- Member Since 28th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 5th, 2018
Sunchaser
Chase the sun, and it will smile upon you.
Sunchaser
Joined 28th Apr, 2012 ·
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A shipfic from Sunchaser that isn't Twilestia?
Short and sweet, I enjoyed this one, Sunny
Short as it is, I think it could be even shorter. The story steps up its game here:
All the things that came before are to establish Twilight's emotional state. They're problematic, partly because the voice isn't naive enough for Twilight (yes, I know she was raised with Celestia & shouldn't be naive, but she /is/), but also because going into her head naturally leads to lengthy rumination that isn't as strong as the part with Fluttershy.
If this were in third person, you'd lose a lot of the beautiful sentences here (notably "And...and then it's all sort of a blur of shock, and surprise, and a giddy, soaring happiness that I imagine flying would strain to achieve, and I'm reasonably sure that it's because Fluttershy kissed me, that night in the gardens", which I understand you'd probably hate to give up), but you could paint the scene that takes up the first 2/3 of this in just a few paragraphs, and let the reader fill in how Twilight feels.
Might not be my OTP, but it's a delightful little slice of romance and beautifully written. I expected nothing less from Sunchaser.
d'awwwwwww
Cute. So very cute.
3483236
We live in strange times. Earthquakes ravage the land, war stalks the world like...a...giant stalky thing, all the mustard was sold out in my local store, and the Black Squirrel has been seen as far afield as Luton. Truly, do many things come to pass.
And now this. Damn it, Sunny, why did you have to go and immanentize the eschaton for?
This was a very cute piece, and I
want to see a grimdark continuation wherein Alicorn = Vampire and Fluttershy is basically Bella Swan in terms of attraction to Vampiresenjoyed it immenselyD'aaaaaaaaaw, that was cuuute
3486635
Fluttershy takes another cautious step towards Twilight Sparkle. The other pony... sparkled, and there is something different about her smile. It's more toothy for one thing.
Their lips approach and...
"No!" Fluttershy says spinning round to face you.
"What?" You say, taken aback. "This is a second person narrative? And I thought only Pinkie Pie could break the fourth wall."
"Yes it is and no we all can," Fluttershy replies. "What were you thinking, making Twilight into a Twilight vampire?"
"But, but," you try to summon the words to protest, but she's looking in this strange way. Your starting to feel ashamed of yourself.
"No I'm not," you protest.
"'frade you are," Twilight pipes in. "That's the power of second person narrative for ya. Dangerous stuff. Wow, seeking with these big wolf-teeth sure is funny."
You realise you are, in fact, feeling a little bit ashamed. "It was only a joke," you manage.
"Yes I know," Fluttershy says, "and I'm sure it was very funny in the right context and you meant well. But you have to consider the feeling of us hypothetical ponies, you're putting in these hypothetical situations."
"I'm... I'm sorry," you say. Dammit, second person narrative.
"There, there." Fluttershy steps over to you, the intense stare gone. "You're not a bad hypothetical you, you just made some bad decisions."
"Say, I've never read Twilight," Twilight says. "Do I have some awesome powers now?"
Both you and Fluttershy turn to Twilight.
"You might be a bit..." Fluttershy begins.
"Underwhelmed," you finish.
I have no idea what I just wrote.
I should probably give you a proper response. I'm almost tempted to say the text should be judged more along the lines of poetry. Really, it's all about capturing the feeling of a single moment. I do have to agree with 3483557 on the first half though. I always figured Twilight ran away from all that business, rather than learning to deal with it. Still, it's short, it's sweet, I think it achieves what it sets out to achieve.
3483557 3487533
She certainly used to, yes, but as we viewers were beaten over the head with in Games Ponies Play, she now has to / is able to deal with it. Even if the means of dealing with it is taking a comically exaggerated breath and sweeping her hoof out all the time.
Basically, now that she's a Princess, she's stuck with the red tape.
They never tell you about the red tape.
And besides, technically she does still run away from it, out into the gardens, where we get to the part that's ostensibly important, both to the story and to Twilight herself.
While I can see why one would want the opening minutia to go away, and overall it is perhaps a bit dry, there are the little bits of it that matter. Luna's presence at a royal function becoming normal; Applejack getting along with ponies in Canterlot; Celestia still being herself, even after her faithful student is given a crown beside her. Spike and Shining going 'bwuh?'. And I personally love the snippet with Rarity.
The part after all that, where it's just Twilight and Fluttershy and all the stuff that came before is checked at the garden gate, while it may not rely on the previous events, they do also help frame the reader; as Twilight steps out of all those things, so do we. So while the garden scene could stand alone, I would argue it's lent its whole meaning by what it leaves behind as well as what it carries itself.
3487430
That started out great and got even greater
Somehow I always miss the obvious story tags, so the shipping here was rather unexpected, but I suppose that as far as reading goes, that's a bit of a purer experience, isn't it?
3483557>>3487533>>3487723
Hmm, I would argue that Twilight's naivety towards the nobility (not the trait in general) is a matter of interpretation, since we've barely seen her interact with them in-show (unless my memory fails me); thus anything we want to claim about it has to be inferred, or based on personal preference (which is fine).
Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed the camera focusing on her friends and the princesses, albeit briefly, because, besides just how Twilight is taking it all, I'm very interested in seeing how everyone else is too. You could argue there's a way to do that and keep the emphasis of the story on TwilightxFluttershy, or maybe not, and that's fine. And I would say that glossing over the first chunk and simply trying to summarize Twilight's feelings would produce a different effect on the reader than the one they have now, upon Twilight encountering Fluttershy. Whether it would be stronger or weaker though, I can't say.
Let me start off with my baseline: I love Fluttershy and always have, even when she was going nuts under the influence of Iron Will
This little story thus gave my heart the kind of jump that is reserved for only best, most heartfelt and loving moments: seeing her through Twilight's eyes, full of gentle beauty and soft smiles. In a few words you made the possibility of their relationship feel real.
I, for one, found the contrast between dealing with the nobles and encountering Fluttershy made the latter event even better. I can understand the protests others may have made about Twilight's level of experience with nobles, but eh - that part was still well-told and full of interesting perspective and life, so even if I cared about that particular detail I'd still accept it as your interpretation of her, even if just for the story.
So, thank you for posting this. I found it lovely and tear-inducing and hope to read more from you.
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
♥♥♥♥
A decent bit of flash fiction. The description of her moment with Fluttershy is a powerful one, both because of and in spite of its simplicity. This is lacking some in substance though, and not just because of the length. It's certainly possible to pack a lot of emotion into this tight of a space. But besides the moment with Fluttershy, there isn't much else here besides Twilight's meandering thoughts and observations, none of which seem particularly relevant. Oh wait, 3483557 already said what I wanted to say.
Even so, it did all still leave a nice warm feeling in my chest, and those meandering observations were still enjoyable to read, in the very least.
Beautiful, warm, simplistic and elegant. That's all that I feel needs to be said.
This is the Romance genre at its core.
Holy shit.
I mean, this is sublime. Twishy at it's finest.
How did you make me fall in love with this ship
... ?
So fluffy.