A merged ponified fanfic of the original Jurassic Park motion picture we know and love as well as Jurassic Park: The Game released by Telltale Games in 2011! Dragons, long extinct due to cataclysmic events in Equestria's past are given a new chance at life when Jolt Hammerpony makes his foalhood dream a living reality. Acquiring ownership of Cloudy Island, Jolt utilizes his company InGen to build a theme park on the island, intending to have cloned dragons be the theme park's five star attractions. In order to assure the Equestrian crown and the investors of the park's safety, Jolt invites a group of ponies, each pony a leading expert in their respective fields, to the island over the weekend to familiarize themselves with the park, having the clear intention to get their endorsement at the end of the visit. What first seems like a relaxing weekend visit at an exclusive amusement park quickly turns into a living nightmare as the park's security systems shut down and the dragons escape their captivity, forcing all ponies on the island to rely on their wits and all available resources if any of them intends to escape the island with their lives intact.
woo hoo, dinosaurs. err, wait, not quite.
close enough.
Brilliantly done - as a lifelong JP fan and someone who appreciates the Telltale Game more than most, I simply cannot wait to see what you're going to do here.
I'm presuming that you're going to have different breeds of dragon (wyverns, wyrms, etc) to substitute for different species of dinosaur?
One thing I might like to suggest though, is not following the film version scene-by-scene. You're already expanding on the individual events, but I presume that we're now going to cut to Manetana and Almond's dig, at which point Hammerpony will fly in, then we cut to the meeting between our Dodgson and Nedry proxies, then the flight to Cloudly Island, and so-on. While I don't know how far ahead you've written, perhaps you could slow it down and build the suspense a little - i.e. if you've read Crichton's original novel, Grant is visited by representatives of the US Government prior to meeting Hammond in person, who are suspicious of InGen's activities (buying the island, the Cray XMP supercomputers, the Gene-Sequencers etc), while the Costa Rican government is struggling to deal with rumours of strange lizards (Raptors and Compies that have escaped the park on the resupply ships) appearing in its woods and jungles and attacking children. You could play around with these ideas a little, or come up with something altogether original.
That said, I eagerly await what comes next, and how you're going to merge events from the game and film together.
And if you ever need another pre-reader, just drop the word and I'd be happy to volunteer.
Yours,
Teebs
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Thanks for the feedback. Indeed you are right, there is virtually an infinite amount of possibilities to play around with. I've yet to begin writing the post-prologue chapters, but by all accounts, when this fic is finished it will amount to at least 30 chapters. The more details are crammed in, the longer it becomes. My ultimate goal however is to create the perfect blend, both expanded, mixed and deviated from the standard narrative when possible just to keep things interresting. There was a lot happening off-screen in the game and the movie, not even mentioning the book. I'm intending to explore as much as possible in order to give an all encompassing Jurassic Pony experience. Things are just about to get started...
I shall keep your offer of being a pre-reader in mind.
By things happening offscreen, I presume you mean stuff such as what was going on with the Hardings (and Gerry's clarified position as Sara's father), the responses to the park crash back at InGen Corp HQ (Peter Ludlow, et al), Biosyn, the existance of Site B and Isla Sorna (Smothered Island?), Laura Sorkin and the fate of David Banks, the secrets and lies on which InGen is so delightfully founded, etc.
(cracks fingers in anticipation)
This is going to be one heck of a ride!
Thanks for the quick reply btw, and thankyou for considering my offer. Looking forward to more of this! :)
Nb: I'm really curious to see what kind of dragons you'll concieve of as a proxy for the Dilophosaurs and the Troodons, my personal favourties from the merged film/game canon.
Well, I found this to be good, but too descriptive for my taste personally. Not really a person who likes to read looks of description. But you are good at dialogue and imagination.
What I will say is few things though. 'Instead of being surprised by the sudden turn of events, the stallion observing the control board casually answered the incoming call.' Found this far too descriptive and unnessecary , couldn't you have made it he just answered the incoming call to save words? I'm sure just saying he answered it, we would know he wasn't surprised by it, if you don't mind me saying.
Another one is 'nearby Earth Ponies was chewing on bubblegum, apparently attempting to alleviate anxiety and stress; Now this is one thing I had trouble with a while and probably still have trouble with for a while, but you get the old nag 'show not tell', not a big deal, just that it's better. Couldn't you have made it that his eyes were alert or he trembled while he chewed his gum, that way we're hint the Earth pony was chewing the gum to keep himself together? It would also again save words.
Well that's why I can give out of my own personal opinion, keep up the good work.
I think i have played one old Jurasic Park game but I have never seen the movies.
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Thanks for the constructive criticism! I shall take that into mind when writing the future chapters. Like all fanfic writers, it'll proably take me a few chapters to optimize the narrative aproach I'm going to be using. I look forward seeing you in the upcoming chapters!
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No probs. It took me a while to sort out me Speech tags and Show v tell stuff (Still am sorting out that stuff), glad I could be of help though.
Hm, I am indeed impressed how seamlessly the two universes merge here. There were a few awkward moments where it was sadly more of a rewrite than an actual indeendent story, but I think this has been adressed. You can and should deviate from the book and movie from time to time, otherwise it may very well get boring very quickly.
Still, fantastic job on the writing, I really got into it, imagening the world and ponies. Have a thumbs up, can't wait for more!
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Eyupp, that's more or less my conclusion based on the feedback up until now. I'll strive to deviate the narrative and the story as long as it enables the fic to progress towards the desired goals, namely the key events that ultimately will lead to the final conclusion of the story. I do firmly believe however that we all want to re-experience those special moments in the movie and the book with a new pony topping in one form or the other. The next couple of chapters will probably/most likely be leaning a bit more heavily on the established turn of events and seem more like rewrites, but once on the island, the available options become much more numerous and the fun can truly start happening.
298035
Ah, this I can happily live with. Very well.
And yes, I agree that there are just moments I wish to see again. It's no Jurassic Park without "clever girl".
How frequent will you updates be, if I may ask? Or are you still working out the best chapter length?
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I'll strive to write stuff whenever I have time, that usually means Friday, Saturday, Sunday & Monday. In my head I have tried to divide the story into sections, which will make up the various chapters. Once each event in a particular chapter has been dealt with in a proper manner, I'll post the chapter. Depending on how much is happening at that particular moment in the story this can range from everything between 3000/4000 words to 10k words and beyond. Once we reach the middle of the fic, there will probably be so much happening all over the island at the same time that the chapters become gigantic in size. Now in the beginning I should be able to post an update once a week or once every second week. Later on the timeframe might increase to three or four weeks, but more content will be delivered each time in return, at least I hope that's the case. My own personal preference is to go with quality over quantity, an "It's done when it's done." aproach.
298122
Very realistic approach. I appreciate this one over the frustrating "UPDATES EVERY DAY!"-routine sometimes ending with the story halfway finished. I see you have quite the ambitious plan in your head concerning the story itself and how you approach it. Feel encouraged, I will recommend your fic!
The writing style is good. More or less i was imagining reading an orriginal story when i clicked on this. But i noticed the whole first scene is an exact replica of the opening scene of Jurasic Park. It's pretty cool to see it pony-ized. but generally i like stories that i dont know what's going to happen next. But it still gets a vote up from me.
298380
Thank you for the vote! I'm sorry that the prologue didn't hold up to your expectations regarding the lack of originality in the narrative. I'm not going to lie, the fic will draw upon the narrative and events established in the existing JP canon. So if one is looking for something completely original, this may not be the right fanfic to read. I wouldn't however put my bits on the fic being a blatant 100% cardboard cutout, as that would be a waste of even my own time. One has to admit though, there were quite many events that could have turned out completely different in the book/movie/game, which is what this fic will possibly explore in great detail in addition to stuff we didn't see being narrated on screen, all in the guise of pony.
Let me just say that as a long time JP fan (since I was 3), I am very happy to read this. The ponified names are all a lot on fun, as are the dragonfied dinosaurs. It's different, but in a good way. A few things I noticed reading it: try to cut back on detail just a smigimeter. Sometimes you gotta let the reader use their imagination a bit. Here, it seems like you're handing the reader the details instead of letting them get there on their own. I also noticed you seemed to have taken your plot from the screenplay of the movie rather than the actual movie itself. While they are the same, there are some difference (most noteably, the lengthened scenes). This should be interesting, seeing as most people don't do this, and being as big a fanatic of Jurassic Park as I am, this should be fun! i also like how you are going to include JP: The Game, seeing as how analysis of it shows it doesn't conflict with any existing canon!
Is there ever gonna be another chapter? The last one you wrote was in 2012!