AmberWings
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The world felt like it had exploded around her. Suddenly, needles of ice punctured her lungs. The metallic taste of blood tinged her lips and for some reason she was burning alive. In the distance she could hear sirens wailing and terse, anxious voices barking out orders and choppy directions. None of them made any sense and she was being eaten from the inside out with fear. Scootaloo struggled to even remember what had happened that had led to this, but her thoughts were sluggish and she couldn’t seem to collect them.
Only once the world came to a shuddering halt did she realize that she was in an ambulance. Before she could invest in the thought, she felt herself slip from consciousness and she was plunged into complete darkness. It didn’t last long - or it didn’t seem to. What felt like seconds later she opened her eyes and tried to sit up with a start. Her entire body was convulsing and trembling, but she could feel her heartbeat raging away within her frail chest.
A strong set of hooves pushed her gently back down, and as she tossed her head wildly to see who was confining her, the will to fight disappeared. “R-rainbow…d-d-dash…” she managed, her teeth clattering so hard she quickly gave up on attempting more than that. The mare looked down at her with tears in her eyes, but was smiling despite being just as scared as the filly. “Calm down kiddo, take it easy for me…that’s right, that’s my girl…”
A nurse entered the room, followed by other familiar faces. “Scootaloo!” “Oh Scoot! Are you ok?!” Both of them were pulled away by their older sisters as the rest of the visitors filed in slowly. “Applebloom, she’s gotta rest now. Yer friend had a pretty close call…” For once, Rarity agreed, pulling Sweetie Belle close to her. “I should say so. Why did you girls never tell us she had been living in that tiny little clubhouse?” Both of the filly’s lowered their heads, guilt surging within their voices. “We never knew…” “Ah…ah never asked…”
As the nurse administered the vital warmth the young Pegasus needed, the trembling began to subside. Slowly she found her voice and used it now to say the hardest thing she had ever brought herself to. “It wasn’t their fault. I-it’s mine…I was ashamed. I was scared of being taken back to the orphanage if anypony knew…so I…I lied to everypony. I was scared of saying goodbye…”
The room went quiet as it sunk in. She could see on each of their faces that they could not bring themselves to simply accept that answer. “I should have known.” “I should have done something.” Although unspoken, Scootaloo could see it in their faces. Only one of them spoke aloud, but it was not what she had expected to hear. “I’m leaving. This is something I shoulda done a long time ago.”
Her eyes widened as she turned to face the voice of her mentor. “R-rainbow Dash, no, please!” The sudden distress caused her breathing to hitch, and she was taken by a fit of coughing. Without being able to say another word, she could only watch as the pony she looked up to the most got up and left the room.
The action had taken even her friends aback, and Fluttershy rushed after her to see what was the meaning of the outburst. The others merely talked amongst themselves, frightened of further upsetting the delicate health of the filly. They took it gradually outside, leaving Scootaloo alone with the nurse. Even her closest friends had been dragged away to leave her. This had to be a nightmare.
Nurse Redheart frowned, her eyes filled with a quiet sympathy. She tried to lift her patient’s spirits as she continued to work on gradually reintroducing warmth back into her tiny body. “I’m sure there’s just a misunderstanding, dear. Your friends are just outside discussing important things right now - but I’m sure they’ll be back to visit once you’re stable.” The word caused Scootaloo to break from her sad reverie and realize that her body still felt as though it was overly warm. “W-what happened?” Nurse Redheart stopped and considered whether it was a wise idea telling the filly of how close a call she had had. Delicately, she tried to make it so she would understand.
“Sweetheart, they couldn’t wake you up. After your friends went home, I think one of them got worried and said something to their sister about not having seen you outside of that little clubhouse for some time. It was enough to call a search party, and about an hour ago - Rainbow Dash found you curled up on the floor. She couldn’t wake you, so she flew for help. If she hadn’t found you - you wouldn’t be here right now.” She then moved close and tucked in the thick blanket close around the tiny Pegasus’s wings. “They call it hypothermia. The temperature dropped so suddenly, and you were only wrapped in a thin blanket. You got too cold too quickly and it’s very dangerous. I can honestly say that I’m grateful that you’re alive and awake to be here right now.”
Scootaloo said nothing, but rolled over. It was so much to take in. It was so much to handle and she was so exhausted. The nurse didn’t disturb her anymore with the rest of the details, but the mare did lean down to gently kiss the top of her head. “Get some sleep…goodnight, Scootaloo.” The nurse walked to the door and gave one look back before turning off the lights and shutting it quietly, leaving the little filly to fall into fitful slumber.
Morning brought with it a new world. Scootaloo slowly opened her eyes and took a deep breath, grateful her lungs had stopped burning. The room came into focus gradually and she found herself staring at something foreign. Rainbow Dash had come in sometime during the night and fallen asleep. The mare was curled up on a small sofa in the corner of the room, surrounded by flowers and gifts her friends had asked her to bring. The morning light caused her to stir, and a soft groan drifted from her as she opened her wings and stretched. It was then she noticed Scootaloo watching, and she moved to the bedside. “Good morning.”
Scootaloo lowered her gaze and braced herself for the lecture she was sure was coming. Rainbow Dash had been woken up in the middle of the night to go look for her in the cold. She had had to deal with her stupidity at not knowing better, for not being more careful. She could hear her fears as loudly as if they had already been spoken, and dreaded the stark reality she had woken up to. The world was about to change.
The words never came though. Rainbow didn’t launch into a long winded lecture, or start yelling at the filly. She did not scream at her at how stupid and useless she had been, nor how the unloved should be shut away. Instead, a gentle hoof took her own and Rainbow spoke quietly. “I’m sorry…about last night. I was angry at myself. I’ve done a lot of stupid things. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’m going to try to start fixing them though, starting right now. Scootaloo,” she gently took the filly’s chin and made her look up at her. Rainbow smiled and took a deep breath before finishing what she had begun. “How would you feel…about…about moving in with me? About me adopting you? Last night made me think about a lot of things long and hard. I was so scared of losing you, we all were. So if you want to…if you can forgive me for being so slow, you never have to be alone again. You can come home.”
It took a few seconds before it sank in, but the filly answered without words. Tears brimmed, hot and unbidden with joy as a relieved sob broke from her and she hugged Rainbow as tightly as she could. The mare didn’t push her away. She would never push her away, and she would never wake up alone. “This is the beginning of the rest of your life, kiddo. I promise to make it an adventure as long as I can.”
Through the tears, she opened her eyes. She could see Applebloom and Sweetie Belle standing there, both of them just as overwhelmed as she was with emotion. Behind them their sisters and the other mares stood, all relieved and thankful that the nightmare had ended. All of them were there, and for a moment someone she didn’t recognize. It had been an old gray mare passing by with a smile on her face. She was there and gone, leaving the filly to the happy moment.
Later that day, the adoption papers were signed and officiated. Scootaloo was released from the hospital a few days later. As she walked out with her new guardian by her side, an old gray mare watched from the hospital window. Sad brown eyes closed, and a tear slid down her cheek to meet her smile. The filly would never again see her, but she would remember her. She would be the one who chose all the pains and sorrows of life so that every moment of happiness and joy was her own little piece of heaven that she would never have to wake up from again.
Comments ( 211 )
I'd just finished reading this on DA when it popped up here. It's... thought-provoking. Well worth reading. I actually felt closer to crying than I've been in years.
She made the right choice. I've often thought that the ideal afterlife would have to be very much like life itself, complete with its pitfalls and challenges. What value is there in happiness without the feeling of having earned it? No, we're already in our heaven, and she was one of the rare people wise enough to realize it. Bravo, Scootaloo.
Never has this emoticon been more appropriate. ![]()
The Count of Monte Cristo is one of my favorite stories. Not because of the engaging plot, the wonderfully developed characters, or the rich setting. No, it's one of my favorites because of a single line, from the ending. I'm kind of paraphrasing, but this is the gist of it:
"To know ultimate happiness, one must first know ultimate suffering."
And that's what you've managed to capture here. Life has its ups and downs, its joys and pains. You can't have one without the other. Else, you're leading an incomplete life.
Beautiful story. Well done.
My boyfriend was found dead yesterday. I'm still in shock. I don't know why I read this, but I'm glad that I did. It's a lovely story, and a comforting one. Thank you for posting it.
>>12289 I'm happy to hear you got to see it on there! Wow, I didn't think anyone looked at that - I'm a little flustered right now.
Still, I'm so happy to know you enjoyed this. It's an idea I've been playing around with for a long time, but it only just occurred to me to pair it with ponies. Poor Scootaloo just happened to be too easy a target to pass up...and she deserved a happy ending.
Damn... That's about all I can say to this. I'm not a cold and heartless person by any means, but I find it very difficult to cry. I'll spare you the reason, but needless to say, my eyes watered while reading this. Unlike my normal comments, where I would offer some form of critique, or pick out some error here or there in hopes of providing the author with some useful feedback, I don't have anything to pick on. I didn't find anything. I didn't care to look for them. I didn't need to look for them. So, I suppose I'll offer something else instead. How about a hope for the future? To inspire someone to do something is about the most profound effect anything can have on anyone. I've been inspired to write another story with a similar theme, though without the death. Thanks for pulling on my brittle heart strings - they've almost snapped, and it's about time I replaced them anyway. 5/5
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you have me in tears... pure undiluted tears... this is magnificently beautiful.
Thank you... I haven't felt like this in forever, and I'm glad to know that sorrow is something I can still feel. Thank you.
Wow. This was fantastic. I don't cry easily. But this had me in tears. Bravo. ![]()
Wow... thats about all I can say, its a beautiful story... brought me close to tears... something very rare for me.
Thanks ![]()
God fucking DAMNIT brony... I'm 6'3". I'm 235 lbs. I can bench press my own weight. I work as a security guard. I got stabbed a while back, and I broke the guy's face with my knee. I didn't cry then. WHY CAN I NOT STOP CRYING?!
Goddamnit I'm supposed to be a man!
Like, FUCK. It's 10 mins later, and I'm hiding in a stairwell till I stop crying so I can get back to work. Where the fuck is the favourite button?!
so wait did scootaloo like come back to life?
but it was still realy sad
20 out of 5 thats what i rate this
Shit man this is the only story on this site that made me cry.
I really didint cry for ages, and it was strange......thank you.
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For all of those who read!
Ok, for all of you trying to figure out whether Scoot is alive or not, I agree, and would like the author to chime in. I'm probably overthinking this, but...
I see a few possibilities. The mare specifically said only those that die young & innocent are given this choice. 1) Scoot was allowed to choose another chance at life. Most ponies in the same situation don't realize they can make this choice, so they pick something else and remain dead. 2) Scoot is dead, and picked a heaven that was exactly like her life. However, since she will presumably live forever in this reality, everyone else gets old and dies and she constantly has to deal with loss again. Doesn't sound good. 3) Scoot is dead, and picked a heaven like her real life, except that nopony ages any more, so it's frozen in time, and somehow Scoot doesn't notice or care that it's not right. Everything's stagnant. A little less depressing, maybe, but still not great in my book. That's why I like to think #1 is correct. I doubt that was the intent, but for me, it's the happiest ending, and it still fits the theme that life was heaven for her since she thought of it on her own.
And, damn you for making me cry. Final 3 chapters were much stronger than the first, but brilliantly done.
To put it to rest, *cue drum Ba-dum-cha*
The idea I used was this. If I were to die, I'm the kind of person who wouldn't just let it go. I honestly can't see Scootaloo doing this either. After all, there were so many memories we never would have gotten to have, so many good times, even though there would be some bad. It would still have been an adventure - a story - and it's a shame to let it go unfinished. So the heaven I would imagine her, and myself, choosing would be to live out the remainder of the story. To live as though I had never died and finish what I started.
However - the Mare also stated that Heaven can change, if Scootaloo works to change it. It's in her hooves now and after it's all over, said and done, she'll have grown up and experienced life in all its joy. She'll be stronger, wiser, and I feel she would know better what heaven would be like from then on. I believe that, while she could not simply replay her life, she could start on a new adventure with her loved ones. They would continue to explore the world and other worlds together, and they would never grow old, and they would never grow tires. They would run the streets forever. And everything would be perfect.
By the way - ten points if anyone can cite where I got that last line from.
She's still dead - but that doesn't mean she gave up on living.
that's so sad... I don't know if I'm crying because I felt like I was in scootaloo's horseshoes, or that the story was so beautifully written. The English language does not have enough words to describe how sad I feel now... If I were to die young like scoots, I would probably do something similar in the way of finishing what I started... Oh well... At least I've found it easier to fall asleep when I'm sad... Rest in peace Scootaloo... ![]()
Wow... this just got added to the list of fics that got me to cry. I didn't bawl, but the emotion was thick.
here, have this.
and a link if that dosn't work.
http://juy56.deviantart.com/#/d4cqx5f
5 stars.
>>12523 To you, my dear reader, I must attempt to make my response as well versed and eloquent as a bard in the crux of autumn.
*clears her throat*
THANK YOU! ![]()
I hope this brief expression will suffice in adequately expressing the degree which I have proceeded to "squee" over having received your lovely token. ![]()
I do like that explanation, and it's similar to the one I chose, but it still doesn't sit right with me. She chose to experience both the joy and pain of life again, but if she lives forever now, it changes the consequences of her future actions. The most pain in life is that it ends, both hers and her friends', and if you take first one and then the other of those away, it's not the same. You wouldn't live the same way. There would be no motivation to make the most of life while you can, since you will never lose the opportunity.
Those are my feelings, anyway. I'm not trying to get you to change anything, just putting my 2 cents out there to get people thinking. I think you left it ambiguous enough that readers can make their own choice. I gave you an enthusiastic 5 *'s.
damn you you tear stealing bastard!
sigh... now i want to read anything and everything else you've written
Just... wow. That was amazing, I loved it. The ending is somewhat similar to something that I wrote myself:
"“Naturally, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Luna said with a small chuckle. “I imagine that you’ve got plenty of questions.”
Vinyl nodded in affirmation. “Am I alive?” she asked, obvious first question.
Princess Luna couldn’t help but chuckle. “Do you feel alive?” she asked.
Vinyl thought about the day’s events, from losing her eyesight to everything she’d just been through with Derpy. There could be only one answer to the Princesses’ question.
“Yes,” Vinyl said simply.
“Then you’re alive!” Luna said. She placed her hoof on the unicorn mare’s shoulder."
Clearly, you and I are on the same page. I applaud you, this was amazing.
Well, it didnt make me cry.
Of course, that could be because i read spark and other fics of that caliber that had me crying for about an hour, but hey. It was good. I commend you.
....this is beyond words. Denfinatley an original concept, for sure. Worth a 5/5 and a lot of fan arts. Some of which will be mine. I applaud you. ![]()
I got a little misty eyed over this. So Scootaloo is still dead and her actual friends are still mourning while she experiences a fantasy. Not really a happy ending, if that's what you were going for.
HexReverie, the point is Scootaloo choose a Heaven where she never died, and yes, in the original reality her friends are mourning for her, but that can't be changed. Basically, Scootaloo pulled a Source Code, and in the reality she's living she is alive because she choose to be, because that is her heaven.
One day, I might be brave enough to read this. For now, though, just the title is enough to make me...make me...
...hang on, I'll be right back...
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I want to comment on this with something poignant or heartfelt, but everything feels unworthy and hollow. Instead, please simply accept my thanks for writing such an emotionally vivid story.
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I cried.
I cried that silent, tears streaming down your face but being quite cry.
A sobbing fit of Hurt, Of a touched heart and of depressed Thoughts.
With the power to make one feel such a strong and painful emotion through writing is tough and you should be commended for it.
Tragedy is unavoidable and when it happens to someone so innocent or undeserving of it, The hurtful Feelings can be overwhelming.
I'm Glad you didn't pussy out and make scootaloo wish for something that would allow herself Life once more, Instead, she chose to live that life in the afterlife as her own personal heaven,a never ending paradise with the one she idolizes and loves, And that was A respectful move.
You should write a sequel to this or some kind of continuation that closes the story fully, show what happens as the broken hearts are repaired and
amends can be made and possibly how the Hurt was to much and Maybe... somepony can share a personal heaven with Scoots.
Reading Depressing stories is difficult for me because the funk it puts me in usually lasts for a very long time, A Few days was the longest i ever had. So thanks for making my chest feel heavy for the next few hours.. Dickhead.. (kidding)
Awwwwww.
Such a sweet story and so very touching. I'm favoriting this and giving you 5 stars for such a fantastic story ![]()
(Funny how that emote is so perfect for this story
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Tears... actual heartfelt tears... i haven't ever cried for a story... and this one deserves more words than i could ever think in my lifetime i am going to write my own story soon, and i can only hope that it will be as moving as this one
For some reason... in the end... I'm more sad for the ones left behind.
Screw it, I'mma go delude myself into this being Scoot's fever dream or something...
'Cause otherwise... bad things happen in real life.
I'm impressed. I don't even cry and this almost made tears come out of my face.
5/5
I just finished reading. This is one of the saddest things I have ever read.
But I still didn't cry. I am either a terrible person or am just physically unable to. I pray it's the second.
...
This was amazing. One of the most moving, heart touching stories I've ever read. What broke me during this story was when Sweetie Belle started to sing the lullaby, when she started to sing i started crying to the point where i almost couldn't continue reading the story
but i pressed on and finished reading it through tear streaked eyes. And when she sang again at the end, same thing. Thank you for an amazing story, 5/5 and a favorite for you, bravo good sir, bravo. R.I.P Scoots ![]()
I have to say this is probably one of the greatest stories I have ever read. I sit here on my chair in front of my computer trying to express how good this was with tears streaming down my face. But I can't. I can't put words to how good this was. Thanks for sharing.
Damn since i started reading Fan fics i have cryed 2 times the same month. before í hadent cryed in almost a year. This story are a miracle if there is a god i know he still cares about us for giving us a Writers like you. 10/5
This is incredibly upsetting. Not saying it's bad. I just don't enjoy, or understand the desire to feel, such strong negative emotions like grief and sorrow. Not sure I can even call this bittersweet, it's just pure sad. Yeah she got to "live" her life to the fullest, somewhat restoring what was taken from her, but it's on a purely selfish level, her friends will only be echoes of her memories after all. Her life will no longer color and shape the lives and destinies of her family, friends and loves as it would otherwise. That is the tragedy of dying young. Not your own end, but the hole ripped in the fabric of reality you would have otherwise filled with your actions and presence. A kaleidoscopic array of mutual experience shattering and fading from existence.
PS: This is actually very similar to the "good" ending of Shadow Hearts: Covenant. Ever play that?
PPS: This still doesn't take the crown from the absolute overlord of all sadfics: Somewhere Only We Know.
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I cried. But sometimes crying is the best thing to do. You can't live without things that make you cry.![]()
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I think I should read stories like this more often.
holy crap. you actually made me cry. for real. in a public library. i really love this fandom.
You know, I've never really been too keen on sadfics. Everypony keeps saying that I should write one, since they like my shipfics so much. After reading this, I can honestly say that I will write one. You jerked my heartstrings so much that I had no choice but to simply sit her and cry, multiple times, especially as the imagery and symbolism. The story was far too good to even make the one grammar issue I found worth mentioning, and I can say that this may get me one step closer to accepting my grandfather's death, though it was over 2 years ago. He'd always told me "put on your big girl panties and deal with it." I've always had a strange fascination with heaven...maybe I'll humanize that old story I wrote in 07. Thank you, sir/ma'am. You've written an exceptionally good story. Hopefully mine can be up to par.
Regards,
Bandmaster Trey.
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This is possible the most touching thing I've had the pleasure of reading in a long time. I guess we can all hope that in our end we can find happiness and pass on without any regrets.
Thank you so much for this.
I literally hid up in my room, missed the show House, and cried for about 30 minutes....
, not i have to go and watch an episode with the CMC so that I can make sure that Scootaloo is still okay.
So, after that amazing last chapter, she is still dead? ![]()
D*mn, you got my hopes up that meeting the mare of death was just a bad dream. ![]()
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This made me horribly sad, but it was a very touching story. ![]()
>>13834 Hypothermia. When the body gets too cold too quickly it can cause that, and if she just went to sleep instead of getting up to go find heat or to circulate blood, she wouldn't have been capable of overcoming it. I assumed since she's a child, and she was in a pretty open area with just a cape on, she wouldn't be capable of regulating her body temperature if it suddenly dropped during the night.![]()
>>13725 Just saw this comment, man I'm slow tonight. Anyway - I was gonna say, I actually *just* submitted this to EQD about an hour ago. Wish me luck, guys. If it makes it up there, it'll be my second fic to make it, and I'm not gonna lie, I'd be so stoked.
I'm absolutely overwhelmed with how much everyone seems to like this. It's amazing and terrifying and I'm so happy I could connect with all of you in this way. Seeing your reactions is like winning the lotto for me! ![]()
Call me crazy for it, but I actually experienced true sadness for the first time in a long time reading this fic. I know it's all fake, and none of the characters have or ever will be real, but it doesn't make it any less sad. Thank you for writing these beautiful piece. I do hope this makes it to Equestria Daily. This is the sort of thing that deserves to be there, one hundred percent.
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I never thought I would feel this way again since "My Little Dashie", at least it wasn't right before work this time
I never thought I would feel this way again since "My Little Dashie", at least it wasn't right before work this time>>12362 probably has something to do with the fact that a child died
on a completely related note, this site does not have enough fucking "sad" emotes
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we are missing Twilight and Dash dammit, of course far as I remember, Dash has never cried in the show
what i did during the funeral scean:
applebloom speech: misty eyed, close to teary eyed.
sweetybelle speech: very close to crying, tears in my eyes.
rainbow dash speech: BWAAAAAAHHHHH.
after scootaloo "woke up" i calmed a bit.
rainbow's adoption: BBBBWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
at this point i thought scootaloo was really back alive and it really was a nightmare. and sooooooo
at the end: BBBBBBBBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH![]()
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i loved the story, but you did manage to kill off my favorite charicter and then have her version of heaven be my other favorite charicter adopt my favorite charicter sooooo........ i liked it but i am kinda now depressed... thank you but please don't have this develope into an actual episode. i do't think i could take something like that...
Excellent.
I can think of nothing more to say that can't be derived from the word above.
Oh my god... I can't- I mean- I just... SCOOTALOO! ![]()
This is the saddest story I've read in a long time. Sad... But at the same time... Relieving... The tears of sadness transforms to happiness... It's so very hard to explain...
I don't often cry. I sometimes do when I watch a sad movie, or in this case, read a very sad story. This one had me in more tears than I've had in a looong time... I even had to lay down in bed for a bit so that my mum wouldn't hear me. The way she chose her heaven... Her own heaven was... Heartbreaking in a lot of ways... I for one would have a hard time living- I mean uh... Dying? like that, for I would know it was a lie... A world crafted out of my own wishes and nothing more... But then again, she didn't seem to truly remember her death, which I think was part of her plan. And I say that's a good plan.
Dying like you would have lived... I like the sound of that...
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Ok, I don't know how many people actually read my comments - but good news time! This is going to be put on EQD - BUT - under a new title. Yeah, I know, it caught me off guard when they asked me to rework it. So if you guys see "Final Dreams of a Filly" - that would be this under a new title. Sorry about that, but hey, it made it!
I will say that I absolutely love the story, but I think a Horror tag would be extremely justified.
I do not know if it was your intention, but that is exactly what the ending comes off as with Scootaloo's heaven.
Living out the rest of the story would be good, but living out a fake life you believe to be real while the real one goes on without you? That is not something anyone could call good. The only way it would be made up for is if she broke out of it by the end, but even then that seems unlikely.
You made this story out of Crack refined from human suffering and pony tears, didn't you? ![]()
So, I'm feeling a bit contemplative here, so I was wondering. I had two different options of how this could be seen if you took time to think about it after reading, analyzing it. by nature, I like to do that sort of thing from time to time, so I hope you don't mind. I saw two ways this could be interpreted. Feel free to correct me if this did actually have a finality to it, a very real conclusion with no interpretation at the end.
A. This is really happening, she did die, and this end result is her own little piece of heaven, like the last chapters title suggests, so now she does get to experience the joys of "Growing up" even if it's not in the reality of the world, where the others grieve and move on after her death.
B. This was sort of a "Near-Death Experience." The mind can make up plenty of unbelievable things. Not to say that it didn't hold some truth to it, as is seen with the old, gray mare in the end. Possibly the mare guiding her along through her near death experience as Scootaloo's mind sees it, and the moment she makes her decision, is the moment she wakes up.
Honestly, I could go into greater detail, but that sums it up a bit. It's hard to tell if you maybe left it open for interpretation, or you did have an absolute finality to it. Could you maybe please clear this up for me?
Either way, I'm not usually one for tragic, sad fics, but I had to give this one a chance. Usually they're too much for me, but this did it just right.![]()
Could have been worse:
What if all of this was happening in her head while she was in a coma? The adoption, growing up, realizing her dreams... Then 10 years later she wakes up and none of it ever happened. She's alive but completely alone. Her entire life over the last decade never happened; and even though she experienced it, she was the only one, and now she'll never have a chance to experience it for real.
Just sayin' her fate in this story is far from ideal, but it's not unnecessarily cruel.
The second I began reading... I thought of this song.
It's both happy and sad to me... Like this story.
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You have made my eyes water, which is not an easy feat. I like the fact that you made it so that each ponies' heaven is their own. If it were me, it would be like real life, but without the gangs and stuff. There would still be death, but only from attaining a great age. I also agree with the fact that there cannot be happiness without sadness, there cannot be one thing without it's opposite. This story makes me sad, but it also made me happy. Scoots went to Heaven. On another note, this is my exact face right now ![]()
Well, I finally bit the bullet and read this thing. If something really is this good, I really can't see how I can pass it up.
As for my thoughts? Well...
********************** SPOILER WARNING **********************
This is certainly thought-provoking, and a surprisingly heavy subject. Considering you took an orphaned child, froze them to death, made them watch their own funeral, and then decide what their own afterlife should be, this is far from typical My Little Pony subject matter. There have been a lot of dark stories out there, but I think what really set this one apart was how "real" it tried to be. I say "tried", since we are, of course, still dealing with cartoon ponies. There's only a certain level of "real" that can be achieved in such a world.
Now, this is obviously one of those stories that attempts to deliver a message. In fact, had the message not been present, this story really wouldn't have much point. Now, I think I understood what you were trying to say, but the way it was delivered was almost a bit strange. There are a lot of "live life to the fullest" stories out there, where a character has a near-death-experience and wakes up realizing how much they wanted to do in life. You, however, decided to keep the character lifeless and have them "live life to the fullest" in a non-life. At least, that's what I think your message is. I could be wrong, though. If your message was "it's better to be alive than dead", then there's not much point to the story, since that seems to be a relatively common train of thought.
The one other thing you might be attempting to do (and again, this is conjecture, since I don't really know your own thoughts as you wrote this) is make a statement against "heaven". The lines that point to this, of course, were these:
"Over thousands of years she had heard and seen many different heavens. Sometimes, the heaven would be of one who chose to become a god and rule forever in their own domain. Sometimes, the heaven would be a fantasy they had never gotten to fulfill. Then, sometimes, it would simply be to never want or need for anything again and to simply join their loved ones when their time came; living in paradise for all eternity."
The fact that Scootaloo rejected these makes it seem like this entire story is an argument against them. Again, I'm not entirely sure if this was your intention, but this is the only other lesson I can see this story attempting to get across.
I would be interested to know your inspiration for this story. If I knew what your own thoughts were while you wrote this, it might help me decide whether I think it was successful or not. As of right now, I really can't tell what this story is trying to achieve (aside from making us cry), and I almost wish there was an author's commentary at the end.
I'm going to be honest at this point, and say that I don't normally read sad stories. I'm a Pinkie Pie fan, as well as a fan of Tex Avery animation. I like to laugh. That's my thing. However, I also enjoy reading, and was curious to know what this story was about, particularly after reading all the comments about the open-ended "ending". Personally, I thought the ending was quite clear, particularly with the mare being present, but I still have my own confusions as well.
If you have any further comments on this piece, I would like to hear them.
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Spectacular. Well-written, well-emoted, and just a little hopeful that -- even if it's not this life, Scootaloo gets to experience the rest of a life.
I truely dont know what to say. Since a dear friend's death a few years ago, I have never cried. But as soon as r read this story, I started Bawling. this has got to be the best story i have ever read. and thank you for writing this. 100/5 stars.
Aaagh... Do you have any idea how frustrating it is not to be able to shed tears when you're sad?![]()
I largely consider myself emotionally dead. I go through entire b'aww threads with naught but a lump in my throat. But then I read this and... oh god. I was not prepared.
I listened to Kiss the Rain by Yiruma while I read. My eyes appear to have broken.
I didn't cry throughout the story but several times I came damn near close to doing so. I loved this story, it was sad it had a happy ending, not to mention being thought provoking as all hell. Fucking faved! ![]()
Beautiful. Just, beautiful. In my 14 years of existence, this is the one and only piece of fiction that has made me shed so much as a tear. Well done on a fantastic piece of work.
I have never thought about the afterlife in that way before, yet it sounds so beautifully simple now that I read it.
Damn, I have not cried this hard since I read A Summer Twilight on EqD. Thank you for writing this.







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