Hands

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.

- - - - - -

Hospitals are a bore. No matter what universe, what century, I don't care, a proper hospital is a boring one. It's supposed to be that way to encourage you to get the hell out faster. A talking pony hospital was no different.

I had requested some literature. Essentially the pony classics. I had tried reading modern novels on Earth but aside from science fiction and mystery and the occasional political thriller, I didn't have much interest in current literature.

I mean, after reading Catcher in the Rye and it's million copycats, I was sick of teenage and college age disillusionment. I wasn't a woman so I didn't have much interest in romance novels or women's literature in general. I wasn't gay so I didn't have any real interest there, wasn't a dieter or a self-help neurotic. So my reading was chiefly to learn things, expand my mind, or for fun.

As for pony literature... Well! I gave this Equestrian Guide to Citizenship a try. Wasn't too bad, though the author seemed off his rocker. I also read The Fall of Princess Luna, which was apparently out of circulation for a while. Tragic story. I couldn't imagine the horror Celestia felt when her sister fell to the darkside.

History of the Penguin Wars was very interesting. It read kind of like a Tom Clancy novel, except with magic and evil penguins as the villains. The Stokehouse was apparently the classic pony horror novel, with slavery as the central terror than, say, death. Though having your mind torn from you, all control removed is scary to any sapient lifeform.

The Adventures of Daring Do were also pretty good as far as contemporary stuff went. Given the nature of their world, 'fantasy' was basically everyday literature. Disaster novels were popular, the survival of the everyman (or rather, everypony) in incredible situations something to enjoy, though I only got that from the nurse.

Really, the differences were fairly minor otherwise. It might be a recurring theme with brain-thinking, mammalian tool using species.

"So, doing the egghead thing?" Rainbow Dash asked. I looked up from my current book and stared at her as she hovered around. Dash shrugged.

"What? I brought my tortoise in for a check up, I don't have anything to do until he's done," she said.

I would have asked why she didn't take her tortoise to a vet, but the peculiarities of veterinarians versus real doctors were still a bit of a mystery to me. I mean, okay, I had been taken to a vet first time I'd gotten injured on this planet but I think it had more to do with distance than Twilight's opinion of me.

"Anyway, you struck me as kind of an egghead anyway," Dash continued, rubbing her chin with her hoof. "Ya know, all this talk of sciency stuff like other planets, laws of physics... How I break them. That was pretty cool, how you translated what I do into egghead language!"

I found a lot of my long forgotten math classes were coming back to me in the absence of... Well... Let's be honest, computers. Working for a living on an alien world, and a bit of tutoring from Twilight had brought it all back to me. Doing the math for a Sonic Rainboom was a way to relieve the boredom and prove to Twilight I wasn't a dumb ape about numbers.

Entirely.

"But I guess lots of kinds of egghead stuff can be fun to different kinds of eggheads," Dash continued. She rubbed the top of her head now. "So, you don't talk a lot about your world."

I stared at her in disbelief. I once again pointed to my jaw. She shrugged.

"Well, yeah... Okay... Dumb question."

Irritated, I turned my eyes back to my book.

"Anyway, I guess I was curious since you use the same variables and... Junk. Like gravity. A gee is a gee, so I heard Twilight said there might be a way to boost my speed and I was wondering if you could get her to work out the numbers and stuff," she said. She smiled. "Say nothing if you will."

"Mmmph! Nngh, gnnngh!" I growled at her. Rainbow Dash grinned.

"Didn't catch that. Thanks a bunch!" She flew off.

I sighed and beat the book against my forehead.

- - - - - -

A long night's sleep improved my disposition considerably, and I asked for some books on mathematics and some pen, paper and an abacus.

At least according to the book I learned mathematics from, most mathematicians were terrible at arithmetic. The key was in understanding how numbers function and what you want them to do. IE, stuff they don't exactly teach you in school. As a result, I had been forced to laboriously relearn mathematics, break my mind of bad habits. It's tough enough to learn as an elementary school kid, it's even tougher when you're older.

And a liberal arts major.

Still, I had a functional grasp, though certainly nothing fancy, of the basics of advanced mathematics. Study lessons and weekly quizzes with Twilight certainly aided in my growth in the subject.

And now I was applying those lessons to the problem of how to get Rainbow Dash going faster.

Hmmm... At a high enough speed she won't be able to propel herself, I thought to myself. I scribbled some notes. Maybe if there was a spell to increase the density of the air around her wings...

The problem with that would be added friction, of course, but considering she could take over a thousand gees without trouble I was sure we could figure out a way around that. The door opened, and I looked up to see Twilight Sparkle enter with a smile.

"Hello Andrew!" She said brightly. "I wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing, and review some notes from a previous conversation we had."

I managed a nod with my whole upper body, and pointed to my notes. Twilight snatched up a few with her telekinesis and read through them, nodded or shaking her head every so often.

"Hmmm... It might be possible to increase the density of the air around her wings as she goes faster. I'll have to run the calculations again," Twilight said thoughtfully. I shrugged, and then looked at her questioningly as she cleared away my work. She smiled cheerfully.

"Well, it was in regards to your species' evolution, a few key parts of it," she said. "You said you had been studying... Er... Anthropology at your school home on Earth, correct?"

I again managed my strange nod. Liberal arts, see?

"Right," Twilight said, rummaging around in her saddlebags for a few sketches I had made on that day. She held them up. "And you included some parts about sexual selection."

Nodding with my whole body was tiring, so I held up my hand like a sock puppet and had it nod. Twilight blinked a few times, before she got it and smiled.

"Ah! Good. Anyway," she said as she placed the sketches in my lap, along with a notepad, blank paper and pencil. "I was wondering if you could establish a range of body styles, roughly speaking, from least attractive to most attractive. As well as some notes on what the male of your species looks for in a mate, in general, and you specifically."

I stared at her. Twilight shrugged.

"I'm doing some sexual selection studies on Ponyville stallions, and a little study into other species' selections." She smiled. "That's what I wanted to get from you before, but I think I... Er... Came on too strong." Her smile was nervous, and she had a bit of a blush.

That's an understatement, I thought dryly. Still, I waved her off anyway. I mean, we were both alien to one another and frankly, explaining I was a little freaked out at romantic attraction to someone outside my species would require me to speak.

Probably very quickly to avoid hurting her feelings too badly. If that was the case. If not, I needed to speak quickly to avoid embarrassing the two of us.

I nodded with my hand puppet again, and began some quick sketches. On the far left of the piece of paper, I drew the basic body plan of a supermodel on meth-Skinny beyond belief, and despite their ornamental nature, most men were not really attracted to them.

On the far right side of the paper, I drew the kind of women I couldn't help think of as "living boulders". When I was little I pretended one of them would fall over and roll after me like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Obviously there were outliers, men who found this body plan attractive but frankly, they couldn't be a large percentage.

Even in America.

I drew a scale of figures in between, and marked the middle bit (running from the girl who is on the verge of working out too much to the girl who is generously called voluptuous) as the average of human male desire. I wrote down some general turn ons for men, physical and nonphysical.

Hey, we have them too. Personally I went for intelligent women, kind maternal women, or fiery women. More often than not though I ended up dating crazy women, though that might just be male bias talking.

When I was finished, I showed the sketches to Twilight. She nodded approvingly and smiled at me.

"Good, good! How about what human women want?"

I shrugged, but I gave it my best shot. Running purely from female instinct, I wrote that the majority of females of the human species prefer tall men, who were athletic to some degree.

Emotionally women in general wanted more sensitive men when it came to long term stuff like child rearing, but preferred a balance between manliness and sensitivity. Being personally attractive and super confident but a jerk (an alpha, in other words) worked for women who only wanted short term relationships. Longer term they wanted guys who would stick it out with them but the more successful relationships were the ones where the men maintained their personal attractiveness and confidence as best they could.

Okay, I was vague but let's be honest: With the social sciences you're always being a generalist. And I'm a man to boot who is dumbing down human male/female interactions for a talking magic pony. Give me a break.

"Hmmm... In a lot of ways, it's not too different from our species," Twilight mused as she read it over. "Still! It'll put some ideas that, er... Certain ponies have been having to rest."

I stared at her. She coughed and looked aside.

"Oh my, look at the time, I think I need to-Oo!" She gasped as I took hold of her tail, and glared at her. She looked over her shoulder with a flush.

"Er... Could you let me go please?" She asked. I waved my hand around for her to explain, while still holding onto her tail. Twilight sighed, and trotted back to the side of the bed.

"Okay... There were a few ponies in the village who think you're, well..." Twilight shrugged. "A gelding."

I stared at her in disbelief. Twilight spoke quickly.

"Well! I mean, uh, ponies having relationships outside their species isn't unheard of... Actually, it's fairly common. Nopony thinks it's really weird. I mean you've seen Spike, right? He's attracted to Rarity, and he's a dragon! It's not the first time at all! And you haven't shown any sign you're even attracted despite all of this going on, so..." Twilight gave him a nervous smile. "So, well..."

I let go of her tail and sighed.

"I mean, if this is a bad thing, I can certainly help alleviate it! For, uh, scientific purposes that is," Twilight said quickly. I stared at her in shock. She backtracked, quickly.

"Now, I mean, we don't have to do anything, but just... You know... Pretending attraction would make ponies think of you as... Maybe a little more normal. Relatively speaking," she said. "I mean, unless you are attracted to us and you're just resisting it?"

I leaned back in bed, took hold of my pillow, and placed it over my face.

"... Um... Okay, I guess we'll just talk about this later then?" Twilight asked. I groaned. "I'll take that as a yes. Goodbye! Get better soon!"

With that, she trotted out. I groaned again, wondering how the hell I was going to explain this...

- - - - - - -

"Just a few more snips," the pony doctor said kindly as his scissors clipped away at my bandages, "and we'll be able to take the brace off."

"Mmhm," I grunted, holding perfectly still as the blades snipped close to my face. I clenched the blanket in between my fingers as the doctor did his work. I was always nervous when sharp objects were near my face, due to an unfortunate incident in high school when a freshman had "jokingly" thrust a pair of scissors at my face, and I'd gotten a scar on my cheek for my troubles.

It wasn't a particularly big scar either, just a small thin line a few millimeters to the right of my nose. Not particularly brag worthy.

"Good, good," the doctor said, as the bandages came away. He reached up to the brace and began to undo the plastic fasteners. "You're doing well..."

"Mmhm," I grunted again, my lips twitching. They were hideously chapped. I was thankful the ponies did have a petroleum industry, albeit one devoted mostly to plastics and medicines. Magic and horsepower (ha) provided the motive power for most vehicles and the energy needed to run electricity, at least in Ponyville.

The brace finally came undone, and the doctor smiled. "How do you feel?"

I very slowly opened my mouth, and worked my jaw. "Feels... Stiff," I pronounced. The doctor nodded.

"Yes, that's to be expected. Take it easy with talking and eating for a few days and you should be just fine." The doctor smiled. "Care for a lollipop?"

Something that wasn't liquid? I was all over that, and I soon exited the hospital with a nice watermelon lollipop at the corner of my mouth like a cigarette. I looked around, frowning a bit.

I could have sworn Pinkie Pie or someone would be waiting for me out here. Maybe they hadn't been messaged about my release?

"Well," I mumbled, "no standing on sentiment."

As my work schedule was more contract based, I headed into town to look around and relax a little. It was pretty quiet. The market place was bustling, there were foals running around enjoying their day off-

"HEYAH ANDREW!"

Oh no. I tried in vain to look around, as though they were referring to some other Andrew.

"HEY! HEY!"

Maybe it had suddenly become a common name in the days I had been gone?

"HIYAHHH!"

I groaned, turned back, and bent down a bit to face three eager foals.

"Hello Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle," I greeted them with a sigh.

The Cute Mark Crusaders. Why God, why?

                                                 - - - - - -

I was dragged to the blacksmith's shop. Well, it was more like a combination machining and blacksmith shop, a forge and metal working equipment a plenty inside, but "blacksmith" had become the basic title for any metal worker no matter how advanced the technology they used.

Within, Smokestack, the tall, dark and strong proprietor of the establishment, looked up as the Cutie Mark Crusaders and I came in. To the CMCs, he gave an indulgent smile. To me, he gave a snort.

"You took your time gettin' out," he said flatly. I blinked in confusion.

"I did?"

"Well, you signed up for time in the shop with these three," Smokestack said in his gravelly voice. "And you didn't bother to show up!"

"Wait... I did what?" I asked, turning a glare at the three fillies. Applebloom coughed and looked to the side. Scootaloo grinned uneasily. Sweetie Belle tried to hide behind a table.

"Well... Um... Ya did sign that permission slip we gave you," Applebloom said.

"So my 'autograph' was for you to work with power tools," I asked flatly. Scootaloo winced and smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, but it was to make you a gift!"

"Yeah! A gift!" Sweetie Belle said.

"And to try for a Cutie Mark!" Applebloom said cheerfully. I sighed, looked over at Smokestack, and waved my hand.

"It's all right, it's all right," I said. The big stallion snorted, but nodded slowly. I turned back to the Crusaders, shrugged, and forced a smile.

"All right, what's this 'gift' you made for me?"

The fillies squealed and grabbed onto my sleeves with their teeth, dragging me to a workstation in the far corner of the shop. They sat me down on the stool, and then trotted off to what I assumed was the project locker. A few moments later, they came back with a heavy, tube-shaped object about one and a half meters in length, wrapped in a heavy cloth. They set it on the workbench and grinned up at me.

"Open it!" Scootaloo said. I shrugged, reached down, and unwrapped the object. My eyes widened.

"Well, what do you think?" Applebloom asked cheerfully as I held up what looked like a big barreled rifle.

It was about as simple a gun as you could get-A muzzle, barrel, a round firing chamber, a hammer, and a wooden stock. I found a release catch, and the gun barrel moved from the chamber on a hinge. The whole thing resembled a crude M79 grenade launcher. You know, the one from Terminator 2.

"Well... It's certainly something," I said. I looked over at them. "You guys built a gun?"

"Well, you told us all about them," Scootaloo explained. "And we borrowed Twilight's notes on it to make it!"

Ah. Right. I had explained some of our technology to Twilight during our interviews, and when the CMC had asked about Earth the subject had come up. Guns were kind of a natural subject. I had no military experience (medical issues had prevented me from enlisting), but I had been raised with firearms, knew how to use them, and I respected and understood them.

And hell, if you're talking about how humanity came to rule Earth, not including guns is like not including David Bowie in a discussion of Glam Rock.

What? Screw you, Bowie is made of awesome.

I didn't think three school children could figure out how to make a gun from just that though.

"It's really simple," Applebloom said cheerfully. "We made a few shells! You just put it into the barrel, close it, aim, pull the trigger, boom!"

"So... You've tested it?" I asked.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders all looked at eachother.

"Ummmm..."

"I'll take that as a no," I said with a sigh. I looked over at Smokestack. "So, you know anywhere we could test this thing?"

"There's a fireworks testing area on the outskirts of town," Smokestack said. "Probably your best bet."

"For everyone's safety," I said with a nod. The stallion smirked.

"Except for yours."

I stared at him. He chortled.

"Relax, Handyman. I've checked it out myself. It's got no serious warps or defects... But given who made it..."

"Hey! We resent that!" Applebloom growled.

"We'll show you!" Scootaloo said. Sweetie Belle was already ushering me out with her horn prodding my leg.

"Ow, ow, all right! All right, I'm going," I huffed. I tried to ignore the pitying look Smokestack shot me, as I held the cumbersome weapon over my shoulder and away from anyone we might pass.

- - - - - -                 

The fireworks testing ground had an extremely ominous sign. This sign had a picture of Pinkie Pie on it and said, under no uncertain terms, was a "Miss Pinkamenia Diane Pie" to experiment without the supervision of the local demolitions expert.

Distressingly, that seemed to be Pinkie herself.

Otherwise it was like many a firing ground back on our world-Sandbag bunkers, craters, the works.

"Come on! Come on!" Scootaloo said eagerly. "We wanna see how it works!"

"Where exactly did you get the schematics to build this thing, anyway?" I asked. Applebloom grinned cheerfully.

"Well, we looked over yer notes and through Power Burn's Guide to Explosives and Directed Explosives and put them together!"

"Yeah! We just had to do the math!" Sweetie Belle said cheerfully.

"You did the math?" I asked, the grip I had on the gun loosening. Sweetie Belle shook her head.

"Nope... Miss Cheerilee did it for us!"

"She helped you with the math for building a gun," I stated, not so much asked. Scootaloo shrugged.

"It's not like we didn't tell her what we were building," the orange pegasus said. "She gave us the go ahead!"

"She did?" I asked skeptically. Applebloom nodded, as did Sweetie Belle.

"It's our science project, and when we said you were involved she said it was okay!" Sweetie said brightly.

"But I'm not," I said flatly.

"Yeah, but you are now, right?" Scootaloo asked.

I resisted the urge to facepalm. Clever girls...

"All right. If I am involved though, we're doing this my way," I barked. "You do what I want, when I want, how I want. If I tell you to jump, you ask how high? Is that clear?"

"Yes Andrew!" They chorused. I nodded.

"Good... So... Where are the shells for this thing?"

Scootaloo reached into her satchel, and produced a small sack. I took it, opened it, and emptied the contents into my hand. Frankly... They were not encouraging.

"Ah made that one!" Applebloom said cheerfully, pointing to what looked like a scale replica of the Apple Family barn in the form of an oversized shell.

"I made that one!" Scootaloo said, pointing to the shell that resembled a certain pegasus. Very, very vaguely.

"I just made that one," Sweetie said with a frown, pointing out a simple, bullet-shaped round. I sighed and smiled at her.

"Trust me, this is probably the best one," I told her. The lavender unicorn smiled brightly, as the other Crusaders frowned.

"But-But Pegasi fly!" Scootaloo protested.

"Yes, but they make for lousy bullets," I said.

"What about barns?" Applebloom asked.

"They're even worse as bullets," I replied. I frowned. "Are these the only ones you made?"

"Actually, these are the ones that didn't explode," Scootaloo said.

"Or melt," Sweetie Belle added.

"Or catch fire," Applebloom stated with an embarrassed smile. I sighed, and took Sweetie's round.

"Good to know," I said flatly. Natural selection in action, I guess. "Got ear protection?"

They produced some earmuffs, all fluffy and cute and extremely girly. I took a red pair, placing them over my ears. My glasses would suffice for eye protection... I hoped. Twilight had placed a spell on them to make them very difficult to break.

"All right. You three, get behind those sandbags," I ordered, pointing to a bunker of sorts nearby. "Get down low and don't come out until I say so, got it?"

"Got it!" They chorused cheerfully. They galloped to the shelter, while I carefully opened up the barrel of the weapon. I slid Sweetie's shell in, and I was gratified to find it fit perfectly. Not too tight, not too loose.

I shut the chamber, pleased it also shut correctly. I laid down on the ground, belly first, and grimaced as I dug the butt of the rifle stock into the dirt.

My idea was simple-Fire the gun off, the shell sailing off into the Everfree Forest. The recoil would be transferred into the ground. If it was too intense, it wouldn't break my shoulder.

If the gun burst, I could keep my head down and an arm over it-My canvas jacket and arm would take the damage rather than my skull.

I mean, I trusted Smokestack. More than likely nothing would actually happen-Gunpowder is very difficult to mix properly, after all. If it did fire off, more than likely the gun wouldn't explode.

I could have taken a lot more safety precautions, true. But there was a bit of thrill involved in my decision making. The thrill of discovery, and of blowing things up.

Was it dumb? Very much so. But it was also awesome.

"All right... Cover everyone!" I shouted, making sure I was aiming the thing correctly. I glanced over and saw that the Crusaders were hidden behind the wall, only their ears, hairbow, and horn visible. I nodded and looked down, holding the rifle in line with my shoulder so I could cover my face with my arm. It was a firm hold, though it probably looked awkward.

"Ready... Ready... Ready..." I called. "FIRE!"

KABOOM!

Even with the ear protection that thing was loud. The gun jerked in my grip, kicking up dirt that landed on my shoulder. I very slowly looked up.

The gun was intact. The barrel was smoking a bit, and there was the smell of gunpowder in the air, but most importantly-I was not dead. The groove left in the ground was only about a centimeter-A lot better than I was expecting. The width of the shells must have helped distribute the recoil, though I don't think I'd be firing it off without padding.

"Did it work?" Sweetie Belle asked softly, poking her head up over the sandbag wall. The other two Crusaders followed suit.

I sat up and nodded, now on my feet. "It works," I said with a little smile.

"HOORAY!" They cried, and as expected they all looked at their flanks. Disappointed, they looked up due to the fact nothing had appeared.

"This bites!" Scootaloo said angrily. "We finally do something right and this happens!"

"Well it's not the same for everyone," I said consolingly.

"Really? How did you earn your cutie mark?" Applebloom asked.

"Can we see it?" Sweetie Belle asked. I sighed.

"Guys, for the last time, humans don't have cutie marks," I said.

"Well, we just figured you made that up so you wouldn't show it," Scootaloo said with a huff.

"Or maybe it's somethin' embarassin'!" Applebloom suggested.

"Or maybe you just never found your special talent," Sweetie Belle suggested. She flushed at my deadpan expression. "Um, I mean, just saying."

I sighed and rubbed my head with my hand. "Guys, this is actually pretty good work. I guess it's just not, you know, your special talent. I mean, Twilight is good at singing, right?"

"Right," they chorused.

"But her cutie mark is magic," I explained. "It's okay to be good at stuff other than your special talent. Really."

"Hmmm," Scootaloo said. "I guess you're right..." She grinned. "Okay, fire off my shell next!"

"No, no, mine!" Applebloom said. I sighed.

"Guys, if I do that it'll probably destroy the gun," I said patiently.

"Ooh! Maybe we just need to make a gun that will shoot them without blowing up!" Applebloom suggested.

"Yeah!" Scootaloo cried. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER GUNSMITHS-THE SEQUEL!"

"YEAAAHHH!" They cried, galloping off. I sighed, and looked the gun over. Overall, it wasn't anything pretty, but it could definitely come in handy. Especially considering the monsters lurking around here.

If nothing else, it would make me look cool.

I headed back to Smokestack's to place an order for some ammunition. Couldn't be too hard to replicate. After that, I'd see Fluttershy and maybe find some additional work to do today.

I passed by a flyer that made me double take.

"'Iron Will's Assertiveness Seminar?'" I read aloud. I chuckled. "Maybe that's where everyone is today."

My gun slung over my shoulder, I headed for the blacksmith's shop with a cheerful tune on my lips.

I'd survived an incident with the Cutie Mark Crusaders involving firearms and explosives. I had to call that a win.

- - - - - -

Nopony was home when I got to Fluttershy's cottage. Well, save for her assorted animal friends. Angel seemed to be the chief one among them, and regarded me with no small amount of suspicion when I entered. I shrugged.

"Hey Angel, what's shaking?" I asked. The rabbit pointed to the kitchen, and then to his mouth.

"Ah. Hungry. All right, what for?" I asked. The rabbit bounced off to the bookshelf, rummaging through it. He opened up a cookbook, indicating a particular salad sundae. It even had a cherry on top. I frowned.

"Huh... Well, let's see what we've got." I set down the gun and the satchel of shells Smokestack had whipped up for me.

He'd found the design interesting and agreed to make them if we could work out a deal on the manufacturing rights. I had to consult with the CMC's legal guardians for that first, but a few custom rounds wouldn't hurt anything.

Hey, I am not about to get involved in the Pony legal system over patents. It's bad enough in our own world, I didn't want to think about what it would be like here.

Anyway, I found nearly all of the required ingredients save for the cherry. I shrugged, assembled them, and set them out for Angel. "All right, there you go."

Angel scowled, and hit the page of the cookbook several times. I scowled back.

"What? It's a cherry, it's no big deal. It's more for decoration any-"

I ducked, as the little rabbit threw the salad sundae right at my head. I looked back as it sailed through the window, and looked back at the rabbit with a scowl. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Fine. Don't eat it," I said flatly. I got up and walked outside, picking up the bowl and what I could save. I came back in and zipped it up in a plastic bag, shoving it into the fridge. "If you change your mind, it's right there," I said before going over to the couch to relax. "Hoo..."

Angel hopped up onto my stomach and scowled down at me. I glared back up.

"Look. I'm not going out to get you a cherry. Deal with it," I said flatly. "What are you going to do, make me?"

Angel hefted up the cook book and smacked me in the face with it. My eyes widened.

"The hell?!" I rubbed my nose and scowled at him. "What is your deal?" I caught the book the second time and sighed. I took hold of his ears and sat up, glaring at him. He glared right back.

"We are definitely having a talk when Fluttershy gets home, young man," I said flatly. He stuck his tongue out. I returned the gesture.

He grabbed it and yanked hard. My eyes widened in shock.

"PHHBT!"

- - - -

Fluttershy returned, in very good spirits judging from the smile she wore. I looked up from the book I was reading with a smile.

"Fluttershy! Welcome home," I said cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Oh... Um... Gr-Great," she said. "R-Really great!" She held up some pamphlets with a red sigil in the form of a minotaur's head emblazoned on them. "I've been to this wonderful seminar with Iron Will, the Minotaur!"

"Ah," I said with a smile. "How was that?"

"Oh, it-it was good," Fluttershy said with a smile. "Ahem... I mean... New Fluttershy feels it was good!"

I blinked. "Oh... Kay..."

"How was your day?" She asked. "Sorry I couldn't meet you at the hospital, but I had the seminar and... And..." She blinked rapidly. "Is that Angel?"

I looked up above me. The little rabbit was struggling furiously in the bandages I'd wrapped him up in, like he was caught in the web of a giant spider. I smiled.

"Yep," I said.

"Is he hurt?" She asked anxiously.

"No," I said calmly. I took a sip of tea from my mug. "It's just a bit of relaxation therapy. Takes all the pressure off his spine."

"Oh, I see," Fluttershy said. She took the pamphlets and trotted upstairs. "I'm going to be busy for a while. Um... So... Goodnight!"

"Goodnight," I said with a grin at Angel's continuing struggles. I took another sip of tea. In a few hours, if the rabbit cooperated, I'd let him go. If not, he could get used to being a ceiling ornament.

His choice.

- - - - - - -