• Published 15th Nov 2013
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Cheerilee's Thousand - xjuggernaughtx



Cheerilee goes on one thousand terrible dates.

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Date Fifty-Two - Takes A Licking...

Cheerilee scooched further left on the sofa, but the dog followed. Frowning, she lifted her right foreleg out of reach.

The dog tilted its head to the side before issuing a series of questioning whines. Inching closer, he stared at Cheerilee with wide, pleading eyes.

“Um…” Cheerilee said.

The dog sprang forward. Unable to reach her hoof, he settled for licking her side.

Cheerilee set her hoof against the dog’s head and pushed him away, but his tongue just set to work on her hoof again.

Ripple grinned across the coffee table. “Oh, don’t mind Fizzle. He’s just showing you that he likes you.” The heather-grey mare leaned over the table and scruffed her dog’s head. “Awen’t you? Awen’t you, Fizzle-Wizzle? Who’s showing Cheewilee some love?”

Fizzle’s tail thumped out a joyful rhythm on the sofa’s cushions. Taking full advantage of Cheerilee’s divided attention, he ducked his head under her hoof and edged past it to lick further up her leg.

“Wow! He’s really into you!” Ripple said with a laugh. She pushed the small tray that sat on the coffee table further toward Cheerilee. “Cookie?”

Cheerilee shuddered at the thought of eating anything right now. The dog’s tongue had already completely coated her right leg in pungent saliva from hoof to elbow. “Um, no thanks. I don’t mean to be a bother, but shouldn’t we get going?”

“Oh, silly me.” Ripple lightly tapped herself a few times on the forehead. “I forgot to tell you. The restaurant’s reservation list was full up. I thought we’d maybe just have a nice night here.”

Cheerilee scooped up one of the velveted throw cushions and set it between herself and the madly affectionate dog. “Okay, but could we—oof!” She coughed when the dog leapt over the pillow-wall she’d set up and slammed into her lap. Wiggling with unsuppressed happiness, he set both paws on her shoulders and attacked her cheeks.

“What a good boy!” Ripple clapped her hooves. “Oh, who’s making ponies feel welcome? That’s you! It’s you! Good boy!”

Craning her head as far away as she could manage, Cheerilee gently removed the dog from her lap and deposited him back onto the floor. Fizzle scrambled back and forth, searching for an opening, but Cheerilee kept her hind hoof squarely between them. “I-I think it might be best if we went out.”

Ripple’s grin slowly fell away. “But… but I’ve been cooking for hours. I made us some fresh bread, and I’ve got a ratatouille going.” She dropped her eyes into her lap, where her hooves were tightly pressed together. “I knew it. You’re not really into mares, are you? I was afraid you were just being nice at that social.”

“No, it’s not that,” Cheerilee said with an encouraging smile, “and your kitchen smells incredible, but—ahh!

Sensing Cheerilee’s momentary distraction, Fizzle had snuck around the sofa’s corner, and now leapt over the arm and into Cheerilee’s lap once more. He leaned into her, pinning Cheerilee as best he could and set to work licking the entirety of her left foreleg.

Ripple covered her heart with her hooves. “Oh, sweet Celestia, protect our doggies, always. They always know how to make a sad pony feel better.”

Cheerilee was halfway through a heavy sigh when Fizzle snuck a lightning fast lick across her muzzle. The distinctive odor of drying dog saliva filled her nostrils. “No, it’s not that. I was really enjoying our conversation last week.” Frowning at the doe-eyed dog, Cheerilee pushed him off her lap. “I-I just feel like it’s just a little, um...distracting here.”

Ripple’s tilted her head slightly to the side and blinked several times. “Huh?”

“Look, you seem like a nice mare, and I’d like to get to know you better.” Cheerilee pressed down on Fizzle more firmly when he threatened to roll out from beneath her restraining hoof, half-burying him in the sofa’s plush cushions. “Maybe someplace, you know, with just the two of us?” She nodded her head toward at the dog a few times and hoped that the message was finally clear.

Ripple’s grin returned, and she let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, is that what this is all about? Don’t you worry one little bit! Fizzle won’t tell anypony your secrets, so talk away. He’s a good doggie. Awen’t you, Fizzie? Who’s the best doggie? Fizzie’s the bestest doggie-woggie!”

“No! I mean—” Cheerilee closed her eyes and counted silently to ten before continuing. “I think you’re cute, and you’re obviously a talented cook, but I’m completely coated in dog slobber! Could we, I don’t know, put Fizzle in the backyard for an hour or two and have a normal conversation?”

The color drained from Ripple’s face for a moment, then returned as an angry flush. “Put him outside? All by himself? What are you, some kind of animal hater? You want to put my poor little doggie outside in the cold?”

“Cold? It’s Aug—UGH!

When Cheerilee lifted her hoof to point out the window, Fizzle seized his opportunity. Leaping into her lap again, his tongue snapped out with snake-like precision to lick the roof of Cheerilee’s open mouth. He let out a surprised squeak when Cheerilee hopped off the couch, gagging and sputtering. Now out of a lap, he paced the floor before her with eyes of liquid longing.

Ripple crossed her legs tightly across her chest, then tossed her head with a judgmental sniff. “See? He loves you, and you want to put him outside! I should have listened to Fluttershy when she told me that she didn’t think you liked animals! I said that you seemed way too nice for that, but that’s what I g-get for being s-so open and h-hopeful.” Ripple dabbed at her eye with one of the lacy napkins that sat beside the cookies. “I’ll have you know that I s-stood in line for three hours to g-get one of Princess Luna's new d-dating permits, and th-this is what I get for it!”

“Fluttershy said— Why that— I like animals just fine when they aren’t licking my skin off or nearly crushing my friend to—!” Cheerilee snapped her jaw closed and dropped her gaze for a moment before sighing. “Ripple, can we—”

Fizzle backed away a few stepped, then sprang forward again, but encounters with vicious ducks and love-crazed robots had honed Cheerilee’s twitch reflexes to a fine edge. Snatching up a pillow, she deflected the desperate dog away. Ripple’s breath was momentarily knocked out of her when Fizzle crashed into her lap.

“Out.” Ripple growled, pointing to the door.

“Ripple—”

Out!

“Can we please talk about this?”

Ripple locked eyes with Cheerilee and held the dog up between them. “You kiss his nose, and you apologize.” Her eyes narrowed. “Like you mean it. Or was Fluttershy right about you?”

Cheerilee stared at the long line of wiggling, glistening drool that hung from Fizzle’s mouth. It swung, pendulum-like, refusing to break, even at its unlikely length. The dog’s madly wagging tail beat against Ripple’s face, but she gave no indication of noticing. Her burning eyes were locked onto Cheerilee.

“Well?” Ripple said, shaking the dog slightly and sending the line of drool swinging back and forth dangerously close to Cheerilee’s hooves.

Cheerilee opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. “I hear those permits are good for a week. Maybe you should just cross me out and take Fizzle instead.” Stepping outside, Cheerilee turned to close the door, but caught Ripple’s slightly confused and somewhat hurt expression. “I can’t possibly compete with such a good doggie. I know when I’m licked.”

Author's Note:

This is actually something of a true story. When my mom was a little girl, she went over to a family friend's house. Once there, she was relentlessly licked by their dog. She said she basically couldn't get away from it, and everyone else seemed to think it was adorable. It just popped into my head the other day, and I figured it would make for a pretty terrible date.

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