Date Twenty - An Instrument of Destruction (20th Date Double Sized Extravaganza!)
“It’s just that, well, I’d expected it to be… a little more quiet in here, that’s all!” Cheerilee folded her ears, wincing as the machine cycled into a higher gear. “Um, it is always like this?” she shouted, forcing a smile.
She’d been standing in the coat check’s snaking line with Fancy Pants for several minutes now. Nearby, a grim-faced janitor worked a deafeningly loud industrial waxer back and forth across the symphony hall’s marble floor. Adding to the cacophony, a small group of musicians were trying their best to demonstrate scales to a group of wide-eyes foals. Frowning, they shot the janitor dirty looks, then bent to the task again. The musicians' cheeks bulged grotesquely as they attempted to overpower the shrieking waxer.
Fancy Pants sighed, or at least he appeared to. Cheerilee couldn’t hear it over the noise. “I’m at a loss, I’m afraid,” he shouted. “I’ve never seen it this way before. I wasn’t aware that today was the Canterlot school system’s Arts Appreciation Day, or I would have rescheduled.” Both ponies squeezed their eyes closed and gritted their teeth as the clarinetist squeaked out a piercingly incorrect note. “You have my sincerest apologies for this.”
“Oh, it’s okay,” Cheerilee said. She had to practically put her muzzle into the stallion’s ear to be heard. “I’m sure it will be fine once we get into the hall. Besides, just look at them!” Cheerilee pointed to the rapt students. A nearby teacher gently placed a restraining hoof on one of the foals as he tried to pluck the strings of a double bass. “They’re really enjoying themselves! It’s so nice to see that the foals here are exposed to so much at such a young age.”
Fancy Pants nodded, smiling. “Yes, I remember this from when I was a foal. I’d been complaining all day because I didn’t want to wear my stuffy formal clothes and sit in some big hall where we were going to have to be on our best behavior for hours. Ah, but then… the music!” The stallion reared, conducting with his forehooves. “I was captivated from the first note, Cheerilee. I tell you, the music took hold of me and never let me go! I’ve yet to miss a year!” Fancy Pants frowned as the janitor moved nearer. “And I don’t mean to start now, noise or no!” he yelled over the din.
Cheerilee breathed a sigh of relief. With the terrible racket going on, she’d been sure that he’d want cancel the date. Don’t even try it, buster, she though. I’ve been through a lot worse than this! I can take a little noise.
The teacher had come to Canterlot to visit her sister, Meadowsong, but they’d run into Fancy Pants in a bistro when they’d gone to lunch. He’d been seated next to them, and had magically retrieved Cheerilee’s fork when she’d dropped it. That had started a flirty back and forth that ended with Fancy Pants joining their table. Meadowsong had given her a wink and then left, “remembering” some vital errand.
Cheerilee had spent the next hour with the handsome stallion, marveling as his breadth of experience. She hated to say it, but several of the Canterlot residents that she’d met that day seemed a little too impressed with themselves. However, this one seemed both witty and down to earth. She’d had to fight to keep her composure when he’d asked her to accompany him to the symphony later that night.
Try as she might, she couldn’t even remember making the trip back to her sister’s apartment. She might as well have been trotting on cloud nine. Once inside, Meadowsong had pumped her for details while Cheerilee tore through her sister’s closet, trying to find anything that would work as formal attire. She swore as she tried piece after piece on, playfully complaining about her sister’s naturally slim figure.
But there it was, in the back of the closet. A gorgeous, shimmering gown of black silk, complete with gloves and shawl. It had fit perfectly, and both mares squealed in delight as Cheerilee turned this way and that in front of the mirror. She was ready to knock this stallion dead.
Or, she had been until they’d arrived at the hall. Now that they were together, they could barely understand one another over the noise. Still, it offered her an excuse to be very close. He didn’t look like the kind of stallion to brazenly move in for a kiss in the middle of a public space, but Cheerilee found herself hoping. She wouldn’t mind being wrong tonight.
Fancy Pants removed his monocle, polishing it with a handkerchief. “What a mess! I promise I’ll make this up to you, though.” He put up a hoof as Cheerilee opened her mouth to protest. “Ah-ah! I won’t hear a word against. This isn’t meeting expectations and—ah, here we are!” Now at the front of the line, Fancy Pants handed his jacket to a bored looking attendant. “Now,” he said, taking Cheerilee’s elbow, “let’s find our seats and get away from all this, shall we?”
Cheerilee struggled to match Fancy Pants’ elegant stride. He seemed to glide across the floor in a way that suggested that years of attending the symphony left him unconsciously dancing. She was doing her best to match his gait, but she couldn’t help feeling clumsy and ham-hoofed. The slick floor wasn’t helping. Cheerilee set each hoof down carefully, making sure the she didn’t fall.
I sure hope I’m coming off better than I think I am, she thought as she scanned the room. It seemed like everypony was watching them. Sometimes, she would catch a pony whispering behind their hoof, pointing at them as they passed. She couldn’t be certain, but many of the mares seemed to be regarding her with envy. As Fancy Pants gently guided her to a carpeted staircase, she supposed that she couldn’t blame them. What more could you ask for? she thought.
~~~
“And so you’ve never been?” Fancy Pants shouted as he gave her a winning smile. “Well, it’s my sincere pleasure to be the one to introduce you to that which has filled my life with so many wonderful moments! Pity about the lobby, though.” He shook his head, tsking. “This work should have been done hours ago. Somepony’s bound to fall if they don’t get the runner down soon. I’ll have a word with them about this when it’s time to underwrite the next season.”
Cheerilee blinked, wondering if she’d heard him incorrectly. It was so noisy that she’d had to half-rely on lip-reading, but as they ascended the stairs, she found that she was having difficulty wrangling her dress and looking at him at the same time. Cheerilee squinted, watching his mouth carefully. “Did… did you say you ‘underwriting’?”
“Yes,” he said loudly, nodding. “I’ve financed the orchestra for the last three years.”
Cheerilee’s mouth dropped open. “I-I had no—”
RRRIIIIIPPPPPP!
Cheerilee stumbled as she tripped on her hemline. Still holding onto Fancy Pants’ leg, she managed not to fall, but looking behind her, she could see that she’d torn a sizable portion of the dress. Her temples began to pound as she glared at the trailing hem. The gown was ruined.
"#*%@!!!" she screamed at the dress’ gaping hole.
At that precise moment, the janitor finished the lobby’s floor.
It was also the moment that the musicians finished the foals’ lesson.
It was, in fact, the first truly quiet moment the hall had experience in several hours.
Cheerilee’s explicative exploded into a vast sea of silence, feeding on the lull. Like a hurricane over warm waters, it gathered strength in the sudden silence. It was unstoppable.
The word echoed through the hall, rolling along the acoustically perfect chamber and back down into the lobby. Heads turned in outrage as they tried to determine where the source of such crassness. In the lobby, several foals began crying. Teachers shouted for management.
Trembling, Cheerilee slowly turned to meet Fancy Pants’ wide-eyed stare. His mouth hung open as he blinked at her several times. On the verge of tears, she was fumbling through an apology when he’d started to laugh.
At first, she was afraid that he was crying. The sophisticated stallion lowered his head, his whole body shaking. Cheerilee twisted her hooves around each other, mortified. But then he’d thrown his head back and started howling. As his laughter rang through the hall, it replaced the echoing curse. Cheerilee began to giggle, then transitioned into a deep, cleaning belly laugh. It felt remarkably healing. Oh, I needed that! she thought, trying to get herself under control again. When was the last time I truly felt like this?
“My dear,” Fancy Pants said, wiping away a tear, “I’d never have expected it from—oh!”
As the stallion’s monocle popped out of his eye’s weakened grip, both Fancy Pants and Cheerilee moved reflexively to catch it.
“Oops! Slippery—”
“Oh, let me—”
A flash of blinding white pain shot through Cheerilee as their foreheads slammed together. Stunned, the hallway swam before her, and she stumbled into the stallion. As Fancy Pants cried out, Cheerilee shook her head vigorously, trying to clear away the spots.
As her vision slid into to focus again, she saw that Fancy Pants was teetering on the edge of the stairs, pinwheeling wildly. Moments from tumbling down the stairs, he twisted his hips and pawed at the air, fighting to keep his balance. It was a fight that he was losing.
No! Cheerilee thought, her heart racing. Nononono! Not this time! Desperate to save the stallion, Cheerilee’s hoof shot out, grabbing Fancy Pants’ expertly coifed mane. Pulling with all of her might, she only managed to tear out a chunk of his hair. She stared it in horror as he tipped backward.
Cheerilee’s heart nearly stopped as a beam of pure arcane energy erupted from his horn and encircled the chandelier above them. Slowly, he began hauling himself back to a standing position.
“Well, that was certainly…” he began before trailing off, his eyes growing wide. Cheerilee glanced up, following his look of horror back to the chandelier. Every candle that it had previously held was falling right toward her. Firing out another beam, the stallion managed to catch a single candle in the fiery deluge.
Cheerilee bolted, desperate to avoid the shower of flame, but caught her hoof on the torn hem. Tripping again, she tumbled down the stairs, picking up speed as she whizzed by Fancy Pants. Rolling and bumping, she tried to get her bearings, but each time she tried to put a leg out to arrest her descent, it only seemed to add to her momentum.
“Cheerilee!” Fancy Pants called after her, galloping down the stairs as quickly as he could manage. “My word, I—”
As Cheerilee slammed into the polished marble floor, stars swam before her eyes. Dazed, it took her a moment to realize that she was sliding through the lobby at nearly the speed at which she had tumbled down the stairs. Cheerilee’s hooves were a blur as she tried to back-pedal, but the floor’s surface seemed almost frictionless. As she sailed by the janitor, he paused for a moment, raising his eyebrows at the black-clad mare before going back to laying a carpeted runner down along the path she had just traveled. Thanks for nothing, buddy! she thought, glaring at him. Unconcerned, he shrugged, lazily pointing a hoof to something in her path.
Cheerilee turned just in time to see the musician’s terrified faces as she plowed into them. Woodwinds and brass instruments flew into the air, the artists scattering like ten pins as the teacher barreled through them. Still scrambling, she fought for some sort of purchase, but was hampered by a dented French horn that was jammed onto her hoof. Somehow, the impact had barely slowed her and she was headed straight for the hall’s large double door.
“Somepony catch her!” Fancy Pants called, his hooves slipping and sliding as he attempted to gallop after the teacher. “Don’t let her—”
Cheerilee grunted as she hit the doors, the wind blasted out of her. Gasping and coughing, she flew out into the night air and onto a red carpet that hadn’t been there when she’d arrived. Holding her head protectively in her hooves, Cheerilee didn’t even see Sapphire Shores as she tumbled into the diva, bowling her over and entangling herself in the singer’s dress. Flashbulb erupted all around them as both dresses ripped in several places. Finally, Cheerilee came to a stop, her head throbbing as she tried to figure out which way was up.
“Well, honey,” Sapphire’s muffled voice said from somewhere beneath her, “I don’t know how you are with entrances, but you sure know how to make a memorable exit!”
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I just noticed this story now. Haven't decided on reading it yet, but are you really going to write 1000 chapters?
Cheerilee really is cursed isn't she?
The whole universe is conspiring against her finding Mr Right.
Fancy doesn't seem like the kind to even take that badly! There should be more about these two, methinks!
Cheerliee: 0
Universe: 20
I have a feeling that Fancy Pants would be the sort of stand up guy to not break off the date even after all that, but Cheerilee would probably be in constant fear of another disaster and not have a good time at all.
3860686 I'm just going to write them until either everyone is bored with the story, or I am.
I'm hoping that if I get bored, but people still want more, I can just open it up to the public. I'd like to get this to 1000 chapters, but that is a massive undertaking.
3860744 I really love Fancy Pants, so I'm definitely planning on using him again.
3860723 It's an interesting question, isn't it? Exactly what is driving this?
3860752 I'm thinking Cheerilee ran off mortified shortly after this.
But don't worry. Fancy Pants is my all-time favorite stallion. He's definitely going to be seen again.
At least Fancy (and Sapphire) took the entire event in good humor, but that's about the best that can said about it.
3860773
Well yeah. 1000 different chapters for 1000 different dates means 1000 different stallions/mares.
3860793
Its Discord isn't it? He remembers her for the school trip to his statue.
Now that would be an interesting date maybe number 1000.
Discord: You know I've been messing up all of your previous dates
You Mad?
3860910 I was going to have all those candles fall on Cheerilee and catch her dress on fire, but I thought that might be a bit much. Still, the thought of her streaking across the lobby on fire was amusing to me. We are getting a little past what I can deal with in term of cartoon violence with that, though.
3860927 Some of them will be repeated. Dates go badly for a lot of reasons. It's not always the fault of the stallion/mare. Caramel's been used twice now.
3860927 Some of them will be repeated. Dates go badly for a lot of reasons. It's not always the fault of the stallion/mare. Caramel's been used twice now.
3860944 I suppose "Cheerilee didn't catch on fire" is definitely another good thing that could be said about this particular date.
Fancy Pants and Sapphire Shores are among my favorite non-recurring characters, so this was awesome.
3860941
That would be hilarious. Cheerilee finds out that Discord's been trolling her the whole time, she goes berserk and beats the crap out of him.
3860941 Yeah I think I'm gonna have to second Discord
.
3860968
Ah. Okay.
Well I might give this a shot. Read Later list.
I am sure Fancy Pants will give her another shot. This is still salvageable. By that, I mean you're going to have to try harder to ruin her day, XJ.
And the next day she found that Featherweight had somehow caught a photo where she appeared to be totally making out with Sapphire Shores.
Curiously enough, the Foals in her class were more jealous than anything else.
3861062 Thanks for your interest! I'd love to know what you think, even if you don't care for it.
3861073 HOW MUCH ABUSE DO YOU WANT TO HEAP ON ONE POOR MARE?!
3860744
I second that.
He seemed completely alright with the mishap.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3861102 That would be really akward.
On the bright side, Cheerilee, if Fancy Pants declines a second date, at least you made an impression with Sapphire.
3861166 Fancy Pants is a good guy. He's forgiving.
Doesn't mean the date isn't ruined, though. Cheerilee in a mangled dress, a French horn stuck on one hoof, tangled up with Sapphire Shores, and plastered on the front page of every newspaper in Equestria? That's one terrible date.
3861516 Yeah, Sapphire still has hoof-shaped bruises to this day.
3861762
That's very true.
~Skeeter The Lurker
But...but Fleur!
3861882 Gotta remember, this is years before season two.
3861893 I suppose I just took that they'd been married a long time. Also, saying Fleur is so fun.
3861898 I agree. I'm planning on working Fleur into all of this at some point. I just can't say when. I think she could add some real friction to a Fancy Pants date down the road.
3861893 Perhaps so, but I vote that if and when Fancy Pants and Cheerilee get back together for another try, Fleur de Lis tries to sabotage the date.
3861132
I don't know, how much abuse do YOU want to heap on one poor mare?
I always feel terrible laughing at Cheerilee's misfortune, but this was pretty damned funny.
3862034 Lots! Lots and lots. But that doesn't mean you guys have to sink to my level.
3862090 I admit that I do feel guilty writing them sometimes. I had to scale this one back because I was actually putting her through too much originally.
3862322
Here's my level:
OHHHHH, who lives un-der a rock in the abyss? LAG IN-CAR-NATE!
I hope you know where he's going with this. LAG IN-CAR-NATE!
Seriously, got it?
3862322
Why don't you try Berry Punch, Cheerielee? It can't be so much worse than this!!
Oh, sorry, we have all ready done that! We did it after we finished the first chapter and started imagining what more that could go wrong!
3862344
Awe, why?!
3861931
Hey, that's a greate idea!
Fancy Pants has pure eldritch energy in his horn? Is he going to summon Cthulthu on their next date?
3864227 Fancy Pants doesn't really seem like a Cthulhu sort of a guy, but appearances can be deceiving, I suppose. One thing is certain, though. If he does summon an elder god, he'd do it with class.
3863704 You really want a Berry Punch chapter, don't you?
3863707 Well, she was going to be on fire when all the candles fell on her, but I thought that was going a little too far.
3863704
Aren't Berry Punch and Cheerilee sisters?
3864386
Some say it's like that, and I personaly think so my self. But it doesn't have to be liek that in this story, and I would love them to go on a date!
3864335
Yes. Yes I want. I have been coming with this suggestion in the comments at allmost every chapter of this story!
3864337
Okay, maybe you're right. But I was acctualy thinking: is she going to cath fire? When that happened!