Whelp, that's my clopcherry popped! Guh.. that's actually a horrible metaphor. Portmanteau. Whatever. Forget I said that. Just.. just read the darn thing, alright? There's gratuitous pony-boinking and everything. Eventually. Promise.

(My apologies about the length. I'm not nearly clever enough to write anything short and snappy. )

Must...stop...laughing...need...air...

EDIT: Now that I've actually finished reading the chapter I must congratulate you on your characterization and the believability of your story. I would also like to congratulate you on your very original idea for portraying a clopfic. The use of the memory spell was inspired.

I actually like the SoarTwi pairing, and I'm a little sad it doesn't pop up more often, so I was happy to see you use it here.

I kinda wanna see a little side one-shot or something where Soarin' visits Twi or something from you, but it's up to you.

Either way, I liked the awkwardness felt at the beginning, before the slow, equally awkward transition into the memory. Weee, memories of funs.

>>613080613080

"length" hurr hurr

I don't know why I clicked on this story to read. I don't even like clop. But this was well written, and the idea of Twilight finding solace in a pen pal is cutely in character for her.

Taking bets on the identity of the "mysterious interloper"! I'm betting Rainbow Dash or Spike. Any takers?

>>614013614013 Dashie all the way

Well. That was my first straight clopfic ever. And damn. Was it ever a clopfic for the ages.

I like it.

You actually took your time and developed the characters enough so that when the sex did happen, it felt like the sort of thing Twi and Soarin would do.  And in my opinion that's better than what any "short and snappy" fic can offer.

Have a like and a mustache

And here I thought that The Bechdel Test was the exact opposite of this sort of thing. Well, straight clop is straight clop.

That was fuckin great! Touching, sappy, cloppy. Real good. Mind if this goes in the directory?

That was actually very good..

Dat plot...was excellently thought out and written. Bravo!

>>613965613965

I'm glad I also managed to make someone laugh; it's hard to judge whether your jokes are funny after reading them a gazillion times!

And thank you. I figured: show, don't tell, right?

>>613999613999

Wait, so you want me to write a romantic Twisoar ship-fic.. based on a clopfic.. Isn't it usually the other way around? XD

>>614013614013

I apologize for the "length" as well! Can't have a slumber party without shlong sizes coming up once or twice, though.. Or maybe that's just me?

>>614036614036

Don't worry. It was my first time, too.

>>614045614045

Well, I just imagined that a more talented author might achieve the same effect in half the words.. But it was my goal to set things up to make both the pairing and the sex credible, so as to not ask too much of readers' suspension of disbelief..

>>614053614053

Oh, it is, it totally is. I just thought that it was funny that the one episode where the show could potentially, realistically even come close to not passing the Bechdel Test, there was pretty much no boytalk at all.

>>614115614115

Fucking great to hear it! Dunno what directory you're referring to, exactly, but, by all means!

Even though this is a clopfic,(I don't read clop often) I enjoyed reading this story. I liked how you told the story and how you built up to the actual clop, It wasn't just "and then they bucked." Though i wonder who is the "mysterious interloper?" I just naturally though spike... well you deserve a like and a moustache.

i hate clop fics

i love this fic

Very Good, I love the Clopfics with story and charter development. Gives a lot more feeling to the story. I like the romance stuff better then just plain old sex.

Over all I just lost 5 points to my manly/brony hood. Sigh

A clopfic that manages to be adorably sweet, while still being undeniably cloppy?  Bravo madam!  Another moustache for you.  

Gotta wonder how RD would feel to find out Twi totally tapped that though.  

(I also can't help but feel this should go into the romantic clop folder.)

Y'all should do well. I approve of this clopfic

>>614434614434

>>614638614638

It really means a lot to me to read comments like these! They're telling me I've actually somewhat achieved one of my self-imposed goals in writing this fic.

>>614788614788

It's okay. You're allowed to like the romantic, sappy stuff as well as the cute, colorful ponies! <3

>>615085615085

Oh snap, I'm really raking in the 'staches now! I'm kinda wondering how RD would react myself. Might have to write that, but don't have concrete plans at this point..

And about which folder it should go in: I honestly wasn't sure myself. Do you think I should move it to romantic?

Disturbingly amusing, or Amusingly disturbing?

I cackled. Not going to lie, this made me snicker.

I can't wait to see if you write a sequel about Rarity or Applejack's own...experiences.

*Snickers*

Carrots...and Carrot Top lives nearby...*innocent whistle*

So gonna consider this for my new signature.

""Yes, of course, but: carrots.. plural?" The mental imagery was staggering."

>>615202615202

Apples would perhaps be a more obvious choice for AJ, but in this case.. ow, man. No. Just.. no.

Apples would hurt more than carrots. *Snerk*

Soarin': "MY CREAMPIE! *om-nom-nom-nom*"

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/004/815/lol-guy.jpg

Applejack should go next. Great clopfic.

What else floats?

"Twi.. why in tarnation am I suddenly gettin' the urge to.. research Bulbourethral glands and the effect of fructose intake on the taste of preseminal fluid?"

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmgf9k47Mw1qafeso.gif

Very, very nice story.  Going to follow this one.  But one question....

A hyperventilating, twitchy Twilight still hadn't quite recovered when Corsair came to stand over her, but she kissed him back affectionately nevertheless.

Who's Corsair?  

>>615417615417

Haha, whoever he was, he's gone now!

(Honest answer: in an earlier, rough draft  I hadn't quite decided on the male that was to be Twilight's pen pal. I was considering an OC Wonderbolt named Corsair, but decided against it once I realized Soarin' was.. perfect!)

That... was quite lovely thank you.

This was the most adorkable, most detailed and most best clop fic i´ve ever read here!

Seriously, i learned like 30 new words thanks to your fic.

And it was funny and romantic too and so cute~

A bit sad that nothing deeper could bloom between Twi and Soarin, but well that´s how life goes. Both were ponies working for their dreams anyway, so it probably wouldn´t have worked out to well if they had stayed together. Loved AJ/Rarity´s reactions and comments to all this.

And younger Twi was totally a looker (for stallions ofc, man that Soarin sure was lucky xD) how detailed you described her.

Hope to read more like those from you. :3

One more thing though:

This needs to become a comic/doujin! 20-30 pages of this sweet chapter drew in nice art, with colors and stuff. I bet, it would become quite popular.^^

>>614013614013 Honestly I'm thinking Soarin' came to visit and maybe walked in on it

>>616216616216

So.. the good news is, you learned 30 new words. The bad news is, all of them were new and innovative ways to say 'penis'? But, no, seriously.. thanks so much for all the praise. Don't really know what else to say.. <3

Oh, and about your comic idea: dude, that would be freaking awesome, and I'd totally die at the sight of even the tiniest doodle of any scene I've ever written, but who'd seriously want to go through all that trouble? I'd have to bribe them so hard. (Probably sleep with them, too.) And I don't have that kind of cash available. (Plenty of sleep, though!)

>>616722616722

I swear, it´d be a GREAT comic/doujin. The two doujins i found about Twi are well....

There´s lots of good art about all of them, but try to find a comic which has the style of your fic. That´s impossibooru.

And i think only one of those 30 words was a new on about penis.

Maybe we can do a kickstart project: Donate for porn or something.

Well, maybe it should be rather written Donoate for an artistic project to visualize a fanfiction. We need 100 dollar so that artist X draws 20 pages. 150 for colors and for 250 we get a flash of Twi and Soarin.

XDDD

>>616825616825

I don't think I'd get much money raised beyond the 5 bucks donated by my mom, to be honest.. ("It's for cute ponies who need help!") But, even if only to sate my curiosity, if anyone knows of an artist who is willing and able to undertake such a project, feel free to point me in their general direction. At the very least, I could see about getting some illustrations done.

>>615161615161

If the next chapters follow in the same vein as this one, then I think a move to the romantic clop folder is perfectly appropriate.

Did anyone else find it odd that Celestia was passively trying to get her teenage student laid?

Maybe an unorthodox means of getting her to socialize?

Lol. Pimpestia!

Many a tear was shed. the technical and artistic aspects were totally phenomenal. best clop- no, best fic i've ever read. ever. thank you very much.

Good story.

Loved the Monty Python reference.

Very romantic and very sexy! The best kind!

Thought this was a oneshot, very happy to see that it is not.

also the carrots part wierded me out

>>620476620476

A lot of people seemed to be under the impression that this was a one-shot, really. I guess it's the norm to such an extent that people generally do not expect anything more than that.

So to all you hopelessly romantic clop-aficionados out there, who actually cared* and were dismayed by the slightly cynical ending to the first chapter, I want to say: it's okay. You can still root for a happier resolution.

* Seriously, I love you guys.

>>619657619657

I am so glad somebody got that. Makes me feel slightly less geeky. (Now if only someone would spot the Firefly reference..)

>>618792618792

You exaggerate and make me blush, sir! Kindly cease and desist, or I shall be forced to hug you..

>>622324622324

I regret nothing.

Also, totally not autobiographical.

also i just realized that it would be harder to draw twis eye in the pic then the rest of her or for me at least

Wow...

That is all

At first I felt a little bit put off by the, shall we say, cruder language of the recollection, but eventually it ended up adding to the atmosphere and setting of the recollection.

I have to say that it was very well done, and once I did get over my initial unease, I did find the actual steamy part quite enjoyable. And seeing Twilight as quite the minx, well, it's one of my fetishes (I guess?) to see the attractive female bookworm let her hair down, so that's an added bonus for me, and a bonus point for you.

You deserve my track, my upvote, my fave and this:

I very much look forward to the next chapter. Take as much time as you need. I prefer quality over quantity.

And if you somehow manage to find an artist, just lemme know. I'll have my wallet ready.

>>625338625338

Hrm, believe me, I know what you mean.

The reason this fic went unpublished for a long time is because I had a really hard time deciding what type of "vocabulary" to use for the saucy bits. Opinions on that differ wildly, even within this particular fandom. I could have just gone with purely suggestive language - that's what a lot of people go for, really - but I wanted to write a story that was genuinely cloppy / smutty (ie. intended to arouse readers, albeit without the use of certain choice words for genitalia) as well as romantic and somewhat creative.

You may have noticed that I purposefully spiced up the language and explicitness gradually as the story and clopscene progressed. Sort of.. letting my writing style reflect the level of arousal of the characters (and hopefully the reader, haha), until it got to about the most "vulgar" type of language I was comfortable writing, myself.

But it really is impossible to please everybody in this regard, even if you steer clear of fetishes and stick to mostly vanilla stuff. The language one person finds hot, someone else finds deeply uncomfortable, or actually silly. It's deeply personal, as well as situational (just try talking dirty to someone who isn't already turned on, for example).

But the ratio of positive / negative reactions has been generally favorable, so for now I think I'm just going to continue on in the same vein, language-wise, and hope for the best.

If anyone has tips or suggestions to make the experience more enjoyable overall, though, by all means, let me know! I'm still learning.

>>625484625484

Oh, I know full well what you mean, and you ultimately went for the proper tactic: writing how you normally write. I agree with you in that it's impossible to please everypony, so instead, you pander to the first and foremost reader: yourself.

Wow........so great. My comments are really not very helpful, but I hope, I hope that you continue this truly amazing story.

>>626395626395

I started working on Applejack's story tonight.

After that, Rarity.

Keep finding mistakes. Must.. correct..

>>613080613080

I am going to hit you over the head with a baseball bat, and then steal your ability to write long stories...

You can have my short story ability instead alright?

Wow...   um, whoa.

I gave you some comments much earlier...   Sorry I didn't read this sooner.  Anyway....   this is way sexier and far more awesome than what I read when I did.

Bravo!

Waiting for Chapter 2.

>>637837637837

Considering the resulting brain-damage, yeah, I probably wouldn't be churning out epic 9000-words chapters anymore..

>>638588638588

You did! <3 It was an earlier draft, yes, and it cut off just as it was getting good. I decided to go for one more major rewrite, and added to the memory scene quite a bit.

I'll be typing away furiously on chapter 2 this weekend - actually have an extra day off, too, so I might get some writing done. You're still allowed a sneak preview, if you want.

>>639525639525

My point was, stop apologizing for making such wonderfully long stories

This was truly wonderful!  More clopfics need to balance story with truly arousing clop as you have done here.  You have my respect, admiration, my like, my favorite... and here have another mustache too

This was well done.

I think this is the first clopfic I've read that I have absolutely no criticisms or regrets over reading.

Although, your own defloration has got to be one of the most awkward pornos to watch with your friends ever.

Only surpassed by your own conception.

>>641699641699

Wow, thank you. I hope I can maintain that balancing act in subsequent chapters.

And another 'stache! Sweet. (Urge to ride.. rising.. )

>>649535649535

No regrets! That's good to hear. And yeah, I don't think Twilight really thought that one through all that well.. Although, at least hers was pretty enjoyable. It could've been a lot worse.

And stop giving me disturbing fic ideas, dammit! .. Too late, Twilight's mom x Twilight's dad is now my new OTP. (It's canon, bitches!)

>>649777649777

All mane 6 parents are my OTPs. They gave us our little ponies.

>>617004617004

I know, one or two artist for that matter. Not sure how much/well they draw for 5$ but its worth asking them anyway. Should i send you a mail regarding them or did you give up the fanart idea?

>>664100664100

Oh no, I most certainly did not give up on it! I've been looking around for artists to commission and have found a few with styles that I really like. Further promising news is that I've gotten a small bonus from my boss, which means that I might have some spending money left (after I've replaced some decrepit household items and paid some debts).

So yeah, if you know some people who would welcome a paid commission for illustrations and/or clean cover art for a story like this, by all means, send me some recommendations!

Wow, just wow...I don't know how I got here and why I stayed, but that was probably the most romantic description of a sex scene I've ever read (that's probably because I don't read these things much often...)

This... is... gonna... be... so awesome!

I just gotta wait until after school to read... *le sigh...

i love this story

Image: http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw6ez4m8lM1qf5z5eo1_500.gif

MOAR

why the fuck am i eating ramen?

>>614400614400

(Lagmobile is referring to the [url=clopfic.heroku.com]Clopfic Directory[/url], which is a website where people can post clopfics.  It's a pretty good way to get a story more readership, though by no means a mark of quality.  There are a couple other websites where you can post stuff, such as the Pony Fiction Archive [Explicit] and Equestria After Dark, the latter of which works on a submission basis.  I highly recommend submitting this story to EAD.)

*****

Oh, where to even begin.

I'm honestly having difficulty putting into words how much I love this fic.  I mean, I'm sure that a significant portion of that is the fact that I didn't comment five days ago when I first read it, but that's beside the point.  What isn't beside the point is how great this story is.

Okay, first off, Soarin x Twilight is not something you see every day.  Normally, this detracts from the story (shock appeal vs quality), but it was really fleshed out here, and very plausible.  Great work.

This story has this femininity about it that I have literally never seen before in a clopfic - and I read a lot of clopfics.  I mean, sure, we get the female viewpoint, but it's through a male filter.  Here, I really got that sense of it being Twilight's memory.  It didn't feel hackneyed or cheap or forced, and it was very believable (and very in-character) that Twilight was all too aware of her own status as bookworm, and that she would feel sexily empowered by having Soarin' acknowledge her sexuality.  As well, that bit about the hairbrush handles and carrots?  Perfect.  It was funny, it was sexy, and it was something that I could actually picture happening - what more could you want?

And the icing on the proverbial cake?  You know how to English!  So many times a decent setup or an otherwise promising story will be ruined by the author's lack of grammatical finesse, but you?  You can play a keyboard like Mikko Salovaara plays a guitar - that is, in the best imaginable way.  You claim that the story has a contrived framing device, but it's so organic and well done that it never feels that way.  And, it goes without saying, that carries over to the clop beautifully.

When Soarin' and Twilight started going at it, there was all the awkwardness that a pair of virgins would bring to the table, but you also worked in some real emotion.  This is the first time I've seen premature ejaculation in a clopfic, and I really understood how Soarin' would feel disgusted with himself for letting Twilight down like that.  And, hey - eating out a girl and your own semen?  That is what a real man would do.  The cuddling at the end was just adorable, and it made my day reading it.

As a final note, Rarity and AJ's running commentary was both very hilarious and very sexy, and it really made the magic believable.  I absolutely cannot wait for the next chapter.

There is, however, a flaw.  It pains me to say it, to utter these words and stroke these keys, but there is a flaw in your writing.  It is a common flaw that has afflicted many a writer, and though I hate to blaspheme the purity of this work, it must be said.

You have Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.  In short, LUS is a malady wherein a character's name ("Twilight") is replaced with a synonym ("lavender unicorn") which provides no benefit to the story, and in fact actively detracts from it.  This usually stems from an author not wanting to have paragraphs full of Twilight did this, Rarity did that, Twilight did that, Rarity did this, which is a perfectly understandable fear.  I am here to tell you, though, that it's okay to have paragraphs with a lot of character names.  Removing a character's name stops the reader from connecting with that character, and losing that connection is one of the worst things literature can do.  Besides, character names are a lot like the word "said."  They're practically invisible when you read them.

So, in conclusion, your story is magnificent, you are an amazing person (Interacting with your fanbase and being sexy while doing it?  HOW DO YOU DO THIS?), and you deserve every positive accolade you receive for this work.

also i think i may be in love with you

wait did i actually type that oh shi-

>>712209712209

Woo, mega-long comment! Where to begin? Just some cherry-picked points, I guess, before I start responding to every little compliment and end up a blubbering, blushy, allegedly sexy mess..

- Oooh, a clopfic website? So that's what that was. Neat! I already posted it on the explicit ponyfiction archive, and actually recently submitted the story to EAD, after stumbling across a link to that site somewhere. I've yet to get any response from them, though, so I'm guessing the people in charge are rather busy, or that the story didn't quite fit their criteria. Thanks for the tip, though!

- I think the only reason it appears I can English reasonably goodlike is because I'm not a native speaker, and am constantly correcting and second-guessing myself. It's actually a struggle for me, most of the time. I always sort of assume, in the back of my head, that the sentence I just wrote has to be wrong somehow. (And I'm usually right, haha.)

- Thank you for the criticism. You are absolutely right about that particular flaw. I was beginning to notice that I was doing it during my editing of chapter 2, but it helps to have it pointed out to me. I'm not going to correct it in the chapter already posted, I think, but it's definitely something I'll try to prevent myself from lapsing into from here on in. I've already been watchful for so-called said-bookism from the start, but I've yet to find a good balance between using proper names and descriptive nouns and adjectives. It simply feels wrong to have paragraph after paragraph of repeating character names, as you said..

But 'purple pony' and such does get cheesy real fast..

Well, gosh, shucks and fiddlesticks. Now I don't know what else to write.. Other than "Thank you so, so much." But that was a given.

BRB gotta go squee real loud

PS: Cover your ears. No, really. I don't care what continent you're on.

>>712531712531

Cover my ears?  Pfft!  I'll have no beeswax for your siren song, madam!

oh god did she get that reference oh god i hope she got that reference

There are actually two Equestria After Dark websites.  The first is now defunct, and was set up over a year ago by the team (at the time, I think it was just Seth) who ran EqD.  The current, updating, EAD can be found here, just to be sure.  Honestly, I can't see any way this wouldn't meet their criteria for acceptance.

You're not a native speaker?  Jesus.  You had me fooled.  [This is Mikko Salovaara, by the way.]

Yeah, the character name/adjective usage thing is pretty tricky to figure out, even if one does speak relatively good English.  Normally, I'd recommend reading it aloud after you've written a paragraph, but given your linguistic scenario, that might not have the same effect.  I have a really good eye for grammar, so if you want someone to proofread your stuff, I'd be more than happy to help.

I guess that's all I have to say.  I shall now go back to wondering what AJ's chapter is about, and preparing to be delighted if it involves her and Braeburn being kissing cousins.

Not that you have to write that.  Or be influenced by what I'm saying here, or anything.  I'm just pontificating.

incest is my fetish, you see

>>613080613080

Sooooo...

Was  it as good for you as it was for us? Fuck, I think I actually need a cigarette after that.

Hay, it was so good I think the neighbors need one too...

There needs to be MOAR! Moar Soarin' and Twilight!

TWILIGHT'S A WITCH

We must see if she weighs the same as a duck.

(if you don't get this, I'm disappointed)

>>712712712712

As long as you're still going to have yourself tied to a mast, I'm fine with that.

And nee, ik spreek normaal gesproken Nederlands. Which means I could have been talking dirty just now, and you would be none the wiser..

I think I'll definitely take you up on your offer to proofread a little, if you're still interested. It makes sense to have a native speaker look it over, and you've already given me some good formatting tips so far!

PS: Stop trying to fill my mind with depraved ideas! .. It's already full of those.

>>718345718345

Pass me the cigarette? I quit, but I suppose a virtual one couldn't hurt..

And alas! There won't be more Twisoar right away. Twilestia is next. Royal Decree; nothing I can do.

>>729716729716

Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

>>732081732081

If you ever find yourself running out of story ideas, that Twilight Twinkle x Nightlight sounds intriguing....

Also, while toning down the LUS is probably a good tip, its not ALL bad, if done in moderation.  Personally I like descriptive authors.

Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/o/ponyclapplz.gif?1

(for maximum effect take two coconut halves and bang them together)

>>732081732081

"Stop trying to fill my mind with depraved ideas! .. It's already full of those. "

Mrs. Aurora, you're trying to seduce me.

>>734123734123

Yes, but the real, pertinent question is: should Twilight be present to see it? (Perhaps she gets so curious that she ends up using a time-spell to witness her own conception. Then we ought to just hope she doesn't go all Back to the Future on us and accidentally seduces her own dad..

Damn - looking back, that movie was pretty disturbing, actually..)

And I might still go back and fix chapter 1 a bit. Take out some of those lavender unicorns. It's bothering me. :/

>>738326738326

Oh, what, so I'm a MILF now?

>>738506738506

A MILF?  I never said any such thing.  I was merely making reference to a seminal (hah, seminal) movie starring Dustin Hoffman which happened to relate to the situation at hand.

. . .

Now.

Of course.

If you want to do that.

It's not like I'm stopping you.

>>738506738506

That, actually sounds pretty hilarious, why do want?

Really great, much better than whatever I can come up with.

Hopefully you can continue this.

>>748203748203 I'm certain there will be more.

Only a tenth of the way in, and I'm already hitting the thumbs up button. You've got a great grasp of the characters' voices, here. Twilight may slip very slightly too far into 'dictionary mode' once in a while -- she tends to speak simply in the show despite her broad vocabulary, since it IS aimed at children.

Edit: Definitely looking forward to further chapters of this. That was really adorable... and I'll be interested to see where the apparent AppleSpark leaning goes. I really have nothing to add that DirigibleQuixote didn't already say, though I guess I'm not as sensitive to LUS. I was giggling at Celestia's obvious-in-retrospect efforts to help Twilight get laid.

...okay, I lied. There was one thing that could have been improved, and that's to not jump between characters. You're more or less in an omniscient viewpoint here, which is a bit less involving than one that's attached to one character -- probably Twi in this case -- and only relates what she can sense. Rather than describing what AJ is experiencing, you would describe how she reacts to it; since it's Twi's memory, she would naturally know what sensation provoked the reaction in the first place. I find that writing in a deliberately limited way helps me focus better on the main character's emotions and what's going on in their head.

And now I have this mental image of Twi and Soarin' running into each other at the Gala, and how awkward that could get...

BUT WHO WAS DOOR?

Additional Edit: I also have this mental image of Soarin' making the tabloids worse by saying something like, "Hay yeah I ate her cherry pie! It was the best one I've ever eaten! ...well, except for those twins in Prance..."

>>732081732081... Twilestia my only weakness(well i have more but that list would be long)

It really keeps me awake at night knowing how many cloppers there are...

>>748203748203 >>752205752205

How does Steel know that, one has to wonder.. It's almost like he has inside information.. Like he's a collaborator in some dastardly scheme, somehow!

>>755426755426

I guess my Twilight is a bit sesquipedalian. I'll try to watch that.

About jumping between characters: each chapter will probably be written in a slightly different way, so your experience might improve in subsequent chapters. I'm just playing around a little with different perspectives and various storytelling devices and such, for my own amusement. But yeah, simplifying things would probably be better.

Also identity of door will be revealed soon!

>>761163761163

It can get a bit loud, I admit - all those coconut halves being banged together in the dead of night. I could see how that would cause one to have trouble sleeping.

Bloody swallows.

Monty python and the holy grail reference for the win. this story automatically gets my like

>>712209712209

I want to thank you for this comment. I now realize that I had been edging toward "LUS" in my own fic (Ribbons and Lace), and this makes me feel better about spamming names as necessary.

>>763334763334

Personally speaking, I didn't really notice any problems with Twilight's vocabulary.  She speaks more simply in the show since it's aimed at kids, but I think it's safe to say this isn't, so I don't see any issue with her using more complicated words.  I actually quite like big words, myself.

Conflicting messages, woo.

>>772459772459

You're the guy who wrote Ribbons and Lace?  I knew your name was familiar!  Man, I love that story.

And now I apparently helped you with it in some regard?  That's so cool!

>>772667772667

Hee! Thanks for that! (No, seriously, I can use all the help I can get... )

Regarding Twilight's vocabulary: I have a particular affection for Twilight's relatively simple speech pattern. She indicates that she knows big words, and uses them when appropriate, but she doesn't use them just to show off. It speaks to a modesty that I think suits her well.

Rarity, on the other hoof...

Incoming Rarishy? My body is ready.

It occurred to me a few days ago...

Would 'Clop with Content' be the pony equivalent of 'Porn with Plot'?

Anyway, with all the teasers you're tossing all over the place, you better have the next chapter up soon! Pretty please?

>>810891810891

No. No it's not. Your body cannot possibly be ready for this monstrosity.

>>814182814182

It's coming this weekend. That's the deadline I've set for myself. I have awesome help on this one, and I'm editing it as we speak! Erm, type squiggly characters... that appear on-screen... at each other, I mean.

'Nother cup of coffee? Why, don't mind if I do! *twitch*

>>772987772987

That's actually a really good insight into her use of vocabulary. I'll have to keep that one in mind when next writing Twilight.

>>613080613080 Longer is better.

I tend to try and be heartfelt and lengthy in my comments but all I can think of to say is:

MORE

>>839716839716

And that's what she said.

Hurr hurr.

Um, hmmh, well, I've finally read it and hot dang I'm glad that I did. That's some gorgeous description of an utterly sweet first time. And, as the kids say, 'mad props' to Princess Celestia for all that oh-so-coincidental advice.

Well, you know my favourite parts already. I loved the whole thing, of course!

I guess Tom was...

*Sunglasses*

Rock hard!

YEAH!

...That actually raises really disturbing thoughts about why she called that big, hard rock Tom.

Excellent chapter! Hilarious, sweet and raunchy all at the same time.

And I love the character building you're engaging in, "fleshing" out Rarity and Fluttershy. The lingerie was an odd, but good touch. Given that both mares are quite delicate, it does make sense.

I'm going to assume said gift given was virginity of a sort. You break it, ya bought it kinda thing.

More, good sir! More!

epic!  =D

1. So, ponies in lingerie is a thing. A surprisingly sexy thing.

2. I really liked how you wrote Fluttershy in this. Perfect mix of shy, loving and desperate to please.

3. “This is the best... possible... thing!” — This was a rather interesting mix of amusing and hot.

4. Curious to see what Rarity's guilt-tripping about. Well, I have suspicions, but with the quality of the writing so far I think you could make me like something even if it's a little cliché.

so hot.....well written too

So did Rarity get raped or something?

I just found this (reading chapter 2 shortly) but... that was both very cute and sexy. Really original idea for how it was told and, well, good stuff, is what I'm getting at.