• Published 15th Nov 2013
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Cheerilee's Thousand - xjuggernaughtx



Cheerilee goes on one thousand terrible dates.

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Date Twelve - Just Hanging Around

“I’m so sorry,” Caramel said, pressing his hooves firmly against his forehead. The pressure was becoming intense.

“It's not your fault,” Cheerilee replied, sighing.

“I know,” Caramel said, grimacing. “But, if I hadn’t suggested an amusement park…”

“Look, don’t beat yourself up over it,” Cheerilee said, attempting to shift positions to relieve her aching shoulders. “It’s probably my fault, actually.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Cheerilee answered, glancing down at the ponies running to and fro below them. “Never mind.”

Both ponies flinched as the vomiting began again. Somewhere behind them, somepony was alternately heaving and moaning pitifully. As the retching reached its crescendo, the workers below scurried out of the way, and what might have once been funnel cake splattered onto the asphalt path. The pony behind them began his litany of apologies again.

They’d been stuck upside down on this roller coaster for five hours now, and from the looks of the perplexed maintenance crews below them, they might be here quite a while longer. There seemed to be a lot of shouting and hoof-pointing going on; a lot of yelling about ‘impossibility’ and ‘unheard of.’

I could only wish it was ‘unheard of,’ Cheerilee thought, trying in vain to find somewhere to rest her pounding head. Sitting upside down on her shoulders, she’d begun to ache in ways that she didn’t think were possible. Maybe I should just get it over with and join a convent. It would certainly save everypony a lot of trouble.

“I can’t believe this,” Caramel said. “I mean, how does something like this even happen? It’s a roller coaster!” Caramel waved his legs at the track in front of them. “The whole point is that it coasts!” He turned as well as he could to Cheerilee, given the restrictive harnesses. “What would it even get stuck on?!”

“Mom, I can’t hold it anymore!” somepony cried behind them.

“Bramblehoof, don’t you—oh, Bramble…”

Cheerilee squeezed her eyes closed, wishing she could cover her ears as a large portion of the car cried out in disgust. The familiar gagging began immediately after, followed by yet more apologizing.

“I don’t know, Caramel,” she finally answered. Thinking was becoming very difficult.

Are you ponies okay up there?” an amplified voice called from below. A stallion with a bullhorn and a hard hat had pulled a wooden crate from somewhere and was standing on it to address them.

NO!” the trapped ponies called back in unison.

“Well, we just want you to know that we’re working on the problem and we’re having a unicorn bring you up some moist towelettes and free passes.”

“Why don’t you have the unicorns help us out of here!” Caramel screamed back.

“Sorry, buddy!” the stallion with the bullhorn said. “Union rules. Passengers trapped on rides must be rescued by the pegasi, and they’re on break.”

On break?!” Caramel yelled, his eyes somehow bulging more than they had been previously. “We’ve been up here for hours!”

“Hey, it’s complicated, buddy!” the stallion said. “The contract states that the pegasi have every tenth Saturday off, but because of our labor policies, it must be designated as a twenty-four hour break, rather than PTO.” The stallion spread his hooves out beside him as the passengers began yelling. “It’s not like I control what the company and the union agree to.”

“Well, then who’s going to get us down?!” a voice yelled from behind them.

“Mom…” Bramblehoof said.

“What? You just went!” his mother said.

“No, I gotta do the other one…” Bramblehoof replied. “The pizza made my tummy hurt.”

“Look, you need to get us down!” Cheerilee snapped at the hard-hatted stallion. “We’ve got sick foals up here.”

“Believe me, lady, we’re working on it,” the stallion replied seriously. “We’ve had a full crew examining the union regs, and we have one or two hot leads that might pan out. If anyone has a full scale medical emergency, we can intervene.” He shielded his eyes with a hoof, searching the coaster’s passengers. “Any of you feeling, uh, heart attack-ish?”

“Yes!” Caramel yelled back. “I can feel my left leg going numb! Get us down!”

Two unicorns trotted up to the lead stallion. The first began whispering in his ear. The second opened a small white box and levitated several white squares out of it.

“So who wanted towelettes?” he called up to them, floating the wipes up to them until they were within reach. Without anything else to occupy her time, Cheerilee took one and cleaned her face and hooves with it.

“Sorry, buddy!” the head stallion called up. “My medical unicorn here says he doesn’t detect any significant evidence of arrhythmia or cardiac distress. But don’t worry, we’ve cut the chains on the doors to the park’s sub-sub basement storage facility, and volumes thirty-eight through fifty-five of the regs are rumored to be in there.” He offered the passengers a hopeful smile. “They haven’t been seen for fifty years, so who knows what loopholes we might find. This is really historic stuff!” The stallion skipped out of the way as the vomiter began again.

Caramel turned to Cheerilee again, his eyes filled with furious tears. “I’m so sorry!” he said again. “I-I just wanted to take you someplace really fun after last time!”

“I know,” Cheerilee answered softly. “Really, it’s not your fault.”

Below them, a pony covered in dust and cobwebs galloped up to the stallion with the bullhorn.

“Okay,” the lead stallion called to them again after a short conference. “It looks like we could get away with collapsing the ride and then picking all of you out of the rubble. My crew is allowed to rescue ponies that are on the ground. What’s the general consensus up there on that?”

“Have you lost your mind?!” Caramel yelled back. “Just get somepony up here and deal with the union later!”

“Look, you have to understand our position!” the lead stallion answered. “There are rules in place here! You can’t just go off half-cocked, rescuing anypony in trouble. There’s a system! Now, I’ve got a demolition crew on standby. Do you want to get rescued or not?”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Caramel said, rubbing his temples vigorously.

“I can,” Cheerilee replied. Reaching over, she grabbed the little bit of his hoof that she could reach. “But don’t worry about it. This happens all the time.”

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