Date Two - Hot Stuff
“You know, I don’t want to seem unappreciative,” Cheerilee said, wiping the pouring sweat from her brow.
“No, no,” Stormbolt said, panting. “It’s understandable, really.”
“It’s just, well, when you said you had something really interesting planned,” Cheerilee continued, shifting from hoof to hoof to allow the burning to subside a bit, “I wasn’t expecting… this, exactly.”
“In retrospect, this maybe wasn’t such a hot idea.” Stormbolt grinned weakly. “Heh-heh. Hot.”
Cheerilee’s frown deepened. Stormbolt continued to sweat.
“So what now?” she finally asked.
Stormbolt scanned the area, hoping for inspiration. “Well,” he finally said, “tell me about yourself! Where did you grow up?”
“I don’t think this is the time for that!” Cheerilee said, glaring at the stallion. “I want to know how you plan to get us out of this mess!”
“Hey, you agreed to this!” Stormbolt said, returning the glare.
“No, I agreed that a surprise outdoors-y activity might be fun, and when you mentioned sightseeing, I said that would be wonderful. I never said anything about this!”
“I brought you flowers,” the stallion said weakly.
“They’re on fire!” Cheerilee yelled, waving the burning daffodils.
“But you’ve probably never seen anything like this on a date, have you?” Stormbolt said, trying to look anywhere but at the fuming teacher.
“Actually, no,” she returned acidly. “No, I haven’t. And that’s because we’re in a volcano!” She waved her hooves over her head, ducking as pieces of flaming daffodil rained down on her. “What were you thinking?”
“Well, how was I supposed to know that the ledge would give way?” he returned as he kicked a small rock into the burbling pools of lava a few yards away.
Cheerilee gave the stallion a flat stare. “Aren’t you a professional mountain climber?” she said.
“Well, yeah…”
“Don’t you make a living taking ponies on breath-taking tours of Equestria’s various mountains and highlands?”
“Err… yes, I do.”
“Didn’t I point out that porous lava rock was notoriously weak,” Cheerilee yelled, tossing the burnt flower husks into the magma, “and didn’t you tell me to trust you, and that you’d done this a million times?!” Stormbolt winced as the bouquet carbonized and disappeared.
“Well, isn’t this nice and… uh, secluded?” he said, looking hopefully at the mare as she skipped away from a deluge of burning embers that has just exploded from a nearby pool of molten rock. “Nopony around to bother us.”
Stormbolt quailed as Cheerilee shot him a vicious glance while fanning her flank. Despite her best efforts, a few of the embers had managed to land there, and she was beginning to blister. “Oh, it’s going to be very secluded soon, buster, if you don’t get on fixing this mess!” Cheerilee trotted up and grabbed the stallion by the ear, pulling his head down to her level. “I am going to throw you in there after your flowers in a minute if you don’t get us out of here!”
“Well, what am I supposed to about it?!” Stormbolt yelled. “It’s not like I have my equipment with me!”
“Well, if your ad in the personals hadn’t have been a big lie, you could have flown us out!”
“Hey, now that’s unnecessary!” Stormbolt said, prying his ear away from the furious mare. “Look, okay, I was wrong to put that pegasus thing in there, but when your parents name you Stormbolt, well, mares have this certain expectation.”
“You mean kinda like the expectation that a mare might have when she expects to meet a pegasus and she meets an earth pony instead?” Cheerilee said.
“Well—”
“What were you thinking?!” Cheerilee yelled again, throwing up her hooves.
“What? You have something against earth ponies?” Stormbolt said, running his eyes up and down her. “You’re one to talk!”
“Don’t be a moron! I don’t have anything against earth ponies!” Cheerilee exploded, poking a hoof into his chest. “I have something against liars! However, I was willing, out of the goodness of my heart, to give this liar a second chance, and look where it got me!” Cheerilee punctuated her statement with a sweeping hoof, drawing Stormbolt’s attention unnecessarily to the lava and lethal gasses that surrounded them.
“Look, I’m just sensitive about the name, alright?” Stormbolt said, sitting down sullenly before leaping back to his hooves, yelping. Cheerilee’s frosty expression failed to melt as he fanned his smoking backside. “My parents always wanted a pegasus. They use to make me put on these little wings when I was running around in the backyard, and—”
“Yes, very tragic,” Cheerilee growled. “We can find you a nice therapist once you climb out of this caldera and get us some help!”
“Okay, okay,” Stormbolt said, checking his tail to make sure it was completely extinguished. “We need to put our heads together and figure out a way out of this mess. So, what's our next step?”
“I believe we're at step one: The lying creep that shouldn’t ask the mare how to get of the mess he made!”
“Look, I’m sorry, alright?!” Stormbolt yelled, whirling on the mare. “I thought this would go better! I figured we’d sit up there on the rim and look at the moon and the glowing lava and, I don’t know… it would be romantic and stuff! I thought that it would make this big impression!”
“Well, you got that part right, buddy,” Cheerilee said, sighing. “Okay, so you’re not perfect, and this date is ruined. Let’s just figure out what to do, and we can go our separate ways without me needing to murder you.”
Stormbolt’s eyebrows knitted together. “So… there’s no chance of a second—”
“No!” Cheerilee shouted. “Just get me out of here!”
“Whew, that’s pretty tough.”
“I’m going to show you tough if you don’t start climbing out of here and find us help!”
Stormbolt sighed heavily and scanned the crater’s steep walls. Nodding, he pulled Cheerilee off to one side.
“Okay, now I’ll just stand on your back—”
“I’m going to kill you!”
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First Like!
This is fun, cute, and classic. I look forward to more!
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
3493575 I'm hoping to write at least one date each Friday. Depends on how much time I have at work. It's a nice break from the larger stories I'm working on now.
I just realized everything you've written is gold. Have a watch.
Also, this is hilarious. Poor Cheerilee. Forever alone.
And it's short, which I like.
3493625 Wait, you weren't watching me before? Weird, I was sure you were. I guess we've just commented on stories a lot. Well, thanks for the follow! I'm glad you are enjoying this. I wanted to keep it bite-sized.
If you can really write a thousand of these, I will gladly read all of them.
3493634
Yeah, I was surprised to find I wasn't watching you too. I thought I was.
3493651 I'm not sure I'm going to get to one thousand by myself, but I can pump out a lot of short, ridiculous stories in a short time. I might see if some people want some guest spots.
One quick fix you may wish to make: missing "on" from your short description.
I am so on-board with this story.
3493677 Oops, how embarrassing! Thanks for that.
I'm the king of mangled sentences.
3493683 Glad to hear it!
You know, I never thought there'd be a way to make Ms. Cheerilee completely losing her temper believable, yet here we are. Then again, these dock-holes she's dating are so idiotic that they could try Celestia's patience.
See? It is possible to write a good story with a Random tag. You just did it.
Okay, I kid. Nicely done. 
And then Cheerilee had a mini flashback and freak out every time she found her students playing 'The floor is lava'.
3493710 I was trying to study up on it. If I was going to write a random story, I wanted it to be a good one that wasn't filled with random for the sake of random.
And yes, you guys will see. Cheerilee has really, really bad luck.
3493750 Oooooh, I never thought of that. Life post Adventure Time must be tough for Cheerilee!
GOOD GOD!! Is this story going to be 1000 chapters long?!
3493764 Not sure I'll get there, but that's the objective!
3493766
Well, Good luck man! God's speed.
Looks like you've got your work cut out for ya.
Good luck!
And now I wonder just how she got out of that mess...
~Skeeter The Lurker
3493837 Thanks! It's a...stretch goal...?
3493902 By the end of my series, Cheerilee will have a Navy Seal-like set of skills for survival.
3493934
Complete with stealth suit? That'd make it better.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3493936 She's probably going to want a stealth suit for the next one...
3493941
You have my attention...
~Skeeter The Lurker
3493925
There ya go. Maybe get help from other writers, make a collab out of it.
I know. Weird, huh? I use LibreOffice myself and the FimFiction word counter gets it WAY off.
3493963 That had been on my mind. I'll probably do it at some point when I'm busy writing something that is going to take a while.
3493987
It's the quotation marks. FimFic counts them as words.
3494117
Only two emoticons come to mind:
and
3494117 I knew it had to be something dumb like that. FIMFiction has the weirdest formatting issues...
This is priceless stuff!
3495083 Glad you like it! It's nice to be able to write short things again. I'm 40,000 words into my next story and it gets a little stifling at times to just persist in the same tale.
3495100 If you ever need ideas for more date-gone-terribly-wrong chapters, don't be afraid to ask around, because there is no way I'd forgive you if you stopped updating this!
3495131 I figure that I might have some guest authors jump in at some point. I have lots and lots of ideas, but one thousand terrible dates is a large number. Don't worry, though. I have a mind that comes up with dumb crap rapidly.
3495152 All praise the mighty xjuggernaughtx!
I take it Cheerilee's never disclosed any of these stories to her students. And for good reason I'm sure.
Do it, Miss Cheerilee! No one will find the body!
3496002
Yes, that is right, none will find the body!
>>keam
You probably mean bouquet.
this is so cool!
I figure that Cherilee will eventually use that moron as a springboard or possibly a thermally ablaitive float to get out of that death trap!
3538753
Actually, it's very, very hot as Cheerilee and Stormbolt would attest.
3493934 Ponies with Navy SEAL-like training and skills...hmm.
3493902 I'm going to second that.
3493934 you didn't actually answer the question.
HAHAHAHAHA! I am lovin' this! Keep going!
And Stormbolt was never heard from again
Oh goodness, this made me laugh hysterically
... Just the image of Cheerilee and this stallion standing in a volcano, and Cheerilee holding a bunch of burning flowers and... and... 
. In fact this whole thing was hilarious...
I wonder if Stormbolt ever got that therapy... And can the FIMFic system even handle 1000 chapters?
7129009
Yes, but the longest story right now is only 9 hundred something chapters (The Chase)