What Meets the Eye

by Butterscotch Cream

Chapter 2

What Meets the Eye

Chapter Two

Finial had returned to find everything generally intact. The sofa had been pushed over and his coltfriend was slumped over it snoring, but aside from a few baubles knocked off the coffee table, everything else seemed in order. Sledgehammer didn't even fuss when he was roused to a drowsy wakefulness and ushered to bed. As predicted, the "morning affections" served to stave off any continuation of the previous night's mood, and the rest of the morning went normally. That is to say, wordlessly, blandly and without major event. Sledgehammer's moods usually waited till evening to crawl out of their lairs.

Work, likewise, went by smoothly. When asked about his lip, Finial reported that he'd tripped and hit his face on a railing, just as he'd told Klutz, with the exception that the responses were neither suspicious nor prying. He was always answered with polite, unquestioning acceptance and maybe a tease or two about his clumsiness. And of course, Sledgehammer backed up his story and embellished it for the entertainment of their coworkers, weaving it into the charmingly comic tales he was so good at.

Finial kept pausing to watch Sledgehammer. None of this was new; it had happened before and he had every reason to believe it would continue. It was... normal. Finial knew his situation was "bad" but somewhere, he had grown used to it. And yet, something had stirred in him. Even if it wasn't new, it felt oddly different, and wrong. Perhaps being given genuine kindness by a random stranger had planted a seed of thought.

Sledgehammer laughed and joked with the other ponies, flashing that winning smile every now and then - his behavior was almost flirtatious. When he caught Finial looking, Sledgehammer simply grinned and waved, or put on a playfully seductive pose. While Finial played along, as he always did, he knew that the shows were more for the benefit of those watching than for him, if they were for him at all.

Was this what Sledgehammer was really like, or was this an act? Was he happy or was he still filled with rage? It seemed impossible that someone could put on a front so convincingly natural and carefree, only to peel it away and reveal an anger ready to lash out at the slightest provocation. From the way he acted with other ponies, it was obvious that he had... other interests. Did Sledgehammer want him anymore? Did Sledgehammer even love him? Did he feel trapped? The more he thought about it, the more convinced Finial became of a course of action, something that would perhaps make them both happy, and he would act on it tonight. In the meantime, he had to work.

Once he had committed himself to his objective, things went by much more quickly. He was finally able to concentrate. He was able to make good progress - better progress than he'd been able to in weeks, or perhaps months. He even caught himself smiling a little. At least, smiles that weren't his usual plastered response.

Sledgehammer's shift ended two hours before his, and after his own shift Finial had reports to turn in at the Building Standard's office. These two things combined gave him both opportunity and excuse to take his time planning out the evening. Normally, once his work was completed, Finial would hurry back to the apartment for fear of setting off Sledgehammer by being late. The times work obligations afforded him freedom and Sledgehammer didn't feel like insisting on waiting around to accompany him were fairly rare. So, that day, he let himself walk a little slower, relishing the time to himself.

He was about halfway to the Building Standard's office when he heard it: a heavy flapping of wings, and an even heavier thump as someone landed behind him. He didn't have to wait long to find out who it was, either.

"Hey..."

"Wh-... Klutz!?" Finial halted in his tracks and spun around, looking surprised, worried, and disgruntled all at once. He wasn't quite sure why the presence of Klutz put him off so much, except for the vague fear that he'd start asking questions again. But, maybe that was a bit unfair of him. "Err... hey. ...what are you doing here?"

Klutz grinned a bit, looking happy as pie. "Flying... or... well, walking..."

Was that a joke? Was he serious? Finial shook his head a few times. "No no, I mean why are you here? Around me?"

"Well... I saw you and... I wanted to say hey..."

That wasn't so bad, necessarily. Finial smiled slightly, if awkwardly, and gave him a small greeting wave. "Okay, well... hi I guess... How are you?" It wasn't the most eloquent conversation-starter, but it didn't seem like that'd be something Klutz would rate him on. Klutz just smiled more and seemed to relax a little, taking more time to piece together his sentences.

"I'm doing well... I was happy to see you... How are you feeling?"

Finial smiled a little more and cleared his throat before answering, as if preparing a speech. "I'm doing alright I guess. It's nice to see you too. I'm just on my way to turn in some work before heading home."

The stallion's eye lit up as it spotted opportunity. "Oh! Can I... come with you? I'd like to..."

At the mention of "Can I come," uneasiness began setting in again. Not the same aversion he'd felt before, but an awkwardness born out of concern for appearances, and he couldn't help but glance around them once or twice to see who, if anyone, was watching. Finial cast Klutz a look askance. "Um... thanks Klutz but... I really shouldn't even be talking to you right now. I don't think it'd be a good idea. Why would you want to anyway?"

For a moment, Klutz looked almost guilty, his posture and smile sagging. Apparently he had picked up Finial's lack of mutual enthusiasm. "Well... I like you..."

Klutz liked him? Several moments passed with Finial staring at Klutz wide-eyed and slack-jawed as urgency began to inspire a mild panic. This was very bad. "No. You cannot like me. And no, you can't come with me!"

"Not... as a friend? Can... I like a friend? And... please let me come... You need to smile..."

Finial couldn't help but feel some guilt and embarrassment at his presumption of what Klutz meant by "like." Nonetheless, while it wasn't as bad as Finial first thought, it was still too precarious to risk. It just wasn't safe to have male friends, especially not when Sledgehammer wasn't around. He knew Sledgehammer would get suspicious and immediately assume the worst - maybe that had been why Finial jumped to that conclusion himself. He began walking backward down the sidewalk trying to put distance between himself and Klutz, which Klutz just kept closing by following along.

"Klutz, I just introduced myself. That doesn't mean we're friends. And I smile plenty!"

For every step he took, Klutz took two, and as the large pegasus had long legs anyway, it didn't take him much to catch up. "It's... how you make friends.. and you need one..." His voice was earnest, as was his face, and for a moment Finial stopped and let himself stare into it longingly. It was frightening to have someone care about him like that. Terribly frightening. But it was also terribly comforting. Suddenly, Klutz brought his hoof up and pressed it gently to Finial's cheek. "...and you don't smile... not truly."

Once again, Finial found himself frozen in place for a few seconds, both out of fear and confusion. The situation was becoming more and more compromising. His peripheral vision told him that other ponies on the street were beginning to stare at them. That was always bad news, and no news traveled faster than bad news in Bradoon. He had to put a stop to this. Finial shoved Klutz's hoof away and glared as resolutely as possible into that unblinking, unwavering, unmalicious one-eyed stare.

"Look. I am not your friend. You are creeping me out. I have plenty of friends and I smile when I want to. And you are not making me smile now. You wanna be my friend? Then don't be. Leave me alone!"

The guilt was almost unbearable at that point. It was like kicking a big, gray, winged, hooved and in all other ways pony, puppy. Repeatedly. Finial spun away at the first opportunity and started to rush off, only to slam directly into a lamppost.

"-OW!" He cringed and slapped a hoof up to rub his head, inadvertently hitting his black eye." Augh!... Aaauh-hawhaw... L-look. Just... just go!"

He couldn't tell where Klutz was at that point, so he just started running the direction he needed to. Truly running. The last thing he wanted was some well-meaning crusader who didn't have the sense to leave him alone or ignore things like everyone else raising suspicions and making his life harder than it was.

One block, two blocks, three...

Finally he stuttered to a halt at an intersection, panting and huffing heavily. He couldn't have run further even if he'd wanted to, and this was the street with the Building Standards office anyway. It was time to just finish this and go home. He turned to check his saddlebags for the papers: gone. A frustrated, angered despair ripped through him.

In his rush, the flaps had come loose and all of the blueprints and building permits had fallen out. He turned to look up the sidewalk from where he'd come, but there was no sign of them. And it was all because of that stupid pegasus. No sooner had that thought entered his mind when he heard those familiar, heavy wing beats behind him again. He had not time, patience or emotional fortitude for this.

"Klutz! I told you to L-" Finial almost swallowed his tongue when he whipped around. Klutz sat on the pavement with the papers - perhaps a bit crumpled - hanging out of his mouth expectantly. His gaze was as innocent and earnest as ever. It took Finial a few seconds to gather his wits, but once he had he snatched the papers away and plopped them on the ground to sort through them, checking to be sure all were accounted for.

"I've been waching you... all day..."

This time, Finial didn't even look up. He was too upset. He just kept sorting through the papers with determined concentration. "Great. I have a stalker now. Just what I always wanted. Don't let my coltfriend catch you or you'll find yourself stuffed in a gutter." He slapped a hoof on the ground and looked up at Klutz pointedly for a moment. "Trust me."

Klutz's voice suddenly became uncharacteristically clear and pronounced, though slower, as he struggled through the sentence with especial effort.

"I'm slow... and I know it.. but I'm not dumb... You don't have friends, there... and you need one. Your smiles... aren't real... If you didn't need a friend... you wouldn't... fight having one... s-so much... I want to help you... stop hurting... I can see you hurt."

Finial stopped sorting through the papers and simply stared at them. The anger had drained from his face, and before he even realized it, two rebellious tears broke past his carefully guarded mask and splattered over the blueprints. He couldn't be seen like this. Why couldn't that dope leave him alone!?

"STOP! Stop! Look. Okay? You're right. My life isn't happy. And you're making it worse. Don't hurt me like this! I can manage like I always have. I'm going to walk in there..." he paused and stuck a hoof out at the building across the street, "turn these in, and when I come out I want you gone. Do not say 'hey,' do not stalk me, and do not-..." He halted, having to swallow to keep his reaction under control. "Do not tell anyone... about this. Any of this. Go home." The colt scuffled his papers into a disorganized heap and shoved them into his saddlebag again. The secretary at the desk would just have to deal with it today.

"Go. Home."

Finial pointed at Klutz to emphasize his reiteration, then marched off across the street. He didn't look back to see if Klutz actually left, but instead focused on keeping his head high, his eyes clear and his hooves walking normally. Hopefully his moment of weakness hadn't left tear-stains on his face. Nevertheless, as he approached the glass door, his eyes scanned the reflection for the big pegasus, and found nothing.

As he pushed through the door into the office, Finial realized it was one of the most bittersweet moments he'd ever experienced, and probably ever would. Someone had offered him friendship, and he had chased the friendship away. Half of him wanted the pegasus to be there and half just wanted to be left alone, to deal with things by himself. At least, on his own, he knew what to expect of Sledgehammer come rain or shine. The unexpected still frightened Finial. Besides, he had a plan to make Sledgehammer happy. He didn't need help. Help only made things... bad.

"Hey..."

"Klutz, I-... oh" Finial's rebuke cut off as he snapped back to reality. He was still in the office in front of the desk, and it was the secretary who'd greeted him. She didn't even sound like Klutz, and he'd managed to both shock and insult her in one word. "S-sorry, just had a long day. Kinda zoned out there. Um... I'm here to turn in these permits and blueprints?" With a tremor of flushed anxiety, he pulled back the flap of his saddlebag and tugged out the semi-wadded "stack" of papers, flopping them on the desk before the bespectacled glower of the secretary. "Sorry about their condition. I had a bit of a mix-up with them on the way from the construction site."

Though dubious, the mare was generally compliant and grabbed the pages with a belabored sigh. After searching her desk for open real-estate, she ended up tossing them on an already high and even less organized heap of similar documents. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it." Her tone was flat and disinterested, other than the bit of sarcasm at the beginning. For a moment, they just stared at each other, expectantly waiting. The secretary was chewing some kind of raspberry gum which doubled as a room-freshener. Finial was just staring.

"Your friend is waiting for you, and I don't need anything else."

"My fr-" Finial turned to see Klutz peering through the large front windows with his one eye, and immediately flumped his head onto the counter. "Good grief. That's not 'my friend.'"

Suddenly, the secretary seemed very sympathetic, apparently having forgotten the crumpled forms she would need to sort through. "Oh... Do you want me to call the guard? 'Cause, that's kinda creepy."

Though it took him a minute, Finial finally lifted his head and shook it. "No, that's not necessary. I can deal with it. Thanks for the offer though."

"No problem hun. See ya!"

Taking that as an indication of dismissal, Finial trudged back out of the office onto the sidewalk and stared at the street. He could feel Klutz's expectant gaze resting on him, and his mind, or rather his heart, started rationalizing. What could it honestly hurt? Klutz was... simple. That was a good enough defense, so long as Klutz and Sledgehammer never actually met. He just wanted to be friends. Sledgehammer didn't have any good reason to be threatened by a simple.

"Al-... alright. But! You-" He stopped. He wanted to set some kind of limit, some precautionary safety, but his mind was drawing a blank. "Just... alright."

He looked up, half-guessing he'd see a huge puppy-like grin, complete with wagging tail and tongue hanging out, but he didn't. Instead, Klutz was sitting there placidly.

"Can... I walk you home?"

A cold wall washed over Finial's body as an icy fear seized his chest. No! That was beyond risky - it was dangerous! Thoughts of demonic fury and unheard pleas wrestled themselves out of his past and into his future. No, he had already gone beyond the safety line! He should run!

His heart was pounding when he suddenly came back to his surroundings. Maybe it was the contrast of the distant town ambiance to the shouts echoing in his mind, or the look of concern written on Klutz's face. Gradually though, the wave of paranoia passed and his mind became more settled as reason began to kick in again. He had come this far and accepted friendship, and justified it with a defense.

He hated being alone. He was scared... but he was also tired. Tired of resisting, and tired of worrying what hell might come at the end of the day. Sledgehammer couldn't begrudge him for befriending someone who was no threat, who was a neighbor no less - or would that make things worse? At that point, he didn't even want to think about it. He'd made up his mind.

"Fine. Yes, alright..."

Klutz nodded and stood up beside him, ready to accompany. Finial's stomach was still tying itself in knots, but once the words were out of his mouth, he actually started to feel a little better, and the nervousness was slowly inching away. One friend couldn't hurt. Just one friend. One... true friend...

Without saying anything else, he just started walking back up the street, sighing a bit as he focused on the late afternoon sun warming his back, and putting one hoof in front of the other.

"You're still worried..."

Finial smirked slightly despite himself. Most ponies wouldn't have seen that, but it still seemed like stating the obvious. No kidding, right? "You see a lot with that one eye of yours, Klutz."

"I see... what I need to."

The more he talked with this pony, the more Finial found himself surprised, but at least he'd become accustomed to it enough to keep walking instead of pausing every time Klutz said something thoughtful or profound. He started feeling guilty over some of the thoughts he'd had about him before.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm a little worried, but everyone does about one thing or another."

There was a pause as Klutz thought about this. Once again, his responses were slower and more thought out. "You watched him... a lot... do you love him?"

Now things were getting a little too personal.

"Of course I-... wait. Love who?"

"Your... coltfriend." Klutz turned and perked his ears toward Finial, as if recording everything he did as a response. It was safe enough to answer, at least.

"Yes, I do. I love him a lot. Or... I-" Finial stopped. Something reared inside of him: a fear, and a doubt. He didn't really want to think that far. He didn't want Klutz to think that far either, and immediately searched for a question of his own to try and pre-empt any Klutz might ask. He was afraid the next logical question would be one he couldn't answer. "Say Klutz, how'd you lose your eye?"

"Lose it?"

At first, Finial wasn't sure Klutz wouldn't just go ahead and pursue the question anyway, but it seemed he'd either taken the bait, or decided it wasn't necessary to pursue. Either way, Finial was relieved when Klutz followed the offered rabbit trail.

"I didn't lose it... this just... keeps me from being clumsy." Klutz stopped walking for a moment and reached up to lift the eye patch, revealing a perfectly healthy, even if erroneously pointed, eye. "Blocking it makes it easier... to see." He let the eye patch down and patiently returned Finial's stare, who quickly broke it off after a moment's embarrassment.

"Oh. I'm sorry, I just kind of assumed-... you know."

"It's okay... all ponies do... Ponies... assume a lot of things..."

Now Finial was truly curious, and glanced over at Klutz questioningly. "What do you mean?"

Klutz smiled and shrugged a bit as he walked. "It's... hard for me to talk quickly. I... sound more stupid... when I rush. When I have time... I do alright, but... the world moves fast... faster than me... and so many assume... I'm just dumb."

That statement stung Finial a bit, and he knew it probably showed. He'd been one of those presumptuous ponies. He'd assumed there'd been nothing more to Klutz than a dunderheaded innocence. He'd assumed that Klutz was shallow and... on the emotional or mental maturity of a foal. Something to be condescended. And just now, he was realizing that wasn't quite true.

"Did you... want to keep walking?"

"Right! Yeah..." Finial cleared his throat and shook his head, resuming his walk at a slightly faster clip due to his embarrassment, with Klutz easily keeping pace beside him. "I'm sorry Klutz. You know, if I ever... offended you, or treated you badly."

This actually brought a smile to the stallion's face, though Finial wasn't sure why. Klutz just shook his head as he kept his gaze mostly forward, only occasionally glancing at the smaller colt.

"I was never offended... there's... there's more important things..."

Finial almost asked, "Like what?" But he didn't. Part of him was afraid of being shown up for all of his assumptions again. Another part of him, judging from the stallion's persistence thusfar, figured he already knew. This pegasus was as unselfish as they came. Finial didn't say anything after that point, and neither did Klutz. Every time he looked over at the pegasus, he was just staring ahead, walking with an easy, peaceful gait.

Eventually Finial stopped looking, but somehow the presence of the pegasus was making him feel calmer, and less concerned with just about everything. The world really was a more beautiful, less frightening place with a friend at his side. Suddenly, he realized his aversion to Klutz had entirely vanished. Finial still didn't always know what to expect from Klutz, but he was beginning to believe he could trust him.

After a while, they reached the apartment building. In fact, Klutz had to hold out his foreleg and bring Finial to bewildered a stop. The sun was beginning to set, and he knew Sledgehammer would be getting antsy with him gone so long. Somehow, though, that didn't worry him as much as it might have normally. He knew he should be worried, but... it was worth it.

"Have a good night...Fin."

"You too, Klutz." He started making his way up to the door, but something tugged at his heart. Something needed to be said. "Klutz?"

The pegasus was still standing there, just watching him go inside. "Mhmm?"

"Thank you. Thank you for being my friend."

There was a pause, but when Klutz's voice responded, it was strong and clear again.

"You're welcome."

* * * * * * *

When Finial reached the apartment, he didn't find Sledgehammer upset. In fact he seemed to be his normal, wordless morning-self. Nothing was said, nothing was asked. Finial just started fixing supper like he always did. As the evening wore on, though, the silence became deafening, almost ominous. He couldn't place it, but somehow there was a different quality to it. A waiting.

They were about halfway through eating, at their usual slow, almost lethargic pace, when Sledgehammer spoke for the first time that night. "I heard... y'all were out, talkin' with a stallion... after work."

Finial had become extremely practiced at keeping his face straight and calm, and now that talent came in handy. Inside, he was squirming with anxiety, but outside, he was impassive.

"Oh?"

"Mmhmm... A gray one. I alsa' heard... he's simple."

It was difficult not to wince. That word, that description, seemed so terribly inappropriate after that afternoon. It wasn't the time to be debating the justice of labels, though. "Yeah. Yeah he is. He's a nice guy though. Just wants to be friendly. I think he's a new neighbor in the building."

Sledgehammer crunched his mouthful of salad with slow thoughtfulness, and swallowed. "Jus' make sure y'all don't get too friendly."

The comment was calm, even peaceable, but experience had taught Finial to hear a threat no one else likely would. Suddenly, his 'plan' didn't seem like such a good idea, but it was now or never.

"Listen, Sledge. I've been thinking..."

"Oh?" The edge in Sledgehammer's voice was uncloaked now, and he watched Finial with a half-expectant gaze. Finial felt his will falter a little.

"L-listen. Sledge, I know I'm probably not the only one you're interested in. I was thinking if you didn't wan-"

"Are ya accusin' me of somethin'?"

The conversation was taking a definite turn for the worse, and red flags were desperately trying to nab attention of his better senses. Sledgehammer continued before Finial could come up with an answer, though.

"'Course I am. Ya do such a pathetic job in bed I had t'find others." Without even blinking, Sledgehammer shoveled another mouthful of salad and started chewing. "Stop gapin' at me like that."

"Yo-..." Tears began to run down Finial's face. He knew it was a mistake. He knew they might make Sledgehammer angrier, but this time he couldn't stop them, and Sledgehammer was impervious. He wasn't sure what hurt more - the fact Sledgehammer could so dispassionately announce it, or what it implied about his feelings. "S-sledge... if.. if you don't like me, that's... that's fine. I was just trying to say, if you don't want me, I can... I can just leave. I can move ou-"

"Shut up. Ya ain't leavin'."

Maybe... maybe he just hadn't understood. Maybe he'd stopped listening... Every beat of his heart was a painful lurch in his chest, pounding again again as if it were trapped in a case of nails. "Sledge, I said if you don't like me, that's fine! I d-don't care! Just... just let me go my way and you don't have to wo-"

"I said SHUT UP!" Sledgehammer slammed both of his hooves onto the table thunderously, sending all of the food, drinks and plates into the air before splattering back onto the table in a mess. "An' if I ever hear ya talk about leavin' again, ya won't be goin' nowhere but six strides down." His appetite filled or spoiled, Sledgehammer stood and left the table, only pausing a moment to stare in disgust at Finial who sat choking over his sobs as he fought to silence them.

"I.... I just... want..."

"Ya jus' want what? What could ya want that I don't give ya? Food? A bed? Money?! Ya want my money?"

"I... just want..." He swallowed softly, still staring straight ahead. He couldn't move. He couldn't look at Sledgehammer. He just forced the words out in a blind, broken hope. "I just want you to love me... again..."

"Love ya!? Ya ain't worth it. Ya'd be doin' a favor if ya cut your throat on'a buzz saw. Clean that up an' come t'bed."

With that, the discussion came to an abrupt end, punctuated by Sledgehammer slamming the bedroom door closed behind him. Finial was shattered, and in that moment beyond all else, he wanted a friend.

Comments

[Kilojoules]

Oh. My. God. First comment on one of my favorite writer's books/stories/fics/chapters.....

I love how dark and slightly depressing it is...and I (don't ask why) find Sledge and Fin's relationship...sorta hot? I dunno, but I REALLY could not stop squeeling....my mother was only a entertainment center away from me. I love all of your stuff.

[katarjin]

must ..not... murder....mean...pony

[Ebony Gryphon]

435760
<slowly draws claws across a sharpening stone> I know the feeling...

[Borg]

I find myself pondering why you chose the genders you did for your characters, and also whether that is a question worth asking. In "A Love Letter", the genders follow pretty directly from what you were saying with the story, but does that imply that gender should always be significant in your stories? A part of me seems to think "yes," even though it seems like a strange and silly demand. Or perhaps I'm questioning why you R63ed Derpy? I don't see any real reason you couldn't have Fin be straight and Sledge a mare so Derpy could keep her gender, unless you intend to make a point by having a M/M relationship without the story being about the fact that it's M/M. That's a perfectly valid thing to do, of course, but it's hard to clearly communicate that it is significant that something is insignificant, so I can't tell if that's something your deliberately trying to do or just a theory that reads too much into things. I could even invoke Death of the Author and make it incredibly confusing whether your goals are relevant to analyzing your choices . . . but that seems a bit much. So I guess my question comes down to which point is better to make in the background: "whether homosexual relationships are equal to heterosexual relationships is not a question that should need asking," or "domestic violence can go either way"? Both are, after all, true, and both seem worth saying.