I've come a looong way from awkwardly smashing two plastic pony toys together whilst making kissy-kissy noises... Haven't I?
Whelp, that's my clopcherry popped! Guh.. that's actually a horrible metaphor. Portmanteau. Whatever. Forget I said that. Just.. just read the darn thing, alright? There's gratuitous pony-boinking and everything. Eventually. Promise.
(My apologies about the length. I'm not nearly clever enough to write anything short and snappy. )
EDIT: Now that I've actually finished reading the chapter I must congratulate you on your characterization and the believability of your story. I would also like to congratulate you on your very original idea for portraying a clopfic. The use of the memory spell was inspired.
I actually like the SoarTwi pairing, and I'm a little sad it doesn't pop up more often, so I was happy to see you use it here.
I kinda wanna see a little side one-shot or something where Soarin' visits Twi or something from you, but it's up to you.
Either way, I liked the awkwardness felt at the beginning, before the slow, equally awkward transition into the memory. Weee, memories of funs.
"length" hurr hurr
I don't know why I clicked on this story to read. I don't even like clop. But this was well written, and the idea of Twilight finding solace in a pen pal is cutely in character for her.
Taking bets on the identity of the "mysterious interloper"! I'm betting Rainbow Dash or Spike. Any takers?
>>614013614013 Dashie all the way
Well. That was my first straight clopfic ever. And damn. Was it ever a clopfic for the ages.
I like it.
You actually took your time and developed the characters enough so that when the sex did happen, it felt like the sort of thing Twi and Soarin would do. And in my opinion that's better than what any "short and snappy" fic can offer.
Have a like and a mustache
And here I thought that The Bechdel Test was the exact opposite of this sort of thing. Well, straight clop is straight clop.
That was fuckin great! Touching, sappy, cloppy. Real good. Mind if this goes in the directory?
That was actually very good..
Dat plot...was excellently thought out and written. Bravo!
I'm glad I also managed to make someone laugh; it's hard to judge whether your jokes are funny after reading them a gazillion times!
And thank you. I figured: show, don't tell, right?
Wait, so you want me to write a romantic Twisoar ship-fic.. based on a clopfic.. Isn't it usually the other way around? XD
I apologize for the "length" as well! Can't have a slumber party without shlong sizes coming up once or twice, though.. Or maybe that's just me?
Don't worry. It was my first time, too.
Well, I just imagined that a more talented author might achieve the same effect in half the words.. But it was my goal to set things up to make both the pairing and the sex credible, so as to not ask too much of readers' suspension of disbelief..
Oh, it is, it totally is. I just thought that it was funny that the one episode where the show could potentially, realistically even come close to not passing the Bechdel Test, there was pretty much no boytalk at all.
Fucking great to hear it! Dunno what directory you're referring to, exactly, but, by all means!
Even though this is a clopfic,(I don't read clop often) I enjoyed reading this story. I liked how you told the story and how you built up to the actual clop, It wasn't just "and then they bucked." Though i wonder who is the "mysterious interloper?" I just naturally though spike... well you deserve a like and a moustache.
i hate clop fics
i love this fic
Very Good, I love the Clopfics with story and charter development. Gives a lot more feeling to the story. I like the romance stuff better then just plain old sex.
Over all I just lost 5 points to my manly/brony hood. Sigh
A clopfic that manages to be adorably sweet, while still being undeniably cloppy? Bravo madam! Another moustache for you.
Gotta wonder how RD would feel to find out Twi totally tapped that though.
(I also can't help but feel this should go into the romantic clop folder.)
Y'all should do well. I approve of this clopfic
It really means a lot to me to read comments like these! They're telling me I've actually somewhat achieved one of my self-imposed goals in writing this fic.
It's okay. You're allowed to like the romantic, sappy stuff as well as the cute, colorful ponies! <3
Oh snap, I'm really raking in the 'staches now! I'm kinda wondering how RD would react myself. Might have to write that, but don't have concrete plans at this point..
And about which folder it should go in: I honestly wasn't sure myself. Do you think I should move it to romantic?
Disturbingly amusing, or Amusingly disturbing?
I cackled. Not going to lie, this made me snicker.
I can't wait to see if you write a sequel about Rarity or Applejack's own...experiences.
Carrots...and Carrot Top lives nearby...*innocent whistle*
So gonna consider this for my new signature.
""Yes, of course, but: carrots.. plural?" The mental imagery was staggering."
Apples would perhaps be a more obvious choice for AJ, but in this case.. ow, man. No. Just.. no.
Apples would hurt more than carrots. *Snerk*
Soarin': "MY CREAMPIE! *om-nom-nom-nom*"
Applejack should go next. Great clopfic.
What else floats?
"Twi.. why in tarnation am I suddenly gettin' the urge to.. research Bulbourethral glands and the effect of fructose intake on the taste of preseminal fluid?"
Very, very nice story. Going to follow this one. But one question....
A hyperventilating, twitchy Twilight still hadn't quite recovered when Corsair came to stand over her, but she kissed him back affectionately nevertheless.
Haha, whoever he was, he's gone now!
(Honest answer: in an earlier, rough draft I hadn't quite decided on the male that was to be Twilight's pen pal. I was considering an OC Wonderbolt named Corsair, but decided against it once I realized Soarin' was.. perfect!)
That... was quite lovely thank you.
This was the most adorkable, most detailed and most best clop fic i´ve ever read here!
Seriously, i learned like 30 new words thanks to your fic.
And it was funny and romantic too and so cute~
A bit sad that nothing deeper could bloom between Twi and Soarin, but well that´s how life goes. Both were ponies working for their dreams anyway, so it probably wouldn´t have worked out to well if they had stayed together. Loved AJ/Rarity´s reactions and comments to all this.
And younger Twi was totally a looker (for stallions ofc, man that Soarin sure was lucky xD) how detailed you described her.
Hope to read more like those from you. :3
One more thing though:
This needs to become a comic/doujin! 20-30 pages of this sweet chapter drew in nice art, with colors and stuff. I bet, it would become quite popular.^^
>>614013614013 Honestly I'm thinking Soarin' came to visit and maybe walked in on it
So.. the good news is, you learned 30 new words. The bad news is, all of them were new and innovative ways to say 'penis'? But, no, seriously.. thanks so much for all the praise. Don't really know what else to say.. <3
Oh, and about your comic idea: dude, that would be freaking awesome, and I'd totally die at the sight of even the tiniest doodle of any scene I've ever written, but who'd seriously want to go through all that trouble? I'd have to bribe them so hard. (Probably sleep with them, too.) And I don't have that kind of cash available. (Plenty of sleep, though!)
I swear, it´d be a GREAT comic/doujin. The two doujins i found about Twi are well....
There´s lots of good art about all of them, but try to find a comic which has the style of your fic. That´s impossibooru.
And i think only one of those 30 words was a new on about penis.
Maybe we can do a kickstart project: Donate for porn or something.
Well, maybe it should be rather written Donoate for an artistic project to visualize a fanfiction. We need 100 dollar so that artist X draws 20 pages. 150 for colors and for 250 we get a flash of Twi and Soarin.
I don't think I'd get much money raised beyond the 5 bucks donated by my mom, to be honest.. ("It's for cute ponies who need help!") But, even if only to sate my curiosity, if anyone knows of an artist who is willing and able to undertake such a project, feel free to point me in their general direction. At the very least, I could see about getting some illustrations done.
If the next chapters follow in the same vein as this one, then I think a move to the romantic clop folder is perfectly appropriate.
Did anyone else find it odd that Celestia was passively trying to get her teenage student laid?
Maybe an unorthodox means of getting her to socialize?
Many a tear was shed. the technical and artistic aspects were totally phenomenal. best clop- no, best fic i've ever read. ever. thank you very much.
Loved the Monty Python reference.
Very romantic and very sexy! The best kind!
Thought this was a oneshot, very happy to see that it is not.
also the carrots part wierded me out
A lot of people seemed to be under the impression that this was a one-shot, really. I guess it's the norm to such an extent that people generally do not expect anything more than that.
So to all you hopelessly romantic clop-aficionados out there, who actually cared* and were dismayed by the slightly cynical ending to the first chapter, I want to say: it's okay. You can still root for a happier resolution.
* Seriously, I love you guys.
I am so glad somebody got that. Makes me feel slightly less geeky. (Now if only someone would spot the Firefly reference..)
You exaggerate and make me blush, sir! Kindly cease and desist, or I shall be forced to hug you..
I regret nothing.
Also, totally not autobiographical.
also i just realized that it would be harder to draw twis eye in the pic then the rest of her or for me at least
That is all
At first I felt a little bit put off by the, shall we say, cruder language of the recollection, but eventually it ended up adding to the atmosphere and setting of the recollection.
I have to say that it was very well done, and once I did get over my initial unease, I did find the actual steamy part quite enjoyable. And seeing Twilight as quite the minx, well, it's one of my fetishes (I guess?) to see the attractive female bookworm let her hair down, so that's an added bonus for me, and a bonus point for you.
You deserve my track, my upvote, my fave and this:
I very much look forward to the next chapter. Take as much time as you need. I prefer quality over quantity.
And if you somehow manage to find an artist, just lemme know. I'll have my wallet ready.
Hrm, believe me, I know what you mean.
The reason this fic went unpublished for a long time is because I had a really hard time deciding what type of "vocabulary" to use for the saucy bits. Opinions on that differ wildly, even within this particular fandom. I could have just gone with purely suggestive language - that's what a lot of people go for, really - but I wanted to write a story that was genuinely cloppy / smutty (ie. intended to arouse readers, albeit without the use of certain choice words for genitalia) as well as romantic and somewhat creative.
You may have noticed that I purposefully spiced up the language and explicitness gradually as the story and clopscene progressed. Sort of.. letting my writing style reflect the level of arousal of the characters (and hopefully the reader, haha), until it got to about the most "vulgar" type of language I was comfortable writing, myself.
But it really is impossible to please everybody in this regard, even if you steer clear of fetishes and stick to mostly vanilla stuff. The language one person finds hot, someone else finds deeply uncomfortable, or actually silly. It's deeply personal, as well as situational (just try talking dirty to someone who isn't already turned on, for example).
But the ratio of positive / negative reactions has been generally favorable, so for now I think I'm just going to continue on in the same vein, language-wise, and hope for the best.
If anyone has tips or suggestions to make the experience more enjoyable overall, though, by all means, let me know! I'm still learning.
Oh, I know full well what you mean, and you ultimately went for the proper tactic: writing how you normally write. I agree with you in that it's impossible to please everypony, so instead, you pander to the first and foremost reader: yourself.
Wow........so great. My comments are really not very helpful, but I hope, I hope that you continue this truly amazing story.
I started working on Applejack's story tonight.
After that, Rarity.
Keep finding mistakes. Must.. correct..