The purchase of the human went as smoothly as it could given the circumstances. And the company arranged for the human to be shipped to the Crystal Empire along the late evening train later that day. Now the group of two set about getting the last of the supplies they would need.
“We’ll also need nail cutters, a toothbrush and toothpaste, lice medicine, skin lotion, antibiotics, and vitamins. Hopefully all that will keep him from getting sick and dying like a lot of humans do,” chattered Twilight as she continued to fill her grocery basket at the Human Goods Store. She took out her train tickets again and re-examined the time. “Six thirty; wonderful time management,” she told herself.
Octavo put several items in her basket. “That should be all we need. I doubt he’ll need any more medicine, he looked healthy to me Princess Twilight.” She took a moment to reflect that by, 'he', Octavo was referring to the possibly full-blown untamable menace that was being shipped to her guest room in the Crystal Empire.
“Mhhmm,” Twilight agreed. 'That human did look healthy when he was strangling his handler,' she quipped to herself.
They took the items to the clerk and they purchased their merchandise at a discount, brought about by the recession to bring in more customers no doubt, Twilight figured. Though by Octavo’s smirk she realized he was seeing a different cause-and-effect play out.
Later on they were heading down a sparsely crowded road towards the train station that could be seen in the distance. “Do you see what happens when you take the time to respect and pay homage to the gods?”
Twilight turned to him a bit sympathetically. “You know there’s a recession in Equestria right? Everything's cheap in Equestria now because of it.” She turned her head to the side, considering how everything in Canterlot was still expensive. “Well, cheaper than it would normally be.”
He didn’t seem phased one bit by her response, if the shrug was to be considered a hint. “Regardless, Murustang was looking out for us.”
A little of annoyance was rising in her. Twilight was never one to get in trouble before, always following the rules Celestia laid forth, never straying. “You know I’m still a little bit mad at you for what you did back there.”
To Twilight's dismay, he was looking at her in shock. “Because of what happened back at the Temple of Merustang?” he asked.
“No,” she retorted, her tone dripping with as much sarcasm as she could force on it, “for calling me princess when I asked you to stop.” Twilight added extra emphasis on 'princess' to make it simple for Octavo to understand the facetious nature of the comment.
“Really?” He dropped his head a bit to get closer to her eye level, to study her incredulous expression better.
'This is impossible, no pony is this gullible. How can he actually think that after all this time I'm just now starting to get mad at him for his weird formality. How can anypony treat a fight with a guard as a normal everyday occurrence!'
His scrutinizing expression faltered. “You know when I saw you back at the castle I couldn't help but noticed how nervous you looked. Is being a princess really that difficult, or do you just hate your new lot in life, or is it something else?”
'Great. Now he actually thinks I'm mad at him not for beating up a Royal Guard, but for referring to me as Princess Twilight.'
Twilight gave him a pouting look with a scrunched face and her bottom lip out, her eyes were squinted, it was an angry look that Octavo didn't understand the meaning of. She wondered if everyone, warlord included, could have seen how nervous and uncomfortable she was in Royal Court. Twilight relaxed her glare after seeing his genuine, sympathetic look he was giving her. Her irritated qualms had sailed right over his head.
She sighed. “It's a bit too early for me to claim that it's hard... being a princess that is.” A few silent seconds went by before she filled it. “But you can call me whatever you want, Princess Twilight is fine.”
He was looking down at her as they walked side by side to the train station. “I'm sure things will get easier for you, eventually. Being brought up to the level of royalty isn't something that seems easy. Not to make it sound like you were a peasant before your ascension though, you are a Canterlot pony after all. And you may not realize it now, but you have this refined, proper personality. It's just going to take time for that to mature because you're so young, but when it does you'll be ready for anything.”
Twilight could feel a blush beginning to burn on her cheeks, she hadn’t learned how to trust her own abilities yet, but this pep-talk was helping. “Umm, thank you... I-” She paused on an inhale not sure what to say. “- I needed that.” Twilight eyed him suspiciously, not sure if he was just trying to suck up to royalty. “What makes you say that though?”
“I spent many years traveling the world fixing wrongs and trying to make it a better place, I suppose it's a natural progression to begin to see the potential in those that will one day become great. Also I am your knowledgeable senior, so I gain the right to lecture you, even if you are a princess.”
She instantly snorted. “Knowledgeable... senior?” A mischievous smirk took form on her lips. “Ohhh, I hadn't realize I was in the company of a wise seer, a keeper of truth.”
“HA!” Octavo's guffaw made her realize something.
'So he can understand sarcasm? I guess he's okay at detecting quips, but not feelings maybe? I don't know.'
“Knowledge isn't all about age, you can be old and useless and not have a drop of it, you can be young and just have a knack for it,” Octavo continued with a big smirk as he pushed up his glasses, “but I can assure you I have not wasted my time upon this world. If you truly want to understand humans, than you must grasp a few difficult concepts, but I have faith in you. The great truths of this world are not objective scientific truths, but absolute truths, and they take faith to believe in and understand.”
“Uhh, thanks...” she said in response to the 'I have faith in you' part. It was then that Twilight began to fear the zealot.
Twilight arched an eyebrow, she hadn't noticed a large disparity in their age, at most he looked like he was in his late-twenties, but she knew better than to ask.
They continued on with their packs full of human goods.
“Thanks for looking out for me... with the human...” she wanted to say. A stallion had never stuck up for her before, she realized. Not counting her big brother of course. It turned out that the human back at the Market Place posed no serious threat to her, but she liked how quick he was to react, it was so instantaneous. And grateful for his help she was willing to overlook the previous criminal incident.
Those words of gratitude would be said out loud when the stallion could show her a sane side of himself, she decided. And then we can have a proper employer, employee relationship. Twilight thought on that for a moment, “Ponies are starting to work under me now... can't say I'm used to that idea yet.”
Royal Guards were some of the few ponies in Equestria that actually specialized in fighting, as there was no need for it. Octavo however was no Equestrian. Still though, Twilight, being the sister of the Captain of the Guard knew of the discipline that the stallions possessed and knew that they couldn't be beaten easily by some random crazy pony, no matter how zealous or how much favor the gods gave him, what happened earlier shouldn't have been possible.
Octavo's physique Twilight realized was very good for a unicorn, strangely so. Only the Royal Guard unicorns could compare. Even then, he was a bit bulkier. It all seemed vain to Twilight, unicorns didn't need muscular strength to be honest, at least that's how she saw it, after all why waste time building up muscle when you can cast magic.
The only thing that she could hear was her sigh and their hoof-steps, that’s when she realized they were alone now. The sun was beginning to set. ‘Still plenty of time,’ she thought, and as she thought that, the sound of his hoof-steps stopped.
When Twilight turned around, she saw him eying another run-down temple. She instinctively spoke when she saw the look in his eyes. “Oh no. NO. No-no-no-no.”
Again, another devilish smirk. “Follow me.”
“NO!” she cried out in protest.
“Fine,” he groaned, “but you’re missing out on history.” He cast an unlock spell on another temple door and pushed it open with his shoulder, his muscles rippling as he did so. Twilight watched in the middle of the road. After looking both ways he turned to her. “No one has to know but us.” Octavo then went inside the dark enclosure.
The temple’s outside depicted carriages, pegasi-led coaches and other traveling corresponding decorations, maps of distant land barely visible through the abuse of time and neglect. Something about the place almost seemed inviting to her. Perhaps it was how the angles of the architecture pointed to the door she mused. Twilight sighed, and then went in.
To her surprise this temple had a completely different layout. Instead of benches lining up towards an altar, there were several stone platforms that were raised from the ground, large enough for her to lay on comfortably, or not, considering that it wasn’t as soft as her innerspring mattress.
Twilight’s jaw dropped as she began to imagine how magnificent this place must have looked in its prime. Paintings of horses from Saddle Arabia displaying their wealth formed much of the right side of the wall, while depictions of Minotaur master craftsmen decorated the left side. Elegant pillars held up what was a partially destroyed second story inside balcony.
Twilight noticed he was watching her surprised reaction, and as she expected, he added onto what she already knew from religious history. “The right wall is a tribute to the sultans of the east, while the left is dedicated to the kings of the west, all together separate, yet all can come together through travel and divine protection.” Looking at the golden chariot painting on the north wall he continued. “Hence the God Travafe, god of travel, refuge, and good health. He is said to trot all over the world, ever vigilant of bandits and thieves who threaten those on the road.” After a thoughtful pause, he then pointed to the stone platforms. “Travelers long ago would come here either sick or weary and would rest and be healed here for free.” He merely bowed this time before the north wall, uttering only a few words and then he regained his secular pose. “He also saved pony-kind from a grand dragon, and founded the Empire of Equestria, so I guess that's something,” wise cracked Octavo, “but you probably already knew that.”
“Wow,” replied Twilight ignoring the sarcastic nature of his words, “you really know your stuff. How do you know all of this?”
“Broncovy,” he answered, “is very different from Equestria.” A part of Twilight didn’t want to admit it, but her inner historian enjoyed this criminal spree she appeared to be on. She took a moment to look around.
“Huh,” he muttered finding something amusing on the floor. Twilight was recognizing the amount of indistinguishable trash in the place as she heard Octavo pull out a sword from its leathery confines. He had his back turned to her as he confidently began a flourish. He moved his body in well-thought-out beautiful dance-like moves. The blade sometimes coming a mere inch or two from cutting himself.
“Put that back!” she cried, taking a step back. “Swords are illegal in Canterlot! Y-you can be jailed just for holding that!”
“Heh,” he muttered, “says the unicorn who can flail ponies with her mind using advanced magic.” He began to swing in the air with the blade. Ignoring her.
She was turning red, at her wits end. “Unicorn magic is different than a tool that has no other use but to kill or maim! Besides your going to end up cutting someponies limb off by accident!” Twilight couldn’t discern the origin of the blade, it looked like something only a minotaur could have made in the fiery tundra forages, yet it was short, too short for a minotaur to use effectively and the shape of it suggested it was a great stabbing weapon --an offensive weapon.
Personally, Twilight liked headstrong ponies, ones determined to see their goals and ambitions through, but her patience was wearing very thin. “I’ve used a blade before, I’m familiar with them. I’m not going to hack any pony's limb off.” Another twirl of the sword and he commented, “And this is a fine blade I must say. It looks sharp.”
Twilight gave a sigh of relief when he sheathed the sword, but he then began to tie it onto his back, pulling on the belt-like strap of the sheathe.
“The guards will arrest you on the spot for carrying an illegal weapon,” she warned.
As he turned towards her he began to defend his actions. “I believe that Travafe put this sword here for me to take on our journey for some reason that I am unable to discern as of yet. However...” He turned around and walked up to the northern wall. “...I’ll have to leave something here to replace it with. Hmm...” The sound of the stallion talking to himself reached Twilight’s ears, and she began to worry. “Ahh that’ll do.” A magical flashlight was brought out of his pack and she watched him do a recharge spell on it, he then placed it in front of the northern wall. “May it provide light in the darkness of hopelessness to a user more in need then I,” he muttered.
While she kept her eyes on the tribute to Travafe, he turned around and began to walk past her. “Take a bit leave a bit,” he added as he passed her. From her peripheral vision she noticed him give her a sly wink. “Come on, we’re going to the Crystal Empire aren't we?” It wasn't really a question.
'Is this nut-job being a smart-flank with me?' she questioned herself. This time she figured it was her turn to roll her eyes, and possibly rethink her entire life.
When they exited the temple, eight guards came galloping down the street in their direction. At her breaking point Twilight let out a whiny half-cry, half-whimper. Meanwhile Octavo acknowledged their presence nonchalantly, not even hiding his illegal weapon out in plain view, only caring enough to close the temple door behind him and lock it with a spell, right in plain view of the guards.
Punishment was coming, breaking the law could only end in one way, the guards were coming to haul them away to the dungeon. Perhaps Shining and her friends could visit sometime. Maybe being imprisoned inside the moon wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be. Maybe she would like being banished and imprisoned at the place she was banished to. Unlikely though.
So sure that they would take them away, it took her a long moment to realize that the guards kept up their gallop and passed the two unicorns. “What a strange land,” mumbled Octavo. “And truly does Travafe protect his ponies.” He readjusted his sword. “Let’s go Twilight.”
“No.”
He wore his confusion on his sleeve. “No?” he repeated.
“No. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” She sighed as a resolute temperament filled her. “Us. It won’t work. I can’t keep doing this Octavo, you have no respect for the law, real law, secular law or whatever you call it by, and you're going to get us locked up if you keep this up. I can’t work with you. I’m going to have to fire you. I’m sorry.” Depression filled her, she knew she had to do this, for Celestia, for Equestria.
No surprise or anger showed itself in his response, instead he gently nodded. “I understand. You respect the law, secular law. I can understand that, actually I respect that. We all have our way, and you have yours. I wish good things upon you Twilight, may hardship never present itself on your journey.”
“And I wish good things upon you too Octavo, I think you’ll need a lot of good luck and prayers to stay out of the dungeon today.” She nodded and began to trot towards the Train Station. The sun was beginning to set, she was running out of time. Only enough time to leisurely stroll toward her ride was left.
“Uhh, Twilight,” called out the unicorn, she didn’t stop for him, but he caught up and continued speaking anyway. “I understand that things are a little different than in Broncovy, but I don’t feel comfortable letting you walk alone at this late hour.” She gave him a look. “I promise if we get stopped by a guard, I’ll tell them I don’t know you. You don’t have to talk to me and I’ll walk several steps behind you.”
“If you really want to,” she deadpanned. And to her amazement, he actually did just that.
‘Will I never be free of him?’, Twilight silently asked Merustang, praying for fairness, if only for the irony of getting rid of a zealot.
At this point Twilight just wanted to be left alone, but she decided that she would be as nice as she could be to the well-meaning yet extraordinarily bothersome stallion. They kept up the slow pace, entering a slightly more populated area, they didn’t even seem to notice her sword bearing stalker. She was getting closer to the train station.
“Hmm,” she heard him mutter, “there are a lot of pegasi guards flying over Canterlot all of a sudden.” She gave him no reply. “A bad omen perhaps?”
She didn't respond to what sounded like a question.
A disappointed sigh left Twilight's lips. The highly educated stallion seemed like such a lucky asset to the assignment back at the castle. “How could this end up happening to me,” she thought out-loud in a whisper. “If this was my own project then I could handle his... uniqueness, but this is too important for any liability. All of Equestria could be at stake. We don't know what the humans are capable of, I don't even want to think of what they would do if they managed to defeat the Equestrian military, not that a war seemed likely. Maybe I could call Octavo to the Crystal Empire for some questions, but I can’t keep him around for-”
“Miss Princess Twilight,” Octavo called out interrupting her train of thought.
The Miss Princess part caused her to tense up with minor agitation. “Yes?” she acknowledged bitterly.
Caution-filled eyes examined every shadow the falling sun created. “I can sense danger up ahead.” He pointed a hoof down a suspicious looking, dark alleyway. “I would highly advise us to take the long way to the train station, there’s still time to spend on caution your highness.”
Surprised by the ridiculous request she chuckled, but then she stated flatly, “No.” She continued walking. ‘I’m not walking down a dark alleyway with this guy. All of Canterlot is safe, but, bright main roads are always safer. Even a foal knows that.’
Ocatvo almost tripped over himself catching up to her again. “B-but Princess Twilight! T-that’s a very dangerous path!” Despite not making eye-contact with the worried guy she could see his worried expression in her mind’s eye.
“Perhaps it’ll be dangerous for you when a Royal Guard patrol takes you away, and didn’t you promise that you wouldn't follow me this closely?” When she glanced in his direction it felt like a knife stabbed her in the heart when she saw his hurt expression and lip quiver. He stopped, allowing her to continue alone.
A feeling of shame followed her in place of him. “But what else could I do?” she defended herself out-loud in a mumble-like volume. “He had broken the law! Not once. Not Twice. But three times! He doesn’t care about the law.” All she could do was huff at the bad situation. “And what sort of crazy sociopath can just pick up a blade like that? If he wants to play with swords like that then join the-”
“TWILIGHT!” A strong body knocked her off her hooves.
When Octavo tackled her to the ground it forced all the air out of her lungs. She could hear a spell going off and as she turned her head she saw Octavo attempting to magically grab a spear that had been thrown in her direction. The weapon slipped through his grasp like a wet soap-bar in a bath. Twilight’s face cringed in horror as she watched it jab into Octavo's side. It was as though the whole scene had unfolded in slow motion.
“O-octavo!”
A scream from some mare not far away got her attention, when she followed the screamer’s eyes, she saw him once more.
The human from earlier, the one who tried to get to her in the marketplace, the one who’s piercing white milky eyes remembered her through the fog of his own rage. He was there, with a second Equestrian Royal Guard spear in his hand and a Royal Guard helmet adorning his head. The large stallion head-armor fit loosely on him --as it was designed for a pony.
Despite the headgear, the skinless face and those milky-white eyes kept him distinguishable. He was looking right at her. His crotch area was covered by the custom-designed, flashy coat of the boss from the First Tier company, it was torn up a bit and a little bloody, obviously that pony from earlier had met a violent fate.
Without much vocalization Octavo had taken his time in removing the spear, and the blood started flowing out like a raging river. He cast a healing spell on himself and slowed the bleeding. Then he took his sword out and started using it like a walking stick to get up. “Sorry Twilight,” he muttered, “wasn’t vigilant again...” He grunted in frustration. “I’m ah little hurt, but I can still fight.” Another sigh of annoyance was his only acknowledgment of pain. “I don’t know how this human got out, but we’re going to have to work together to survive this...” She heard him speaking but it sounded like he was a million miles away, like she was sinking underwater, unable to move, on the brink of falling asleep. She felt her thoughts being smothered by the monster's fury. “Twilight!”
Twilight was frozen in the terror of the human’s gaze. He was looking right at her, with those evil eyes. 'Why did it have to be him?' Twilight's mind froze up.
Not sure if she was imagining things in her stupor, Twilight could have sworn the stallion chuckled. “Oh Travafe guide me. What can your champion do? Run? Doesn’t seem like much of an option, heck you’d probably smite me for cowardice if I did.” His voice grew deeper. “And I wouldn't blame you for it.”
Twilight was brought closer to reality when Octavo stepped in front of her. She was looking at the back of his head, then he turned around. “Just stay behind me alright.” Her sense of logic told her that she was frozen, that she needed to move or Octavo would be killed, yet it wasn’t enough to release her from fear’s ensnare.
With incredible speed, the thin lanky monster hurled itself at him, the long legs of it carrying it far with each step. It's spear was brought back in an underhanded grip intent on finishing the stallion off at close quarters.
“COME ON THEN!” Octavo parried the spear lunge. The monster's experience told itself not to worry that the parry was a fluke. With the human's stance still broad it turned its whole body back, with its blob of flesh that was supposed to feet still planted heavily on the ground it lunged its spear at the stallion, instinctively aiming at the neck.
Octavo's blade made a twirling motion that came less than an inch from slicing off his own snout and parried the spear again, the human reeled its head back in surprise. They were almost in each others faces. The creature jumped back to avoid an attack that never came. The stallion in front of Twilight did not physically move during the attack, he merely stood his ground. Octavo gave it a look that Twilight couldn't see from her position, but the human seemed to recognize it, and its hatred grew even more.
For nearly an entire minute the human tried to kill Octavo by staying on what should have been its toes and utilizing every inch of the spear to attack at a distance. These attacks happened several times as the human attempted to walk around the stallion trying to get to Twilight. The monster's eyes were wide scanning for an opening, its mouth was foaming and its retracted lips were showing its broken teeth.
The human took several steps back, snarling as it examined the fruitless work of its attacks. Octavo lowered his sword and spoke calmly. “Nadi ight, peao ease.” With a hoof held up indicating for the creature to stop, Octavo allowed his sword to drop onto the marble streets, he waited for the monster to do the same.
The human shook his head. “Nadi peao, mus ight.” The creatures guttering sounds that escaped his mouth sent a shiver down Twilight's spine. The human lowered himself into a battle stance and began to circle the two Unicorns.
“Oct-Octavo,” stuttered Twilight, “what did it say?”
A sympathetic glance backwards was the only reply she got before he turned back to the threat. “Euy mes et-” Octavo was cut off mid-sentence as the human made a lunge for him.
To the surprise of all Octavo's jumped forward to meet the creature and scored a graceful attack across the human's arm with his quickly reacquired sword. The contorting face of the wound-inflicted monster accompanied by his roar made Twilight think back to when she first went into the Everfree Forest, and she knew that experience had nothing on this.
The human let out another roar, this one not of pain but of even more anger.
Twilight was still paralyzed by what seemed like fear, if it had been any other creature, Twilight could have done something against it. But these monsters seemed to have a special hold on her mind.
Smelling a moment of weakness Octavo charged the human, sword in mouth he slashed across his thigh. As the stallion came up behind the human after the sword attack he cast a fire spell onto the monster’s back, engulfing him entirely in bright azure flames.
The shrieks of pain brought Twilight back to reality, and she watched the human flail about and burn. Octavo sheathed his sword and dragged his hooves towards Twilight. “You alright?” She nodded as he sat down and cast another healing spell on his still bleeding wound.
“I-I can help.” Feeling the weight of responsibility and guilt, she rushed to him and together they closed the wound. Though in her head the human continued to dive at her, and this would continue for some time afterworld.
Several guards began assembling in the air, the human was still alive, still screaming, still attracting attention. “Stand clear! Everypony stand clear, let him burn!” There were multiple ponies speaking she realized. “Don’t get caught in the flames! Stand back!” “Everypony stand back!” another guard said.
The two unicorns paid them no attention as they came to terms with what had just happened. She watched him and Octavo looked at her hooves.
Panting. Sweating. He struggled to stand. It was obvious from his face and his wound that he was attempting to hide the pain, any other pony would be crying out for help and rolling on the street. No other pony could endure that, surely, thought Twilight.
The flames died out after a time. A few guards were gathering around the two.
“Are you hurt?” one of them asked the princess.
“He is,” she replied with her hooves on her protector.
He was lifted up by a unicorn guard. “I’ll take him to a hospital immediately.”
“No,” he said weakly. “No-no-no-no-no-no,” the floating stallion muttered in an almost inaudible tone.
“We’ll need to take him immediately to the hospital.”
“Civilians stand back!” a different guard accidentally yelled into her ear. “Secure the perimeter,” called out yet another guard.
Twilight was lost in the scene. A crowd that seemingly came out of nowhere was gathering. The concept of time was dying in her mind.
“NO!” yelled Octavo causing the unicorn guard to drop him. The injured stallion landed on his chin.
As he grasped his chin the guard turned to anger in his fear. “Why did you yell!? Y-you made me drop you!”
Twilight helped him up. “I refuse to step one hoof into a hospital. I-”
Another cry rang out. They all saw the human stand.
Skin burnt, they saw him stare right at Twilight, they saw him snarl and show his broken teeth to her. Those Milky white eyes cursed her, surrounded by black burnt eyelids.
“Impossible,” somepony whispered, it might have been herself.
He turned and ran down an alleyway with frightening speed. Twilight could hear glass break and guards running after him. She fainted.
Shit just got real.
3878344
You are a fast reader sir.
What was the human speaking? That was definitely not Latin. Please, divulge the information to me.
3878409
Just some primitive language that the stupid humans speak.
Not like the civilized one she heard the 'high quality' human speak, it's mentioned in chapter 6.
I'm writing it now.
3878428 Thank you for the explanation. I was trying to correlate it with latin and then proceeded to beat my head on the wall because I couldn't.
3878446
Well we can't have that.
It was better to spoil an insignificant thing than to let you suffer over it.
3878463 WARNING!!: Spoiler alert :WARNING!!
The author is amazing.
3878499
Also, before this weekend is over, I should have chapter 5 out, it's a small chapter, should be like 3,000 words when I'm done with it.
Also for you.
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That human.... I have a feeling it'll be our "High quality" human who ends up killing the crazed one.
Hey bear, what kind of tech level are you going to evolved humans? I assume it is at least late medieval, rennaisance since they seem to have guns and gunpowder.
Also what role gods will play in this fic ı wonder?
3878566
What tech level?
That would involve me ruining a big surprise
Nothing too crazy like laser guns, something below modern weapons.
Below WW2 stuff is the best you're getting out of me.
Believe it or not, I ask myself that very same question.
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3878348
One must always read fast so they can give a witty comment before anyone else.
So I do just that.
Not liking how useless you have made Twilight in this. Octavo really needs a bit bit of exposition as well because right now it is just frustrating watching him act like a mad man and have a useless Twilight just go along with it.
Awesome. Just awesome. Please let there be more
im having trouble identifying Octovo, is he nuts, a jerk, fanatic, psychic or just eccentric?
he's balant disregard of common law is stupid, its there for a reason anything you say to justify breaking it is irresponsible
i hope to see the resolution on "what" the humans are
Well, I'm sort of imaging a form of the creature from "I am Legend", without a face.
It makes the chapter somewhat horrifying.
3879080
DAMMIT FRED!
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3879079
I may be crazy, but I'm a logical writer, usually.
Just now, I realized why so many of you people feel this way.
You don't know what I know. Yeah there is a reason that he's like that, it's explained in next chapter and hinted at in this one.
3879112 Great!
i really hate seeing things in stories that seem out of nowhere, out of place, or without reason
Huh. This story's really got me thinking about things.
On one hand, I don't really like zealots (even being religious myself *erects flame shield*), but in a universe like this I can't really say it bothers me as much since, well... that god is probably totally real and probably able to hear me when I slander his/her/its good name. So yeah. There's also no benchmark for how powerful or knowledgeable these gods can be, so Octavo may be totally legitimized in praying to them. This is certainly something I'm hoping to get more context for as time goes on.
Also, the apparent suppression of free worship in Canterlot throws up its own red flags. The temples aren't just left alone, they're properly secured, you aren't allowed into them. I feel like the general attitude towards the temples implies something more than mere abandonment.
Control of weapons brings another set of issues, as Octavo is totally right about it grossly favoring unicorns as opposed to the other two races. Any average unicorn can levitate a heavy object and drop it on you, or ruin your day with a shower of cutlery or sizable rocks or something. Assuming levitation allows you to apply respectable force to an object, then some very nasty improvised weapons would never be far from hand, and you wouldn't even have the normal drawbacks of having it be awkward to swing or unbalanced or anything. More advanced unicorns can just set you on fire or screw with your head, as Octavo has been kind enough to demonstrate. If anyone lesser than Celestia and Luna was on the thrown, this would be setting off warning sirens, as it is it props up a nasty red flag that I'm going to keep my eye on as this story develops.
This is definitely turning into one of those "MONITOR EVERYTHING!" stories.
MERE BURNING IS NOT ENOUGH TO QUELL HUMAN RAGE!!!
THOU CAN NOT EXTINGUISH A INFERNO WITH A MERE FLAME
3879309
Earth ponies could likely shatter your skull with a single kick and send you across the horizon, Big Mac proved he could move an entire HOME at a brisk pace, and even knocked an entire dogpile of ponies what amounts to a mile or two with just his backpower.
Pegasi can move at incredibly fast speeds that unicorns can't keep up with and slam you into the ground and leave you a smear. Rainbow Dash Demolished buildings with her tricks, they can make tornado's, manipulate lightning, and several other neat things involving weather.
Why would a sword make a difference against ANY of them? Unicorns aren't Twilight level power, or Shining armor, Rarity could barely put up a fight with her telekinesis.
Fire does not cleanse.
It blackens.
3880065 A lot of these examples are subject to cartoon logic, we don't have any confirmation in-story for these abilities. For example, Twilight has had an anvil dropped onto her head in the show, but unicorns clearly aren't that durable in this story, so we can't assume all the cartoon logic has carried over, and levitation in the show has a habit of changing power levels as tension demands.
It should also be noted that RD and Bic Mac are the exceptions, not the rules. Big mac is the second largest pony and ponyville, and his talent revolves around it, the same is true of RD. Not many people will be able to emulate their feats.
3880249
We've seen Lightning Dust create tornado's, we've seen normal pegasi do it as well, manipulate clouds and weather function.
There's nothing to say Unicorns are explicitly as powerful as twilight however, considering we've seen plenty about rarity's strength. Most don't even seem able to cast more then Telekinesis at times.
Love it, im willing to see the humans kicking the griffons asses to the space, also i want to see the participation of the human slave that twily bought.
Keep going on please
3880280 Lightning Dust has been the only other Pegasus in the show that can stand up to RD. Not really an example of the status quo. The only other tornado was created through the effort of the entire town. It's also been shown that unicorns can manipulate weather.
I don't believe Octavo's talent is even magic, but he can still set people on fire and erase memories ( I need to fact check that).
EDIT: I can't actually find it mentioned, but the way he talks about it implies that the magic isn't terribly limited.
Lightning isn't even that dangerous, if we're strictly going off the show. Ponies get struck by it multiple times with basically no problems. Like I said, there isn't a way to make any solid call on this until we see what the races are like in the story, but it's looking to be significantly less cartoony than the show.
Alright, this chapter throws a new wrinkle into how humans have developed. Initially I simply assumed heavy mutation and, while that may still be the case, I feel like there is something else going on here as well. The fact that this human could survive multiple sword wounds and being set on fire, not to mention it not seeming to slow this human down as he escaped, shows a major difference. I'm assuming that exposure to magic/radiation has not only mutated mankind to some degree, but has also changed their physiology somewhat. It would certainly explain why they seem so much more durable at the very least. Then again that could just be this human if Twilight's reactions to him are anything to go bye.
Still waiting for the explanation of Octavo's actions, and I can't wait to get a glimpse of this humanity's societal structure. Should be very interesting.
You've asked for comments, so I'm going to try to say this as politely as possible: I'm not going to read any more of this. I know when a story is wasting my time.
It did start out with a really neat premise: humans as monsters, like orcs or ogres or something. And a horde of humans is on the verge of conquering the Griffon country. There's all sorts of cool story in there.
Almost 15 thousand words later, and that story is nowhere to be found. Instead, I've read chapter after chapter of trivia about the muscular, handsome, brilliant, well-traveled scholar who can take down a professional guard, controls powerful combat magics, is an expert sword user and one of the last remaining followers of the old gods -- who has basically relegated Twilight to a useless narration character / damsel in distress. I was literally groaning.
There are other things that bug me, too, but most of them I could be convinced to ignore. In the end, I just don't like where this story is going, I don't like the way it's getting there, and I'm not looking forward to a trip with Gary Stu the Pony in my face the whole time.
Thanks anyway. Best of luck to you, I guess.
3880968
I understand what you're getting at I really do, but if Twilight, as she is now, was thrown into the frontier, which is currently a warzone, she'd die. What Twilight currently is will not be what she will become later on. I'm working on Character development. I wanted to condense this story, but for what I have planned I really can't. Though I was groaning myself when I realized the time she spent in just Canterlot was 15k words. But it's a kickstart to an adventure.
Though in 100% truth I don't have everything planned.
This wont be a short story, but I am willing to jump into oncoming traffic if this takes me more than 200k words to complete. I'm completely serious about both parts of my last sentence.
i1330.photobucket.com/albums/w562/WolfWaffle1/Pics/Animals/images_zpsf2952351.jpg
well this is awesome
3882057
Aw. I love epics. Why you gotta break my heart like that?
Okay, I have two theories so far on what's up with the humans:
1) (failed?) Experimental super-soldiers mingled with paltry remains of humanity as the Magic Apocalypse beat the back into the stone age, and that plus the subsequent generations of mild inbreeding/magical radiation resulted in (among other oddities) Mr. No-Face the human-torch-wannabe who is nevertheless a frighteningly efficient warrior.
2) The mythical Lost 9th Roman Legion and accompanying hangers-on (camp followers, slaves, prisoners, etc...) got sucked through a magical Negative Space Wedgie and spat out whenever humans first appeared in this world, and the resulting magical radiation and inbreeding yada yada copy/paste faceless murderer. This would also explain why the "civilized" human spoke Latin (it wasn't a dead language back then) and, if the "mutants" were grouped in with the "barbarians" that may or may not have come with them, why the less civilized humans speak something else that might kinda-sorta sound like Latin if you think about it.
Also, I find Octavo's Holier Than Thou attitude to be quite obnoxious ("The gods say I'm allowed to break your laws, so you can't do anything to stop me."), and I do hope he gets knocked down a peg or two at some point in the near future.
It's not that I don't think he had a point when he said that the temples shouldn't have been off-limits in the first place, but the way he sort of looks down on anyone who doesn't agree with him and is not above using violence and fing with your brain if you get in his way regardless of who is actually in the right just rubs me the wrong way really hard in some very uncomfortable places.
So it's already obvious that Octavo and Twi are gonna get together later on. But I'm more interested in the human.
3883673
Meh, I don't know about that.
There will be other characters later on in the story, and I'm not sure who she will be with, and it's too early to set her with somepony already.
3883629
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahha!
Yes, yes, I feel you, there will be other characters later on in the story, maybe they can teach him some things
I have no idea what's gunna happen next.
Well beyond chapter 6 that is.
3883778
Well then I hope I gave you some ideas. All I want so far is to know why these are not the humans I know and
loveaccepttolerate, and to punch Octavo's smug face.But it has to be his smug face; I'd feel rotten if I hit him while he's in pain or just having a nice day.
3883410
By 200k words you should have told your story already.
Just saying.
Yeah 200k is too much IMO.
Thought I usually don't like stories under 50k, I'm a reader that needs time to grow closer to the characters.
Octavo feels a little like a Mary Sue. It doesn't help the fact that you keep glorifying him with both internal and external dialog, as well as making Twilight gawk at his prowess in a giggly-school-girl way, etc . The stories a turn off to be blunt, but I am curious how you will carry out the plot with the humans!
This is a good story, good idea for a story, and I'm excited for it, but you are in desperate need for an editor. I'm coming over quite a bit of terribly awkward writing.
I appear to be the only one who actually likes Octavo, and think that this is actually a pretty good representation of Twilight, as I have always seen her as useless and under-developed. This is a really good story, have a mustache.
This hurts my eyes.
ups, didn't comment... Ohh well only 8 days late
When I read that one of the humans had escaped, I was waiting for a big group of more escaped humans to come and help with fight the guards, which would reveal a massive slave uprising that had started mere minutes before.
But sadly no.
Also, I agree with what everyone says about Octavo. Especially Mr V.
I came here expecting humans being badass, and instead I got two miniscule examples of that and a story about OCTAVO, THE DASHING SCHOLARLY SWORDSMASTER WHO RESCUES TWILIGHT, THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS.
Booooooring.
3883629
I sure hope so. Although with how the slave sale turned out, and the subsequent need for a sword, i doubt the writer plans for that. But i guess future chapters will answer that for me.
3878818
You'd think after saving the world and going into danger so many times would have stripped her of that uselessness. Twilight didn't go into fear induced lock down against a manticore, hydra, or night maremoon, so why an armed, albeit ugly, human? Previous encounter with the mutant or not, she's not the helpless character that only snaps out of it after the fight's over.
This isn't Fluttershy we're talking about here, Twilight gets shit done. Sure she needs her friends to do that alot, but she's by far not as useless as she's been depicted thus far.
Over all, i rather detest Octavo. I don't really think he's a gray sue, close, but not quite. My main problem is that his whole mentality rubs me the wrong way. He's in Equestria, and expects them to follow divine law over secular law? If it was just a bluff to the guard at the merchant temple, that would have been one thing, but he truly thinks his foreign way of thinking holds any ground in Equestria. It doesn't help the powers that be (writer) lets him get away with it. Side note, his name also sounds like you just masculinized Octavia.
I will say that Twilight firing Octavo after having enough of his crap was a smart move in terms of her characterization, but vindicating his decision to ignore her protests about the sword barely a page later only makes the implications moot.
The premise for what you have laid out for the civilized humans is interesting enough to keep reading, but i will currently be hoping that Octavo is written out or at least written better. But i suspect i will have to bet more of the latter than the former.
I detest Octavo, and I resent your unsubtle shipping hints. Also, great job giving Twilight's personality an Other M makeover.
i like this story i do, it pains me to see it on hiatus and i hope you get back into writing when you feel more up to it, and i know i read that you were thinking of doing a rewrite and usually id say neigh...(hehe) to that idea but only being this far in ive changed my mind. its definitely in need of a rewrite, mainly because Octavo is a COMPLETE dingleberry. i know that were on The H.M.S Twi-Octivo...but i mean his character is almost...i don't want to say annoying or nonexistent..but its just...lame. i can deal with the "he"s not from equestria and prays to other beings and is of a different lifestyle" i like that i do. but every situation where Octavo shows his "gallantry" is some forced tripe that shouldn't even be happening in the first place! i mean the first instance when they "break into" a closed church of some kind and then he fights the royal guard? why did that even happen?! Him and PRINCESS Twilight are on an official mission sanctioned by the crown, she can go wherever she wants!! Why is she constantly being afraid of being thrown in jail? i mean is Celestia in danger of being thrown in jail for trespassing on royal grounds? i understand that twi isn't the kind of princess to throw her clout around but ...theres a limit. its canon that twilight can take charge of the royal guard and out ranks them on every level. And why is she reverted back to uselessness? well maybe not "uselessness" but seemingly more useless than she should be, her character isn't THAT bad or off. But isn't Octavo her "assistant" on this mission? Why is he just leading her around like a damsel in distress? i get that its so Octavo can be the knight in shining armor but once again...theres a limit. i like the fact that they're constantly "breaking into" these rundown cathedrals and showing a little bit of Octavo's beliefs and story building but they're always followed with some forced situation like "oh i found a sword" and once again twilight is scared of being thrown in jail (2 seconds later) "WILD HUMAN ATTACK!! LOOK AT MY SWORD AND OP MAGIC SKILLS WHILE THE PRINCESS OF MAGIC IS ONCE AGAIN TOO FRIGHTENED TO DO ANYTHING..ILL SAVE YOU FAIR MAIDEN!!". i dunno...Octavo is just a frustrating character that i feel is being forced to show his bravado and its killing the story, and ive read your other works so i KNOW you can do better. I like his backstory, but its shown way too up front. Might as well give him an eye patch and some scars to show his "ruggedness" too lol. If you do do a rewrite, id recommend putting Octavo back in his "assistant" place and putting twilight back up in charge. you can still have him be brave and gallant (AT appropriate times that come naturally with the story) breaking into churches, praying to his pagan gods as we learn his backstory, and having a sword, but don't try and make him the same "brave sword fighter from the bad-lands whose too cool for school" that he is now...its just not working. The situations are coming about all wrong and it completely breaks his character set up as a "scholar from clestia's school here to assist twilight with his knowledge". They haven't even left the city and he's already double backflipping off balconies and swinging from vines with a sword in his teeth fighting off bad guys!! ( i know that didn't happen but you get the picture) its hard to picture him as somebody who would come recommended by celestia if he's constantly beating up royal guards and breaking laws left and right. But if you want him to be "breaking into" these places...leave out the conflicts that come after. It'd be a much better story if he wasn't some indiana jones/road-warrior rip off and showed his bravery by going above and beyond his assistant character to save twi in an appropriate scenario and have their relationship grow that way. So twi is swoon by the lengths her "assistant" has gone to protect her kind of fashion. He's just so frustrating and lame!!!!!! haha, but other than his forced bravado i really like the story and will definitely still be reading further and hoping to see more in the future. i hope i didn't sound too insulting as i wasn't trying to be and i hope its taken as constructive criticism. its just....ugh...Octavo. i can see what you tried to do with him, but i think the execution of his character is just off.