring problem (in the spirit of constructive criticism of curse and nothing malicious). Luna's dialogue is all wrong here. One of the interesting things about Luna as a character is her mind and way of speaking are still in the '1000 years ago' phase. If you remember S2E4, she speaks with a lot of 'thous' and such and she uses the Royal We to describe herself. It's not what she's saying that I have a huge problem with, it's how she's saying it. Plus, she's not exactly a reserved character and I didn't get the forcefulness that I imagine a character like Luna having when she is in a scene. Even though she is trying to be quiet because it's night and for Rainbow Dash, her demeanor doesn't scream Luna to me.
All that aside, I do really like this. I wrote a Cupcakes sequel myself that wasn't nearly as good. Keep up the good work!
Bleh. The pacing is all wrong and the issue of the pony's being affected Pinkie's insanity/death is STILL left unaddressed, even when the issue is almost directly brought up (Twilight doing the announcements, a massive fucking cake for Rainbow's BIRTHDAY...and Pinkie is still never mentioned at all in that way, not even a 'Pinkie threw good parties :(')...it's like she never existed.
1910035
1: STFU, pacing is good.
2: If you were horribly mutilated by somebody you trusted with your life, survive, and have your birthday like a week later, would you mention your almost killer? No.
1910035D Da hell wrong with you?
1910035 Well, I wouldn't talk about the pony who slaughtered so many, lied to all of her friends, and then tried to kill two of her closest friends... Just pointing that out. I wouldn't talk about Pinkie Pie myself, for the sake of Rainbow Dash. She just got over those horrible nightmares. No doubt, I would miss that fun party pony, but it's time for every pony to be happy!
so now its the swimteam and not the wonderbolts lawlv
whats with faces
And that, class, is what I call a Chekov's Gun.
I`m not sure how I feel about this story. Two things really bother me. The fact that Pinkie Pie`s dead and nopony cares. Yeah, she was a murderer, but she was still your friend! The Cakes, the main five and the princesses weren`t sad at all! I totally understand that it`s bad to try and turn your best friend into a cupcake, but did they even for a second feel devastates and depressed? The second thing is that you keep putting in bold letters where they are. You don`t need to do that unless it`s important to the story and if it is just put it into the writing instead of a big title. This is still a nice story, but I`m not sure how to feel. I`m going to finish reading and then decide whether or not I like this story.
I feel bad for being late in reading this story by thanks to my good friend fred2266, and his reading of this on his Youtube channel, I am glad I have. This ought to be a race for the ages, and Applejack being by Rainbow's side, even with her doubts, shows that true friendship cannot be broken.
Suddenly I have a desire to see some LunaAppleDash shipping.
I wonder if that exists, anypony?
I got to herbirthday and was kinda spacing out and thought the wonderbolts were gonna swim with Rainbow... Anyways, enthralling story, enjoying the narrative
5 / 5 stars...
2497883 My thoughts exactly.
I can't get over how well she took the party if I were in her hooves(?) I couldn't look at a party without flipping out.
This is the first fan fic I had ever read in the mlp fandom.
I decided to reread this to bring back the same old feelings I had in this story.
Thank you Milesprower06, it was a good read 2 years ago on fanfiction.net and its a good read right now.
2808140 and what's chekov's gun
I give this story a thumbs up and five out of five happy Rainbow's
3104703 Not the only one who feels bad
4704200 A Chekhov's Gun is a plot device that gets mentioned early in the story, but doesn't become significant until later. It may seem insignificant when it first gets mentioned, but will be important at some point in the story.
i was able to overlook her leaving the hospital after a few days, i was able to overlook the fact that painkillers have not been mentioned once. i was able to overlook the fact that no1 seems all that concerned that a natinal hero was a serial killer that targeted children alongside adults and that miss cake seems just dandy about living with said killer. i was fine. but this? rainbow is taking part in the running of the leaves? ARE YOU KIDDING? not mentioning her missing limbs SHE HAD SEVERAL HEART ATTACKS AND WAS RESUSSITATED MULTIBLE TIMES, sorry, but now her freinds are letting her run with her heart in such a fragile state?
if applejack realy was the element of honesty she would have slapped twilight round the head before dragging rainbow back to the farm, it would be easy! why? because rainbow has really dropped some pounds recently!
oh, and about them reattaching her cutiemarks, did they use magic for that or just paperclips and the power of beleaving in one's self?
5257235 Tey could have stitched the skin holding her marks back on...
"Wonder if there's something in the water.”
~THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE WATER,
OH, SOMETHING IN THE WATERR~
lol.
great work btw!
Luna's indigo, or a dark blue.
_________________
I
___________
5257235
On the part of the Cutie Mark, it was similar to what 5894927 said. IRL, when doing a skin graft (or in Dash's case, reattaching skin that was surgically cut away), they graft the skin over an exposed area, aka stitching it on there (suturing).
Alright, I know that this story is well over 8 years old now, and that knowledge of the disorder has vastly advanced since then, so this comment is mostly me both hoping to inform whoever reads it and nitpicking at the glaring disregards for the knowledge that had existed at the time that this story had been written.
First: When I say "the disorder," I am referring to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). It was renamed due to the fact that the alternate identities (commonly referred to in shorthand as "alters") that it is known for are not merely personalities - which all people have multiple (facets) of, i.e. behaving differently around different (groups of) people/friends - but rather are separate people in their entireties. The disorder's new(ish; DID has been around as a moniker since 1994) name focuses on the dissociative aspect of the disorder, which is one of the key symptoms for the diagnosis of it, rather than the presence and/or presentation of alters. Doing the latter would be a bit like focusing on the depression and anxiety that a person with PTSD has, rather than their flashbacks and the trauma(s) that they endured that led to them experiencing these other disorders and/or symptoms.
Second: Brain scans can't really...display the presence of alters. If anything, they could have come to that conclusion via the use of putting together context clues from Pinkie's behaviors versus Pinkamena's (gonna use fandom's favorite name for her) behaviors, and how wildly contrasting they are from one another.
Third: While it can be stressful to have the disorder, that's very largely due to both what caused the disorder to start - prolonged and severe trauma from before the age of 5, and likely onwards - and the large periods of amnesia that occur whenever alters present in the body, thus "pushing" the main alter (host) out of consciousness. In addition, while therapy can help alters to better communicate with one another, I've never heard of or experienced someone simply "pushing down" an alter, let alone having that lead to insanity. It's annoying to forget large periods of my day, yes, but no less annoying than when my little brother is screaming at his gamer friends at 3AM. He hasn't driven me crazy so far; I don't think my alters will any time soon either.
Fourth: As I briefly mentioned earlier, the cause of DID is severe and prolonged childhood trauma from before the age of 5 and often onwards. I stated that age specifically, because that's when the vast majority of splitting occurs. A split is when a fragment breaks off from an alter and develops into a new one (though, some fragments simply remain as fragments) in response to a traumatic and/or extremely high-stress event. Splits can occur after 5, of course, but to assume that Pinkie - going by the fairly popular fandom speculations that she and the rest of the Mane six are ~18 human years old, or at least close to it - as an adult has split...doesn't sit right with me. Of course, that part is just personal opinion, though.
Aaand the big one. Part Five: Again, I know this is from 2012, so feel free to disregard this for the most part (though if you plan to write stories with elements of horror and/or mental illness, I am begging you to do your research this time around), but...this is lazy. Using an already widely-misunderstood disorder and using it to further fuel the disgusting idea that people with DID and/or their alters are terrifying monsters that only come out and want to hurt others (because they're being "forced to stay down"???) is incredibly damaging towards an already fragile community, whether you meant to or not. It took me 1 minute to locate the diagnostic criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder. It would probably take about 10-15 minutes to dig up enough information to at least locate the proper term for the disorder and to come up with some better evidence.
But with all of my bitching aside, I do like the rest of the story. It's just this one bit that got to me.
The Cupcake Chronicles is an interesting take on a well-worn and classic fandom tale, and I'm enjoying my read so far.