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Date One - A Trip to Sugarcube Corner1,042 words
Date Two - Hot Stuff1,045 words
Date Three - Lowering the Bar1,080 words
Date Four - A Flight to Remember1,072 words
Date Five - Striking It Rich1,188 words
Date Six - What The Duck?!1,358 words
Date Seven - The Will to Succeed1,068 words
Date Eight - The Deepest, Darkest Date1,182 words
Date Nine - Pet Peeves1,196 words
Date Ten - It's All Relative (Guest Chapter by Eakin)1,091 words
Date Eleven - The Scent of a Stallion1,130 words
Date Twelve - Just Hanging Around1,100 words
Date Thirteen - Lepidopterrifying1,154 words
Date Fourteen - A Royal Pain in the Aft1,238 words
Date Fifteen - Check, Please1,134 words
Date Sixteen - A Vision of Loveliness1,341 words
Date Seventeen - A Jarring Experience1,143 words
Date Eighteen - Roomhates1,144 words
Date Nineteen - An Affair to Forget (Guest Chapter by Jondor)1,240 words
Date Twenty - An Instrument of Destruction (20th Date Double Sized Extravaganza!)2,228 words
Date Twenty-One - The Captive Heart1,385 words
Date Twenty-Two - The Flavor of Defeat1,170 words
Date Twenty-Three - Rottomaton1,824 words
Date Twenty-Four - Cruisin' For A Bruisin'1,480 words
Date Twenty-Five - A Quiet Night In (Guest Chapter by BronyWriter)1,239 words
Date Twenty-Six - A Moussed Connection (Guest Chapter by Seether00)2,257 words
Date Twenty-Seven - Blue Belles and Green Mushrooms1,158 words
Date Twenty-Eight - Closed Encounters2,357 words
Date Twenty-Nine - Fan Fiction1,177 words
Date Thirty - Smother (Guest Chapter by Eakin)1,512 words
Date Thirty-One - Unreported (Guest Chapter by Eakin)2,282 words
Date Thirty-Two - Things Better Left Unsled1,309 words
Date Thirty-Three - Oh, Deer 1,602 words
Date Thirty-Four - Speed Dating (Guest Chapter by Metool Bard)1,694 words
Date Thirty-Five - Batmare Ends (Guest Chapter by BronyWriter)2,727 words
Date Thirty-Six - Come With Me If You Want To Love1,931 words
Date Thirty-Seven - Savings and Groan2,079 words
Date Thirty-Eight - Disenchanted1,208 words
Date Thirty-Nine - Terms of Ensnarement1,533 words
Date Forty - Lightening the Mood1,271 words
Date Forty-One - Adding to the Problem1,469 words
Date Forty-Two - The Cold Shoulder1,267 words
Date Forty-Three - Movie Scars1,443 words
Date Forty-Four - Love's Just Not In The Cards1,619 words
Date Forty-Five - The Right End of the Wrong Stick (Guest Chapter by InquisitorM)1,798 words
Date Forty-Six - Full of Hot Air1,291 words
Date Forty-Seven - A Secret Affair1,368 words
Date Forty-Eight - Halt, Criminal Scum (Guest Chapter by Georg)2,542 words
Date Forty-Nine - On The Ledge Of Disaster3,412 words
Date Fifty - Tact and Harness (Guest Chapter by Skywriter)2,512 words
Date Fifty-One - The Laws of Attraction2,131 words
Date Fifty-Two - Takes A Licking...1,331 words
Date Fifty-Three - Join the Horde!2,181 words
Date Fifty-Four - Love's The Best Policy2,163 words
Date Fifty-Five - Un-Appetizers2,794 words
Date Fifty-Six - Let's Talk About Sects1,672 words
Date Fifty-Seven - Rolling With The Punches2,477 words
Date Fifty-Eight - Deviating From The Program3,083 words
Date Fifty-Nine - You Can't Spell 'Now' without 'Ow'3,086 words

Date Twenty-Four - Cruisin' For A Bruisin'

“Rab-ble! Rou-ser! Rab-ble! Rou-ser!”

The audience had been chanting his name for ten minutes now, the crescendo of their clapping and whistling building steadily. When they finally reached a fever pitch, he burst through the curtain, throwing his hooves up into the air.

The crowd erupted as he trotted back to the microphone. “Guys, I gotta sleep sometime, you know,” he said, laughing. This was his third encore and the building manager was beginning to look a little worried. Rabble Rouser had been told in no uncertain terms that this was absolutely, positively the last five minutes he’d have.

His roadie trotted out with a fresh guitar. “Y’all love your rock ’n’ roll, huh?” Rabble Rouser nodded as the crowd roared. “Yeah, me, too. Thanks for comin’ and hangin’ out with me. You know, they’re tellin’ me backstage that y’all gotta get on up outta here, but that don’t mean we can’t rock this joint one last time!”

He took a swig of cider while he waited for the crowd to rein themselves in. He could feel the seconds ticking by, but it didn’t bother him any. He’d leave the stage when he was good and ready, building managers be damned.

“So I—” Rabble winced as feedback squealed from the speakers. “Hey, Sound Check? Can you bring my levels down a little? Yeah, that’s good.” Rabble took another swig of cider, shrugging. “Anyway, maybe some of y’all read about it, but I spent last summer on a boat. I wanted to know what it was like for them sailors out there on the water all the time.” Lifting his guitar, he slung it over his shoulder and absently strummed out a few chords. “Learned a lot. They got knots for their knots, and I ate all kinds of seaweed that I didn’t know existed. I told ’em they could keep that. Gimme a hayburger any day.”

The crowd laughed, eager for whatever it was he was building to.

“But I did take somethin’ from ’em,” Rabble said, striking up a jaunty tune. His speaking voice began to slowly fade way, becoming more and more melodic as his strumming intensified. “Those sailors had a song that they’d sing when they were workin’. Seems they’d been the crew on this amazin’ voyage. ‘Cursed’, they called it. Well, y’all know what comes next. I had to have ’em teach it to me, and now I’m gonna sing it for y’all.”

Oh, come gather ‘round mates!
And I’ll sing of bad dates,
On a voyage, cursed and dark!
It’s the tale of one mare,
And her life lived unshared,
Who wanted to feel love’s spark.

But she found with a grin,
That a trip she did win,
She leapt for joy with a shout.
T’was a romantic cruise,
She had nothing to lose,
Waving good-bye, she set out.

Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!

Meanwhile six strong stallions,
Boarded the galleon.
Searching for love of their own.
Oh, their futures seemed bright,
And the timing felt right.
They would have run if they’d known.

’Cause Cheerilee followed,
And the sea soon swallowed,
The one that returned her wink.
For the wind rocked the ship,
And his hoof, it did slip.
Then o’erboard into the drink.

The crowd groaned, some throwing out some light-hearted boos. “Aw, don’t gimme that!” Rabble growled, frowning theatrically at them. “I didn’t write this stuff. Go take it up with the sailors!” He waited for them to stop laughing before launching into the chorus.

Well, lad two thought he knew,
What a stallion should do,
To win the heart of the lass.
For the love of this girl,
He would fish up a pearl,
To show her that he had class.

So ’neath the waves he went,
’Til his air tank was spent.
Still not an oyster in sight.
So he pried at a clam.
‘It’s as big as I am!’
Were his words ere it did bite.

Date three took a chance,
When he asked her to dance.
At dinner their second night.
The pair shimmied and swayed,
While the band played and played,
The music let them take flight.

But the sultry singer,
Was quite the dead ringer,
For beautiful Rarity.
When she started to sing,
He called off the brief fling.
Jilted was poor Cheerilee.

A high-pitched awwwwww rose from the crowd. “I know, I know, ladies!” Rabble said, shifting between a few neutral chords as he talked. “But seriously, have you seen that unicorn? Hoo-ey, she is mighty fine!”

With the next she did flirt,
So he wasn’t alert.
Blissfully dreaming of love.
Hungry seagulls did see,
A fine morsel in he.
They swooped down on him from above.

He did run to and fro,
Yelling for them to go.
Shouting for help from the rest.
But despite his large size,
They kept after their prize,
Carrying him off to their nest.

Number five rolled the dice,
When he tried to look nice,
Sunbathing out by the pool.
‘To entice her I can,
Get to work on this tan!
She’ll love me if I look cool!’

But his skin was too fair.
As they napped in deck chairs,
The redder that he became.
Cheerilee soon awoke,
’Cause he started to smoke,
And then he burst into flame!

The last stallion wondered,
How many had blundered,
While vying to win her hoof.
For he’d seen stallions try,
And he couldn’t see why,
The beauty appeared aloof.

So he asked for peck,
As they hid below deck.
For the weather had gone south.
But on that roiling sea,
To their horror did he,
Get seasick into her mouth.

The audience’s reaction hit Rabble Rouser like a tsunami: Laughter, groaning, and retching. “Hang in there, folks. We’re just about through. Y’all know the words by now, I’m sure. Help me out with this chorus!”

And they did.

Well, poor Cheerilee docked,
And the crew was quite shocked!
The captain, he couldn't see!
How a right bonny mare,
With her poise and her flair,
Could leave empty-hoofedly.

Seven went on the trip.
But the stallions did slip,
Into fate’s grip, by and by.
As she left with a scowl,
She spat out with a growl,
‘I’ll be alone ’til I die!’

“Good night, folks! See y’all next time!” Rabble Rouser finished with a flourish, strumming the guitar aggressively before throwing it to the floor. Still attached by the strap, it spun several times around his body before he plucked it off and threw it high into the air, walking away. He crowd gasped, then broke out into whistling applause as his roadie slid onto stage, catching the guitar at the last second. Rabble shook his head, grinning. “Gets ’em every time.”

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