Date Forty-Six - Full of Hot Air
“… And I thought we’d really made a connection, you know? I thought we’d really had something. But then Blossomforth told me that she’d seen Raindrops out with Thunderlane, and Fastball kept giving me this look whenever he saw me. Like he knew something, or… or that he had some secret. It was just too much to take after a while, and I…”
Cheerilee put a little added emphasis into her yawn this time. Two hours ago, this hot air balloon ride had seemed like such a fun way to spend some uninterrupted time with a handsome pegasus stallion, but now she found herself staring at the tiny ponies trotting below her with growing envy.
“… She was always trying to change me. Nothing was ever good enough with that mare. I’d get a new jacket, but it would be the wrong color. I’d have lunch with her, but I’d pick the wrong spot. She was so critical of every little thing, you know? There was this one time when…”
Cheerilee tried glaring and tapping her hoof against the basket’s wicker floor, but without any real sense of hope. He hadn’t picked up on it last time, either. Doesn’t he ever have to take a breath?
“… But oh no! That wasn’t good enough for her! I went completely out of my way to get that bouquet, but that’s not good enough for some mares! Some mares want—”
Cheerilee cleared her throat with as much force as she could muster. “Look, I appreciate you explaining so, um… completely why I seem so much better than your last marefriend, but could we please talk about something else?”
Guiding Light bit his lip and dropped his eyes. “Uh, sorry. I guess a got a little carried away there. Um…”
A tense silence stretched out between them.
“Brr,” Cheerilee finally said, rubbing her leg briskly with a hoof. “It does get nippy up here, doesn’t it.”
Guiding Light’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, are you getting cold?”
Cheerilee edged closer, smiling. “Yeah, I’m a bit chilly, but if you stand—”
Guiding opened the small storage locker beside him and pulled out a stained parka. “Here you go.”
Cheerilee’s smile slipped, and she stared at the jacket for a moment before taking it. “Uh… thanks.”
“Hopefully it fits. I tried to give my jacket to Raindrops once when she was cold, but she said it was way too loose in the shoulders. See, that’s how it is! You go through all the trouble of giving your nice, warm jacket for your marefriend, and she just can’t appreciate it. No, it’s always—”
“Guiding…”
The stallion turned to Cheerilee, blinking. “Huh?”
“You’re doing it again.”
“Oh. Right.” Guiding hung his head. “Sorry.”
Cheerilee sat and worked her legs through the jacket’s sleeves. “How about we talk about… uh…” Cheerilee’s eyes darted around rapidly, searching for anything. “The balloon!”
Guiding Light scratched his mane and shrugged. “Well, it’s not all that interesting. It’s a hot air balloon, ya know?”
Cheerilee zipped the jacket up and thrust her chilled hooves deep into the pockets. “Well, you never know what you’ve missed. Maybe I could plan a lesson around it! I’m sure the foals would love to learn how this all works!”
“Okay, then.” Guiding tapped the basket. “First, you have to start with a basket that’s really supportive. One that’s going to keep things together, even when the going gets tough, or when it seems to be carrying all the weight.”
Cheerilee arched an eyebrow.
Guiding pointed to the envelope towering above them. “Then you attach it to a beautiful, open, accepting partner, and you think ‘Wow, it’s a perfect match!”
Cheerilee shot the stallion a flat stare. “Guiding…”
The stallion pulled the burner’s cord, and a gout of flame erupted from the top. “But then you find out that the basket’s partner is just full of hot air, and she just takes over the relationship and drags you along wherever it is that she wants to go!”
“Guiding…”
“Oh, but you keep on working at it!” Guiding Light yanked at the knot securing one of the ballast sandbags to the basket. The balloon rose sharply as the bag fell. “You just keep making sacrifices, jettisoning little bits of yourself in attempt to keep the relationship afloat, but eventually she says that the flame has gone out and that the relationship’s run out of fuel even though you’ve worked so hard to make it just the way she liked it. Then you come crashing back to earth.”
“Guiding…”
“A-and then she runs off with Thunderlane, and you’re left behind with everypony just laughing at you because you’re such a chump. It certainly doesn’t matter that you gave her everything she ever wanted or that you tried so hard to be the stallion that she wanted. No! All that matters is—”
“GUIDING!”
The stallion shook himself. “Huh?”
“Look,” Cheerilee said softly. “I don’t want to seem like I’m telling you your business, but I think maybe you’re just not ready for this yet.”
Guiding Light blinked at Cheerilee for a moment. “This what?”
Cheerilee motioned back and forth between them. “This.”
The stallion sighed and hung his head again. “Yeah, maybe.”
Cheerilee patted his shoulder. “You shouldn’t rush into something right away. These things take time.”
“It’s…” Guiding looked off into the distance, then swallowed hard. “It’s just been a lonely last decade, you know?”
“Last decade?” Cheerilee’s eyebrows knit together. “You two broke up a decade ago?”
“Twenty-three years, eight months, three days, and sixteen hours ago, but the last ten years have been the toughest,” came the immediate response. “We went steady for almost all of third grade.”
Cheerilee jumped up and unzipped the jacket in one smooth motion. She was suddenly very warm. “Are you kidding me?”
Guiding Light leaned against the basket’s wall and laid his head on its edge. “I wish I was.” Sighing, he traced small hearts onto the wicker floor with his hoof. “I thought maybe seeing another mare—oof!” Guiding flailed as the thrown jacket caught him full in the face.
Cheerilee glared at the pegasus. “Take me back down to the ground, please.”
“Uh… okay, if that’s what you want.”
Cheerilee turned and swept her hoof across Equestria’s horizon. “No, what I want is a simple, normal relationship with somepony.”
“Oh, I get that!” Guiding Light said, nodding vigorously. “That’s all I wanted, too, but it just wasn’t enough. I kept on giving and giving, and what did I get? Nothing! She just…”
Cheerilee sighed and checked the burner’s fuel gauge. It was three-quarters full. Peeking over the edge of the basket, she tried to judge the distance to the sparkling lake far below. Hmmm. Bruises for sure. Probably some broken bones, too. Beside her, Guiding Light was gesticulating wildly, adding extra emphasis to his telling of their rocky date to the spring dance in the school’s cafeteria. It’s that or hear about Raindrops for the next three hours. Squinting, she checked the lake again. It seemed just a bit closer. He’s so caught up that he isn’t firing the burner. Just a bit more… Cheerilee cleared her throat. “Guiding, how did you two meet in the first place?”
The stallion’s ears perked up. “Oh, that’s a story, let me tell you! I was at recess, and…”
Cheerilee nodded occasionally and kept an eye on the approaching lake. Just keep talking, buster.
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One of these days, you'll run out of dates. I don't know how you do it. Personal experience?
Yikes...
4825964 It's definitely harder now that it was at the beginning...
And then she jumped.
4825964
Quiet you. That will never happen.
I wonder how long it'll take him to notice that Cheerilee's gone. An hour? Two? Until Raindrops flies by?
Has Cheerilee dated a changeling yet? I don't think she has, but I can't remember for certain, and reading through all the previous chapters for the sake of this offhand comment is entirely too much work for little reward.
4826038 She hasn't yet. Changelings didn't happen until season two, so I think it would be weird to introduce them now. People are certainly interested in them, though, so I may do it at some point.
Okay, if Guiding Light has been obsessing over 'Drops for as long as he claims, I wouldn't be surprised if she got a restraining order against him. Seriously, it's a childhood crush. Those things rarely pan out. He should stop clinging to the past and get over himself. It's not healthy; it's immensely creepy.
...
Actually, Cheerilee might've lucked out by cutting off the date when she did. Imagine Guiding Light trying to paint Cheerilee's coat yellow and glue wings to her back so that she'd look just like Raindrops. Yikes.
4825977 That's what she said.
IF, and I say IF he somehow goes for 1000 motherfucking dates, and they all average about 1000 words per, I will pay to go skydiving naked. and take video. Keep in mind that would fucking hurt a lot...
So what happens if he decides leave the ballon unattended and follow her on her way down and continue on with his story? Consider the following:
A) Cheerilee watches him follow her and doesn't pay attention to the ground and misses her mark while he's oblivous to the situation and continues on with his story as he safely lands besides her body.
B) The hot air balloon crashes into Cheerilee's home and explodes, which catches the nearby homes on fire.
C) Princess Luna just so happens to be watching the situation through her telescope. Luna immediately teleports to Cheerilee still in mid air, catches her, and teleports them to the moon where Luna has a picnic basket and blanket set up just for the occasion. Luna and Cheerilee hit it off and become a couple.
OR
D) Both A & B
(Sorry... I can be a bit crazy.)
4826074 Well, that just means you can't do a changeling who's openly a changeling. You might be able to work with the 'hilariously incompetent at infiltration' gag, though. "So, I hear this place makes the best slime in town. Ponies eat slime, right?"
4826074
Cheerilee's already been pursued by a Terminator robot intent on romancing her. (and who sent that thing, anyway?)
She probably wouldn't think anything (special) of a freakish insectoid parody of a pony.
4826282 The terminator thing was set up in chapter 23. It's the new model of the one that tried to suck her face off.
4826228 Oh, it can be done if I want to do it. I'm just not all that into changelings, so it hasn't been a priority. Someone wrote a changeling chapter for me, but I ran into some problem with it... I can't remember why I haven't used it yet. Hmmm. I'll have to go back and look.
The entendre has been doubled!
Nice bit of dual meaning here. I just hope Cheers makes it to the water without too much pain. Physical pain, anyway.
4826302 This is Cheerilee's life. Pain is guaranteed. Just enough to be really, really annoying.
4826168 I'll honestly be amazed if I get past 100. We will see. I have the rest of my life to think up dates, theoretically, so it's possible... I guess...
Fimfiction.net is going to be around for the rest of my life, right?
4826319 Maybe you could do the MLP Loops thing and make a thread about it, asking people to make up snippets? And then make this into an anthology full of your favorite (and most canon-fitting) ones plus your own in between?
That could quicken the pace, and this story is popular enough that I imagine at least six or so writers would come on board (maybe more). And since you already have guest writers, I doubt it'd hurt your viewership. Hell, the variety of minds and the collaborative element could make it even more fun!
And let's face it: You're not going to write a thousand stories. You're not going to write Five HUNDRED stories. I could maybe see you writing two hundred, including guest writers, but you're not going to get close to your goal of a thousand.
Swan dive!
4826521 Well, to be honest, I never expected to. It's only a thousand so that it would be completely open ended. This is what I work on when I don't feel like writing anything else.
My take on this was that when I get bored with it, I'll just transfer it over to some other author who wants it.
Well, it's a long way down. But it's not like that guy will ever notice.
4826074
Wait, when is this story taking place?
Okay. Guiding Light, despite your numerous other problems...
...she was literally asking to be cuddled. Yes, giving her a jacket was a classy move, but you PASSED UP A SNUGGLE-TUNITY.
4826038
At this rate Cheerilee will become so jaded, bitter, and vitriolic that she her anger towards all things interpony relational will incapacitate any changeling that dares come within 10 metres of her. Maybe this is all part of a secret project by the Royal Guard to develop the ultimate anti-changeling super soldier mare?
As far as dates go, has Cheerilee gone out with a diamond dog yet? I can see her having a descent date with a diamond dog gentleman; a bit of a culture clash, but he is polite and chivalrous... and then Rarity shows up and everything goes pear shaped.
Alternatively, she has a perfect date, nice low-key romantic candle light dinner, no drama (despite Cheerliee tensing up every few minutes and looking over her shoulder for the expected disaster which never comes), her date is well adjusted, polite, and a very sympathetic listener... and then the "camera" pulls back only to discover that Cheerilee has temporarily gone mental and actually set up a date with Sir Lintsalot.
4826734 It's about halfway through season one right now.
4826791 Sir Lintsalot! +1 for that. Oh, man. A date with Rocky or Madam LeFlour would be so epic!
4826298 Don't make the changeling evil, please...
Poor Cheerilee. :c Gurl, you'll find somepony soon. Stay strong.
4827021
Really? I was under the impression that it had mentioned Twilight being an alicorn at some point
4827383 It might have happened. It wouldn't surprise me if I'd make some mistakes along the way.
4827207
I do not think finding dates will be a problem...
4828715 Hahaha. I mean somepony worth staying with. xD
4827031
Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder answered a rules question on their Tumblr that absolutely must be a chapter of this story.
4826758 I'm glad someone else is distressed that Cheerilee threw that out there and he just totally missed it. If I were a stallion, I think I'd love to snuggle with Cheerilee.
Just a guess, Guiding Light, his cutie mark is a torch right? His special talent is carrying a torch, isn't it?
Probably the worst date imaginable is one with somepony who does not even want to be there and whose mind (and heart) are elsewhere. It's an indication of just how bad it is that Cheerilee was literally willing to play the odds game with death to escape it.
Guiding, old son, just shut up for a moment and consider this: Cheerilee is willing to risk death rather than spend any more time with you. That's probably why Raindrops dropped you like a hot coal.
4831418 Ding ding ding! I actually thought about having the cutie mark in there, but I thought that would be a bit much. I figured the name would have a nice, double-layered meaning. He's a tour guide, and he's carrying this torch. His cutie mark was actually the burner for the hot air balloon, but I thought it worked both ways.
4829182 Jeez, I can't fit all that into a thousand words! What do you think I am? Some sort of skilled writer?!
I'll have to use Discord for something at some point. He's a complicated character to work into something like this, though. He has very few limitations.
4827850 Thanks, I'm glad you're liking it.
I do like writing Cheerilee in those happier moments when the dates are going pretty well, and I think the audience likes those, too. People are tuning in to see me ruin Cheerilee's life in different ways, but they really root for her, as well. They like to see her win a little.
4833655 I still think Chrysalis disguised as Discord is an excellent comedic broth, for this fic or otherwise.
4833630 My model for this was a friend that I had many years ago that just would not quit talking about his girlfriend, who he apparently couldn't stand, but wouldn't break up with. It was really irritating to be around him at that time because he would just go on and on, and when you'd finally get him off the topic, he'd just find a way to start it up again. It came back to me the other day, so I figured something similar would make for a pretty terrible date.
I shouldn't say "had." He's still my friend, but he doesn't bitch about his relationships anymore because his wife is awesome.
4828339
Where do they come from, then? All they'd have to do is ban him from the premises and he wouldn't be able to claim more.
4838569 Crescent is the kind of pony who finds a way around these things. For example, I don't think Spitfire would ever ask him to alphabetize the roster.
I normally don't read the last chapter in an incomplete story, because it just leaves me wanting more, but your use of adventure and mayhem has me captivated. Keep up the good work and please continue these when you can. They're wonderful
Wow. You're really good at constructing dates to go horribly wrong xjuggernaughtx. It's really pretty humorous of a story. Kind of reminds me of a similar story I've been reading where Celestia's been trying to find dates of her own as well. This is a pretty underappreciated story imo. I'm surprised not many more people are into what you're writing here.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/119978/celestia-uses-an-online-dating-website
4912438 Oh, for my level of followers, this story is doing alright. Rainbowbob is a much bigger name around these parts, but I'm glad you are enjoying this. I have a really good time writing it.
5041177
Hahaaaaaaaaaaa~!
4912758
This is pretty awesome.
Though I would like to request a chapter in which Celestia sets her sister up to (hopefully) give cheerilee a good date, and as part of her reintegration into Equestrian society after her... ahem, "Lunar Vacation".
O wow. Actually going to be a thousand dates?, I'm already diging this and i havent started reading.